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    <title>readyrunaway's Journals on Buzznet</title>
    <description><![CDATA[I'm a freak, is there more that you need to know? Lets just, say, everything i do, has a reason, and the reason is never as simple as it looks on the cover.  Go for a deeper reality, and a deeper truth, if you want to figure it out, its not difficult, its just not blatant.

That being said, there's a deeper meaning to that as well.  And yes, the meaning was, for you to not only be AWARE of everything I say, and do, but translate that to you're own lives, Nothing's ever innocent as it seems.  I encourage you to over analyze your daily events, but as soon as something turns meaningful, loose your mind.  Its something weird to turn on and off, but when you do, the world has a habit of making it worth while.  There's a saying of 'dont sweat the petty things'  SWEAT THEM! and forget the big things, small things dictate the world...its called democracy.]]></description>
    <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/</link>
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	      <title><![CDATA[Sundance]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/742851/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[Hey guys, no, this isn't another fanfic, actually, it's something i've never done before.&nbsp; Background story is, there's this contest as a part of this festival that I go through every year.&nbsp; Dramafestival.&nbsp; Anyway, the contest, is a playwrite contest, write a 40 minute script, cash prizes and a read through at state finals.<br>i just want to get some input really =] and since you guys seem to know good writing when you see it, i was wondering if you could help me out.<br><br>Really, if you have ANY constructive criticism at all DO NOT HOLD BACK!&nbsp; tell me you hate it if you want.&nbsp; I know i don't usually come crawling for comments but please, if you read it, take time to comment!<br><br><div class="ljcut" text="Sundance">Sundance<br>by Megan Leach<br><br>[Curtains open, blank stage.&nbsp; Cassandra Adler is in the audience]<br><br><br>Josh Allister: [walks on stage, with camera, films the audience]&nbsp; Sundance  film festival, here I come.&nbsp; [lowers the camera, looks at the  audience].&nbsp; Stay right there, don’t move a muscle…Just act natural.&nbsp;  Yeah. <br><br><br>Cassandra: [dressed in Graduation gown and cap.&nbsp;  jumps out of her seat, runs down the aisle] Josh!&nbsp; Put that camera  away! [jumps on stage]<br><br><br>Josh: But I don’t want to miss…[cut off]<br><br><br>Cassandra: [takes the camera] I don’t care, we’re gonna be late! <br><br><br>[scene  change, Cassandra and Josh stay on.&nbsp; Run Crew, dressed in black, carry  on a podium and chairs.&nbsp; One member of the crew takes the camera from  Cassandra, while another hands Josh a graduation gown and cap.&nbsp; Josh  pulls on&nbsp; and sits down in a chair next to Cassandra]<br><br><br>Principal:  Class of&nbsp; 2009, You’re lives start now.&nbsp; From here, you will face  challenges and hardship.&nbsp; May lessons you’ve learned at Mark Jacobson  High School, drive you through further learning and beyond.&nbsp; Now, to  hand out the Diplomas.&nbsp; [pulls out stack of booklets] Brian Aaronson.  [Brian gets diploma] Jared Abluke.&nbsp; Torrey Addison. Cassandra Adler.&nbsp;  [Cassandra Waits by podium]&nbsp; Janice Akinston.&nbsp; Joshua Allister [Josh  gets his diploma, pulled offstage by Cassandra]<br>[blackout]<br><br><br>[scene:&nbsp; blank stage]<br><br><br>Josh:  [on stage alone, with camera] The big break.&nbsp; That one line that makes  audiences around the globe fall for you.&nbsp; Those that define the actor,  and the director.&nbsp; Matthew Broderick, “Life moves pretty fast, if you  don’t look around, you might miss it.”&nbsp; [Actors: Seline, Roger, come  on.&nbsp; Reuben, holding a mic stick and Headphones, Jackson, holding a  light, Candace off to the side].&nbsp; That finishing line put Ferris  Beuller’s Day Off, on the Map.&nbsp; How about this one. "My Mama always  said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're  gonna get.'" [Josh turns, starts filming Seline and Roger].&nbsp; You  getting the idea?&nbsp; That one line…can make you an idol.<br><br><br>Seline: Carl, you know I love you.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?!<br><br><br>Seline: I can’t handle…you…your-<br><br><br>Josh: CUT!<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; WHAT NOW?!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I don’t believe it.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; We’ve gone over this one hundred friggin’ times, what more do you want from us Josh?<br><br><br>Josh:  You, you’re fine, Seline…I don’t believe it.&nbsp; His addiction is KILLING  you for crying out loud!&nbsp; You just caught him stealing from the cash  you made, dancing all last night.&nbsp; You’re tired, but tonight, you’ll be  dancing, in that skimpy little top and that short skitr.&nbsp; You’ll  prostitute yourself to stay alive…and he’s taking it!&nbsp; You’re Furious!<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; yeah, just not at him.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; You’re also hurt…tortured.&nbsp; Make me believe it.&nbsp; FROM THE TOP!<br><br><br>Candace: Positive, act 4, scene 2, take 6.<br><br><br>Josh:  [aside]&nbsp; That one big break, that one line  that will put me on the map.&nbsp; Make me the next Oliver Stone, Michael  Moore, Clint Eastwood, Darren Aronofosky.&nbsp; <br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Carl…I can’t handle it, anymore [slowly curls on the floor, crying.]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [aside] Make me legit.&nbsp; I can pay off my school loans, I can move to Europe and  buy a nice house, live with a wonderful wife and a dog.&nbsp; A couple of  kids, and just do this forever.&nbsp; Make films…<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; Baby, I’ll change, I’ll get clean…I promise…I will.&nbsp; <br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [aside] I won’t be nothing, I’ll make it, and everyone who said this was a  fantasy will be watching me on the silver screen.&nbsp; I’ll prove myself,  prove to them.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; No…Carl…No.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; No What, baby?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [aside] No, it’s all vanity, it’s all for a title I’ll never have, I’ll never be good enough!&nbsp; Goddamn it!<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Carl…I’m positive.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; What?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Carl I’m so sorry.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [aside] Sorry for wanting to prove them wrong, sorry for being a mediocre film school joke, sorry for being a freaking statistic!<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; Jess, No…it’s not possible, no…<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; I’m…so…sorry.<br><br><br>Josh:[aside]  For never amounting to anything.&nbsp; For going through school, my sanity  relying on a friggin CUT! [Cast and crew of production look at Josh  with confusion.&nbsp; Josh realizes he was talking aloud] That was…Perfect.&nbsp;  Alright, we’re all done for today!&nbsp; Good job guys! [cast and crew  smile, and start packing up.]<br><br><br>Jackson:&nbsp; [Leaving the stage, turns and yells for Josh] Hey, Boss?<br><br><br>Josh: Yeah Jackson?<br><br><br>Jackson:&nbsp; The crew’s headin’ down to the bar for a drink, you in?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; All of you?<br><br><br>Jackson:&nbsp; haha, yep, all of us, even Candace.&nbsp; She takes a larger like a man I’ll tell you.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Yeah I’ll be right there [Looks at the audience] To consume alcohol to  an addictive extent is to be gluttonous.&nbsp; To thereby be violent due to  a chemical unbalance is to commit crime.&nbsp; Enter the chokehold of the  second and seventh rings of the inferno.&nbsp; Welcome, to ante-hell. [walks  off stage blackout[<br><br><br>[scene: set again, Josh  sitting in a director’s chair, camera in front of him, a flask in his  hand.&nbsp; Cast and Crew surround him.]<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Positive, Act 7, scene 2, take 3.<br><br>Roger:&nbsp; How?<br><br><br>Seline: [taking pill]&nbsp; How what?<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; How?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; How What?<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; How?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; HOW WHAT?!<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; How’d you get it?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Please, Carl, not right now…<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; HOW THE HELL DID YOU END UP H-I FRIGGIN’ V POSITIVE.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [aside] I went out for a drink with the guys…it felt good…I got hammered…didn’t  stop.&nbsp; Now I go every night…I can’t stand being sober…it makes my skin  itch.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Straws.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; Straws?!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Straws.&nbsp; Needles.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Needles<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; NEEDLES?!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [aside] Straws, needles, intercourse.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Sex<br><br><br>Roger: SEX?!<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; I DON’T KNOW HOW!&nbsp; Alright Carl, I don’t friggin’ know!<br><br><br>Josh:  [aside] Except you do know…try something once, it feels good, you try again.&nbsp;  You keep trying until it doesn’t get you off, and then you move on, or  you use more.&nbsp; You keep going, keep feeling good, until you don’t feel  at all.&nbsp; [Takes sip from flask]&nbsp; And then you loose yourself.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; WHORE!<br><br><br>Josh: CUT! [blackout]<br><br>[ Scene Bar The  Stage is cut, on one half, there is the bar, on the other half, there’s  the bathroom. Josh, Candace, Reuben and Jackson are all sharing a drink  in the bar.&nbsp; Dealer, Ratt and Scrub are in the bathroom, doing cocaine.]<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Hey Josh, the film’s going great, ain’t it, the actors are finally getting it!&nbsp; Fewer takes, fewer problems.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Its about freaking time.<br><br><br>Reuben:&nbsp; Haha, I’ll drink to that Boss-man.&nbsp; [they clink glasses]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [takes a sip before getting up]&nbsp; I’ll be right back.&nbsp; [Enters  bathroom.&nbsp; Ratt and Scrub stop snorting and look up, sneering at Josh.]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; You buyin’?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I’m pissing.&nbsp; [walks to urinal]<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; [snickers]&nbsp; he’s clean.<br><br><br>Scrub:&nbsp;&nbsp; How do you know?<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; He doesn’t have the devil’s mark.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; One line…free.&nbsp; A sample, if you will.&nbsp; About a nickel’s value.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Thanks, but I’d rather take 5 dollars and run.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;  [drawing up a line]&nbsp; oh but sir, I insist.&nbsp;&nbsp; You know, there is an  existing race of recreational cocaine use…you ARE safe.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I got friends out there.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Then Why must we delay…come on…it’s free.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  William S. Burroughs, in a book titled Naked Lunch wrote that “The junk  merchant does not sell his product to the consumer, he sells the  consumer to the product. He does not improve and simplify his  merchandise. He degrades and simplifies the client.” And the statement  holds true. [kneels to take the line]&nbsp; As I dipped my head low, I heard  the a chorus of snickers arise from the dingy bathroom of Forlonger’s  Pub, and I believe I felt my very sobriety ripped from my chest as each  white granule entered my nostril. [gets up, leaves bathroom] As I left  that bathroom, I had made a pact with the devil, I had passed  Ante-hell, and entered Dante’s inferno.<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Hey, Josh!&nbsp; What took you so long?<br><br><br>Dealer and Josh: My fly got jammed.<br><br><br>[scene: on the set, the bathroom from the pub is still on stage, Dealer is alone in bathroom.&nbsp; Josh works on set.]<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; Jess are you okay?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Yeah…why?<br><br><br>Roger: you look pale.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I am pale.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; [coughs]&nbsp; I think I just have a cold<br><br><br>Roger: A COLD?!&nbsp; Couldn’t that kill you?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; It is Killing me.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Don’t be silly…I don’t have AIDS…just HIV.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp;&nbsp; How are your T-Cells<br><br><br>Josh and Seline:&nbsp; …Low.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; You aren’t working tonight.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; but, Carl, I have to!&nbsp; How else will we pay the bills.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; We’ll manage, you can’t work.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; I can…<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; No!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  CUT!&nbsp; [Goes to the bathroom&nbsp; Dealer smiles as Josh throws 10 dollars on  the table, jittering.&nbsp; Dealer begins to draw him a line.]&nbsp; FASTER  GODDAMN IT!<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Impatient, are we?&nbsp; [steps from lines]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; No, just needy [bends down to take them.]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; I don’t just sell lines.&nbsp; On a basis of customer convenience.&nbsp; [displays a small bag of cocaine] I sell decks.<br><br><br>Josh: Convenience?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;  Hot shots on wall street don’t always have time for a visit…Shame  really, it gets lonely…but, they pay well.&nbsp; And investors are always  loyal to their brokers.&nbsp; Especially when some can…kill you&nbsp; [kneads the  bag of cocaine.]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [hands the dealer another $10,  indicates to where his line once was.&nbsp; Dealer begins to draw another  two, Josh looks at audience.]&nbsp; The choice to buy a bag or not to buy,  takes little thought when you’re in a state of desperation.&nbsp; You think  of things like…What if he’s sick one day…what if he can’t make it?&nbsp;  Need could rip you apart, yet that bag is security.&nbsp; At a second’s  notice, everything gets faster, more exciting.&nbsp; Being sober makes me  itch, being high makes me alive.&nbsp; [turned to take line] Being alive may  always dominate over an itching corpse. [nods to dealer]&nbsp; How much?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; $100.&nbsp; [exchange money and deck]&nbsp; Pleasure doing business with you…[begins to say “Joshua”, Josh cuts him off]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Junkie.&nbsp; [Storms out of the bathroom, the bathroom is taken off stage.&nbsp;  Josh sits back down at the camera] ACTION! [ blackout]<br><br><br>[scene: office:&nbsp; Producer: Jackal Meadows and Josh sit on opposite sides of the desk]<br><br>Meadows:&nbsp;  Josh, I’ve seen the script, I’ve seen what’s been done…and I’m sorry…I  don’t see you as a good investment.&nbsp; I’m pulling out.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; What, What, Why?<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp;  I’m not seeing the direction, or in anyway benefiting from what’s been  done, and what will be done.&nbsp; Now I’ve invested over a million dollars  into this production thus far alone.&nbsp; I cannot comfortably follow our  model of four million dollars.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; You can’t…<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; I can…and I am.<br><br><br>Josh:  [aside]&nbsp; This is when being a director, stops being about the passion,  and starts being about the business.&nbsp; When your investors start pulling  out, you call on anything you can to get them back in…Anything.&nbsp; [Turns  to Jackal]&nbsp; Mr. Meadows, I am willing to do…anything, ANYTHING, for you  to give me a second chance.&nbsp; Change the storyline, change the  actors…anything.&nbsp; Please, Mr. Meadows.&nbsp; I’m desperate.&nbsp; [Aside]&nbsp; When  you cannot woo them with your skill, you flatter them by kneeling  behind and kissing their first class ass.&nbsp; Grovel, beg…anything.&nbsp; The  producer is the owner of the casino.&nbsp; When the games do not break  you…he will.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; [Begins writing on pad of paper]&nbsp; one  chance…&nbsp; [tears paper off, turns to checkbook]&nbsp; one, single chance,  Joshua.&nbsp; [hands Josh check and list of demands]&nbsp; That’s all I’m giving  you.&nbsp; <br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [taking papers carefully]&nbsp; Thank you, Mr. Meadows, thank you so, so much…You won’t regret it. [begins to walk off stage]<br><br><br>[Dealer comes on stage, stands beside Meadows]<br><br><br>Dealer &amp; Meadows:&nbsp; Pleasure doing business with you, Joshua.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Stops on the edge of the stage]&nbsp; Junkie. [blackout]<br><br>[scene bathroom,&nbsp; Ratt, Breaker and Dealer in the bathroom]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Walks into bathroom, stops, seeing Breaker]&nbsp; Where’s Scrub?<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; Overdosed last night behind Cipe.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; The nightclub?<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; Yeah…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Why?&nbsp; What was he doing there?&nbsp; How did he even get in?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;  New location.&nbsp; Moving there,&nbsp; bigger group to tackle, higher  margins…you know how it is.&nbsp; If I’m not in the men’s room, check the  women’s…They’ll let you in…sluts are too high to know any different.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Who’s the new guy?<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; Breaker.&nbsp; [Josh and Breaker shake hands.]&nbsp; Breaker, Josh.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Pleasure.<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; He clean?<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; Hell no.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Right…[looks at dealer]&nbsp; Double it.&nbsp; {Hands him $200]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Settling in?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  What the hell does it matter, just give me the stuff man!&nbsp; [grabs  wallet]&nbsp; Give me 10 [throws a $50 dollar bill on the table.]<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; He doesn’t look it, but he definitely is.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; told you.<br><br><br>Josh:  [aside]&nbsp; The original promise my dealer had made about recreational  drug use was nothing but a lie.&nbsp; He couldn’t have been more wrong if he  told me the sky was yellow.&nbsp; As he spilled each 50 pure white  milligrams onto the clean mirrored surface,&nbsp; I felt a childlike  excitement grow, mounting as each clump of snow fell onto it’s own  reflection, splattering outwards, I found a juvenile anticipation  mount within me, knowing in a few seconds, the infantile sugar high  would befall me.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; All set, [begins saying Joshua again]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Junkie. [begins taking his lines]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [laughs]&nbsp; Do you know why you’re my favorite customer, Joshua?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs loudly]&nbsp; No, why would that be?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; You amuse me.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yes, consider me your own private clown.&nbsp; [sniffs]&nbsp; As long as you supply me, you control me.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [Laughs again]&nbsp; You’re a funny kind of customer,&nbsp; Joshua…for one, you insist in being called a Junkie.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs loudly]&nbsp; Hilarious.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Second, you’re digging a hole you have no way to get out of, and you don’t seem do take care.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs loudly]&nbsp; Again, it’s goddamn hilarious.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Yes, It is, Joshua.&nbsp; So, why do you do it?&nbsp; You intrigue me. educate me.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Well [sniffs loudly]&nbsp; The way I see it…You cannot escape your biology.&nbsp;  Try anything you want, your biology decides addiction.&nbsp; [sniffs  loudly]&nbsp; There are people out there, who are immune to HIV…There are  people who cannot get drunk.&nbsp; The best thing [sniffs]&nbsp; To do, is to  play your cards, and, once you’re in the deck, play your hand, until  you win, or bust.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Why do Junkies continually believe in fate?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [sniffs] I did not say it was fate. I said it was biology.&nbsp; Genetics  over God.&nbsp; [Sniffs].&nbsp; My parents gave me a death wish when they chose  Conception over a condom.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Respectable philosophy.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [sniffs]&nbsp; Death and What kills you are both, conveniently, hereditary.  [takes his last line and stands up, holding his hand out to receive his  decks from Dealer]<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; Whoa,&nbsp; Scrub just overdosed and his parents and Grandparents are both alive.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; What do you mean?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  He’s an idiot for giving into biology and they’re morons for not ending  it much sooner.&nbsp; [nods to Dealer, beginning to walk off stage]&nbsp; See you  around.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Pleasure doing business with you [Begins saying “Joshua“, josh cuts him off.]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Junkie.<br><br>[blackout]<br><br>[scene: the set&nbsp; Josh stands in front of all the cast and crew, with the additions of Mark, Jason and Christian, 3 new actors.]<br><br><br>Seline: Who are they [points to Mark, Jason and Christian]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  To keep money coming from our producer, we have to change up the  storyline just a bit.&nbsp; So, Seline, you will be having an active affair  with Mark,&nbsp; I suggest you get to know each other.&nbsp; Roger, you, will rob  a bank, Christian will be your accomplice.&nbsp; Jason, you will be a cop  that shoots Roger.&nbsp; The new plotline is, Seline, you get fired,  therefore no money for your medication, so you become Mark’s whore.&nbsp;  Roger, you rob a bank for money for her meds.&nbsp; Roger gets shot…it’s all  in the script.&nbsp; [hands out new scripts]<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; [skimming new lines]&nbsp; What?!&nbsp; [looking at Josh]&nbsp; What the hell is this?!<br><br><br>Josh: [aside] Prostitution.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; What happened to the original?&nbsp; The script we agreed to do.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Investors threatened to pull out…we had to do some changes if we even wanted to finish.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Who’s movie are you finishing now?&nbsp; Huh Josh?<br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Guys, it’s still our movie…<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Josh, That’s a pile of bull crap and you friggin’ know it!&nbsp; [stands]&nbsp; I’m going for a walk…[exits stage]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [looks at crew]&nbsp; …Diva.&nbsp; [crew just shakes head, all people on stage  dispersing, leaving Josh alone once more.&nbsp; He goes into his pocket,  pulling out a bag of cocaine and his cell phone.&nbsp; He sits on the floor,  pulling out his wallet.&nbsp; He makes a “bump” of cocaine on the screen of  his cell phone.&nbsp; He rolls a dollar bill from his wallet, and takes the  drug, snorting loudly.&nbsp; Lights fade out.]<br><br>[scene, Cipe  nightclub,&nbsp; Dancers are raving on one half of stage, Dealer, Ratt and  Breaker are in the bathroom (other half of stage) Josh is struggling  through crowd, trying to get to the bathroom]<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; He’s late.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; You’re fast.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; He’s dying.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; You’re fast.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; I’m telling you, when he enters those doors, he’ll be desperate as hell, draw his lines now man.<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; Ratt, shut up before he gets pissed.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; No one’s getting angry…we’re all friends here.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [bursts in]&nbsp; 10 lines! [throws a $50 at Dealer]&nbsp; NOW!&nbsp; GODDAMN IT! NOW!<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp;&nbsp; Told you.<br><br><br>Dealer:  [irritated] Take your smack and shut up. [Ratt grumbles, beginning to  tourniquet off his arm, while Breaker holds a lighter under a spoon]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [intrigued, taking deep breaths] Smack?<br>&nbsp;<br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Heroin, twice the money, twice as fast.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Fast?<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; very [grabs prepared syringe from Breaker] Instant.&nbsp; [injects heroin]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [Finishes preparing the lines, offering the mirror to Josh, noticing Josh’s interest]&nbsp; Interested?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [gratefully takes his mirror while nodding.]&nbsp; Curious.&nbsp; [sits on the  floor,&nbsp; rolling a dollar and taking down his first line.]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [Smiles]&nbsp; Buy your usual two decks, and I’ll throw in a toke for 10.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Sniffs]&nbsp; You wont just let me try it here?&nbsp; [Sniffs again]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; I may be you’re dealer, but if I can help it, I refuse to be your murderer.&nbsp; Bad for business.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs]&nbsp; That’s comforting, I guess.&nbsp; [sniffs]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; I take care of my investments.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Sniffs, laughs]&nbsp; Investments?&nbsp; You’re high.&nbsp; [sniffs]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;  I provide excellent prices and the highest purity percentage in central  LA.&nbsp;&nbsp; I get paid back, when you buy, and provide repeat business.&nbsp; Yes,  Joshua, you are an investment.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniff]&nbsp; like I said…comforting [sniff]<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; It is [smiles wide]&nbsp; He’s like Jesus and we are his sheep.&nbsp; The good shepherd, he is.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [laughs]&nbsp; Shouldn’t you know by now I don’t believe in that rubbish?&nbsp;  [Sniffs]&nbsp; He’s no better than the wolf that spares the strong.&nbsp; [stands  up and hands the mirror to Dealer, smiling while getting his wallet.]&nbsp;  And we, good men, are nothing but sheep. [Hands Dealer $220 dollars]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;&nbsp;  Joshua…you do not cease to intrigue me with your ways.&nbsp; If you are  nothing by a sheep, why do you not try to move higher up on the food  chain?&nbsp; [hands him 2 decks of cocaine and a ‘kit’ of heroin, involving  a single toke, syringe and rubber piping.]&nbsp; <br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; If I am a sheep, being a carnivore would give me indigestion.&nbsp; [dealer and josh laugh]&nbsp; <br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; you are, my favorite customer, Joshua.&nbsp; Personally, I don’t want you to be a junkie.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; But, that would be bad for business.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Yes, Yes.&nbsp; Well, Pleasure doing business with you…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Junkie.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Junkie.&nbsp; [Josh walks off stage, blackout]<br><br><br>[Scene:&nbsp; Josh’s bedroom, Josh lay alone, in bed, fingering the ‘kit’ of heroin]<br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  After the desperate glamour the heroin was given during my withdrawal,  I now held an apprehension for injecting the drug into my veins.&nbsp; While  cocaine can be held at bay and used recreationally, when you do heroin,  it’s all over.&nbsp; Instant addiction.&nbsp; As the piston moves down against  the amber liquid, you’ve started the countdown.&nbsp; T-Minus, 10 seconds to  live.&nbsp; [phone rings, Josh answers]&nbsp; Hello?&nbsp; [Cassandra stands on the  edge of the stage]<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Hi…is this Josh Allister?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Uh, yeah?&nbsp; <br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Oh my god, It’s really you…Josh, It’s me…Cassie.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [instantly gains interest]&nbsp; Cassandra?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yeah!&nbsp; Oh, I haven’t talked to you since high school!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I know…it’s been a long time. [falls silent]&nbsp; So…how you been, god, I don’t even remember what you did in college.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp;  [laughing]&nbsp; Hah, well, my director friend.&nbsp; I went to Yale for  law…criminal…and I’ve been extremely well off since graduation…even got  my own house.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Wow…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yeah…it’s amazing…what about you?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Graduated from Emerson with a degree in media production.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Like you dreamed.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  yeah…funny, they didn’t tell me about being dirt broke after it…anyway,  I moved out west, living in an apartment in LA and, working on my first  film.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Wow, that’s amazing!&nbsp; What’s it- [josh jumps in]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; cassie, I’m sorry, I have another call, can you hold on a second?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; yeah…be quick!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I will [pulls away from phone, hit’s a button]&nbsp; Hello?&nbsp; [Jackal Meadows appears on stage beside Cassandra]<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; Joshua?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Speaking.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; Jackal Meadows…your producer…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; oh, oh I’m sorry, Hello Mr. Meadows.&nbsp; How can I help you?<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp;  Just checking in on my investment, I would like to schedule a meeting  with you, see how the film is coming, and where it’s going.&nbsp; I trust  you’re using my money frugally…and meeting my demands.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Yes, Mr.&nbsp; Meadows…Very frugally.&nbsp; [Aside]&nbsp; In fact, $220 of your money  is on my dresser…right now.&nbsp; [nods in phone]&nbsp; When would you like to  schedule the meeting?<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; How are you for tomorrow, 2 o’clock.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Wide open.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; How about we meet for lunch, and then head to my office for the film and review?<br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Sounds excellent.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; Wonderful.&nbsp; Well, that’s all I called for.&nbsp; See you tomorrow at 2.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yes Mr. Meadows.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; It’s been a pleasure, Joshua.&nbsp; [hangs up, walks off stage]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; It’s junkie goddamn it.&nbsp; [goes back to conversation with Cassandra]&nbsp; Cassie?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I’m still here.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Oh, thank god, that was my producer… Jackal Meadows.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; THE Jackal Meadows?!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yes, THE Jackal Meadows.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; How the hell did you score him.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; haha, groveling…lots, and lots…of groveling.&nbsp; The guy shits lavender.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; [Laughs]&nbsp; 5 years, and you haven’t changed one bit, Joshua Allister.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Neither have you Cassandra Adler.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Oh!&nbsp; I haven’t told you yet!<br><br><br>Josh: What?&nbsp; What haven’t you told me?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I’m…not Cassandra Adler anymore.&nbsp; I got married this past May…I’m now…Cassandra Beckett.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Oh?&nbsp; Wow, that’s…wow.&nbsp; Married All ready?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp;  Yeah…I met him at a bar while visiting Boston with a friend from  school.&nbsp; Went to see the Sox.&nbsp; And…we just hit it off.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Wow, that’s, that’s great, Cass.&nbsp; Really, Really Great.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yeah…Oh, it’s almost midnight here, I should go…court in the morning.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; So, you’re a defense attorney…right?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp;  Precisely.&nbsp; Hey, why don’t I come out there one time, when I’m free, I  have a vacation coming up…maybe we could hook up, and relive years 2005  through 2009.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I’d Like that.<br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yeah…so, Keep in touch?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Definitely.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; awesome…talk to you later, Josh Awkward.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Talk to you later Cassandra Anaconda.&nbsp; [They hang up, Cassandra leaves  stage.] Funny…how all apprehension that revolves around the use of a  narcotic suddenly disappears when you learn that the girl you loved for  5 years is married.&nbsp; And you have a meeting with your boss in about 16  hours [Josh tears open the Heroin ‘kit’, tying off his arm with the  rubber piping, pouring the powder into the spoon.&nbsp; Blackout occurs as  he begins lighting a lighter]<br><br><br>[scene:&nbsp; Set.&nbsp; Crew, and  Roger, Christian and Jason for actors.&nbsp; Bathroom scene is up on half of  the stage.&nbsp; Ratt and Dealer.&nbsp; Ratt preparing a large toke of heroin.]<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Hey Josh- you ok?&nbsp; You don’t look so well.&nbsp; Pale.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yeah, I’m fine…ACTION!<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Positive, act 12, scene 3.&nbsp; Take one.<br><br><br>Christian:&nbsp; You sure about this?<br><br><br>Josh and Roger:&nbsp; no.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; But it has to be done.&nbsp; Jared, don’t bail on me now.<br><br><br>Christian:&nbsp; Armed robbery is HUGE, Carl…huge.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; Yeah, and if we don’t…Jess will die.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I am dead…<br><br><br>Roger:  Ready…One…Two…Three[ Christian and roger run foreword with guns aimed  at the audience]&nbsp; NOBODY MOVE!&nbsp; EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND!<br><br><br>Christian:&nbsp; NOW! STAY ON THE GROUND!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Ring Around The Rosie<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; [injects heroin, sighs in relief]&nbsp; Boss, you’ve got to try this some time…it’s amazing.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; [holds pillowcase out to audience]&nbsp; TAKE THE BAG AND FILL IT!&nbsp; TAKE THE GODDAMN BAG!<br><br><br>Christian:&nbsp; HURRY UP CARL!<br><br><br>Dealer: I see what it does to you…my friend…my sheep.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; [deep breath]&nbsp; The good Shepherd.<br><br><br>Christian: [hears sirens]&nbsp; GODDAMN IT!&nbsp; CARL FORGET IT!&nbsp; LETS GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; It’s too late.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; HURRY UP AND FILL IT!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Pockets full of posies.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; I’m thirsty…can I borrow a buck for a beer?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; There’s no way out.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [pulls out a wad of cash, hands Ratt a $5]&nbsp; Knock yourself out…you owe me.<br><br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; [Stands up]&nbsp; Thanks, buddy.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; The Vicious cycle has begun.<br><br><br>Christian:&nbsp; Carl!&nbsp; I’m outta here!&nbsp; [runs off stage,&nbsp; Roger starts turning around]<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; GODDAMN IT!<br><br><br>Jason:&nbsp; [Runs on stage, aims gun at Roger]&nbsp; FREEZE!&nbsp; [Shoots at Roger]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Ashes…Ashes…<br><br>Ratt:&nbsp; [Stumbles]&nbsp; Boss?&nbsp; I think I…[Ratt and Roger both fall, Ratt overdosing, Roger wounded.]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; We all fall down [Dealer and Josh both walk off stage, blackout]<br><br>[Scene:&nbsp; Jackal Meadow’s Office]<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; How are you feeling, Joshua?&nbsp; You don’t look so good?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Eh…just tired…trying to get this film finished so we can start editing.&nbsp; Sundance is coming closer and closer.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; Yes it is…How did the actors handle our changes?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Not bad…some temper tantrums…but they aren’t quitting.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; And why would they?&nbsp; The chance for hitting it big is much too great to pass up.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Well it’s not like they’re getting paid much.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; They should be happy they’re getting paid at all…ever heard of community theater?&nbsp; This is ten times that.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yeah I guess.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; You don’t seem convinced.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; sorry, like I said, just tired.<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp;  Yes…well, Joshua…I’ve seen what you have so far, read your script, and  I must say, I a very pleased.&nbsp; [begins writing in checkbook]&nbsp; Here is  your next installment.&nbsp; I trust you will spend it wisely.&nbsp; [hands Josh  the Check]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yes, Mr.&nbsp; Meadows.&nbsp; [Meadows and Josh stand up, shaking hands.]<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; It’s been a pleasure Joshua.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Pleasure…Mr. Meadows.&nbsp; [Begins walking offstage]&nbsp; Junkie.&nbsp; [Blackout]<br><br>[Scene bathroom of Forlonger‘s pub, Dealer, Breaker and Jones]<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; That…happened quick…nothing could have been done?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; I don’t know your tolerance levels, I can’t tell you to stop.<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; yeah…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [walks in, rather calmly, hands Dealer $50]&nbsp; Back home eh? 10 lines…wait…where’s Ratt?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; You have a rather nice composure today.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; The smack hasn’t worn off yet…where’s Ratt?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Yeah, first time you can get even 12 hours out of it.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Where the hell is Ratt?<br><br><br>Dealer: [hesitates]&nbsp; He…overdosed this afternoon.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; What?!<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; It wasn’t anything I could control, I’m not god, Joshua.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; What the hell?!&nbsp; No Control?!&nbsp; You have ALL the control!<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;  No, I have all the trust, every time you inhale your powder you trust  that I didn’t cut it with friggin’ Draino.&nbsp; You order, I deliver. If  Ratt took too much and fell on the floor getting a beer,&nbsp; I have no  fault.&nbsp; [forces the mirror into Joshua’s hand]&nbsp; The only duty I have at  that point is to get the hell out, and find a new local before spoiled  ass junkies seek revenge.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Remains silent, starts taking his lines, sniffs loudly]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; So, Joshua, have anything to retort, about how I’m a murderer.&nbsp; How I Killed Ratt?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs]&nbsp; this is the first time I’ve seen you pissed.&nbsp; [sniff]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp;&nbsp; Accuse me of murder, It happens.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs]&nbsp; Understandable.&nbsp; [sniffs]<br><br><br>Jones:&nbsp; Why doesn’t he look like a Junkie?<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; We don’t know.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; believe me, He does…Junkie’s written across his chest in Smack-saturated blood.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Sniff] Thanks<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Honesty never killed a man.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; But…Smack did. [Finishes his lines, stand up, handing the mirror to Dealer]&nbsp; Price for a deck?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; 230.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [laughing]&nbsp; a bit more than double that of coke…[grabs his wallet]&nbsp; 2 for 1 [hands Dealer $430]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Some people charge $300&nbsp; a gram, consider yourself lucky…[counts money, then hands over the decks] <br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I’d be careful before calling myself lucky…<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Suit yourself…As always, It’s been a pleasure.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yes, yes it has.&nbsp; [walks off stage, blackout]<br><br><br>[scene,  Josh’s apartment, he’s snorting ‘bumps’ off the screen of his phone, on  the floor.]&nbsp; Cassandra’s coming today…the first time I’ve seen her  since High school.&nbsp; The girl I told myself I was going to marry.&nbsp; Who’s  married to another man.&nbsp; [Sniffs]&nbsp; Tragic, isn’t it? [hears a knock at  the door, seals his bag of cocaine, and puts everything in his  pockets.]&nbsp; COMING!&nbsp; [Goes to door, opens it, Cassandra jumps on him,  embracing him in a warm hug.]<br><br><br>Cassandra: JOSH!&nbsp; Oh My God!&nbsp; It’s been such a long time!<br><br><br>Josh: CASSIE!&nbsp; Oh man I missed you!<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Well, you could have called too, it’s not that difficult.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Didn’t know your number.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Right.&nbsp; So…this is the place, eh?<br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yep, welcome to my humble abode.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Its cute, perfect for you…the brooding artist, living in the apartment, off of the tiny filmmaker’s salary…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Or the government…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh, you’re on welfare?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  There’s no money in the business until It hits theaters…and then that’s  not even guaranteed.&nbsp; I either live off what the producer gives me…or  the dole.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Oh…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; don’t pity me for it, I’m doing what I love…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; No, You just said in High school…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; we said a lot of things in high school.&nbsp; [laughs]&nbsp; A Lot of things.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; [laughs]&nbsp; Remember how we were gonna be mimes and join a gypsy caravan?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Uh, Yeah!&nbsp; And how you would act in the strangest pornos ever!<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Only if you wrote them.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Only I could write an insane porno.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Haha yeah.&nbsp; Remember how you would end up being the cliché druggie filmmaker?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Yeah…&nbsp; I do… [Aside]&nbsp; And I did.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; So, I still haven’t heard of this movie!&nbsp; Tell me about it.<br><br><br>Josh: Alright, hey, you want coffee?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yes!&nbsp; You know me and caffeine.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Haha, Yes I do.&nbsp; [moves to the kitchen, and starts a pot of coffee]&nbsp;  Anyway…the movie.&nbsp; It’s called Positive, and deals with…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Drugs, STI’s, Violence?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Uh…all of the above?&nbsp; For some reason I think you’ve already had your coffee.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Two cups, I want more…So, How do Drug, STI’s and Violence tie into this huge film that’s gonna gross multi millions?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  [pouring coffee]&nbsp; Well, Boy and girl are flat broke, girl’s a stripper,  boy’s addicted to coke.&nbsp; Girl gets HIV in ways she’s not sure how.&nbsp;  [Passes Cassandra her mug, reaching into his pocket, pulling out his  bag of cocaine, putting it on the counter absentmindedly as he leaves  to get cream and sugar.&nbsp; Cassandra grabs bag of cocaine looking at it  analytically]&nbsp; Girl gets too sick to work, starts prostituting herself  as some guy’s mistress.&nbsp; Then, the boy goes to rob a bank to keep being  able to afford girl’s HIV- [Cassandra interjects as josh comes back  with cream and sugar]<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; What’s this?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Oh…Nothing… [holds out hand to get it back]<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Is it something I should know about?&nbsp; Josh?<br><br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; It’s medicine…I’m…sick.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Where’s your prescription?&nbsp; And you’re on welfare…how do you have enough health insurance to even get this?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I just do, Alright!&nbsp; Cass, give me my fucking powder!<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Powder?!&nbsp; Is that what this is?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Physically, yes…it’s in the powder form, you went to fucking college,  where the fuck did your tuition go if you can’t tell me that it’s a  white powder…<br><br><br>Cassandra: NARCOTIC!<br><br><br>Josh: NO!<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; JOSH!&nbsp; WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [hesitates, starts labored breathing]&nbsp; It’s…medicine… [begins getting emotional]&nbsp; Why the hell won’t you believe me?<br><br><br>Cassandra: [calming down] Cause I know you, Josh.&nbsp; Now, honestly, tell me what this is.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [breaks down]&nbsp; What the hell, Cass…it’s junk…ALRIGHT?&nbsp; I’m a junkie…a no good welfare…junkie.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; How long?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [laughs] 2 inches.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Goddamn it Josh you know what I’m talking about!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; A few months…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Why?<br><br><br>Josh:  [dead, robot-like ] try something once, it feels good, you try again.&nbsp;  You keep trying until it doesn’t get you off, and then you move on, or  you use more.&nbsp; You keep going, keep feeling good, until you don’t feel  at all.&nbsp; And then you loose yourself…success.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp;  Josh, you’re not lost…you’re Josh Allister, my best friend.&nbsp; You’re  right here!&nbsp; You’re not a junkie, you’re not dead.&nbsp; <br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; My parents gave me a death wish when they chose Conception over a condom.&nbsp; I’m dying…goddamn I’m dead.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp;  Josh!&nbsp; No!&nbsp; listen to me!&nbsp; You’re not dead, you’re not dying, you’re my  best goddamn friend, alright.&nbsp; We’ve known each other for 9 years<br><br><br>Josh: 4, only 4.&nbsp; You’ve been gone and out of my life for the past 5 years.&nbsp; You don’t know me anymore.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh, stop being ridiculous.&nbsp; I know you, you haven’t changed…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; DRUGS CHANGE EVERYTHING!<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; DRUGS CHANGE NOTHING!&nbsp; You’re still the boy I loved in high school.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Loved?!&nbsp; Funny, cause you’re name’s not…Cassandra Allister…now is it?!&nbsp; No…it’s Cassandra goddamn Beckett.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Is that what the hell this is about, ‘cause I’m married?!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; No…Just…&nbsp; DAMN IT!<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh…I don’t know what to do…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Then don’t do anything…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I can’t just sit by and watch you destroy yourself and you Know it!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Don’t…do anything…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; But…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; no…this thing is keeping me alive through this goddamn film.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I thought you were excited about it…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; it’s goddamn prostitution!&nbsp; My producer canned my first idea…I’m his own private sex slave.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh…I’m…I’m so…[beeper goes off]&nbsp; I’m sorry, I gotta go.&nbsp; Some meeting.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Just go.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; be safe?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Whatever.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I love you.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; …you too.&nbsp; [Cassandra walks off stage.]&nbsp; I’m a goddamn idiot.&nbsp; [blackout]<br><br>[scene On Set, all of crew, Seline and Mark]<br><br><br>Mark:&nbsp; I want you…<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Tim…I. <br><br><br>Mark:&nbsp; shhh…don’t speak.&nbsp; Just, feel.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; TIM!&nbsp; <br><br><br>Mark:&nbsp; What baby?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; I’m sick…<br><br><br>Mark:&nbsp; And twisted…for keeping me waiting…c’mon…<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; No…Tim…I’m positive…HIV…<br><br><br>Mark:&nbsp; What?<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; [getting emotional]&nbsp; I’m sorry.<br><br><br>Mark:&nbsp; WHORE!&nbsp; [slaps Seline]<br><br><br>Josh: CUT!&nbsp; Next scene.<br><br><br>[run crew moves a bed on stage, Mark exits, Roger enters, hospital wear, laying on bed]<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Positive,&nbsp; Act 15, scene 7, take one.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Carl…How bad is it?<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; They say…it’s pretty bad…but, I think they just want to see how much they can get from a guy without insurance.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; [smiles]&nbsp; Carl…[hugs him]<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; [groaning in a little discomfort]&nbsp; I love you…baby.&nbsp; I wish I could have gotten the money…I’m really sorry.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; I’m just happy you’re ok.<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; [starts breathing heavy]&nbsp; yeah…me…too…[starts gasping for air.]<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Carl?<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp; I’m [Wheeze] Ok.&nbsp; [Wheeze]&nbsp; Pro-mise.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp;  HELP!&nbsp; ANYONE!&nbsp; GET A NURSE! SOMEBODY!&nbsp; [Roger starts breathing more  and more shallow]&nbsp; NURSE!&nbsp; DOCTOR!&nbsp; [Carl falls still]&nbsp; no… CARL!&nbsp; CARL  WAKE UP!&nbsp; [actors as Doctors run in, start trying to resuscitate Roger]  Why…<br><br><br>Doctor:&nbsp; Miss, you’re going have to leave…<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; Don’t make me leave him!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; CUT!&nbsp; [Stands up]&nbsp; Well guys…that was the last scene.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; of the day?<br><br><br>Josh: of, EVER!&nbsp; Congrats guys!<br><br><br>Cast and Crew:&nbsp; WOOOO!<br><br><br>Candace:&nbsp; Everyone, Crew’s going to ForLonger’s for a beer!&nbsp; Everyone’s welcome!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Now…spend the next 2 months in editing and you all will be getting a phone call when we make it to SUNDANCE BABY!<br><br><br>Jackson: EVERYONE!&nbsp; LETS GO!&nbsp; [everyone runs off stage] [blackout]<br><br><br>[scene- editing room]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  Editing, the most painful part of making any film.&nbsp; Anything you film  is engraved on the 8 millimeter reel that is your heart.&nbsp; You really  don’t want to cut anything…but you have to.&nbsp; [bends over and takes a  line of cocaine]&nbsp; And in one instance, I had never been more thankful  to be a junkie.&nbsp; [cuts and pastes film]&nbsp; And…it’s…Done.&nbsp; It’s really,  done.&nbsp; [Aside]&nbsp; As any artist can tell you, finishing a work feels like  no other.&nbsp; Such completion, such definition.&nbsp; An artist can be asked  ‘how do you know when you’re done.’&nbsp; Such a definition seems beyond  comprehension.&nbsp; Jackson Pollock summed it up right.&nbsp; “How do you know  when you’re done having sex”? [Prepares syringe]&nbsp; This would go to the  mail at Sundance tomorrow.&nbsp; But now [ties off arm]&nbsp; I celebrate.&nbsp;  [blackout]<br><br><br>[scene bathroom of Cipe&nbsp; Josh, Dealer, Breaker and Jones]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; So you got the old place back? [sniff]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Yep.&nbsp; So, you haven’t been around as frequently recently, what’s been up?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Finishing up my movie…<br><br><br>Jones:&nbsp; You make films?<br><br><br>Breaker:&nbsp; Yep, he went to college for it.<br><br><br>Jones:&nbsp; You went to college?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs, nods] Emerson in Boston.<br><br><br>Jones:&nbsp; Whoa…that’s like…across the country.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; yeah…all 3000 miles.<br><br><br>Jones:&nbsp; wow.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [sniffs, finishing his mirror]&nbsp; Hey, Dealer.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; yes, Joshua.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; always wondered why you kept 2 henchmen around at all times.&nbsp; [gestures towards Jones and Breaker]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; henchmen would imply that they are useful…[laughs]&nbsp; they’re nothing but Junkies.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; So why do you keep them around?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; They’re like pets…keep me from being lonely.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Sheep.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; I am the Good Shepherd.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; you’re cocky.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [laughs]&nbsp; Thank the flock [nods to Breaker and Jones]<br><br>Josh:&nbsp; haha.&nbsp; Ok, gimme, 2 of each [hands Dealer $660]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; You planning on not seeing me for a bit?&nbsp; Stocking up?&nbsp; [gets decks]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Haha, no, I’m gonna need it.&nbsp; Until I get the yes or no from the festivals, I’m gonna be a nervous wreck.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [handing Josh the drugs]&nbsp; Just don’t die on me…remember, I like you.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; yeah, yeah…See you later, Jones, Breaker, Dealer.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; Pleasure…[josh cuts him off]<br><br><br>Josh: Ah!&nbsp; What’s my name.<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [smiles]&nbsp; Junkie.<br><br><br>[blackout on bathroom&nbsp; run crew takes it off.]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp;  I can’t explain why my goal was to get Dealer to call me Junkie.&nbsp; Maybe  his anonymity made me jealous.&nbsp; Maybe I wanted to forget that I was  some deadbeat film maker, and loose my own identity.&nbsp; Maybe I wanted to  forget where I came from.&nbsp; Maybe I wanted to loose myself.&nbsp; [Begins  tying his arm off, and preparing a syringe, Makes a bump on the screen  of his cell phone, snorts it]&nbsp; When I was a kid, I loved Halloween, the  anonymity, the ability to be something and have not one person know who  you were.&nbsp; That’s what I get out of being known as Junkie.&nbsp; I am not  Joshua Allister, I have not failed at my dream.&nbsp; I am not awaiting some  rejection letter.&nbsp; I am a junkie, I have succeeded at getting a high, I  have received my acceptance into addiction.&nbsp; [snorts another bump]&nbsp;  When you’re an addict, you’ve won.&nbsp; [injects prepared syringe]&nbsp; Or,  maybe, you’ve lost.<br><br><br>Seline:&nbsp; [on phone, walks across stage]&nbsp;  Dad, Josh sent the film into Sundance!&nbsp; I’m gonna be a star!&nbsp; No…we  haven’t been accepted yet, but… What do you mean?&nbsp; [Josh takes another  bump, preparing another syringe<br><br><br>Jackson: [on phone, walks  across stage] Mom, we finally finished production and josh sent us into  Sundance.&nbsp; No…I don’t have a real job yet…Mom, this is what I love-  [Josh takes another bump]<br><br><br>Candace: [on phone, walks across  stage]&nbsp; No…Brooke I haven’t found a husband, I’ve been too busy  working.&nbsp; Well, I mean, there’s one guy…but…[Josh snorts another bump]<br><br><br>Reuben:  [on phone, walks across stage]&nbsp; No, dad, we haven’t been accepted yet,  but Josh says there’s a good chance [Josh sniffs again]<br><br><br>Roger:&nbsp;  [on phone, walks across stage] Yeah, Carson…I know…I’m sorry.&nbsp; If We  get in, I’ll take you to make up for it…I love you too. [Josh takes a  bump]<br><br><br>Meadows:&nbsp; [on phone, walks across stage]&nbsp;&nbsp; I really  don’t know if I’ll get my money’s worth.&nbsp; Josh has potential, the film  can work, but, you know, I just don’t know.&nbsp; [Josh Injects a very large  dose of heroin, alone on stage]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [walks on stage handing a phone to Josh]&nbsp; You’re my favorite customer…[Josh takes phone, beginning to shake]<br><br><br>Cassandra: Hello? [appears on the edge of the stage]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [shaking, becoming emotional]&nbsp; Cassie, I’m so sorry.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I’m so, so sorry.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh are you ok?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Cassie I made a mistake.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh?&nbsp; It’s Ok, we all make mistakes.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; no, no it’s not ok.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Shh…yes…it’s Ok…<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Can you come here, Cassie?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yes Josh, I’ll come right now.&nbsp; I’ll be right there.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Can you be here now?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; yes I can josh.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; please hurry…<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I am Josh, I am.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; thank you, cassie.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; I’m leaving right now…[Cassandra leaves the stage]<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; Thank you cassie. [hangs up phone, curls in a ball]&nbsp; I’m sorry, I’m sorry.&nbsp; I’m just a stupid junkie.&nbsp; I’m sorry.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; [appears on other side of the stage]&nbsp; Josh, A letter from Sundance was under the door.&nbsp; Josh?<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I’m sorry, I’m sorry.&nbsp; [Cassandra rushes to Josh]&nbsp; <br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Josh, I’m here, I’m here.&nbsp; Look what came, a letter from Sundance.<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; I’m sorry Cassie, so sorry.&nbsp; <br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; No, josh, look!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [Realizes the letter]&nbsp; Can you open it?&nbsp; Please Cassie?<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; Yes I can, Josh.&nbsp; [opens letter]&nbsp; JOSH!&nbsp; JOSH!&nbsp; YOU GOT IN!&nbsp; YOU’RE IN SUNDANCE!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; [starts shivering, and having trouble breathing] That’s nice…thank you Cassie…I’m tired.<br><br><br>Cassandra: [sees cocaine and heroin]&nbsp; No, no, no, no.&nbsp; No josh, don’t go to sleep!<br><br><br>Josh:&nbsp; goodnight Cassie…love you.&nbsp; [closes eyes…stops breathing]<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp;  Josh…JOSH!&nbsp; Oh God [Pulls out phone]&nbsp; Hello? 911?&nbsp; I need an  ambulance!&nbsp; Hold on Josh, oh please god, Hold on!&nbsp; [blackout]<br><br><br>[scene,  Sundance film festival, rows of seats, backs to the audience, appear  before a screen.&nbsp; Cast, Crew of Positive, even techies of the show, sit  in the seats, Cassandra standing up front]<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; [walks on stage, stands beside Cassandra]&nbsp; Shame…isn’t it…that he can’t be here…his dream.<br><br><br>Cassandra:&nbsp; How did you know Josh?<br><br><br>Dealer:&nbsp; I knew him in ways that not many people did.&nbsp; [lights dim, Cassandra and Dealer sit down in the front row.]<br><br><br>Production  Screen:&nbsp; [black, white lettering comes up]&nbsp; In Loving Memory of Joshua  Allister.&nbsp; 1990-2014.&nbsp; [all lights go down]&nbsp; [end]<br><br></div><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>cocaine</category>
		  		  	<category>drugs</category>
		  		  	<category>heroin</category>
		  		  	<category>junk</category>
		  		  	<category>junkie</category>
		  		  	<category>sundance</category>
		  		  	<category>sundance film festival</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-08-02T18:00:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin Chapter: 47]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/417761/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[<span style="font-style: italic;">Author's Note:&nbsp; Haha do I still got fans?&nbsp; ;)&nbsp; Sorry for the unbearably long delay, there's been some issues in the war at home, enjoy!.</span><br><br>Heroin:Chapter:47<br><br>“The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelts sign, please return to your seats for landing.”&nbsp; The drone like voice of a flight attendant called sleepily over the intercom on the Boeing 747 that&nbsp; soared drowsily through the black night sky above Buffalo, New York.<br><br>Turbulence had resulted in a new hole in the sleeve of my sweatshirt, and a dramatic flattening of my molars.&nbsp; My lip was slowly exuding blood onto my tongue, filling one of my five senses with that warm metallic taste that normally would cause panic.<br><br>My eyes glared sharply at the lightly sleeping man beside me, his features soft as his chest rose and fell with slumber.&nbsp; I looked over onto his lap to ensure his belt was buckled, frowning as I found it tightly and securely bound about his hips.&nbsp; I wouldn’t have hesitated to buckle it for him, and then punch him in the groin from such an easy access point.&nbsp; I slipped, the plane banked mighty fierce.<br><br>Jealous?&nbsp; Me?&nbsp; Not at all.&nbsp; I’m perfectly content with having panic attacks alone on red-eye flights while the man beside me sleeps peacefully.&nbsp; That, and being fully awake and bored for 6 hours, I was a bit snappy.<br><br>Luckily, his seat was reclined.&nbsp; Pressing the button on his arm rest with considerable force, the seat rose inches foreword, just enough movement to rouse him from slumber.&nbsp; Not as direct as a fist to his pelvic, but in my jaded, angered state, waking him was enough for me.&nbsp; He shifted lightly, pressing his head back into the sterile white airline pillow drowsily.&nbsp; <br><br>The plane banked and my knuckles were white against the firm arm rests.&nbsp; I glared at him again, as he seemingly fell back asleep.&nbsp; He was used to this, constantly traveling.&nbsp; I on the other hand, never slept, and had the attention span of an intoxicated rat when contained.&nbsp; <br><br>I shoved my thumbs through the new holes in my sweatshirt and resorted to gritting my teeth through the landing.&nbsp; As the plane banked once more, I was tempted to wake him up and claw to him through my anxiety.&nbsp; No, I was much too terrified, and a bit peeved to do that.<br><br>I should have refused the flight attendant by the 5th time she&nbsp; delivered the caffeinated beverage of my choice for that round.&nbsp; The drink constantly changed, from coffee, to coke, having something to drink kept me occupied for about 2 minutes 47 seconds.<br><br>And then it was back to vain amusement.<br><br>And now I was dealing with a sugar high that only toddler in a candy store could dream of.<br><br>The plane banked again, and Jared’s head lightly slid to the side, falling on my shoulder.&nbsp; He took a deep intake of my scent and murmured contentedly as he was roused to the edge of sleep once more.&nbsp; Growling I lightly bumped my shoulder upwards, boggling his head.&nbsp; I watched him with scorching eyes as he groggily awoke, only to snap my head foreword as the plane turned sharply. <br><br>Within moments, it was as if he had never slept at all.&nbsp; His eyes were vibrant, and alive, a smile working along his lips thinly as he looked at my angered appearance, easily seeing the panic in my eyes.&nbsp; He shook his head silently, leaning towards me, his morning kiss.<br><br>But we were in public.&nbsp; We couldn’t.&nbsp; My eyes flit past him to the people that joined us on the flight from hell.&nbsp; Each of them preparing for landing.<br><br>His face was centimeters from mine.&nbsp; I saw the desire in his eyes, wanting so badly for the simple touch we shared ritually every awakening.&nbsp; His hand stretched across me, to the window, pulling the shade up quickly.&nbsp; It was our bargain, he got a flight, I got window seat.<br><br>He nodded towards the small oval with a small smile.&nbsp; “Look outside.”&nbsp; He said softly.&nbsp; I abided calmly to his instruction, looking out at the black morning sky with wide eyes.&nbsp; Even in the waning night, the world was alive and well.&nbsp; Lights lit up every stretch of land my eyes could possibly reach.&nbsp; A small smile played across my lips as I looked outwards.&nbsp; I was a sucker for skylines. <br><br>As if he could predict the future,&nbsp; His lips were beside my ear, his breath rushing over my skin in a hush.&nbsp; “Hold on.”&nbsp; The plane banked, and the wing on the left side of the plane dipped.&nbsp; The window went downwards, showing me more of this nocturnal world.&nbsp; Buildings loomed with yellow window dots, fireflies frozen in woven tapestries.<br><br>I was star struck, thinking of nights in Massachusetts’ capital city, Boston.&nbsp; Looking out from North Station at the stunning black monsters against a navy star studded night.&nbsp; Walking with friends who found my shock unnecessary.&nbsp; There was nothing beautiful about development.<br><br>As part of a Ying and Yang effect, cities captivated me as much as nature had.&nbsp; The development of human ideals, and architectural phenomenon.&nbsp; I grew up intrinsically knowing that cities held insurmountable history, living in one of the oldest places in the United States.&nbsp; The big city, for me, being Boston, it was literally impossible to walk more than 3 or 4 feet without crossing a path in history.&nbsp; It was something utterly beautiful to me.<br><br>Jared was about to show me, from a place I had deemed hell, a new kind of paradise.&nbsp; As the plane leveled, he smiled at my eager eyes, that wanted the plane to bank once more, wanting to see the world again. “Still bitter?”&nbsp; He asked, a smirk entering his voice.&nbsp; I turned from the window, shaking my head deftly.&nbsp; He lightly traced the ring of fabric around my thumb with his forefinger.&nbsp; “Still panicked?”&nbsp; I shook my head, no.&nbsp; He nodded towards the window once more, an aged, knowing look in his eyes.&nbsp; “Look again.”<br><br>The right wing dipped, sending my window skywards.&nbsp; My breath caught as the stars and moon invaded my view, untainted by city lights, or cloud obstruction.&nbsp; He nodded quickly, his finger moving foreword, his sharp eyes instantly picking out a star, as if he would pick out an old friend.&nbsp; “Vega.”&nbsp; He said quietly, pointing.&nbsp; “Alpha Lyra.”&nbsp; I followed his finger out to the brightest possible star, watching it with deep interest.&nbsp;&nbsp; Yet, it was short lived, as the plane leveled out quickly.&nbsp; <br><br>I looked at him with wide eyes.&nbsp; I wanted to kiss him, my body craving that touch.&nbsp; I burned with the need, the desire.&nbsp; My fingers danced on the arm rest with my sudden change of mood.&nbsp; “What are you doing to me?” I asked quietly, holding down the growl of hunger that plagued me.<br><br>He smiled, his hand sliding along the arm rest to link with mine, locking our knuckles together.&nbsp; He leaned closely again, his lips brushing my ear ever so lightly as his warm breath washed over my skin.&nbsp; “Distracting you.”&nbsp; He said simply, pulling away, his aquamarine eyes dancing with pleasure.&nbsp; I felt the muscle in my jaw slacken a bit, as if in some form of shock by his actions.<br><br>He was again, only seconds ahead.&nbsp; As the plane seemed to plummet out of the sky, his fist crushed against mine with disturbing force, countering the grip of horror that swept from my palm.&nbsp; Our knuckles bound together, white, in an effort to release and console fear. I knew, had we been alone, his lips would bruise mine, tearing everything away, removing me from this place.&nbsp; Yet, he was forced to rely, now, only on magic, that which he held as a person, and what rested just beyond a layer of paned glass. <br><br>I could expect nothing less, than such magic from him.<br><br>The wheels shrieked as they bounced against the tarmac, the velocity of the once drowsily soaring plane, suddenly blinding.&nbsp; Wind roared and shook the body of the plane with an angry force.&nbsp; I grit my teeth, feeling my eardrums torture themselves against the pressure changes.&nbsp; The pressure from Jared’s strong hand was constant as he waited for us to grind to a halt. <br><br>The pressure on the back of my hand fell as he released me, my grip following.&nbsp; We looked at our knuckles at the same time, each evaluating what the other party had done.&nbsp; Luckily, the feather light bones of the human hand had not undergone any terrible destruction on either of us, only slight discoloration due to some broken capillaries.&nbsp; It was nothing we wouldn’t survive.<br>&nbsp;<br>The plane taxied to the terminal lazily.&nbsp; It was as if the huge metal bird was feeling the exhaustion of the early morning.&nbsp; As movement stopped, you could hear the metallic clips of seat belts lift up and flip down as patrons released themselves from nylon restraints and stood up, despite the yellow light that still brightened the ‘fasten seatbelts’ logo.&nbsp; Jared unclipped the belt at his waist, slowly rising.&nbsp; His right hand firmly on the headrest of the seat for balance. He ducked out into the aisle as a warning called over the intercom, ensuring caution when opening the overhead bins.&nbsp; <br><br>He dropped my duffel bag on the seat beside me as I undid my belt, arching against the seat with a yawn.&nbsp; He shouldered his own with a smile, no doubt finding my exhaustion&nbsp; amusing.&nbsp; “Didn’t sleep too well, love?”&nbsp; He asked lightly.&nbsp; <br><br>I growled and shook my head, standing in the small gap between the rows of seats, moving out into the aisle.&nbsp; “What the hell do you think?”&nbsp; I grunted.&nbsp; “didn’t sleep a wink”&nbsp; He laughed lightly, shaking his head as he took a step back, allowing me to enter the tight aisle before him, slowly walking&nbsp; behind other airline passengers.&nbsp; I nodded to the aged pilot who dutifully stood outside his door, before quickly stepping into the entrance to the terminal. Jared stepped on behind me.&nbsp; I could nearly smell the desire coming off of him, taste it in the air around him as he moved to walk beside me.&nbsp; He walked briskly in his well rested state, the caffeine in my system allowing me to easily follow him.&nbsp; <br><br>Starved of a touch he obviously needed, his body moved like that of an animal, strong steps pushing him foreword.&nbsp; Primal, and commanding.&nbsp; The sleepy women that were present in the deserted airport looked at him with hungry eyes, before confusion filled their gaze as they saw the 16 year old ‘child’ following him.&nbsp; It was all I had in me, to not express my possessive nature, and personally attack every woman to look at him with a need for him to unleash the animal that was boiling under the surface.&nbsp; Each woman that then looked upon me with confusion.&nbsp; Whether they were aware of it or not, that animal, belonged to me.&nbsp; <br><br>His hand casually brushed mine with a comforting touch.&nbsp; He sensed my edge that had seemed to permeate into his awareness.&nbsp; His finger quickly hooked with mine, before releasing me, a show of our connection.&nbsp; He looked to me out of the corner of his eye, the deep blue pools weary.&nbsp; It was a quick walk to the exit, having no need for baggage claim, to find our pre-scheduled taxi to the hotel.&nbsp; <br><br>The ride was endless as we shared the back seat, our knuckles, hidden vainly from the driver, were firmly locked together.&nbsp; It was the only connection we were permitted.&nbsp; <br><br>In what seemed like hours we were finally in the hotel.&nbsp; I bobbed anxiously on the balls of my feet by the elevator, unable to be near him any more, for I would surely explode from the need to touch him.&nbsp; He turned on his heel with a few papers, and our room key, his eyes down, looking over the papers, and key, finding our room number.&nbsp; <br><br>His finger lightly touched the ‘up’ button on the elevator’s callboard, hearing the confirming ‘ding’ as the elevator started to move downwards.&nbsp; “room 472”&nbsp; He said shortly, his voice thick with need.&nbsp; It had only been about an hour since he had awoken, and we were reaching a point of desperation.&nbsp; It was intriguing, how something as simple as a kiss every awakening could drive you mad.&nbsp; Maybe it was more than that, perhaps, it was the knowledge that, the hotel room was key.&nbsp; The understanding that until we were behind that mahogany door, any sign that we were together would be frowned upon.<br><br>As the metal doors opened before us, we quickly moved into the elevator.&nbsp; Jared certainly had picked a nice hotel, even the elevator was designed in such a manner that it could be it’s own bedroom.&nbsp; Mahogany wood trim was intricately carved to fit patterns of wealth against gold accents.<br><br>Jared’s hand grabbed mine tightly as the elevator stopped moving, jerking my eyes from the beautiful work conducted on the elevator to the metal doors.&nbsp; I had really just found the elevator a distraction, the detail keeping me busy enough to displace my need.&nbsp; As the huge doors opened, Jared pulled me from the tiny cage, moving to our room hastily. <br><br>We darted into the room no sooner had he slipped the card into the reader.&nbsp; He had bought a room with two beds, smart move.&nbsp; He grabbed my bag from my shoulder, tossing it and his own bag onto the bed that wouldn’t be in use, leaving me standing awkwardly in the small hall that joined the door to the actual room.&nbsp; He turned from the bedside, the animal that had been boiling just under the surface, breaking through.&nbsp; His eyes were dark with passion, need.&nbsp; The corners of his mouth turned slightly skyward in a predatory smirk.&nbsp; He stalked foreword with graceful, powerful steps, driving him quickly.&nbsp; <br><br>His body pressed against mine as he joined me, his hand sinking into my hair.&nbsp; His lips crushed forcefully with mine, taking what was his, what he needed.&nbsp; My hands sunk into his hair as he pushed me back against a wall, pinning me closely to him.&nbsp; He jarred my lips open, slipping his tongue into my mouth tasting that which he desired so.&nbsp; <br><br>He pulled back, his chest rising heavily with a short of breath.&nbsp; “Gods, I needed to touch you.”&nbsp; He said softly.&nbsp; I rose up slightly, kissing him softly once more, using the arms I had bound about his neck, and the wall to my back for leverage, holding myself up as I wrapped my legs about his waist, voicing another burning desire fermenting deep within me.&nbsp; His hands came down to grip the back of my thighs, holding me up against him as we shared another passionate kiss.<br><br>He tore away quickly from me looking out the window, and then at the clock.&nbsp; His head tipped to the door.&nbsp; “I have an hour to show you something.”&nbsp; He said softly, holding me against the wall as he untangled himself from my legs, before grabbing my wrist.&nbsp; I watched him with curious eyes as he ensured the room key was in his pocket, before pulling me out of the room. <br><br>We found ourselves in the elevator once more, the button marked ‘roof’ illuminated.&nbsp; “Is this allowed?”&nbsp; I asked softly, looking at him with curious eyes.<br><br>He nodded with a smile.&nbsp; “There’s a little café up there, that takes up a corner of the roof…but it’s closed.”&nbsp; He noted the confusion in my eyes with a nod.&nbsp; “Just wait.”&nbsp; He said softly, pressing his lips lightly to mine, tearing away as the elevator dinged to a stop.<br><br>He pulled me excitedly out the door, bringing me out into the chilly night air that shrouded Buffalo.&nbsp; He brought me to the edge of the hotel’s roof, looking out into the midst of the city, still alive in the very early morning.&nbsp; I was aghast, hypnotized by the lights of the city.&nbsp; He smiled with my reaction, allowing me to take it in a moment, before he broke the silence.&nbsp; “Look up.”<br><br>“Oh gods.”&nbsp; I said breathlessly as I looked upwards at a brilliant star studded sky, a full moon shining brightly.&nbsp; He laughed lightly at my reaction, shaking his head.&nbsp; He stepped away from the edge of the roof, sitting down about 5 feet away, looking at me expectantly, calling me to follow.&nbsp; <br><br>“There’s Vega again…”&nbsp; He said softly, pointing heavenward as I sat beside him. I nodded, following his finger to the constellation of Lyra.&nbsp; I traced the ‘connect the dots’ stars to form the ‘The Lyre“, turning my eyes away to roam the limitless night sky.&nbsp; <br><br>“Rukbat”&nbsp; I said softly, pointing to the brightest star in the constellation of Sagittarius.&nbsp; He grinned at my knowledge of the stars, before pointing to another.<br><br>“Alfecca Meridiana, Corona Austrina” I nodded, finding another.<br>“Telescopium”<br>“Suctum”<br>“Draco”<br>“Hercules”<br>“Vulpecula.”&nbsp; He laughed as I pointed out the Fox constellation, falling silent as his shimmering cerulean pools cast their gaze upwards, looking for and elusive star in particular.&nbsp; His eyes sharp as he looked through the navy sky. <br><br>His hand slowly rose, pointing to the star he had spent so long finding.&nbsp; “Antares.”&nbsp;&nbsp; He said lowly. “Scorpius.”&nbsp; I took a breath, knowing he had found my star sign.&nbsp; My eyes&nbsp; quickly tore away from the scorpion, looking for him.<br><br>“Prima Giedi.”&nbsp; I said slowly, raising my finger to the edge of the night sky.&nbsp; “Capricornus.”&nbsp; He looked down at me, his eyes in a dazed admiration.&nbsp; <br><br>“Scorpio…”&nbsp; He said, slowly, taking my hand, running his fingers over it smoothly, before enveloping it in his.&nbsp; <br><br>“And Capricorn…” I said breathlessly, staring deeply into his eyes as he slowly closed the gap between us. The significance of both constellations to be held before our eyes was earth shattering.&nbsp; For we both knew, and understood, that the two rarely shared the same sky.<br><br>His lips softly pressed to mine, his hands working into my hair, pressing me closely to him.&nbsp; I slowly moved to sit on his lap, resting against his chest as our mouths interlocked.&nbsp; His tongue slipped into my mouth, twining with mine intimately.&nbsp; <br><br>I twisted to straddle his hips, pushing him down against the concrete of the roof to deepen the kiss, not caring about the waning night.&nbsp; His left hand moved to hold my hip possessively as my hands sank deeply into his hair.&nbsp; The night spun around us, stars streaking across the sky in a kaleidoscope effect.<br><br>I pulled away regretfully, staring down at him with a light frown.&nbsp; “We gotta get outta here, before someone comes to open the café.”&nbsp; I said softly.&nbsp; He growled lightly, nodding in agreement.&nbsp; I backed off of his chest, allowing him to rise slowly from the concrete.&nbsp; I stood before him, offering my hand to pull him foreword.&nbsp; He looked off the edge of the building, seeing the sun bleeding into view.&nbsp; I looked at my watch, 5:17, just on time.<br><br>His hands bound my shoulders, his chin resting on my head as he gazed into an east coast sunrise.&nbsp; “Wow…”&nbsp; he said softly, watching the sun run from the horizon slowly.<br><br>“Yeah…” I grinned, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the elevator.&nbsp; “Come on, Galileo, lets go to bed.” I said softly, laughing a bit.<br><br>“As you wish, Lesath…”&nbsp; He said slowly, following me back to the elevator.<br><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30 seconds to mars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-06-16T15:18:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin: Chapter 46]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/270781/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[Heroin: Chapter 46<br><span style="font-style: italic;">Author's Note:&nbsp; Special thanks to K (Sakiawarner) her collaboration in the first part of this chapter, you rock!</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Enjoyy.</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">&lt;always3 </span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">meg</span><br><br><br>Shannon dialed his brother and paced outside the hotel. He'd left K sleeping inside. His trip to Niagara Falls with her had taken a turn he'd not expected and he had to change things. Quick.<br><br>"grrnnn"&nbsp; The irritating ringing on the bedside table forced Jared's head deeper into the pillow, trying to ignore the loud-as-all-fuck noise blasting from his tiny blackberry.&nbsp; Finding no possible escape, he pulled his shaggy haired head from the pillow, grumbling as he snatched the phone, hitting "talk" as he brought it to his ear.&nbsp; "Hello?"<br><br>"Jare..it's Shan. We gotta talk dude.. I messed up.. I mean I didn't mess up but I kinda messed up. Fuck.. dude... " he rambled, running a hand through his dark hair. "You gotta come here"<br><br>"You realize you're over 6 hours ahead, right?&nbsp; And its still early morning here, right?"&nbsp; He grumbled, attempting to run his fingers through his messy hair, propping up on his elbow, blinking in his drowsy state.&nbsp; "Why...what happened?"&nbsp; He doubted his brother could have done anything of TERRIBLE damage, and, he was known to over-react .&nbsp; He wasn't too concerned.<br><br>"I... K took me to Niagara Falls.. I mean I've seen it before but she was there and we were taking pictures and I ... shit.. I sorta told her I wanted to spend my life with her. I didn't ask her but.... now I gotta do it.... and we said we'd do it together" he ran his hand through his hair once more, pacing on bare feet on the sidewalk. "It was so fucking perfect Jare"<br><br>Instantly he snapped to attention, looking lightly over the side of his bed, as if to make sure that the safe box was still under it.&nbsp; His eyes wide he turned his head away from the sleeping girl beside him.&nbsp; "Jesus!&nbsp; You're kidding me shan!"&nbsp; He whispered harshly, unable to contain the immediate flare in his temper.&nbsp; He became scared, feeling a pit in his stomach.&nbsp; <br><br>"No.. would I be calling you at 5 am.. would I be up at 9 am if this wasn't serious?" he exclaimed. "Things... are different. I can't explain it but I gotta do this. We could do it in Canada, at the falls, take the girls to dinner at the Minolta and then go to the falls."<br><br>"Fuck..."&nbsp; He seethed, unable to compose much more.&nbsp; He felt like he was jerked awake, abruptly sent into a frightening, uncertain world.&nbsp; Where it was a now or never decision.&nbsp; "Alright, alright..." he repeated, taking deep breaths.&nbsp; "When do you think I could get us a flight up there? I guess we have to do this..."&nbsp; He bit his lip, scooting up on the bed.<br><br>"Flights are pretty easy to get late. K and I flew out here on a red-eye. The bathroom was great" he teased, thinking back to that night. <br><br>"Then, I guess, i'll be getting us a flight as soon as we can, tonight even."&nbsp; His voice was still quiet, intensifying each word.&nbsp; "Jesus Shan...did You bring your ring, or do you need me to pick it up?"&nbsp; <br><br>"I have it.. it's in my suitcase.&nbsp; For some reason I threw it in there, I wasn't planning it but I felt like I should take it for some reason." he paused a minute, looking up at one of the trees. "Is it right to love someone this much. I really didn't think .... I mean.. you know what I mean don't ya?" he asked.<br><br>"Yeah...I know what you mean..."&nbsp; He smiled lightly.&nbsp; "Although, I have to say, I'm fucking scared...You've pushed this...lightning fast."&nbsp; He shook his head.&nbsp; "Thank you..."&nbsp; He smiled.&nbsp; <br><br>"Have you ever had this moment, that you just said what you felt, what you really felt and it changed everyrthing in the blink of an eye? That was how it happened, we're standing at the falls, and she looked up at me with this smile and I told her I wanted her with me the rest of my life.&nbsp;&nbsp; I didn't think before the words came out." he told his brother. "I still havent even talked to Ma"<br><br>"You better call her, if you go and get engaged without her knowing...well..."&nbsp; He laughed lightly, thinking of the fiery spirit of&nbsp; Their mother.&nbsp; "and...yeah...i think i know what you mean..."&nbsp; He grew distant, thinking of the day Meg caught him singing in the middle of the night.&nbsp; "Its...humbling..."&nbsp; He sighed.&nbsp; "grounding..."<br><br>"Yes! Exactly!" he said nodding his head even though his brother couldn't see it. "That is how it felt. Humbling. Here I was at this amazing&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; place, with a woman that makes my world and it really made me feel small, and very lucky"<br><br>He grinned, pleased he wasn't in love and alone.&nbsp; He had someone he could bounce against, someone he could confide with.&nbsp; "Luck...Your girl says luck ain't got nothing to do with it."&nbsp; He laughed lightly.&nbsp; "What do you have to say about, soul mates?"&nbsp; He vividly remembered the conversation, thinking back.<br><br>"She does huh?" he smirked and thought over the question. "I think I found mine. Have you ever known any girl who ever complimented me like she does? Of all my girlfriends, have you ever really liked one as much as you like K?"<br><br>"Shan, all your other girlfriends were obnoxious..." he said in a seasonable tone, shaking his head.&nbsp; "and, in some cases, distracting...and you know they were...K is perfect for you, without a doubt."&nbsp; He smiled broadly, undeniably feeling his bother's&nbsp;&nbsp; excitement, as if it were seeping through the phone.<br><br>"Yeah.. she is. "He laughed. "Holy shit.. I'm getting married" he yelled and then looked around quickly. "God I'm a mess" he laughed. "So I need to call mom... shit.. K has to meet mom when we get back. I'm doing this all backward"<br><br>"We, Shan, WE'RE getting married..."&nbsp; He said, suddenly realizing he was still beside Meg.&nbsp; His eyebrows jumped as she shuffled a bit, forcing him to slowly get up, and nearly dash from the room, lest she wake up and hear everything.&nbsp; It was still early, so he doubted she had awoken, and anything she heard, would translate to dreams.&nbsp; "And..."&nbsp; He started, closing the door lightly behind him.&nbsp; <br><br>"And.... we're getting old" he teased back.<br><br>"you're getting old..."&nbsp; Jared countered, narrowing his eyes as if staring down his brother.&nbsp; "I'm still fine off...look at the age group you're attracting!"&nbsp; He grinned.&nbsp; "At least i'm still getting the young ones"<br><br>"Did you just call my soon to be wife old" he laughed. "Well look... Meg might be young in years but in her head.. and heart she is perfect for you. I should go.. K will be up soon. The funeral is at noon today"<br><br>"Yeah she is..."&nbsp; He nodded, smiling.&nbsp; Yet, found himself turn grave at the mention of the impending funeral on the other side of the line.&nbsp; He shuffled nervously, biting again at his lip.&nbsp; "Noon?&nbsp; Its..."&nbsp; HE looked at a clock, doing the math in his head.&nbsp; "what...9:30 there? Yeah...the time you need for that is extensive...Meeting her family, and...the funeral...part..."<br><br>"Already met the family at the viewing last night. They're wonderful, never even gave me a wayward glance. Her mom says I'm cute too.. not too bad eh?"<br><br>"...Like i said..look at the age group you're attracting"&nbsp; He laughed smartly, entering the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee.&nbsp; "No, but, they like you, points for that."<br><br>"You haven't seen her mom." he laughed. "She looks young. Anyway.. I'm gonna go. Today might be a little rough so I want to be there. Call me when you know the flight time." he said as he walked back into the hotel<br><br>"Will do, Good luck"&nbsp; He nodded, leaving the coffee to brew, in quest for the laptop, the phone still pressed to his ear.&nbsp; Hope of returning to sleep was completely gone from his system.&nbsp; So began another early morning<br><br>"Same to you.. talk to ya soon' He cut the phone before he slipped back into the hotel room. <br><br><br>***<br><br>“Jare?”&nbsp; My hand glided across the smooth&nbsp; linen sheets.&nbsp; Clutching the small tents of&nbsp; fabric, a need for stability.&nbsp; My eyes jerked open as a harsh reality came to me.<br><br>They were cold. &nbsp;<br><br>My breath caught in my throat as I stared at my hands, wrapped in the sheets, the cold, sheets.&nbsp; I propped up, watching my fists writhe in the linen.&nbsp; It was as if I had lost something, as if, he had slipped between my fingers.&nbsp; Blinking, I looked at the bedside clock.&nbsp; 6:15 AM.&nbsp; What was with these early mornings?<br><br>I lifted the sheets and slipped from the bed, blinking at the sight of his untouched bedside table.&nbsp; Everything still in place.&nbsp; Furrowing my brow, I left the room, slipping down the stairs, searching for the elusive man.&nbsp; Why couldn’t he manage to get a full night’s sleep lately?&nbsp; What was wrong?<br><br>Leaning on the banister, I found him in the living room, his laptop on the coffee table.&nbsp; He held his credit card before his fingers, his eyes moving from the silver embossed numbers, to the keys on the laptop.&nbsp; Gracefully, the card left his fingers, for the pedestal of the coffee table.&nbsp; His fingers pounded the keys, his tongue running along his lip as he provided information to the computer.&nbsp; I wondered what he was purchasing, and so intent about.&nbsp; His lips played confusion and pleasure like a violin.&nbsp; He was amazing to watch.<br><br>He hit enter and I heard a printer somewhere in the house start.&nbsp; We were that quiet.&nbsp; He looked over the screen one last time, before nodding affirmatively, and shutting the screen of his laptop.&nbsp; It was no sooner had his hand left the screen, did it find a mug of coffee, bringing it to his lips.&nbsp; I blinked again as I watched him, coming to realize that even Jared was slow on the scale of perception when it came to mornings.&nbsp; I found watching him from my heightened position on the stairs very enjoyable, waiting until he noticed and called me over, before I would make any moves.<br><br>His blue eyes finally found me atop the stairs, leaning on the banister, watching him.&nbsp; He smiled past his mug, nodding as he removed it from his lips and placed it on the coffee table before him, next to his laptop.&nbsp; His eyes turned to the clock on the cable box, before coming back to me, a slight frown gracing his features.&nbsp; “why are you up?”&nbsp; he said lightly, carefully. &nbsp;<br><br>“Your side of the bed got cold…”&nbsp; I said softly, turning slightly to finish walking down the stairs, turning around the banister, I sat beside him on the couch, leaning lightly against his shoulder.&nbsp; He laughed lightly at my explanation, wrapping his arm about my shoulders and kissing my temple lightly. &nbsp;<br><br>“You’re unbelievable.”&nbsp; He said quietly, holding me close.&nbsp; There was something interesting about the way he was presenting himself, something off.&nbsp; I shifted against him, gnawing my lip.<br><br>“What were you doing up?”&nbsp; I asked, my turn for questions.&nbsp; He laughed lightly once more.<br><br>“Shan called me, he wants me to get a new look at Buffalo, apparently we didn’t get a good enough look on tour.”&nbsp; I furrowed my brow, turning to look at him.<br><br>“And?”&nbsp; I asked expectantly, watch the smile on his face grow a bit wider. &nbsp;<br><br>“I said we could go up there for a bit, have a little vacation, and time away from home.”&nbsp; I perked instantly at the news, having never been to Buffalo, I was curious.&nbsp; And a vacation with Jared was certainly one to be cherished.&nbsp; “I just booked tickets and a hotel for tonight…Are you up for it?”&nbsp; He asked in rhetoric playful energy, having already seen my reaction. &nbsp;<br><br>“Up for it?!”&nbsp; I scoffed,&nbsp; Kissing him briefly in the mounting excitement that instantly tore away the calm of morning that rested within the pit of every human being upon awakening.&nbsp; “Course I’m up for it!”&nbsp; I laughed.<br><br>“Just worrying about you.”&nbsp; He said coyly, smirking, his hand finding my wrist, tracing around my thumb.&nbsp; “I remember the damage that&nbsp; you did to your sweatshirt on the flight up here…”&nbsp; He teased, kissing me gently.&nbsp; I pouted, against him, crossing my arms when we broke. &nbsp;<br><br>“Could you blame me?&nbsp; I didn’t know what the hell I would find down here.”&nbsp; I exclaimed, raising my eyebrows, almost surprised that he remembered.<br><br>“So…”&nbsp; He started, cocking his lips lightly to the side.&nbsp; “What did you find down here?”&nbsp; He said quietly, holding the mood in the palms of his hands.&nbsp; A glint of adventure arose in his eyes, the air of pursuit falling between us.<br><br>“A man, who I’ve come to love with all of my heart…”&nbsp; I said softly, backing away slowly with the heavy atmosphere that suddenly fell on the scene.&nbsp; I was instantly braced by the arm rest of the couch.&nbsp; He was slow as he followed, branching over me, growing like a tree.<br><br>“Who is he?”&nbsp; He said softly.&nbsp; “This man, you’ve come to love…”&nbsp; His breath ran his voice, keeping him low, intense.&nbsp; His sharp blue eyes spoke novels, captivating, taking whoever gazed deep enough, to a new world, a never ending story.<br><br>“An actor, a Musician…”&nbsp; I bit my lip, pausing.&nbsp; “An intellectual, a Demi-God.”&nbsp; His eyebrows rose with the last comment, not expecting such a high compliment to grace him. &nbsp;<br><br>“A demi-god?&nbsp; Surely you must exaggerate.”&nbsp;&nbsp; He said in disbelief, I shook my head.<br><br>“He is nothing less than immortal, and shall be worshipped until the end of time.&nbsp; Not only by me, but by countless of human beings, who find him one in a million.&nbsp; A human who should be idolized, a Buddha for the misunderstood, if you will.”&nbsp; I smiled as he pressed his forehead to mine, looking deeply into my eyes, evaluating whether or not I spoke truth. &nbsp;<br><br>“You’re unbelievable.”&nbsp; His chest heaved as he hovered above me.<br><br>“You’re a god.”&nbsp; He hesitated not one excess moment after the final consonant passed over my tongue;&nbsp; Crushing his lips to mine, he fed a deep, insatiable hunger, one that I doubt ever really left him.&nbsp; He kept it slow, yet forceful.&nbsp; He waited until he had established a common goal, before pressing foreword, running his tongue along my lower lip, calling me open to him.<br><br>Slowly he traced my sides, his hands resting on my hips, dictating his intentions blatantly as he teased the hem of my shirt.&nbsp; Without warning, his fists balled about the folded fabric, pulling it taunt as he lifted it over my head. I grinned as I was free from the fabric, nearly pouncing on him to remove his shirt. He didn’t slow me, nor did he encourage a faster speed.&nbsp; He was content.&nbsp; Free from the cloth, he pressed his lips to mine once more, sending me back against the arm rest of the couch, becoming re-acquainted with my mouth, before moving foreword.<br><br>Our tongues entwined as he slid my pajama pants and panties off me easily, my legs twisting lightly to assist him.&nbsp; He smiled at my co-operation, holding my tongue lightly as he focused on tearing the flannel fabric off, tossing it to the floor.&nbsp; His hands found mine, placing them at the drawstring of his cotton pants, urging me to work with him, and keep the speed.&nbsp; I readily obliged, sliding them over his muscular legs swiftly, before dropping them to the floor.<br><br>We knew it would be our last touch until the hotel room’s door closed.<br><br>His lips forced themselves harder against&nbsp; mine, his hands moving across my body, drawing intricate designs as the excitement between us, mounted.&nbsp; Finally, the point came, his hands slid down to my thighs, spreading my legs easily.&nbsp; His eyes surfaced to lock with mine as his hips came foreword, watching me as I felt him enter me, a smile playing upon his lips as he watched me moan lightly to his call.&nbsp; Slowly, he rocked, thrusting with long, passionate strokes as his lips engulfed mine once more. &nbsp;<br><br>His pace increased, the his hips pounding into mine, forcing me into the foam of the couch as he grew more persistent.&nbsp; As his muscles tightened and tensed, one could read that he had begun to climb.&nbsp; With persistent strokes, he began pulling me along with him.&nbsp; “Megan…”&nbsp; He panted…crushing his lips to mine.<br><br>“Yes Jared?”&nbsp; I cupped his face in my hands, holding him close as his hips applied shattering force to mine, plunging me downwards with every new connection.<br><br>“You’re beautiful…so beautiful…”&nbsp; He forced out among raging breaths, crushing his lips to mine, forcing my head back against the arm rest. I moaned into his mouth as he drove me higher with him, his hips pushing faster, harder.&nbsp; My arms latched around his shoulders, clinging to him in my rising ecstasy. &nbsp;<br><br>“Jared…”&nbsp; I moaned against him, my hips pressing back against him, grinding with bone crushing force.<br><br>“Megan…” &nbsp;<br><br>“Jared…”<br><br>“Megan!”&nbsp; our voices raised as we were forced higher, the raging of hips becoming unbearable.<br><br>“JARED!”<br><br>“JESUS CHRIST MEGAN!&nbsp; I’M COMING!”&nbsp; He yelled.&nbsp; I turned my head from the bottom of the stairs, our bags at my feet.&nbsp; I had no clue what he was doing, but it was making me anxious.&nbsp; He appeared at the top of the stairs, his face scrunched in mock anger, his footfalls heavy as he crashed downwards, displaying such irritation.<br><br>“We gotta go”&nbsp; I whined.&nbsp; He looked to his left wrist, rolling his eyes.<br><br>“We have two hours…we aren’t gonna miss anything, its late at night, no lines, we’re fine.”&nbsp; He said rationally.&nbsp; I grumbled at his logic, as the time of departure came closer, the minutes turned to hours, the hours, to days, weeks even. &nbsp;<br><br>“I’m just anxious…”&nbsp; I said lowly, looking at my feet.&nbsp; He softened almost instantly, smiling as he pulled me up beside him.<br><br>“I don’t want to spend more time there than I have to…”&nbsp; He said quietly as he embraced me.&nbsp; “The second we leave my car, we can’t be a couple.”&nbsp; He said softly, kissing my forehead lightly.&nbsp; He had a point, a very, painful point.&nbsp; I whined lightly, showing my displeasure, making him laugh softly.&nbsp; “Conversely, as soon as we get there, we have a hotel room, all to ourselves.”&nbsp; His expression screamed innuendo, forcing me to look at him with interest.&nbsp; He laughed at my sudden change of mood, rubbing his hand along my spine lightly as he pulled away.&nbsp; “Come on, lets get the car loaded and get out of here.”&nbsp; He said gently, stooping to grab his duffel bag, while I grabbed my own bag. &nbsp;<br><br>He paused at the door, as if expecting Judas and Lucifer to come running, for a moment, forgetting they were kenneled.&nbsp; Shaking his head, he set the alarm, before opening the door, allowing us to swiftly exit into the navy tinted night.&nbsp; He shut the door lightly behind us, locking both the standard and the dead bolt, for extra measure.<br><br>“You ready for the vacation of your lifetime?”&nbsp; He asked as we entered the Denali, his arm curling around the steering wheel as he injected the key into the ignition.<br><br>“You said that before I came here.”&nbsp; I said pointedly.&nbsp; He grinned boyishly, looking at me.<br><br>“This is your home now…”&nbsp; He said softly, following his head lights as he pulled from the curb. &nbsp;<br><br>“In that case.&nbsp; I’ve never been more ready in my life.”&nbsp;&nbsp; He smiled faintly, looking slightly distant for just a moment as he followed the road, following the yellow lines with conviction.&nbsp; His voice was soft, delicate as he spoke.<br><br>“Neither have I.” &nbsp;]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30 seconds to mars</category>
		  		  	<category>flannel</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  	<category>shannon leto</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-05-23T20:40:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin:Chapter:45]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/197171/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[Heroin Chapter 45<br><br>The night sky glowed with a lightening edge as the earth spun slowly, bringing the vision of the sun to Los Angeles with brilliant detail.&nbsp; Sharp blue eyes watched the dark sky with troubled wonder, he hadn’t been&nbsp; able to sleep, he hadn’t been able to dream.&nbsp; The blue hues flit to the still body of a girl beside him, her exposed shoulders bare, the shirt which sheathed them, on the floor, speaking of the events only hours prior.<br><br>The summer had only 4 weeks left, he had started to panic.&nbsp; Nights were long, and difficult, as he battled with his need to speak to her, get it through to her, he loved her, and it wouldn’t change.&nbsp; She seemed to believe him, most of the time, but the reoccurring nightmare, in which the age difference would attack her in the pit of nightfall, never seemed to cease.&nbsp; Times like that, troubled him, where he would wake to find both of them, alone.&nbsp; She was usually somewhere dangerous, staring at the night sky, lost in thought. &nbsp;<br><br>The danger of her situations, were usually stemmed from his protective nature, but one was needed to be around a teenager.&nbsp; In a town where, every few years or so, a serial rapist is found, a murderer contained, he had right to be weary when she would disappear into the backyard for hours on end, numb to the effects of the night.<br><br>It had become routine for him to rise from bed in the early morn, and pace the room, while she slept soundly, groping his still warm sheets, trying, in slumber, to find him.&nbsp; He would retire to the bedside, and lift a portion of the carpet, removing the floor and retrieving a safe box.&nbsp; He would spin the dial, deftly and blindly in the darkness, popping open the lock, and raising the bulletproof cover.&nbsp; Amid dozens of keepsakes, his fingers would grace that domed velvet box, and he would hold it close, protectively.&nbsp; Sitting on the bedside, his fingers would hold it tightly to his chest, his thumb pressing into the soft velvet, running along the ridge in silent anxiety. &nbsp;<br><br>It was only a matter of time before his fingers would grasp the hinged edge, and lift the cover, revealing the stunning white gold ring, with the single diamond center.&nbsp; The band whole at the opposing side of the stone, fraying into strands that wove into knots, as it neared the rock.&nbsp; Knots of Druid and Chinese ancestry, he knew she would like it.<br><br>Where the band was full, he had requested the jeweler commit an engraving in the precious metal.&nbsp; “Revolution.”&nbsp; They found unmatched beauty and admiration in such a word, so much that, he wished it be a part of her forever.&nbsp; He had a matching ring made, with the same engraving, which rested beside the box in his hands, to be donned when she said yes.<br><br>It was intricate, yet simple.&nbsp; The solitary diamond shone brightly, having no competition.&nbsp; It was small, and easily missed.&nbsp; However, when found, it was breathtaking.&nbsp; As the knots wound around it, it spoke to complexity in simplistic design.<br><br>The ring, was her.<br><br>And, so the ritual would repeat itself, ongoing.&nbsp; It was not unusual for a week to pass, where insomnia such as this, would plague him, three, maybe four times.&nbsp; The velvet always felt new beneath his finger, different, as the tiny threads of softness fell under the pressure of his digits.<br><br>This night had found itself in the time warped pattern as those before hand, yet, he found himself unable to sleep after his fingers felt the warm metal, after he knew it was real.&nbsp; He blinked into the sunrise, trying to learn what problems rested beneath the surface.&nbsp; What was he forgetting?&nbsp; Something wasn’t there.<br><br>As he ran past the traditional marriage, comparing it to his own, he found himself hitting a road block, the forgotten stone in the archway.&nbsp; Without which, it would fall.<br><br>Approval.&nbsp; A blessing.<br><br>Namely, that of his mother.&nbsp; It had been a month since they last visited, and despite their constant conversations, his love life seemed to rarely come up.&nbsp; The title of Lady Killer, came with the corresponding title that lacked commitment.&nbsp; Even If it was, the deep Jared Leto.&nbsp; Mother surely knew better, than a breakup between her son, and the girl he had fallen so deeply in love with, that she had met weeks ago.&nbsp; Then again, he was lonely at the time, his love life detached after many a painful breakup.&nbsp; It could be assumed he was getting a fix.<br><br>No, mother knew better.<br><br>The long car ride would be lonely, without the girl who slept only feet away, but he needed to get this done alone.&nbsp; He needed to talk with mother, and Grandma Ruby, and get their blessing.&nbsp; Something he certainly couldn’t do with her around. &nbsp;<br><br>As he slipped from the sheets, he slowly tread to his closet, shedding his clothing and depositing it into the hamper in the corner of the dark coffin, he found her shirt hanging lightly over the edge.&nbsp; He gripped it nervously, pressing it to his nose and inhaling deeply, enjoying the smell of her.&nbsp; Turning to watch her hand lightly search for him in her slumber, he laughed lightly, before tossing the shirt into the depths of the hamper.&nbsp; Turning to rows of hanging black jeans and shirts, he chose a simple outfit, donning the dark clothing, and retrieving one of his many trench coats, depositing the velvet box within a broad pocket, before turning to walk back to the edge of his bed.&nbsp; His fingers lightly closed the safe box, replacing it in the floor, sealing the cavern and replacing the carpet, massaging the seam away, Invisible.<br><br>You could have such escape plans when you were in movies.&nbsp; They came when you bought the house.&nbsp; Realtors often paid for small little perks like that, for having a sale to a celebrity, skyrocketed your title.<br><br>It was the real estate world’s form of bribery.<br><br>Scratching a note for his beloved, he lightly kissed her forehead goodbye, smiling as she whimpered in her sleep, her head rocking against him.&nbsp; Lightly brushing the hair from her face, he watched her for a moment, before quietly leaving the room, getting a few things settled within the house, before he exited the home.&nbsp; Leaping lightly into the driver’s seat of the black Denali, he started the engine, and began the hours journey up north.<br><br>He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel quietly, watching the road race beneath his yellow headlights as he raced to his mother’s home,&nbsp; easily passing the speed limit in the pre-rush hour morn.&nbsp; Occasionally, he would see a set of blazon red tail lights, or comet headlights on the opposing highway.&nbsp; It was still somewhat dark, but, Apollo and Helios were surely making their way from the east, just slowly, was the issue.<br><br>As he shifted lanes, there was a tap in the consol between the seats.&nbsp; Looking downwards, he found Meg’s ipod, resting comfortably in the cup holder.&nbsp; Blinking, he slowed up on the speed a bit, to grab the small player, turning it on, and flipping to a play list, wondering what her soundtracks to any given moment were.&nbsp; He kept an eye on the road, as he ran his thumb over the circular pad, before pressing ‘play’&nbsp; reclining into the sanctuary of music, calming his nerves a bit.<br><br>How coincidental, that he had stumbled upon a play list that dictated love she couldn’t say, love she couldn’t act on.&nbsp; As piano charmed melodies flooded his car, he relaxed, watching his headlights chase the pavement, his finger toying lightly with the stick extending from the wheel shaft, debating on whether or not, the headlights were fully necessary or not.&nbsp; His black gloved finger pressed the small lever, removing the yellow lights from sight, before he began listening to what was playing through his stereo.<br><br>“I'm under attack again my dear, I'm in the way<br>Got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say<br>And still if I yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?<br>I'd fly you a flag, I'd bury this pen into my veins<br><br>I wanna feel through you tonight<br>But I won't make you<br>I won't make you<br><br>The telephone number I got for you says nobody's home<br>The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone<br><br>And you had an apology in your mailbox since last July<br>It's funny when you find the words to say you find no reply<br><br>I wanna feel through you tonight<br>But I won't make you<br>I won't make you<br>Scream my name just one more time<br>But I won't make you<br>I won't make you<br><br>And it's been hours now<br>To be here like this<br>And just to lay you down<br>And just to taste your lips<br>And just to keep me up<br>God I'm tired of sleeping<br>And just to lay inside you<br>And just to know this feeling<br><br>I wanna feel through you tonight<br>But I won't make you<br>I won't make you<br>Scream my name just one more time<br>But I won't make you<br>I won't make you” &nbsp;<br><br>“Make Me…“&nbsp; he said sternly, before blinking, shaking his head lightly,&nbsp; looking away from the road, to check the artist, and name of the song he just heard.&nbsp; His eyebrows perked as the song changed, blinking as a new one started, by the same artist.&nbsp; He found his mind chasing lyrics, looking for deeper meaning, mainly, why all these songs connected to their relationship.<br><br>Songs wafted past, over and over, as he drove steadily.&nbsp; Sometimes, his head would turn to the right, searching for the girl, wanting to see her silently sleeping against the window.&nbsp; The Dashboard clock illuminated 5:30 AM, surely she would still be asleep.&nbsp; He had been driving for just under an hour.&nbsp; He would probably got to his mother’s house by 6:30, especially at the rate he was going, in the direction he was aimed.&nbsp; He was passing all rush hour, just missing it, as he drove at over 75 miles an hour.&nbsp; He was a rather confident driver.<br><br>His head jerked lightly to the blackberry in the consol, the ring tone immediately telling him who was on the other end.&nbsp; He looked at the clock on the dash, biting his lip, seeing 5:43 on the illuminated screen.&nbsp; Shaking his head, he reached for the phone, his thumb tapping the ‘talk’ key as he brought it up to his ear.<br><br>“Megan?”&nbsp; He spoke softly, as if she were still sleeping, and he was checking on her dreams.&nbsp; His brows pressed upon his eyes, showing his concern in her early awakening.&nbsp; His left hand was positioned on the top of the steering wheel, lightly controlling the car in the soft turns of the highway as he moved foreword into the slowly growing light.&nbsp; Although, it was still, very much early morning.&nbsp; Many passing cars, still used their headlights.<br><br>“Jared?”&nbsp; Her voice was equally soft as it came over the phone, bleeding with her concern and worry in his absence.&nbsp; He frowned further in his apparent worry caused unto her, biting his lip lightly in a small pause.&nbsp; When he didn’t immediately respond, she called out to him again.&nbsp; “Jared…where are you?”<br><br>Jared bit his lip lightly, trying to think of something to tell her.&nbsp; He hated lying, especially to her, but he couldn’t be one hundred percent truthful.&nbsp; No, this time, a little white lie would be necessary.&nbsp; “I’m heading up to Mom’s for a bit.&nbsp; Today, is the…anniversary, of, when…Pop left, so, I’m just making sure, she’s alright…”&nbsp; he openly winced at his lie.&nbsp; It wasn’t the day his father left, no, that day would be forever burned in his memory.&nbsp; For being so young, he remembered it vividly.&nbsp; It had, so some extent, shaped who he was today, and influenced his decision, to buy the ring that rested in his gaping pocket. &nbsp;<br><br>“oh…”&nbsp; she said quietly, obviously upset.&nbsp; He felt his heart fracture in her tone.&nbsp; “I guess, you needed to go alone then…”&nbsp; Her voice, quiet and slow was torturing him, making him want to rip his hair out, turn around and pop the question right there.&nbsp; He wanted to be with her this second, but he couldn’t do that, he had committed to a mission, he best finish.<br><br>“I’m sorry Meg…”&nbsp; He said warmly, trying to cheer her up.&nbsp; “I should have brought you, but I left early…”&nbsp; His teeth caught his lip repeatedly, trying forget the agony the story was causing him. <br><br>“No no, its alright…I get it..”&nbsp; She said with gaining strength, as she began waking up.<br><br>“Why are you awake?&nbsp; Its early…”&nbsp; He blinked at the road, fighting back a yawn, realizing his own tired attitude.<br><br>“…your side of the bed got cold…”&nbsp; She said softly, as if ashamed by the answer.&nbsp; He smiled, shaking his head.<br><br>“I love you…”&nbsp; He smiled into the phone, unable to react any other way to her statement. &nbsp;<br><br>“I love you too”&nbsp; She grinned lightly. “you’re driving, I should, let you go…”&nbsp; She said slowly. &nbsp;<br><br>“Yeah…I’ll talk to you later though, before I leave…I’ll be home soon.”&nbsp; He said solemnly, regretting his decision to remove the conversation from his atmosphere.&nbsp;&nbsp; “I love you…”&nbsp; He repeated, waiting for her joint dismissal.<br><br>“I love you too Jared.”&nbsp;&nbsp; Her side of the phone clicked off, causing him to sigh, and press ‘End’ on his blackberry, depositing the phone back into the console’s cup holder once more, before turning up the music again, and resuming the drive.<br><br>***<br><br>I hope no one kills me for this… She thought as she hit ‘send’ on her blackberry, pressing the phone to her ear as she waited lightly.&nbsp; Ring once, ring twice, ring three times.&nbsp; The phone was fumbled as the other side picked up, the gruff, familiar morning voice coming through, much to her surprise.<br><br>“Hello?”&nbsp; He growled in his sleep, not meaning malice towards any single human being, rather, the world, for waking him up so early.<br><br>“Hey, Shan…its me…Meg…”&nbsp; She said quietly, blinking.&nbsp; “Did I wake you?&nbsp; I was gonna call for K, I would have figured you’d be with Jared…”&nbsp; She rambled a bit, going too fast for the disoriented drummer. &nbsp;<br><br>“whoa…slow down…what time is it?”&nbsp; He asked, the edge lightly falling from his voice as he realized who it was, and that they meant no harm.<br><br>“…Around 6...in the morning…”&nbsp; She said slowly.<br><br>“And Jared’s not there?”&nbsp; Shannon blinked again, running his fingers through his dark hair as he blinked the sleep from his eyes, swallowing hard as he began to officially wake up, a pang of worry falling over him. &nbsp;<br><br>“No, I thought you would be with him…he’s going to your mom’s…”&nbsp; She said in confusion, her voice still light, not too loud to disturb the drummer. &nbsp;<br><br>“Why is he going to mom’s?”&nbsp; Shannon asked, looking over to K, still asleep, despite the action of the man beside her. &nbsp;<br><br>“…Today is the anniversary of when your dad left…apparently…”&nbsp; She shrugged,&nbsp;&nbsp; assuming that he had forgotten due to sleep.&nbsp; It was understandable, and certainly not a crime.<br><br>“Wait…anniversary of when dad left?&nbsp; But that’s not…”&nbsp; He started, thinking of the fiery attitude of Constance Leto, who rarely let the breakup effect her.&nbsp; And the fact that, the day was not for a few months.&nbsp; “Oh…”&nbsp; he said, finally understanding the mind of his brother, catching the lie.&nbsp; “Yeah…now I remember…”<br><br>“I would figure you would go…”<br><br>He scratched the back of his head, trying to work with what his brother had given him to play with.&nbsp; “Well…Jared is…a lot more…eloqu-&nbsp; “&nbsp; he yawned, the word forcing his mouth ajar and his eyes to close slightly.&nbsp; “-well spoken, with this kind of…thing.”&nbsp; He finished, sticking to small words in his waking state, not trusting what may or may not send him in to another yawn.&nbsp; “Mom knows I’m there for her…which is all that…matters…”&nbsp; He finished, hoping he was as believable as his brother had been.<br><br>“Yeah…I guess…”&nbsp; She agreed, submitting to his logic.&nbsp; “Sorry I woke you…”&nbsp; she said shortly, finding the complete interaction a bit awkward.&nbsp; She was better off with K, knowing that another woman would probably understand this mild worry, and traces of loneliness. &nbsp;<br><br>“No problem, are you OK?”&nbsp; Shannon shifted beneath the sheets, feeling himself waking up fully.<br><br>“Yeah…I’m fine….” &nbsp;<br><br>“Megan…”&nbsp; He said sternly, his eyebrows bearing down as if he were talking to her directly.<br><br>“I’m just…confused, and…worried, I guess…”&nbsp; She submitted.&nbsp; What was it about the Leto brothers, and their skills at prying?<br><br>“Do you want me to come over?&nbsp; I know you would have asked K to…”&nbsp; He lifted the sheets, starting to get out of bed, as if he were able to read her mind.<br><br>“No, no, just, go back to bed…I’ll be fine…”&nbsp; She covered.<br><br>“You already got me up…do you need company?”&nbsp; he offered again, treading to the dresser and pulling out clothing for the day.&nbsp; He knew he was going to end up visiting.&nbsp; Meg was easy to read, especially with her guard down.<br><br>“Shan, really, you don’t have to…”&nbsp; She protested again, hearing the drawers of the dresser open, she submitted.&nbsp; “You’re coming over whether I like it or not- aren’t you?”&nbsp; She growled lightly, shifting under the sheets of the bed,&nbsp; throwing internal fits.<br><br>“You’re getting the idea…”&nbsp; He smiled.&nbsp; “Really, a Sister doesn’t call the house of her brother, at 6 AM without reason…”&nbsp; He pressed the phone between his shoulder and ear as he pulled on a pair of black jeans, smirking into the phone.<br><br>“You like calling me sister, don’t you?”&nbsp; The phone shuffled as he pulled on a shirt.<br><br>“Mmhmm, you’re part of the family, what else would you be?”&nbsp; He smiled, pulling on a hoodie, zipping it halfway up his torso.&nbsp; Slipping to the nightstand, he wrote K a quick note, detailing the occurrence of the early morning, before kissing her lightly on the cheek.&nbsp; “I’m leaving now, I’ll be there in a few, alright?”&nbsp; he said as he bounced down the stairs, briskly walking to the door and slipping his shoes on.<br><br>“yeah….sorry again…”&nbsp; she said quietly, starting to get out of bed, seeking out her own outfit.&nbsp; Settling on jeans, and a baseball jersey, she threw them on the bed, ready to be worn when she got off the phone.<br><br>“Don’t be….if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be coming.”&nbsp; He laughed a bit.&nbsp; “see you soon.”<br><br>“bye Shan.”<br><br>“bye.”&nbsp; They hung up their phones, Shannon diving into the front seat of his car, while Megan pulled on her clothes.&nbsp; The blue jeans, with the odd paint splatters and writing of bored classes fit loosely and comfortably.&nbsp; Picking up the black and white baseball jersey, she ran it through her fingers, running over the name “Typeset” in the front, and the number “21” in the back.&nbsp; She laughed fondly on the memories that flooded the preparation, and day, of Dramafest, 2007.&nbsp; The people, the games, it all was so vivid.&nbsp; So wonderful.&nbsp; Shaking her head, the memories drifted, as she plunged into the fabric, pulling it over her head.<br><br>She appeared in the kitchen, her lips snagged by her teeth as she grabbed a mug from a high cabinet, setting it to the side, as she cleaned out the coffee maker, creating a new morning brew.&nbsp; Despite this morning’s movement, her exhaustion was still blatant, as her eyelids drooped every few moments, needing to be jerked up wildly.&nbsp; Caffeine would do her good.<br><br>Grabbing the mug from the counter, she slowly walked to the kitchen table.&nbsp; Shannon would be here any second, the drive from his house to Jared’s was minute, about 10 minutes.&nbsp;&nbsp; As she traced the rim of the mug with her thumb, she wondered why she called him.&nbsp; Hell, she knew why she called him, she was calling for K, to express her confusion and worry.&nbsp; Somewhere, Shan had intercepted the call, and holding the same fatherly position as Jared did, decided to come over to see what was up.<br><br>The door slowly opened, a change from the usual explosive energy that Shannon usually opened the door with.&nbsp; He peered in, before entering, smiling lightly.&nbsp; “Coffee?”&nbsp; He asked with interest, looking around in hunt for the fresh brew.<br><br>“Fresh on the counter.”&nbsp; She smiled, watching as he sought out the black mistress.&nbsp; Snatching a mug and pouring himself a mug without much thought, he returned, sitting across from her at the table.<br><br>“So…what’s up?”<br><br>***<br><br>His head rested against the steering wheel, taking deep breaths.&nbsp; He was anxious, nervous even.&nbsp; Not that the deer bursting across the highway helped much either.&nbsp; A final gasp of air, his fingers gripped the key in the ignition, removing it from the transmission.&nbsp; The time on the clock read 7:15, before it flashed off into blackness.&nbsp; He was early.<br><br>Jarring the door, he stepped down from the metal chasse of the car, dropping his keys into the pocket opposite to that of the velvet box.&nbsp; Furrowing his brow, he lightly tapped the metal car door behind him shut, the gravel beneath his crocs shifting and cracking as he walked.&nbsp; Bouncing up the stairs,&nbsp; he came to the front door.&nbsp; It was still locked.&nbsp; Sighing, he looked through the key ring for the special cut that would open the door.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Finding it, he entered his mothers house, unannounced.<br><br>He stayed in the kitchen, waiting for her to awaken.&nbsp; He made a pot of coffee, knowing that was usually her schedule once she woke up.&nbsp; He estimated that Ruby would sleep a bit later, she always did when they were kids,&nbsp; why would that change?<br><br>He looked up suddenly as he hear a gasp.&nbsp; The shocked face of his mother at the kitchen door, her hand over her mouth.&nbsp; Seeing his face, she instantly settled, smiling warmly, relieved.&nbsp; “Oh, Jared, it’s just you…” she shook her head, walking to the coffee pot.&nbsp; “You startled me.”&nbsp; He shifted, lightly, smiling as she retrieved a mug and her own coffee, before leaving it on the counter to embrace him in a warm hug, and kiss on the cheek.&nbsp; “How are you?”<br><br>“I’m fine, mom, what about you?”&nbsp; He said lightly, smiling as she picked up her mug, and gently sipped the first taste of coffee for the morning.&nbsp; She nodded as she swallowed, blinking against the heat of the drink.<br><br>“I’m wonderful.”&nbsp; She took another sip, her eyes watching her son do the same.&nbsp; “How’s Meg?”&nbsp; She watched as he tensed slightly, seeing the slight reaction&nbsp; her name gave him, as if it were the entire world.&nbsp; He may be good at hiding, but you can only keep so much under cover from mother.<br><br>“Ah…”&nbsp; He started, the heat from the coffee triggering his tongue, making it sensitive to his own words.&nbsp; He watched his fingers set the mug down on the counter.&nbsp; He bit his lip lightly.&nbsp; “That’s why I’m here…”&nbsp; He said softly.&nbsp; Constance nodded, walking from the counter, curling her finger for him to follow. &nbsp;<br><br>They entered the living room, the homey atmosphere,&nbsp; a better place to do talk about relationships.&nbsp; His mother retreated to a warm chair, while he found himself in her old couch.&nbsp; Much like the one back in Louisiana. His elbows on his knees, he thought of how to put into words, what his plan was, what he wanted to do. &nbsp;<br><br>“So…what about Meg…”&nbsp; she restarted the conversation, after giving him a period to think.&nbsp; He nodded, biting his lip lightly.<br><br>“I love her…” He said lightly.&nbsp; “I really do…”<br><br>“But…”&nbsp; Constance interjected, knowing there was more to the story. &nbsp;<br><br>“But…She lets the age difference speak for the relationship…and sometimes…doubts.”&nbsp; His language was broken, as he thought of each word with meticulous care and attitude.<br><br>“And…you want to let her know that, its nothing like that…you really love her.&nbsp; Right?”&nbsp; She filled in, reading her son like a book.&nbsp; He smiled lightly, meeting her gaze.<br><br>“Exactly, that’s it.”&nbsp; He agreed.&nbsp; Words he couldn’t say, fell through his eyes, speaking to her, in the way a mother could. &nbsp;<br><br>“I know you have something planned, and that’s why you’re here, so, lets hear it…”&nbsp; she smiled in agreement, leaning foreword, placing her half emptied mug on the coffee table to better listen.&nbsp; In that moment, Ruby came to the living room door, a cup of tea between her tired, morning fingers.&nbsp;&nbsp; “Oh, up already Ruby?&nbsp; Sleep well?”&nbsp; Constance greeted, turning her attention from her troubled sun, to welcome his grandmother.<br><br>“I slept fine, When did Jared get here?”&nbsp; She asked, looking to her grandson, walking over and embracing him in a hug as he stood. &nbsp;<br><br>“about 20 minutes ago…”&nbsp; He said softly as he released her.&nbsp; “Come on, sit down, I’ve got to tell you both something.”&nbsp;&nbsp; She sensed in his tone that this was important, so with a nod, she sat in her chair, and faced him with deep eyes.<br><br>“So…I love Meg…and…”&nbsp; He restarted, filling Ruby in, for she missed the beginning of the conversation.&nbsp; Her face spread, remembering the first meeting with her grandson’s new girlfriend.&nbsp; “And…we haven’t been together, long…but…”&nbsp; Ruby nodded knowingly, followed quickly by Constance as they connected the dots.&nbsp; “I…I, Want to…to…marry her.”&nbsp; He stuttered out, looking at the ground, feeling exposed, nervous. &nbsp;<br><br>The smile on his mother’s face exploded with happiness beyond comprehension as she stood, sitting next to him, embracing him tightly. “Jared, that’s, wonderful…”&nbsp; She managed out amid a smile brighter than the stars.&nbsp; He hugged her back with a need, feeling the vulnerability only the hug from a mother could cure.<br><br>“personally, I don’t care about a granddaughter in law, get me my great grand kids!”&nbsp; Ruby said spunkily, trying to alleviate the weight on her grandson’s shoulders.&nbsp; He smiled at his grandmother.<br><br>“we’re working on it…”&nbsp; he said softly, biting his lip playfully.<br><br>"When are you getting the ring?"&nbsp; Constance asked, her blue eyes wide with admiration and joy at the news.&nbsp; He looked away shyly, smiling at the readiness, to which, they were accepting the news.<br><br>"I already got one..."&nbsp; His tone remained quiet as his gloved hand slipped into his coat pocket, slowly drawing out the black velvet box.&nbsp; He handed it gracefully to his mother, his fingers holding the box's shape after it left, as if upset it had left.&nbsp; He watched as she pulled open the hinge, peering in, her voice coming short as she gazed upon the white gold.<br><br>"Oh, my.&nbsp; Its, beautiful."&nbsp; she was nearly speechless as she forced out the words, her eyes widening with surprise.&nbsp; Delicately, as if it were an eggshell, she pulled the&nbsp; ring from the foam, running her fingers along the polished surface with care.&nbsp; She read the inner inscription aloud.&nbsp; "Revolution...Jared...this is...she'll love it."&nbsp; She smiled, sweeping the tears budding at the corners of her eyes with the back of her knuckle.&nbsp; Her happiness impossible to contain.<br><br>The ring was returned to him, only to be passed to Ruby, for her approval.&nbsp; He smiled at his mother, in a boyish manner, hiding the fact that he could think of doing nothing but the same.&nbsp; "Aw, don't go crying, Mom."&nbsp; He said playfully, wiping her tears away with his thumb. <br><br>"I’m sorry, honey, but I just can't contain how happy this makes me..."&nbsp; she smiled, sniffling a bit.&nbsp; He bit his lip childishly, almost embarrassed by the attention.&nbsp; It couldn’t be denied, that as a child, he craved attention, and even today, he craved the attention of fans.&nbsp; But this, this he could do without.<br><br>No, that was not an option.<br><br>“it’s wonderful Jared…”&nbsp; Ruby smiled, returning the box to him.&nbsp; He lightly touched the ring, as if ensuring it was real, it existed.&nbsp; Everything seemed surreal, nothing seemed to properly exist.&nbsp; Nothing was there.&nbsp; He was drifting.<br><br>“I’m so happy, you’ve found someone…that you feel secure with.”&nbsp; Constance injected into the subtle void.&nbsp; Jared only laughed, shaking his head.<br><br>“Secure, is only half of it, half the time, she’s scaring the hell out of me.&nbsp; But…I’ve never felt…this way.”&nbsp; He smiled shyly. &nbsp;<br><br>“That’s what it’s all about…”&nbsp; Ruby said comfortingly. &nbsp;<br><br>“Yeah…So, I have your blessing?”&nbsp; He looked at them both, his eyes deep with questions.<br><br>“That, you do…”&nbsp; Constance smiled, pulling her son into a grand hug.&nbsp; He was beaming as he powerfully returned the gesture, the happiness radiating from every pore in his body, blinding.&nbsp; Separating from her, he moved to his grandmother, sharing a warm embrace with her, careful not to crush her small frame.<br><br>“I think I’m gonna head home now… Thank you, so much…”&nbsp; he grinned, looking at the face on the clock.&nbsp; 8:52.&nbsp; He had spent over an hour here, plenty of time. &nbsp;<br><br>“Take care Jared!”&nbsp; Ruby and Constance cried in unison, following him out the door, to wave from the porch.&nbsp; He nearly ran down the steps, diving energetically into the front seat of his car, and revving the engine instantly.&nbsp; As he pulled from the driveway, he beeped the horn a few times, waving goodbye, before driving out of sight.<br><br>***<br><br>Ring…Ring…Ring…<br><br>“Hello?”&nbsp; Megan’s dazed voice bled into the sunlit living room, her eyelids heavy with the dust of sleep.&nbsp; She looked to the opposite end of the couch, finding Shannon slumped across the arm rest, having taken his own cat nap.&nbsp; 6 AM was too early for anyone, especially those who lived the life of rock stars, staying up all night, and sleeping in. &nbsp;<br><br>“Meg?&nbsp; Did I wake you?”&nbsp; Jared asked, concern and guilt dripping from his voice.&nbsp; Settling against the arm rest of the couch once more, she nodded into the phone.<br><br>“Mmmhmm…napping…its ok.&nbsp; You coming home?” &nbsp;<br><br>“Yeah, I’ll be there in an hour.”&nbsp; He smiled, only 60 minutes until they would be together again.&nbsp; 60 minutes closer to the ring in his pocket.<br><br>“Amazing!”&nbsp; She beamed, looking over to Shannon again, still finding him in the realm of dreams.&nbsp; It was amusing to her, but she knew as soon as she was off the phone, she would probably join him.&nbsp; 60 minutes in sleep were much faster than 60 minutes awake.<br><br>“Sorry, there’s some traffic, I don’t want to die before I get there, see you when I get home?”&nbsp; He offered.&nbsp; She nodded once more.<br><br>“See you then.”<br><br>“I love you.”<br><br>“I love you Jared.”&nbsp; She clicked off the phone, placing it back on the hanger on the side table, before snuggling into the stuffed green suede of the couch once more, sighing contentedly, knowing that he wasn’t going to be long.<br><br>***<br>“I leave for a few hours, and my brother and girlfriend are sleeping together, WONDERFUL!” Jared yelled excitedly.&nbsp; Megan’s eyes burst open, the loud noise startling, causing her to jump.&nbsp; Shannon groggily sat upright, using the arm rest for support.<br><br>“Bro…Its…not what it looks like…”&nbsp; Shannon yawned, trying to make a pun out of the situation, but, finding all attempts futile as he woke his body up. &nbsp;<br><br>“I’m forced to disagree…I think it’s EXACTLY what it looks like.”&nbsp; Jared laughed, bending to kiss Meg.&nbsp; “Sleep well?”&nbsp; He asked, looking down on her with dancing blue eyes.<br><br>“No…”&nbsp; she growled, rubbing her neck.&nbsp; “My neck hurts, and Shannon kicks in his sleep.”&nbsp; She shot a glance of daggers at the older brother, pouting as she rubbed her thigh lightly. &nbsp;<br><br>“I only kicked because you kicked me first!”&nbsp; HE defended, his jaw dropping slightly, in shock.<br>“Funny, I kicked in retaliation as well…asshole.”&nbsp; She growled.<br><br>“Wrong, it was me, you attacked!”<br><br>“Bullshit!&nbsp; You hit me!”<br><br>“Guys…”&nbsp; Jared said hesitantly, as the two bickered light cats and dogs, getting worked up in their dazed, tired states.&nbsp; “Guys!?”&nbsp; He repeated, as Meg and Shannon ignored him.<br><br>“There’s only one way to settle this…”&nbsp; Megan growled.<br><br>“Yes, it has come to this…”&nbsp; Shannon agreed, narrowing his eyes.&nbsp; His foot shot out, connecting with Megan’s femur.&nbsp; She buckled in a flinch of pain.<br><br>“Asshole!”&nbsp; She yelled, only to slide her own foot across the suede of the couch, to hit him. &nbsp;<br><br>“Bitch!”&nbsp; The war had commenced, feet sliding across the couch, hitting legs, abdomens, anything they could reach.&nbsp; In the act of courtesy, Megan was sure to avoid Shannon’s groin, more from fear of what K would do, had she found out Megan had attacked such a sacred aspect of her boyfriend.<br><br>“Are you two sure, YOU aren’t the ones in love?”&nbsp; Jared laughed, instantly stopping the battle between them.&nbsp; Their heads whipped to him, shock burning in their eyes.<br><br>“No way!&nbsp; She’s all yours man!&nbsp; I can’t stand her!” Shannon spat, glaring at Meg, only to have the look returned.<br><br>“He’s too immature, You think I could survive, THAT?!” She said with an air of disgust, gagging at the thought.<br><br>“Hey, since brother’s home, can I leave?”&nbsp; Shannon asked, standing up from his seated position.&nbsp; Jared nodded, following his brother out the front door, closing it behind them. “so, what happened at mom’s” Shannon asked lowly, his brown eyes boring into his brother’s blues.<br><br>“How’d you know I was up there?”&nbsp; Jared asked suspiciously, cocking an eyebrow.<br><br>“Meg called, for K”&nbsp; He said, cocking his head towards the house.&nbsp; “Mom doesn’t care about the day Pop left, she got over it quick, so, why were you there.” &nbsp;<br><br>“Shan…”&nbsp; Jared shook his head, smiling lightly.&nbsp; “I had to get her blessing…”&nbsp; He smiled lightly, pulling the black box out of his pocket, and showing his brother the ring.&nbsp; His brother gaped, not expecting it to be so soon.<br><br>“Wow, Bro, you’re taking this fast!”&nbsp; He said, breathy, his finger touching the ring lightly.&nbsp; “Meg will fucking loose her mind.”<br><br>“Yeah…I know…”&nbsp; He said, slowly starting to walk towards his brother’s car.&nbsp; “But, she’s got to say yes.”<br><br>“she’d be a fool not to…”&nbsp; Shannon mused, shaking his head.&nbsp; “She was damn worried about you today…” &nbsp;<br><br>Jared cocked his eyebrow.&nbsp; “Worried about me?”&nbsp; His brother nodded.<br><br>“Yeah, she knew something was up…I had no clue what the fuck you were doing, so I couldn’t really help either…”&nbsp; He shook his head.&nbsp; “She really loves you, man.”<br><br>“Yeah…and I do her…What about you and K?&nbsp; Soon, right?”&nbsp; He cocked his head.<br><br>“I’m doing it with you, bro, so, I need to go up to mom’s soon, and get her blessing as well…”&nbsp; They nodded as they reached Shannon’s car.&nbsp; “see you later.”<br><br>“see, yah around, Shan” Jared smiled, pounding lightly on the roof of his brother’s car, as he drove off.&nbsp; Standing alone, in the front lawn, he just stared aimlessly at the road, smiling faintly.&nbsp; All that had happened today, I t was all falling into place, perfectly. Soon, couldn’t come soon enough.<br><br>The front door behind him opened quietly as Meg slipped out, looking for him.&nbsp; “Jared?”&nbsp; She called, seeing his stagnant form in the lush green grass of the lawn.&nbsp; As she stepped into the green, blades seeping between her toes, she silently stalked to him.<br><br>“Yeah meg?”&nbsp; He turned, smiling at her, watching as she approached him.<br><br>“What are you doing out here?”&nbsp; She asked lightly.<br><br>“Thinking…”&nbsp; He mused, as she reached him, slipping her hand about his waist, grabbing one of his belt loops with a curled finger.&nbsp; “About…how perfect the world is becoming…<br><br>“Perfection ain’t perfect…”&nbsp; She recited coyly, kissing his cheek lightly.<br><br>“Then, it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten.”<br><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30secondstomars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-05-11T15:17:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin:Chapter44]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/165116/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[Heroin:Chapter44<br><br>“Mrrrrrr”&nbsp; My scull pressed itself into his sternum, feeling his warmth, the security in his presence.&nbsp; After his performance last night, I wanted him as close as possible.&nbsp; It was something I couldn’t help.&nbsp; <br><br>“good morning to you too…”&nbsp; He laughed lightly, finally prying my eyes open to greet the sunlit world.&nbsp; I turned to face him, finding his eyes on the small screen of my ipod, the white earbuds firmly in his ears.&nbsp; I furrowed my brow as he looked away for a moment, bending to plant a light kiss upon my lips before turning to look through once more.&nbsp; “I was a bit curious…”&nbsp; He defended lightly, shrugging.<br><br>“like what you hear?”&nbsp; I cocked my head against him, smiling lightly.&nbsp; He nodded, his finger gliding quickly over the pad, making a few clicks.<br><br>“mmhmm, especially this…”&nbsp; He smiled as he turned the screen of the ipod to me, showing the extensive collection of 30 Seconds To Mars songs, it held, most songs having more than one copy, regular and acoustic.&nbsp; “you’re unbelievable.” <br><br>“I’m a fan…”&nbsp;&nbsp; I pouted, reaching to grab my music player, only to launch myself into a game of keep away.&nbsp; He bit his tongue as he yanked the shiny black box just out of reach.&nbsp; “gimme”&nbsp; I whined as I stretched for what was mine.<br><br>“no, I’m not done”&nbsp; He laughed back, watching with playful eyes as I strained for the iPod.&nbsp; <br><br>“What is your definition of ‘done’&nbsp; how is one ‘done’ when listening to music?”&nbsp; I cocked an eyebrow, forgetting the fight for my ‘toy’.&nbsp; Retreating to rest on his lap, I watched him browse through my files unprejudiced.&nbsp; I wondered how he would feel if he knew all of which were stolen.<br><br>“When I’m satiated…”&nbsp; He shrugged.<br><br>“Alright…how do you know when you’re satiated?”&nbsp; I blinked.&nbsp; Music never reached a point, where I was completely satiated.&nbsp; I always wanted more, always craved…more.&nbsp; <br><br>“How do you know when you’re done making love?”&nbsp; He asked, his eyebrows raised, a small smirk upon his lips.<br><br>I paused, knitting my eyebrows together a moment.&nbsp; “Pollock…Jackson Pollock said that, didn’t he?”&nbsp; His eyebrows cocked themselves a bit higher in surprise, as if I was not supposed to know that.&nbsp; It wasn’t a memorable quote, rather one that any man could say if questioned when something is done.&nbsp; But it screamed the attitude of Jackson.&nbsp; I think he was drunk when he said it.<br><br>“Very good…I’m impressed.”&nbsp; He laughed, looking down at me to show his pleasure in my knowledge.<br><br>“I studied him, brilliant, brilliant man.”&nbsp; I mused.&nbsp; <br><br>“that he was…”&nbsp; he sighed pausing a moment.&nbsp; “Well, I’m done…”&nbsp; He said abruptly, holding down the ‘play’ button and powering down the player, before initiating the ‘hold’ function and coiling the white headphones quickly about the system, before placing it on the bedside table.<br><br>“Done?”&nbsp; I blinked.<br><br>“Done.”&nbsp; He nodded affirmatively.&nbsp; His hands fell to pat down my hair a bit, his eyes dark, troubled. I blinked, sitting up, staring into those deep, hard pools, trying to make sense of them.<br><br>“what’s wrong?” I asked lightly, brushing the jet black trails from his face lightly.&nbsp; His teeth caught his lip lightly, as he pulled away a bit, the hair I had just brushed aside, finding their ways back into his face.<br><br>“Nothing…”&nbsp; He said heftily, shaking his head slightly.&nbsp; “Nothing…”<br><br>“Jared…”&nbsp; I said lightly, careful about my tone.&nbsp; He turned slightly, his eyes still holding that deep appearance.&nbsp; I didn’t particularly like it.&nbsp; It made me worry about him.&nbsp; <br><br>“Just thinking about…last night…that’s all.”&nbsp; He said quickly, almost, paranoid even.&nbsp; It seemed as if he were on a track somewhere, anywhere, but here.&nbsp; <br><br>“what about it?”&nbsp; He pulled his knees to his chest, blatantly displaying his discomfort.&nbsp; It was setting me off, I couldn’t decide what to make of it.&nbsp; Resting his chin on his knees, he paused, blinking heavily as he chose his road with fathomless deliberation.&nbsp; He started to worry me, his out of character elusiveness almost taunting.&nbsp; His chest heaved against his knees as he started on his explanation.<br><br>“How bad…I needed you to hear me…sing that…”&nbsp;&nbsp; His words were chosen with such decisive attitude that I found myself lost.<br><br>“Jared…I knew that-”&nbsp; He shook his head cutting me off.<br><br>“No…the other parts….”&nbsp; He said quietly.&nbsp; “you’ve made…the difference…But…you don’t know…how I used to be…how…different…this is for me…”&nbsp; He looked at me through the shroud of locks that had managed to fall before his eyes, showing pangs of fear, and pain.&nbsp; He took another breath, wavering slightly.&nbsp; “I felt…everything…that song dictated…sometimes…I just can’t…say it… But you have to know…It’s there.”&nbsp; He bit his lip, turning away again.&nbsp; I blinked, trying to make sense of what he just threw at me, what he just told me.&nbsp; <br><br>I gripped his shoulder, massaging it gently.&nbsp; He relaxed slightly In my grasp, rolling his shoulders back a bit.&nbsp; “…Jared…I…it’s…”&nbsp; I knew what I wanted to say, I just couldn’t form the words.&nbsp; He seemed to flinch in my difficulty, he wasn’t taking it well.&nbsp; <br><br>My hand slid along his shoulder, resting at the nape of his neck, among the bright red hair that resided in the vicinity, twirling in the mass of strands.&nbsp; I bit my lip, trying to think of something, anything.&nbsp; <br><br>Running along his jaw line, a small appearance of stubble peaking through from a few days not shaving, It took me a few seconds to key in.&nbsp; Cupping his cheeks, I pulled him from his curled position, forcing his lips to mine.&nbsp; He was hesitant, his insecurity still blatant.&nbsp; I only pressed harder, wanting to tear it away.&nbsp; Growling lightly, it was MY turn to make him understand, MY turn to force him to listen.<br><br>Every fleeting emotion that passed through his heart, passed through his lips, into me.&nbsp; I filtered and stored every one, not allowing them to go back to him, not allowing him to go back there.&nbsp; I only let him feel passion, although he craved what I was craving.&nbsp; He didn’t want me to take them in, he didn’t want me to store them.<br><br>Frankly, I didn’t care.<br><br>I smiled as he started to rise, taking a more dominant position, becoming active, gaining confidence.&nbsp; This is what I needed, what I wanted.&nbsp; As he brought me closer, he growled slightly, nipping lightly at my lip.&nbsp; He was speaking now, engaging himself.&nbsp; His tongue sped hungrily along my bottom lip, thirsting for more. I rocked my forehead against his, pulling away and holding him.&nbsp; He groped a moment, before opening his eyes, the receding darkness perking only a moment, as he seemed to wonder what went wrong.&nbsp; I smiled lightly, kissing him quickly to tear that last piece of insecurity from him, just enough to get him to hear me with full understanding.<br><br>“You’re perfect, don’t think…you ever, could be anything less…”&nbsp; I smiled, kissing him for what was intended to be a brief transaction.<br><br>Silly me for expecting that from Jared Leto.<br><br>His lips chased mine in my attempt to pull away, smiling slightly with victory as he branched over me, keeping the connection as long as he could.&nbsp; Moving from his position beside me, his body covered me, keeping me close, as he tugged at my lip, opening me to him.&nbsp; I tensed slightly as I felt his hand at the waist of my pants, tugging lightly along their ridge.&nbsp; <br><br>Despite his dominance, his insecurity was very much alive and well.&nbsp; He was slow, meticulous, nervous even, as he traced along the waistline of my pants; as our mouths entwined.&nbsp; <br><br>He changed his mind, his fingers finding the hem of my shirt, toying at the stitched fold with anticipation.&nbsp; He wasn’t pressing anything, it was, unusual.&nbsp; I wriggled under him, having him lift the fabric lightly, cuing him to continue.&nbsp; He smiled quickly, before pulling away to lift the shirt from my torso, and discard it to the floor.<br><br>Slowly he came back to me, kissing lightly, as if a restart button was pressed within him.&nbsp; Short, passionate kisses soon lead to his tongue begging for entrance to my mouth.&nbsp; I readily opened to him, the eagerness within me, versus his careful, deliberate motions juxtaposed in a way we had rarely found ourselves.<br><br>Was last night really that difficult?<br>Or was this role play?<br><br>His fingers lightly traced up and down my side, moving slowly, sending quakes through me.&nbsp; He smiled softly, before allowing the small, pendulum movements to sweep over my body, finding interest in different aspects of the female anatomy, as if it were all new to him, as if it was his first time again, he wanted to make sure the stories in the magazines weren’t lies.<br><br>As his finger swept up and down my torso, it continually met the waist of my flannel pants.&nbsp; Slowly, it traced further onto the fabric, flipping up the drawstring tightened hem, before he slowly gripped the soft fabric, slightly tugging, testing the waters.&nbsp; I ground my hips against him, finally feeling the full of his arousal as we made a rough connection.&nbsp; <br><br>Smiling, he began removing my pants and underwear, in one fell swoop.&nbsp; As the fabrics were removed from my legs with slow conviction, I whimpered against him, nipping at his lower lip.&nbsp; He smiled, as I found my hands on his boxer’s waistband, slowly teasing the elastic.&nbsp; He backed off, watching me with infant eyes as I slowly tugged him free of his underwear, tossing them to the ground.&nbsp; His hand gripped my shoulder, his thumb finding the pressure point above my clavicle, causing me to almost collapse onto the bed behind me.&nbsp; <br><br>As I shivered, his thumb let up, instantly freeing me.&nbsp; He hadn’t been aware of the physical control.&nbsp; I could have easily accused him of purposefully rendering me paralyzed.&nbsp; <br><br>Save for the fact, he didn’t need a pressure point to do that.<br><br>As he slowly pressed me back onto the bed, he followed, crawling nervously atop of me.&nbsp; I was almost certain he was in a role, but his eyes combated that opinion.&nbsp; Deep, and unsettling.&nbsp; I bit my lip, nervous with the darkened gaze.&nbsp; He paused, blinking widely at the nervousness he was creating, before falling to me, his lips finding my neck, lightly tracing along the coronary artery, feeling my pulse on his lips, before moving along my shoulder, and then, back up.&nbsp; <br><br>My teeth instantly released my lip as his teeth found my earlobe.&nbsp; My breath wavered as he took control by a small piece of cartilage.<br><br>“There are countless nerve endings in the earlobe…”&nbsp; He whispered, before catching it in his teeth once more, sucking it lightly.&nbsp; He was falling back on intellect.&nbsp; The ‘talk nerdy to me’ fetish that, could woo almost any female.&nbsp; “pressure, can force the strongest into…”&nbsp; He paused as he bit lightly once more, pausing to draw on the connection a bit longer.&nbsp; The connection caused me to arch back against the bed, grinding against him in a moan.&nbsp; “…ecstasy…”&nbsp; He stared intently at me a smile across his face.<br><br>As his lips pressed to mine once more, his knee spread my legs, untangling my own, from his.&nbsp; He tensed slightly, reverting back to acting as if he were inexperienced, as if it was his first time.&nbsp;&nbsp; Yet, he fell back to comfort as I nudged harder against his lips, forcing his mouth open, allowing our tongues to twist together, locking us as one.&nbsp; <br><br>His hands gripped mine, connecting us in a second manner, before his hips crushed foreword.&nbsp; He slowly entered my core, his pressure explosive.&nbsp; The brute intensity, seemed unmatched, every new time we met like this, was always better than the precursor.&nbsp; Every experience was individual.&nbsp; He had the ability to make each encounter, so immensely different, I could never anticipate anything other than the best.<br><br>He was an artist.<br><br>Long, slow strokes dominated his movements, his body surging foreword in a rhythmic pattern, deep, powerful.&nbsp; I choked against his mouth, attempts to hold down any vocalization impossible as moans wracked my throat.&nbsp; His smile pressed against my lips, before he tore away, releasing his own song, a cry of passion.<br><br>With that cry, he seemed to turn.&nbsp; From immature boy, to experienced man.&nbsp; His lips forced back onto mine with vigor.&nbsp; I nipped him, preparing for his hips to speed up to par.&nbsp; As they retained their slow, passionate pace, I found my legs twisting in their immeasurable pleasure, melting at his control.<br><br>He moaned again, his breath cut short as he began to peak.&nbsp; His thrusts fell harder against my hips, submerging me deeper into the mattress, deeper within the confines of the blankets.&nbsp; His vision locked to mine as he started to pant, edges of powerful moans interjecting between gasps forced by his racing heart.<br><br>My own chorus of lust joined him, erupting as the drive mounted exponentially.<br><br>He peaked. His body entering a rigor still as ecstasy fell over him, claiming him as its own, tearing reality away as he shuddered.&nbsp; I panted as I watched him, his head hanging slightly, before he recaptured my vision, his hips rocking, his eyes gleaming.&nbsp; The insecurity, no longer out to plague him.<br><br>The pressure he had placed in my palms slacked as he forced his hips hard, thrusting deep as he finished what he had started.&nbsp; Completing the circle.&nbsp; I dug my nails into his hands, gasping heavily in the heat of the moment, as he brought me to the apex.&nbsp; My teeth closed around my lip as intense nirvana swept over me, calling me captive.&nbsp; He brought me down, nudging my head up to find my lips.&nbsp; He kissed me fiercely, with passion, before lifting off, falling beside me.<br><br>I inched to rest on his chest, my ear over his calming heart.&nbsp; I sighed as I relaxed, snuggling into him, reflecting. Last night, this morning.&nbsp; Thoughts and moment’s revived came racing to greet me with eager eyes and wagging tails, craving the attention I gave them.&nbsp; My brow furrowed over and over as I shuffled through the disorganized mass of reactions and ideas, pinning them to a metaphoric wall in some form of legible pattern.&nbsp; Discerning between fact and opinion, inference, and truth.<br><br>“What are you thinking about?”&nbsp; He asked, his voice ripping through the silence, like a katana, sharp, clear.&nbsp; I turned on his stomach to face him, satisfied that I had burned a hole through the wall as I stared through thought.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; His eyes were clear, sharp.&nbsp; The torture had left, praise Oizys, for lifting her painful hold.<br><br>“Still last night…”&nbsp; I said softly, hoping it wouldn’t drag him back there.&nbsp; As his eyes remained clear, I was certain he wasn’t terribly bothered, more likely understanding of my need to organize and make sense of it all.<br><br>“You’re fretting too much…”&nbsp; He laughed quietly, ruffling my bangs.&nbsp; I bit my tongue, smiling at him, giggling lightly.&nbsp; He paused, smiling sleepily, before turning to gaze at the bedside clock, biting his lip lightly.&nbsp; “get up…” he said softly, nudging me lightly.&nbsp; “we have stuff to do.”&nbsp; Not in the mood to protest, I rose off of him, reluctant to get cleaned up an join the world.&nbsp; <br><br>My feet slid across the carpet, out of his bedroom and into the bathroom.&nbsp; Grumbling, I slid my hand past the shower curtains, ones he had painted himself, with lyrics and odd pictures.&nbsp; It reminded me of the ‘north’ piano that Andrew McMahon of Something Corporate used.&nbsp; Gripping the metal knob, I released the warm water, pausing to let the shower heat up.&nbsp; I watched Jared enter through the corner of my eye, smiling cheekily.<br><br>“I didn’t want you to get lonely…”&nbsp; He said innocently, causing me to gawk.<br><br>“You need a shower too, your intentions are self serving, but you’re trying to flatter me into letting you shower with me…I know your kind.”&nbsp; I smirked as his face fell, whether it was hurt feelings, or shock, I couldn’t tell.<br><br>“What?&nbsp; I can’t just be in here to be around you?”&nbsp; I grinned, shaking my head.<br><br>“Negative, its not worth the time.&nbsp; If you needed to stop our cuddle session, then there is NO time for any other interactions…You’re simply in too much of a rush.”&nbsp; I smirked as he pouted, sliding the curtain open and starting to step into the lightly steaming shower. “But, what IS efficient, is cleaning two bodies, in the time it takes to clean one…You’re invited.”&nbsp; I winked as he grinned broadly, slipping into the warm stream, out of his sight, waiting for him to join me.&nbsp; <br><br>I murred lightly as his hands ran through my wet hair, lathering the shampoo through the long strands.&nbsp; Each finger meticulously placed to cover as much of me as he possibly could.&nbsp; I slipped under the water to rinse, blinking as his fingers moved from my hair, to my shoulders, massaging them lightly.&nbsp; I slouched for a moment, displaying my relaxation, before growling in pleasure.&nbsp; My back contorted lightly under him, rippling in pleasure from his touch.&nbsp; He laughed lightly, falling silent as I turned under him.&nbsp; His hands which had traveled to my shoulder blades, now found themselves around my breasts.&nbsp; I watched, biting my tongue as his eyebrows shot up in surprise, before that glint of malice appeared in his eyes.&nbsp; He squeezed me lightly, forcing my eyebrows upwards.&nbsp; I had the faint urge to slap him and shout ’pervert’, but I knew it wouldn’t be deserved.&nbsp; My eyebrows bobbed lightly, in an innuendo, before I looked casually to his groin.&nbsp; He twitched with excitement, as I came closer, pressing closely to him.<br><br>“Your turn”&nbsp; I smirked, sliding past him so he could be under the water.&nbsp; His jaw flew open in shock.<br><br>“You bitch!”&nbsp; He laughed, his eyes wide, his body rigor.<br><br>“You pervert.”&nbsp; I retorted, cocking my eyebrow as he finally moved under the water, quickly shampooing his hair.&nbsp; Sure, he was only an inch or two taller than me, but, awkward reaching wasn’t on the menu.&nbsp; Snatching a loofah,&nbsp; I lathered in soap, before attacking him with it, scrubbing his shoulder slowly.<br><br>“Coming back for more torture eh?”&nbsp; He cocked his eyebrow as he turned to watch me over his shoulder.&nbsp; I nodded, watching his skin glisten as soapy lather traced over it, attaching to him, before sliding off with a wave of water.<br><br>“mmhmmm…I want to see if a person can explode from too much sexual tension.” I grinned as he gave me that ‘shocked’ look again.<br><br>“What am I your guinea pig?!”&nbsp; He exclaimed, I nodded as I stooped to scrub his legs.<br><br>“You’re cute like one, and you freak if I manage to ‘accidentally’ poke you the wrong way…and you’re currently undergoing experiments, so…yeah, I’d say you are a guinea pig.”&nbsp; I laughed as I continued to scrub.&nbsp; I heard his malicious, dark laugh erupt from his chest, and felt my stomach turn.<br><br>He spun quickly on the balls of his feet, his front coming to face me.&nbsp; I refused to look up, however, he knew how to chance that.<br><br>“Hey Megan…”&nbsp; I could hardly resist subjecting to his call.&nbsp; I looked up quickly, before my eyes instantly jerked to what rested at eye level.&nbsp; He was a fucking bastard.<br><br>“Well…that’s an…interesting view…”&nbsp; I couldn’t think of anything snappy to say, no comebacks, nothing.&nbsp; It was one of those rare moments, when words failed me.<br><br>“I figured you’d enjoy it…”&nbsp; He smirked, watching as I backed from him, and slowly stood up, unable to really MOVE.&nbsp; Shock had paralyzed me, for the most part.&nbsp; “Come on, it won’t bite you!”&nbsp; He laughed as I finally became straightened out.<br><br>“Yeah, but I’ve never…stared!&nbsp; I’m kinda afraid I’ll offend it…”&nbsp; He laughed as if I was being completely bogus, which, I knew I was.&nbsp; But, this was the delayed snappy comment that was required.<br><br>“Is it small?”<br><br>“No…”&nbsp; I blinked widely.<br><br>“Then you won’t offend it.”&nbsp; He laughed again, before turning off the water, shaking his hair dry.&nbsp; I blinked again, the general conversation, having a horrid tendency to go over my head.&nbsp; He slipped from the shower, grabbing himself a towel, before throwing one at me.<br><br>“I’m tempted to ask if it has a name…”&nbsp; I said, patting myself dry as I watched him.<br><br>“Dionysus…”&nbsp; He grinned, watching me roll my eyes.<br><br>“The god of fuck, why would I expect less?”&nbsp; <br><br>“the MALE god of fuck…Aphrodite has the woman’s side…”&nbsp; He corrected, wagging his finger at me.&nbsp; I stuck my tongue out at him, passing into the hall, and then the bedroom, Jared in hot pursuit, as we readied for the day.<br><br>My hair still damp, I grabbed one of my many skullcaps out of my bag, shoving it atop my head, just giving something to hold everything down.&nbsp; He cocked an eyebrow as he watched me apply the green, tan and brown hat, its less than perfect stitching and awkward length.<br><br>“How old is that thing?”&nbsp; He asked, draping his arm about my shoulders as we left the bedroom.&nbsp; I counted back on my fingers, getting an approximate number. <br><br>“about…5 months…”&nbsp; I blinked.&nbsp; “Why?”<br><br>“Oh, just wondering if you bought it that way, or if it was just worn.”&nbsp; He shrugged.<br><br>“I MADE it…its less than perfect, cause I suck at life…”&nbsp; I laughed, tugging down the hat playfully.&nbsp; He looked amused, weather it was from the fact that I made a hat, or, that I was tugging it around like a four year old, I wouldn’t be fully sure.&nbsp; We walked through the kitchen, and after he set the alarm, out the door, for Shannon’s.<br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30secondstomars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-04-28T23:31:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin:Chapter43]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/157072/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[<span style="font-style: italic;">Author's note:&nbsp; Invincible-Crossfade...listen...</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">kthxbai &lt;3meg</span><br><br>Heroin: Chapter 43<br><br>My hands&nbsp; tugged at the zipper to my hoodie, releasing me from its grasp, as I worked it off under him.&nbsp; His firm grasp set itself on my upper arms, silencing my squirming, before sliding down my naked arms with grace, slipping the captive cloth off.&nbsp; As our mouths intertwined incessantly, we found ourselves on his bed, the sheets irritably teasing under our bodies as we maneuvered over them.&nbsp; <br><br>I yanked at the buttons to his shirt, slipping them from their slots, slowly allowing his pulsing chest to come through.&nbsp; His hands left me as I pushed the shirt past his shoulders, off of him.&nbsp; He came back with double the force, holding me tighter as he worked at the hems of my undershirt, testing my ability to hold.&nbsp; My fingers found their way along the irrigating lines of his chest, lightly collecting the tiny beads of sweat beginning to form, it drove me mad.&nbsp; I grunted, biting his lip lightly as I pulled against his fingers on my shirt, forcing him to pull up slightly.&nbsp; He laughed finally allowing me to be free of the clothing.&nbsp; <br><br>He pressed against me, forcing me down onto the pillow.&nbsp; His touch was hard, starving.&nbsp; I writhed under him, basking in the primal urges, screaming cerebral judgment.&nbsp; He was controlled, meticulous as he explored every inch, old territory to new eyes.&nbsp; I felt his hand slowly slip beneath me, running up my spine,&nbsp; from the top of my jeans, causing me to arch reflexively.&nbsp; He smirked as his hand knotted about the clasp of my bra, removing the small article with a minute flick of his wrist.&nbsp; As his hand retreated to intensify the connection between our mouths, my back sunk into the sheets once more, leaving me flush to the mattress below, caging me hard against him..<br><br>I ran my finger along the ridge created by the waistband of his boxers, peaking slightly above his jeans.&nbsp; Smiling coyly against him, I bit his lower lip lightly, pulling it before a quick release.&nbsp; He growled as my finger orbited his body, willing it to do more than just dance.&nbsp; Falling from the small canyon wall, they found the buckle of his belt, slowly teasing at the clip, lifting it quickly, before allowing it to snap shut.&nbsp; Growling again in displeasure, he bit at my lip, demanding I stop toying with him.&nbsp; I nipped him back, murring playfully , giving into his requests, slipping the belt from his hips.&nbsp; He bucked hard against me, pressing against my jeans, submerging my body deep in the sheets.<br><br>His throat resonated as he became impatient, his hands roughly finding my own belt and nearly ripping it from me.&nbsp; I pressed closer to him, crushing his lips against mine, propping up onto my elbows. As he unbuttoned my jeans, pushing them down, I could feel my body shake.&nbsp; He smiled in the reaction, feeding off my quaking muscles.&nbsp; <br><br>My hands followed in suit peeling his tight jeans from his legs, tearing them from his body, leaving only his boxers, tented high against his hunger.&nbsp; I blinked as he ground against me once more, before freeing me from my final traces of clothing.&nbsp; Smirking as we broke, I teased him as I slowly removed his boxers.&nbsp; He recoiled a bit, ensuring he could create a visual connection, his eyes burning with irate tension and taunted desires as I slowly toyed with him.&nbsp; As he finally was set free, he pressed me back down against the mattress, crawling atop me, his lips settling at my neck.&nbsp; I twisted in pleasure under his touch feeling a moan break from my lips as he transitioned himself, moving back up to secure my lips betwixt his.&nbsp; Passion flooded from a riverbed that once housed rough desire.&nbsp; As his tongue sped across my bottom lip, i opened to him.&nbsp; I felt his knee between my twisting legs, slowly parting them.<br><br>Destination beautiful.&nbsp; <br><br>Air injected harshly into my lungs as he ground his hips against mine, his entirety entering me slowly.&nbsp; I bit my lip as I controlled myself, keeping my hips firmly down as the energy they possessed could very well thrown him off.&nbsp; As his tongue entwined with mine in a dangerous dance of lust and passion, his speed undulated, the metronome of his thrusts becoming hypnotic as&nbsp; my mind floated from logic.&nbsp; My hips rose off the bed, feeling his pound fiercely into them with every slow decent.&nbsp; <br><br>The dog tags around his neck swayed like a pendulum before his chest, swinging over me.&nbsp; They caught my attention, drawing me to watch them for only a moment, the image of crossed roses spinning in and out of view as he moved.&nbsp; The line of beads coming from the elliptical pieces of metal, drawing my vision in a row, up to him.&nbsp; I bit my lip as I gazed upon him, the look of admiration, love, passion that welled within his eyes, the slight cock in his lips as he stared down intently on my form.<br><br>I couldn’t say that I had ever really LOOKED at him while we made love.&nbsp; My eyes tended to travel, or jam themselves shut, enjoying the moments of lust blindly.&nbsp; This moment, made me regret just that.&nbsp; <br><br>He recognized the look I gave him, biting his lip slightly, before forcing his mouth ajar once more.&nbsp; His hips quickened, their power growing exponentially.&nbsp; He moaned in mounting pleasure, his ecstasy forcing my throat to clench, my heart to race.&nbsp; My arms bound themselves around his neck, forcing his face closer.&nbsp; His neck, laced with sweat, his hair damp.&nbsp; I forced my lips against his, purging forth limitless passion, before he pulled back, unable to suppress the moan that tore at his throat.&nbsp; He crushed his mouth onto mine, forcing me to whimper in my pleasure, nipping at his lip.&nbsp; <br><br>I could feel myself begin to quake.&nbsp; His lips tore from mine as his eyes fixed to what was below him.&nbsp; The expression in his eyes, everything that flowed effortlessly from them.&nbsp; The way he looked at me, the way I looked at him.<br><br>He didn’t break away as his hips kicked harder, plunging deeper into me.&nbsp; His mouth opened wide as his back augmented into fits of passion and bliss, his eyes intensifying, captivating mine as I moved with him.&nbsp; “FUCK!&nbsp; MEGAN!”&nbsp; He roared as he finally released, the fire inside him ripping the words from my throat.&nbsp; <br><br>“JESUS CHRIST! JARED!”&nbsp; I wailed, feeling my body give into the complete ecstasy that awaited just over the crest.&nbsp; My body plummeted through layers upon layers of&nbsp; heated exhilaration.&nbsp; His mouth pressed to mine, silencing any further cries of zeal that threatened to break from me.&nbsp; I calmed, my eyelids falling to enjoy the feeling of him on me.&nbsp; He pulled away, kissing my cheek and neck repeatedly.<br><br>“you’re…so…fucking…beautiful…”&nbsp; He said, between kisses and deep breaths.&nbsp; I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling the salt of his sweat fall between my lips, tasting it lightly on my tongue.&nbsp; I sighed deeply, still falling fast from the high, crashing.&nbsp; He pulled away, laying beside me, I turned so I could watch him.&nbsp; He was the image of contentment, a thin smile across his face, eyes half opened in bliss.&nbsp; I couldn’t begin to resist the temptation, as I leaned in, my lips lightly connecting with his, before I was pulled backwards, content to watch him.<br><br>“what are you thinking about?”&nbsp; Erupted into the silence that had fallen over us.&nbsp; He hadn’t moved, just lay there gazing with obvious joy.&nbsp; He was adorable.<br><br>“you…”&nbsp; He said quietly.&nbsp; “How absolutely amazing you are…”&nbsp; his aura was infectious, I felt myself relaxing, comforted by the lull that was the doldrums of paradise.&nbsp; I moved closer to him, resting on his bare chest.&nbsp; You could feel his entire body smile wider with the contact.&nbsp; <br><br>“I love you…”&nbsp; I whispered softly, nuzzling against his chest, before burying my head into him.&nbsp; His hand rose to pat down my hair affectionately, every stroke of his palm, becoming longer, engaging&nbsp; contact with my back as he progressed. <br><br>“I love you, Meg…”&nbsp; He whispered, before slowly lulling into a nap, as the deep afternoon sun bled into the room through the window.&nbsp; Feeling his heart slow beneath my ear, I was soon dragged into the depths of slumber, my eyes drifting closed, as the dream realm came to greet me.<br><br>***<br><br>He was toying with my hair, running his fingers through it, and then, brushing the rogue strands that fell in my face, away.&nbsp; I slowly opened my eyes, lazily awaking from what felt like an eternity’s sleep, however, was only the collective measure of two or three hours.&nbsp; I yawned against his still naked chest, before nuzzling back down, sighing in contentment.&nbsp; <br><br>I blinked hard against falling back to sleep, the fight was easier said, than won, purely for the fact that the warmth, and comfort provided by the man below me, rivaled even the comfiest bed.&nbsp; Then again, I was biased.<br><br>“When was the last time we watched a movie together?”&nbsp; He asked, as he patted my hair.&nbsp; I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember, yet found only a blank.<br><br>“I dunno…”&nbsp; I replied softly.&nbsp; Taking the hint, I eased off of him.&nbsp; “why, you want to?”&nbsp; He nodded silently, causing me to smile.&nbsp; “Alright, c’mon…” I agreed, finding my underwear, and the closest shirt I could, which happened to be his.&nbsp; As he retreated to grab something of his own to wear, I traced the familiar path to my suitcase, grabbing a pair of pajama pants.&nbsp; Turning on a bare heel, I stalked over to the door, waiting for him to join me.&nbsp; <br><br>First stop, was the kitchen.&nbsp; Any movie required popcorn, it didn’t take a genius to figure that one out.&nbsp; “Do it in the pot, it turns out SO much better”&nbsp; I persuaded him, tearing him away from the norm.<br><br>“Have a special formula for popcorn?”&nbsp; He asked, cocking his eyebrow.&nbsp; I nodded with enthusiasm, as I sat on the edge of the island, swinging my feet over the top of the counter.<br><br>“Cover the bottom with extra virgin olive oil, pop it out, and then, flavor with salt…Either plain, or seasoned salt.”&nbsp; I grinned, watching him follow my instructions.<br><br>“No butter or anything?”&nbsp; He cocked his brow, turning from the pot on the stove as we waited for the chorus of popping sounds coming from the kernels.&nbsp; I shook my head in response.<br><br>“nope, ruins it.&nbsp; I like the taste of the popcorn itself, I can do without the additives, just salt…”&nbsp; <br><br>“Well, Shannon LOADS it with shit, so, that’s what I’m used to, but I’m open to try yours.”&nbsp; He grinned.&nbsp; Both of our heads shot to the pot on the stove as rapid fire popping ran off.&nbsp; We waited for the sounds to slow to a halt, before dumping the pot into a bowl.&nbsp; I raced for the salt, generously adding it to the fluffy white.&nbsp; Whatever was unnecessary, fell to the bottom of the bowl anyway, i wasn’t concerned about over-doing it.<br><br>Popcorn arched over my head as Jared stooped before the TV, sifting through DVD’s.&nbsp; I caught every white piece in my mouth, having to work for it, made eating it so much more worth it.&nbsp; “Any preference of movie?”&nbsp; he asked over his shoulder, receiving a shake of my head.&nbsp; “suit yourself, if you hate it, not my issue”&nbsp; He grinned, popping open a case, and pushing in the disk drive.&nbsp; Spinning on his heal he briskly returned from the player, carrying the remote with him.&nbsp; He plopped down beside me, jamming his hand into the bowl of popcorn in my lap, taking his share.<br><br>His finger clicked the remote, and the screen illuminated with the menu screen for, something I surely didn’t expect.&nbsp;&nbsp; I wasn’t sure WHY I didn’t expect the Carpathian ridge menu to be spread out before us&nbsp; on the screen, the image of Jake Gyllenhaal staring at the sunrise.&nbsp; Maybe it was because he was 35, he wasn’t allowed to like teen cult movies.&nbsp;&nbsp; <br><br>Regardless, against the white that surrounded the image of the mountain ridge on the screen, the title of one of my favorite movies greeted the viewer- Donnie Darko.&nbsp; As his arm snaked around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest, I felt the grin upon my face growing.&nbsp; His hand traces up and down my arm as we waited for the movie to actually start.<br><br>“did I do good?”&nbsp; He asked, taking another piece of the popcorn.&nbsp; I nodded against him, my eyes flitting to him.<br><br>“Better than good, this is one of my favorites.”&nbsp; I beamed.<br><br>“That makes two of us”&nbsp; He worked out, before falling silent as the movie finally started.&nbsp; His hand never stopped tracing against my skin.<br><br>“when it reminds you, how beautiful the world can be?”&nbsp; The vocal talents of Jake Gyllenhaal and Jared Leto blended together in my ears, causing me to smile at him.&nbsp; He grinned cheekily, lowering&nbsp; his head, to brush his nose affectionately with mine.&nbsp; I bit my tongue as I smiled at him, raising off his chest slightly to connect my lips to his.&nbsp; He returned the kiss, keeping it light, yet passionate as he rose slightly to a more alert position, continuing the connection.&nbsp; The empty popcorn bowl between us slid onto the floor with a slight clatter, we ignored it.<br><br>However, a loud crash from the TV caused me to jerk away, looking upon the screen with wide eyes, my heart racing in fright.&nbsp; He laughed heartily, pulling me into a comforting hug. <br><br>“Scared you?”&nbsp; He asked, his infectious smile penetrating his voice.&nbsp; I shifted in his grasp, growling irritably.<br><br>“It didn’t scare me…it startled me…”&nbsp; I muttered, hearing him laugh again.&nbsp; “just, focus on the movie”&nbsp; I growled, fixing my eyes to the glowing screen that shed light over the entire room.&nbsp; His chest heaved lightly, a large sigh skidding across the top of my head, blowing my hair slightly.&nbsp; <br><br>“whatever you say…”&nbsp; he whispered contentedly, as the movie progressed, the intricate story of Donald Darko and his problems,&nbsp; unfurling further before our eyes.&nbsp; <br><br>***<br><br>&nbsp;I didn’t remember falling asleep, nor did I remember being moved, but as I stared at the slowly churning ceiling fan above my head, I made the connection, that one does not always remember what is conducted.&nbsp;&nbsp; I was alone, and in the same right, couldn’t understand why.&nbsp; I made a second connection, that one does not always understand what is conducted, especially if it is conducted while one is sleeping.<br><br>I shifted in bed, missing him, his warmth, his comfort.&nbsp; I didn’t feel it fitting to go look for him, he could be going to the bathroom, or getting a drink of water, or even letting the dogs out.&nbsp; It wasn’t overly necessary to go looking for someone, who, would more likely than not return.&nbsp; Grunting, I rolled onto my side, looking at the bedside table which housed my small necessities.&nbsp; Slamming my hand on the pile, I vainly sought out my Ipod. <br><br>The only way to amuse myself until he came back, would be, surely, with a game of brick.&nbsp; However, as my hand connected harshly against the wood of the bedside table, I found that my Ipod was nowhere to be found. <br><br>I must have put it in my backpack…or it could still be in my jeans.&nbsp; Sighing, I shook my head, retreating to the space between the sheets, relying on my imagination to amuse me, until he came back.&nbsp; I began wondering what he was doing, creating a story.<br><br>He was sleepwalking, slowly, around the house.&nbsp; He heard a noise, it was the dogs downstairs, but as his dreams came into play, something far worse taunted him.&nbsp; He found himself in the kitchen, surrounded by the chaotic laughing of- something.&nbsp; Grabbing a knife from the cutting block, he readied himself for attack, gritting his teeth.&nbsp; Another noise, he struck out with the knife.&nbsp; Clumsily, it slid from his grasp, sliding onto his shoulder through his uppercut&nbsp; arm.&nbsp; It spun on his joint, before the serrated edge stopped against his neck.&nbsp; He felt it, whirling around to fight off another enemy, causing the knife to fall, the razored edge to slide against his jugular vein.&nbsp;&nbsp; <br><br>I jerked upright, breathing heavily.&nbsp; I hated my imagination sometimes.&nbsp; I had just killed my lover in a delusional fantasy world.&nbsp; I was a sick individual.<br><br>My head jerked towards the door as I heard the light sounds of playing slowly resonate through the home.&nbsp; My brow furrowed as I tried to place a face to the lightened riffs of a guitar.&nbsp; Electric-that was about as far as I could get.&nbsp; I slowly crawled out of bed, curiosity and confusion overpowering me.&nbsp; I slipped lightly from the bedroom, following the noise through the dark, down the stairs.&nbsp; As the guitar became stronger, I started to recognize the song, the playing.&nbsp; It wasn’t him, he hadn’t written it. I couldn’t place it.&nbsp; <br><br>He was silent, only the guitar.&nbsp; I slid off of the incline of the stairs, slowly making my way to the guitar room.&nbsp; The light bled around the slightly opened door, illuminating the hallway.&nbsp; I waited against the wall, listening intently.<br><br>He started singing, tears flooded my eyes as his voice, rich with passion and pain came to me, through the door.&nbsp; I snagged my lip, pressing hard into the wall, listening to him intently.<br><br>“I memorized all the words for you<br>But if you only knew<br>How much that's just not like me<br>I wait up late every night<br>Just to hear your voice<br>But you don't know that's nothing like me<br><br>“You know I wonder how you already figured out<br>All these things that I try to hide<br>All this time I’ve been hoping you don't find out<br>All these things that I hide on the inside<br><br>“I can't be held responsible<br>This is all so new to me<br>Just when I think I'm invincible<br>You come and happen to me<br><br>“I want to make sure everything is perfect for you<br>If you only knew<br>That's not like me to follow through<br>Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams<br>Just to be with you<br>But you don't know that's nothing like me<br><br>“Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out<br>All these things that I try to hide<br>All this time i've been hoping you don't find out<br>All these things that I hide on the inside<br><br>“I can't be held responsible<br>This is all so new to me<br>Just when I think I'm invincible<br>You come and happen to me”&nbsp;&nbsp; I had to see him, watch him pour himself into a song that he felt close enough to, to cover in privacy.&nbsp; I had to watch him tear himself up, his vulnerability.&nbsp; I wanted to hold him, but knew it impossible, watching him would be the closest I could get, without destroying him.&nbsp; I slowly moved towards the door, lightly pushing it open, silently allowing myself to look into his world, his hidden sanctuary.&nbsp; I leaned against the doorframe, tears nearly spilling from my eyes.&nbsp; <br><br>He was perched atop a stool, a wooded electric guitar in his hands, burgundy stained with a black faceplate.&nbsp; His head was low, as he sang powerfully.&nbsp; His eyes half closed as he took in every emotion he cast out.<br><br>“Now I'm waking up<br>I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime<br>I never thought I'd survive it<br>Now I'm taking back<br>All I gave up for that<br>Leave my pain behind<br>Wash these stains from my life”&nbsp; He yelled with such earthshaking passion, his face contorting to match the agony shooting through him.&nbsp; The tears finally spilled, the wood at my back injecting hard into my spine.&nbsp; I needed the stability, as he carved into both of us.&nbsp; He was only aware of the pain he was feeling.&nbsp; He was still unaware of my presence.<br><br>As his eyes came up, he saw me.&nbsp; I pressed harder, trying to disappear.&nbsp; His eyes seemed to melt behind his emotion as he progressed, whispering lyrics that, could have been sung by anybody.&nbsp; The fact that they were from him, shot through me.&nbsp; Destroying my defenses.<br><br>“Just when I thought all was lost<br>You came and made it all okay”&nbsp; He smiled weakly, before turning away, changing himself to fit the path of the song, his hand moving harder against the strings of the guitar his voice wrenching itself as he shouted the final chorus.<br><br>“I can't be held responsible<br>This is all so new to me<br>Just when I think I'm invincible<br>You come and happen to me<br><br>“I can't be held responsible<br>This is all so new to me<br>Just when I think I'm invincible<br>You come and happen to me<br><br>“I memorized all the words for you<br>If you only knew<br>How much that's just not like me”&nbsp; His hand fell from the strings as he stood there, his head low as he reflected on what he had just done.&nbsp; On what I had just seen of him.&nbsp; As tears relentlessly fell from my eyes, I slid slightly against the door, finding it hard to support myself.&nbsp; <br><br>He lifted the guitar from his shoulders, leaning it against the stool, before his eyes slowly traveled to find me.&nbsp; They were deep with hidden passion, as he silently called me to him.&nbsp; I nodded in understanding, bracing myself against the doorframe.&nbsp; My toes skid across the carpet as I made my way to him, finding my place in his arms.&nbsp; He pulled me onto his lap, burying himself in my shoulder, as I did the same to him. <br><br>”I’m glad you heard that” he said softly.&nbsp; My eyes shut tightly, drying themselves on his shirt, as he moved slightly, kissing my cheek, before returning to rest on my shoulder.<br><br><br><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30 seconds to mars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-04-15T23:13:41Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin:Chapter42]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/149459/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[Heroin: Chapter Fourty Two<br><br>“You Complete me”&nbsp; The words hung in the air like a thick black cloud, oppressive and angry.&nbsp; I don’t know why I reacted the way I did, there had been so much more I had showed him, so much more that I had said, that meant more, than those three words.&nbsp; But, my stomach turned, twisting in bouts of fear, and uncertainty.<br><br>He didn’t say anything, just smiled,&nbsp; His arm supporting his body, leaning over mine.&nbsp; It cornered me, branching over my shoulder.&nbsp; It was one of those times, that I didn’t appreciate being caged close to him, in silence.&nbsp; Goddamnit, just say something.<br><br>I wanted to run, duck under his arm, and race upstairs, to hide under the bed, or in it.&nbsp; Run, and have him catch me, anything, except being kept like this<br><br>‘Run, and I’ll tear you apart’ suddenly careened through my mind.&nbsp; I could feel my eyes widen, as Gradh began talking.&nbsp; Fear of the bastard in general, let alone, Jared seeing me interact with him, permeated my core. He had never truly seen me with the bastard that was my solar plexus, only once, and that was hardly noticeable.<br><br>‘He won’t say anything…’&nbsp; I protested.&nbsp; The Irish teenager growled, running his fingers through his hair.<br><br>‘He’s a guy, he’s processing…’&nbsp; I blinked widely, as I tried to make reason of the entity’s words, before I found Jared’s lips on mine.&nbsp; ‘See, I’m leaving!’ Barked through my head, as Jared forced himself harder onto me, bringing forth limitless passion, catching me off guard.<br><br>What did I want to run from again?<br><br>He nipped at my bottom lip, prying my mouth open.&nbsp; I sunk roughly into the wall, as his body came closer, pressing against mine, cornering me.&nbsp; I allowed my hips to buck lightly against his, fighting the pressure his body put on mine.&nbsp; He smiled lightly, dominantly suppressing my body with a forceful attack of his body.&nbsp; I retreated to rest under him.&nbsp; <br><br>He pulled my lip with him as he withdrew, smiling sleepily as he looked down at me.&nbsp; My teeth instantly caught my lip, holding the it bashfully.&nbsp; He laughed softly, before pulling me from the wall, his hand on the small of my back as he guided me out of the guitar room, into the kitchen.&nbsp; I leaned on the Island as he ducked into the fridge, grabbing two bottles of water, sending one my way.&nbsp; I caught It deftly, taking a long sip before putting it down, looking out the kitchen window.&nbsp; The sun was still high in the sky, and the clock confirmed that the day was still young.<br><br>Or, young enough to add more excitement to the equation.<br><br>“You wanna go out?”&nbsp; I asked, before bringing the bottle up to my lips a second time, listening for a response.&nbsp; He looked at me quizzically, cocking his eyebrows as he chewed on the question for a moment.<br><br>“have anything in mind?”&nbsp; He asked, looking interested.&nbsp;&nbsp; In fact, for once I did have something in mind, and it involved two balls of lightning, who were lazily resting only yards away on the couch, taking advantage of father’s distraction.<br><br>“Just stick around here…go out with the dogs…” I offered, grinning.&nbsp; His eyebrows rose into his forehead as he nodded, enjoying the sound of the idea.&nbsp; <br><br>“sound’s good”&nbsp; He grinned, draining the rest of his water, before motioning it towards the garbage bin beneath the counter of the island on which I leaned.&nbsp; I slid out the bin slightly, giving him just enough room to throw the bottle from where he was, dunking the plastic bottle.&nbsp; I slide the bin back, before nodding with the plan.&nbsp; I drained my own bottle, before turning on my heal, heading for the bedroom.&nbsp; “Do you need to change for every outing?”&nbsp; He laughed, as I reached the stairs.&nbsp; I grinned as I swung against my arm, a link to the banister.<br><br>“who said I was changing?”&nbsp; I laughed, before looking over into the lazy dogs in the living room. “Hey Luce…Jude…wanna train?!”&nbsp; I whispered excitedly to them.&nbsp; The both reared their heads in excitement.&nbsp; In the past days, Judas had grown to love pulling, and would excitedly wait his turn as soon as I was done with Lucifer.&nbsp; Their attitudes completely swapped when on the harness, Judas, for once, was unpredictable in his great excitement. “Go find daddy”&nbsp; I laughed, as they bolted off the couch, before turning to run up the stairs. <br><br>I stooped in the closet, finding the roller blades that I had grown used to, seeing Jared’s skate board next to them.&nbsp; Grabbing the blades and the board,&nbsp; I grinned, knowing this was something Jared would NEVER expect. <br><br>Back downstairs, I looked as Jared had already leashed and harnessed the dogs.&nbsp; They gave me looks of confusion, the dogs not understanding fully, how they were supposed to pull without being tied to their human, and Jared, questioning my wheeled treasures.&nbsp; I placed the board on the ground, and pushed it towards him, grinning madly.<br><br>“What’s this for?”&nbsp; He asked, a mix of fear and confusion spread on his face.&nbsp; I laughed at the look he gave me, while the flame of adventure burned deep in his eyes.&nbsp; Shaking my head, I placed down the blades, and unhooked Lucifer.&nbsp; <br><br>“I want to show you what I do when you’re gone…and…how I fucked up my knee”&nbsp; I grinned.&nbsp; The wound was almost done healing, much further than my hand, thankfully both ailments no longer crippled me at all.&nbsp; Biting my lip, I lightly pulled up his shirt, revealing his belt.&nbsp; Purposefully coming close to his groin as I laced the leash around his buckle, I felt his abs just above my working fingers tense.<br><br>“you know…we could have just as much fun here…”&nbsp; He offered, his breath overpowering his voice, as he allowed his hips to kick lightly against my fingers.&nbsp; I smirked, turning to reconnect Jared and Lucifer, seeing his head fall in my silent rejection.&nbsp; “Denied…”&nbsp; He laughed, his hair waving before his face as he shook his head.<br><br>“Believe me, you’ll like this.”&nbsp; I grinned, unhooking&nbsp; Judas and lacing his leash against my belt.&nbsp; The slight apprehension I felt whenever I took out the old dog crept into me as I pulled the nylon tight.&nbsp; He got too far into it, and sometimes, would refuse commands.&nbsp; He also, had a huge craving for speed.&nbsp; There was no way I would allow Jared to work with him on the first go.<br><br>“I’m slightly hesitant”&nbsp; He admitted, kicking his board into his fingers, as I slipped off my shoes, picking up the blades.&nbsp; He turned to set the alarm, before allowing us to leave.&nbsp; Lucifer took initiative, instantly darting out the door.<br><br>“LUCE!”&nbsp; I barked “Hook and break!”&nbsp; The dog stopped nearly instantaneously, looking back at me.&nbsp; His readiness to take commands left me with a security, Jared’s life going into the dog’s hands, and having never trained.&nbsp; I sat on the stairs to pull on my blades, as Jared looked from me, to the two dogs.<br><br>“What was that?!”&nbsp; He asked bombastically, his eyes wide.&nbsp; I tightened the blades, laughing at his reaction.<br><br>“That, my dear friend, was your first taste.&nbsp; Ok…rules.”&nbsp; I started, standing up, Judas instantly beginning to pull.&nbsp; My attention shot to the dog.&nbsp; “Jude…hook and break!”&nbsp; I said sharply, watching the animal obediently standing still.<br><br>“Rules…”&nbsp; Jared said, bringing me back to the task at hand,&nbsp; I nodded, turning serious.<br><br>“1.&nbsp; Be in control at all times, if you feel you’re getting into trouble, jump off your board, and stop.&nbsp; The dog can’t pull you easily without wheels.&nbsp; He’ll stop and check what happened, they’re really conscientious.”&nbsp; He nodded.&nbsp; I only needed to jump once, and that was with Judas.&nbsp; Unable to jump from skates, I flung myself on the ground.&nbsp; It worked.&nbsp; “2.&nbsp; Don’t try to keep pace with them, they can handle the weight, just relax, and enjoy.&nbsp; But still, keep control.&nbsp; 3.&nbsp; Gee is Right, Haw is Left, Hook and Break is Stop, and Come-by is, Keep going straight.”&nbsp; He nodded again.&nbsp; “4.&nbsp; Have a fucking amazing time…they’ll be.”&nbsp; I grinned, looking at the dogs.&nbsp; <br><br>“I’m not sure what the fuck I’m getting myself into, but whatever you say…”&nbsp; He shook his head.&nbsp; I still found it awkward, for him to have fears.&nbsp; He seemed like&nbsp; a lion constantly, to display himself as a lamb was far from the norm.<br><br>“Don’t worry, Lucifer takes commands on the second.&nbsp; He completely forgets himself, and is always alert…he’s good at this.”&nbsp; He shifted as I patted his dog.<br><br>“And Judas?”&nbsp; He was now fearing for my safety.&nbsp; I shrugged, feeling the malice that developed in my eyes whenever I got excited.&nbsp; <br><br>“You just let me worry about Jude…how about that?”&nbsp; I offered, seeing that face of worry that never seemed to leave when I did something ‘questionable’.&nbsp; “So…you ready?”&nbsp; He nodded deftly, stepping onto his board.&nbsp; “Good.&nbsp; Judas, Lucifer…”&nbsp; The dogs looked back at me, their tails starting to sway.&nbsp; They knew what was coming.&nbsp; “H-YAH!”&nbsp; I barked, watching the gray and white masses lurch foreword.&nbsp; I saw Jared jerk a bit, taken by surprise from the force of his dog.&nbsp; I bit my tongue in his response, finding his uncertainty, adorable, in a childlike way.&nbsp; “HAW!”&nbsp; I barked, having them turn out into the street at the end of the driveway, instantly starting to swing my legs to aid Judas a bit.<br><br>“This is…different…”&nbsp; Jared yelled over the sounds of our wheels.&nbsp; I smiled at his skepticism, He didn’t fully trust Lucifer, it would be his downfall.&nbsp; If you don’t trust, you take control, and that’s when, things go wrong.<br><br>“Don’t worry about it…trust Lucy…he’s got it down”&nbsp; I yelled at him, keeping an eye on the dog ahead of me.&nbsp; “We’ll go up and down the street a bit, before heading out…so you can get a feel…’Kay?”&nbsp; I offered.&nbsp; He nodded in complete relief at the suggestion.&nbsp; “GEE!” I yelled as we came to the end of the street, the dogs taking a right. “GEE, GEE!”&nbsp; I called out two more times, getting them to turn around completely, and dart down the way we had just come.<br><br>Judas started pulling ahead a bit, anxious over the slow pace we were making.&nbsp; I laughed at his rogue spirit, shaking my head.&nbsp; I wasn’t threatened by it, I knew he wanted it. <br><br>“Ready to up the ante?”&nbsp; I yelled at Jared.&nbsp; He was already relaxing, his foot occasionally leaving his board, to push roughly against the asphalt, to help the load, to keep control.&nbsp; A smile had crept upon his face as the moments passed.&nbsp; His head whipped to me, a face of rebel spirit plastered over his skin, the spark of righteousness in his eyes.<br><br>“Fuck Yeah!”&nbsp; He barked.&nbsp; I bit my tongue again in pleasure, looking ahead again at the dogs.&nbsp; <br><br>“H-YAH!”&nbsp; I yelled, feeling my belt jerk foreword as Judas instantly took to the command, taking advantage of it.&nbsp; Lucifer followed dutifully, pulling Jared faster to keep pace.&nbsp; I laughed at the feeling of speed, my clothing ruffling in the wind, my hair flying back, chasing me down the stretch.&nbsp; I looked to see Jared doing much the same, handling the venture supremely, laughing at the same feeling.&nbsp; Freedom, Flying.<br><br>“How fast do they go?”&nbsp; Jared yelled suddenly, his eyes mad, wild.&nbsp; I grinned chaotically.<br><br>“You wanna find out?”&nbsp; I shouted in return.&nbsp; He smiled broadly, his white teeth gleaming threateningly in the sunlight.<br><br>“FUCK YES!”&nbsp; He barked.<br><br>We turned around a final time, my body instantly diving into the throws of speed.&nbsp; The slack sent Judas careening foreword until the nylon strap was tight once more between us.&nbsp; Still, It wasn’t fast enough.<br><br>“HYAH HYAH HYAH!”&nbsp; I urged, sending the furred mass even faster.&nbsp; I heard the rumbling of wheels on concrete beside me as Lucifer pulled into pace, level with his brother.&nbsp; I grinned at Jared, all fear and apprehension far from his body.&nbsp; <br><br>Still needing to feel more, I leaned foreword, making myself streamline, smaller.&nbsp; I felt more and more alive as I glided over the ground, the wind in my ears, the sound of my wheels shooting through my heart.&nbsp; I looked to my left, to see Jared following in suit, the look of challenge in his eyes.&nbsp; I threw him the horns, sticking out my tongue, before allowing my fingers to trail behind me, sliding along the rough asphalt.<br><br>Hours past on wheels, we never left the safety of the street before his house, going up and down the stretch countless times.&nbsp; In bouts of race, and lazy pulling, we altered our speed depending on the mood that particular lap held.&nbsp; As he waited for me to pull off his roller blades, he ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair.&nbsp; It was a hot day, and despite how ‘easy’ it sounded;&nbsp; Pulling was labor intensive, for both dog, and human.&nbsp; <br><br>“That was fucking insane…absolutely insane…”&nbsp; He mused, laughing, I grinned nodding as I pulled my feet from the plastic and cloth caverns of his blades, setting them aside, as I stood up, my feet feeling awkward to be actually planted on the ground.&nbsp; <br><br>“Now you know what I do when you aren’t around.”&nbsp; I grinned, unclipping Judas and unlacing the leash from my belt.&nbsp; I blinked looking over at Jared, who still was very much attached to Lucifer. I cocked my eyebrow at him, unhooking the dog, but ignoring his belt for the moment.&nbsp; Draping my leash around my neck, I grabbed the blades, and walked into the house, opening the door for the stampede of fur that darted in, to fight over the water dish, for much needed hydration.<br><br>After hanging the leash that was around my neck, up, I trotted over to the fridge, popping open the vacuumed hinge and plucking form its maw, two bottles of water.&nbsp; Turning, I tapped the door shut with my heel, tossing the bottle to Jared. I furrowed my eyebrows, still seeing the leash about his belt.&nbsp; “You gonna remove that?”&nbsp; I asked, gesturing to the knot about his hips as I uncapped the bottle.&nbsp; He grinned cheekily, reeking of boyish innocence, and adult malice.<br><br>“I was hoping you would…I like your hands there.”&nbsp; He said softly, his ragged tone returning.&nbsp; I lurched foreword, as I pulled the bottle from my lips suddenly, preventing a laugh from erupting within my throat.&nbsp; Swallowing hard, I shook my head, blinking widely. <br><br>A smirk coming to my lips, I looked at him directly, denying my fear of eye contact for a moment.&nbsp; I silently stalked up to him, purposefully pressing my body just too close.&nbsp; My hands found the lump of nylon knotted about his belt.&nbsp; Biting my lip, I slowly unlaced the broad strap from his body, allowing my left hand to rest on the ridge his jeans and belt created, as my right slide the leash across his groin.&nbsp; Turning from him, my fingers caught his buckle, lifting its hinged edge wide enough to loosen the slack on his hips tauntingly. I bit my tongue as I ducked from sight, re-hanginging the leash by the door.&nbsp; <br><br>I pressed back into the hard, alive body, of a boy turned man in a matter of seconds.&nbsp; His arms bound me in an overwhelming embrace, as his head covered my shoulder, breathing deeply, oppressively.&nbsp;&nbsp; I shuddered at his hot breath on my neck, feeling my body tense with anticipation. <br><br>“I want you…”&nbsp; His tone was low and foreboding.&nbsp; I could feel my eyes widen, with fear, with longing.&nbsp; I monitored my breathing, taking deep, wavering breaths.&nbsp; His chin rested on my shoulder, his mouth agape as he kept his breathing hard.&nbsp; I could feel his head swivel on his stationary mandible, turning directly to my neck, his teeth scraping the skin lightly.&nbsp; <br><br>My throat closed, my balance fell.&nbsp; I held myself against his ragged body, his hands bracing against my arms as he teased me, tempted me.&nbsp; His connection grew, as he lightly bit my skin, raising the hairs on the nape of my neck.&nbsp; “I fucking want you…”&nbsp; He repeated, his voice hoarse, his breath shallow, as he pinned me to himself, the growing entity in his jeans apparent as the moment progressed.<br><br>“Oh Jesus Christ…”&nbsp; I cursed, as I felt myself give way to his power.&nbsp; He smiled onto my skin, his arm sweeping under my limp knees, boosting me into his arms.&nbsp; Turning on his heel, he aimed his body towards the stairs.&nbsp; Our ultimate goal- the bedroom.<br><br>Destination: Beautiful.<br><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30 seconds to mars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-04-04T17:20:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[Heroin: Chapter 41]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/142045/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[<span style="font-style: italic;">Author's Note:&nbsp; *orchestrates a union of "ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME"*&nbsp; sorry guys, i know you missed me.</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">I just wanna let you know, its very difficult to write about a man, you just saw, 2 days ago...he's not Just a character, he's an actual REAL person, which, changes EVERYTHING<br>&lt;3always, meg<br><br></span>Heroin:Chapter 41<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br style="font-style: italic;"></span><br>Sunlight slowly bled into view, nudging me lightly, calling me to awake.&nbsp; I slowly allowed my eyelids to pull up, calling to attention the actors of scene one into play.&nbsp; As the theme music cued, the actors fled on stage.&nbsp; A ballet of two icy pools dancing in their own pleasure ran on, twirling and running as they brought an air of beauty to a loud morning outside.&nbsp; I blinked widely, before yawning, awaking my senses a touch more, in order to enjoy the show.&nbsp; Two pink lips joined the excitement, adding to the theme of a morning rush with music of their own creation.&nbsp; <br><br>“Good morning”&nbsp; They chimed in gleeful harmony, before gripping each other’s hands and dashing into the audience, out of view.&nbsp; They collided with mine, dancing in a friendly manner, letting go of each other, to dance in daisy graced circles with mine, calling them to join the orchestrated morning.&nbsp; A playful noose fell over my tongue as the giggling lips pulled away, joining the stage, to spin with the blue pools.<br><br>“Morning”&nbsp; The gruff voice of my lips penetrated the gay atmosphere, like the disapproving father reprimanding a daughter’s ambition to dance.&nbsp; The show went on despite the disapproval, not phased by the alarming distaste.&nbsp; Lights flickered on the blue ballet dancers in rapid alterations between light and dark, creating them to strobe in their erratic movements.&nbsp; It was beautiful.<br><br>“Sleep well?”&nbsp; The chorus of lips chimed in again, twirling in their field with enthusiasm.&nbsp; The Russian ballet in Paris, the Rockettes in New York, all could compare to the show before me.&nbsp; I was enthralled as I watched the musical performance with intense amusement.<br><br>“mmhmm”&nbsp; The gruff voice came out again, over the sound system above the stage, out of sight and out of much mind.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A pair hovering upstage from the blue ballet dancers jumped.&nbsp; They were black and furred, capped in Russian animal hides, they danced&nbsp; a classic dance of eastern Europe, their legs flying out from under tem as they did a stationary motion of group celebration.&nbsp; I smirked at their bizarre bobbing, finding pleasure in their animation.<br><br>“You had a good dream…what was it about?”&nbsp; The lips sprawled out before them, setting up a picnic of words&nbsp; as their legs grew weary from the jubilee.&nbsp; The plaid pattern of red and white was smoothed by delicate hands, as they laid out the courses of language.&nbsp; <br><br>“I don’t really remember…what clued you in?”&nbsp; The harsh weathered voice began softening over the sound stage, becoming more civil with the staged setting.&nbsp; The pink lips pursed together, as they flirted, peering into the picnic basket together, nudging each other&nbsp; playfully as they drew out further words, putting them on the red and white.<br><br>“You squirmed with delight, and made sounds that appeared happy.&nbsp; You also smiled…so I can only imagine you were enjoying yourself.”&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The dramatic blue dancers flung themselves into the air, coming up with the Russian dancers as they all rose high in a chorus of merriment.&nbsp; The picnicking couple parted as they traveled over what they had laid out.&nbsp; “you said my name…”&nbsp; The entire ensemble rang out in a religious movement.&nbsp; Their arms were thrown skywards, calling upon the rays and prayers of god for just a moment, before falling, once more.<br><br>Early morning metaphors always seemed to be the most intense.<br><br>I vaguely remembered his involvement in my sleeping ventures.&nbsp; I remembered feeling warm, but that was the farthest I could reach.&nbsp; A yawn choked at my throat, causing me to heave in vain to suppress it.&nbsp; I folded in half as I allowed the wave to fly from my chest, my body bending under the tent of blankets, into the shade, far from sight.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My arms stretched far before me,&nbsp; straightening the veins, bringing waves of blood through them.&nbsp; The jump start aided in my ascension to consciousness.<br><br>I felt my hand collide and brush against his naked thigh.&nbsp; As I resurfaced from beneath the covers, I felt my cheeks turn hot,&nbsp; a bit embarrassed by the unexpected connection.&nbsp; It was too early to think through it, my mind was fogged.&nbsp; His mouth spread in a wide grin, his eyes ablaze with amusement as he thumbed my nose affectionately, before, drawing the traces of hair out of my face.<br>“you’re adorable.”&nbsp; He beamed, turning my cheeks a deeper shade.&nbsp; I needed to wake up, turning colors wasn’t in my nature.&nbsp; <br><br>As his hand remained on the side of my face, it took me a second to realize he was closing in.&nbsp; I blinked widely, as his nose nudged mine off to the side, before allowing our lips to collide.&nbsp; If I needed a more blatant wake up call, I had received it.&nbsp; My eyes shot open at the sudden contact, before they fluttered contentedly shut, allowing me to blindly embrace the feeling of him so close, his body so warm.<br><br>The fireworks came, causing my body to engage in internal fits of pleasure.&nbsp; He smiled briefly, possibly feeling the chemistry shoot through me.&nbsp; I wondered if the blazon balls of light, that flung themselves into the air whenever we touched, would ever stop.<br><br>Personally, I never wanted them to.&nbsp; <br><br>We separated, the sudden lack of stimulation causing me to yawn once more.&nbsp; He smirked at my still asleep body, which only now was reflexively jumpstarting its way into motion.&nbsp; I nestled down on his erect chest, feeling my torso spasm wildly as the muscles awoke.&nbsp; He shifted under me, apparently feeling my body shiver convulsively under the skin.&nbsp; I craned my neck to look at him, shrugging to his confused expression, not beginning to try and settle my abs from their cycle.&nbsp; If I did, I cramped, and that was much worse to deal with.<br><br>My body had awkward processes that I never questioned.&nbsp; From my hypnagogia, to the shivers I was being faced with now, I accepted it all as simply, what happened.&nbsp;&nbsp; After years of dealing with simple little inconveniences, it was all natural.&nbsp; At least nothing was life threatening.<br><br>“You ok?”&nbsp; He asked, as the tremors began to subside.&nbsp; I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his chest smoothly.&nbsp; <br><br>“yeah, just, waking up…It happens.”&nbsp; I shrugged against him.&nbsp; He shifted again, as finally, my muscles settled.&nbsp; I smiled lightly, feeling my body become near limp, slumping a bit as everything relaxed.&nbsp; His had dropped lightly to rest on the small of my back, his finger slowly tracing small designs on my skin, through my shirt.&nbsp; “you have practice today?”&nbsp; I asked lightly, allowing myself to settle further onto his chest, burrowing from the world, where I felt safe.&nbsp; <br><br>“Yep”&nbsp; He said shortly, his finger still tracing across my spine.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I grunted in a lack of support for him leaving.&nbsp; I was in a clingy mood, I wanted to just spend the day with him.&nbsp; But, he had taken too many days away from practice as is.&nbsp; I knew he had to go.<br><br>But that wouldn’t stop me from whining.&nbsp;&nbsp; “do you have to?”&nbsp; I pouted, starting to trace figures on his stomach absentmindedly.&nbsp; He squirmed contentedly under my finger, grinning like a child.&nbsp; <br><br>“Yeah, I do, sorry…”&nbsp; He shrugged.&nbsp; It was one of those ‘sorry’s’ that didn’t really mean anything, but was just a filler.&nbsp; Not that it made any difference.&nbsp; <br><br>“aww”&nbsp; I whined, moving slightly to look at the clock.&nbsp; He had to leave in 15 minutes.&nbsp; His gaze following mine, damnit.&nbsp; Wordlessly, he nudged me up, slipping from the bed.&nbsp; I flopped down onto my back, staring at the ceiling.&nbsp; “ever wondered why you practice?”&nbsp; I asked openly, not fully controlling my mouth.<br><br>“because…I need to?”&nbsp; He asked, looking over his shoulder as he pulled up his skinny jeans.&nbsp; I shook my head, it wasn’t the right direction, not where I was aimed.<br><br>“Why do you need to?”&nbsp; I bit my lip.&nbsp; I wasn’t sure where I was getting at, I just knew my mind was working faster than I could make sense of it.&nbsp; There was a point, somewhere.<br><br>“Because…the band has to have the songs down…”&nbsp; He blinked straightening his shirt, before walking over, sitting on the edge of the bed.&nbsp; “what are you getting at?”&nbsp; He asked.&nbsp; I ignored the question, for the moment, anyway.<br><br>“Why do you want to have the songs down?”&nbsp; I persisted, finally realizing what the point was. <br><br>“Because, I want to have them, give a message…”&nbsp; He answered, getting strong sense of pride.&nbsp; That’s what I wanted to hear.&nbsp; “What’s with the questions?”&nbsp; He asked, laughing faintly, obviously a bit amused. <br><br>“figuring out what drives you…”&nbsp; I shrugged simply, still staring into the metronome like spinning of the ceiling fan.&nbsp; He suddenly obstructed my vision, hanging over my head with a playful look in his eyes.<br><br>“you had to ask what drives me?”&nbsp; He blinked, knitting his eyebrows together.&nbsp; “you couldn’t just figure that out?”&nbsp; Ha laughed in his amusement.<br><br>“If I figured it out myself, I wouldn’t have anything to talk about…”&nbsp; I grinned, biting my tongue.&nbsp; He shrugged, as if admitting I had a point.&nbsp; He looked at the clock before turning back.<br><br>“I gotta run.&nbsp; Sorry, be back in a few hours.”&nbsp;&nbsp; He pressed his lips to mine in a ‘spiderman’ kiss, before spinning on his heel, exiting the bedroom, and ultimately, the house.<br><br>I was alone.<br><br>I yawned openly before sliding out of bed, straightening my plaid pajama pants unconsciously, pulling at their ballooning sides with unknown intent.&nbsp; I pulled my shirt down, covering the drawstring of the pants with its extended hem.&nbsp; I felt kind of like, a girl from one of those religions, where you couldn’t expose any skin.&nbsp; You could only see my head, neck, hands, and feet.&nbsp; It was more than they could, show but, I was still captive by fabric.<br><br>Unlike those women, I was like this by choice.&nbsp; None the less, the clothing was warm and comfortable, and I was pleased.&nbsp;&nbsp; My pants made small sounds as I sleepily dragged across the carpet, out of the bedroom, into the hall, and finally, the bathroom.&nbsp; I clumsily boosted next to the sink, and plucked my toothbrush from the holder, ejecting white paste from the tube, onto the bristles and jamming the entire setup into my mouth.&nbsp; I vigorously allowed the head of the brush to run rampant through my mouth, the paste erupting into a thick foam before I bent over the sink, turning on the cold water, and rinsed out my mouth.&nbsp; My tongue ran along my now clean teeth, taking in the new, mint flavor that plagued me.&nbsp; I cleaned off my brush, and scooted off the side of the counter, my feet finding the floor quickly.&nbsp; My energy began to reach soaring amplitudes as I began waking up and planning my day until practice was over. Then, I was Jared’s.<br><br>As I reached the bottom of the staircase, I was connected to an invisible monorail, instantly talking me into the guitar room.&nbsp; I blinked as I came to the door, grinning, instantly knowing how to spend my day.&nbsp; Turning excitedly on my bare foot, I raced back to the bedroom, up the stairs, sliding as I made a quick turn on the carpet before careening into the bedroom. <br><br>I was never graceful when I was excited.&nbsp; <br><br>My foot had slipped out from under me as I made the turn, and I barreled into the bedroom, managing to get close enough to my suitcase before I crashed to the ground.&nbsp; I landed on my stomach, yet somehow, managed to roll awkwardly as momentum kept me moving foreword.&nbsp; My feet were somehow, against the wall,&nbsp; and above my face.&nbsp; I remembered I was still wounded, healing but wounded.&nbsp; I laughed psychotically to myself, cursing my clumsiness, and the pain.<br><br>I was a raging psychopath, when I was excited.<br><br>“Jesus Christ!”&nbsp; I yelled to the atmosphere as I rolled onto my front, getting up and diving into my bags for my Ipod.&nbsp; Grabbing the black computer triumphantly, I turned on my heel again, racing back down the stairs, across the house, into the guitar room.&nbsp; I was too excited to even think about shutting the door.&nbsp; Not that anyone in the house would hear anything IMPORTANT anyway.<br><br>Today was a day for covers. <br><br>Awaking the small media center, I walked instantly to Jackson, looking up at his glossed, wood body&nbsp; with mounting admiration.&nbsp; Running my fingers sentimentally across his body, I looked up and down him before reaching to lift him from his pegs.&nbsp; Suddenly, my attention was drawn down the line, as acoustic faded to electric. <br><br>My excitement shot through the roof as I saw it.&nbsp; <br><br>Blue bodied, with white accents,&nbsp; I knew the guitar as if it were my brother.&nbsp; Just like my baby back home, the one I had spent countless years on, working relentlessly to learn.&nbsp; The spotless body down the&nbsp; line, had none of the imperfections that were second nature to me, and no paint, but it was something I was used to.&nbsp; Securing Jackson, I deftly walked to the new friend, my eyes wide.&nbsp; This was, my Aiden.<br><br>But, it wasn’t.&nbsp; Aiden was a friend, a husband.&nbsp; This was a stranger.&nbsp; I ran my fingers along the body of this new creature, sizing him up.&nbsp; Grinning idly to myself, I lifted him off the pegged hangers, and draped the strap about my shoulders.&nbsp; I swung it back, raising on my toes to grab the cord that would bring the system to life.&nbsp; <br><br>My eyes fell on the amp system on an adjacent wall, looking upon them with zeal.&nbsp; For some reason, seeing a duplicated of Aiden, I assumed to see his best friend, Jay in the room with him.&nbsp; This was not so, there was no tiny amp that I had grown with, only massive monsters, with huge mouths.&nbsp; They did not deter me.&nbsp; I walked with conviction to one of them, and injected an end of the cord into the input jack, doing the same to the guitar about my shoulders.&nbsp; A pick lay stray on the amp, I took it with zeal, holding it between my teeth as I adjusted the many switches and knobs on both the body of the guitar, and the amp, to get it to a formula I was used to.&nbsp; <br><br>Yanking the pick out of my mouth, I quickly checked the tune, smiling as everything sounded perfect to my ears.&nbsp; I grabbed my ipod, and put on a play list titled “rockers” and allowed myself to run free.&nbsp; <br><br>An oppressive chord rang from my fingers and the amp as I started with the first song on the list, feeling instant liberation as my voice followed the lyrics to a song that had once meant so much pain for me, now, only fleeting memories of what life wasn’t about.&nbsp;&nbsp; I grinned as I relished my past, only seeming to accept it, in the presence of such a song, that posed such anger to being broken, such despise to giving up.&nbsp; <br><br>Such vain attempts at feeling.<br><br>“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut<br>My weakness is that I care too much<br>And my scars remind me that the past is real<br>I tear my heart open just to feel<br><br>“Drunk and I'm feeling down<br>And I just wanna be alone<br>I'm pissed cause you came around<br>Why don't you just go home<br>Cause you channel all your pain<br>And I can't help you fix yourself<br>You're making me insane<br>All I can say is<br><br>“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut<br>My weakness is that I care too much<br>And our scars remind us that the past is real<br>I tear my heart open just to feel<br><br>“I tried to help you once<br>Against my own advice<br>I saw you going down<br>But you never realized<br>That you're drowning in the water<br>So I offered you my hand<br>Compassions in my nature<br>Tonight is our last stand<br><br>“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut<br>My weakness is that I care too much<br>And our scars remind us that the past is real<br>I tear my heart open just to feel<br><br>“I'm drunk and I'm feeling down<br>And I just wanna be alone<br>You shouldn't ever come around<br>Why don't you just go home?<br>Cause you're drowning in the water<br>And I tried to grab your hand<br>And I left my heart open<br>But you didn't understand<br>But you didn't understand<br>Go fix yourself<br><br>“I can't help you fix yourself<br>But at least I can say I tried<br>I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life<br>I can't help you fix yourself<br>But at least I can say I tried<br>I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life<br><br>“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut<br>My weakness is that I care too much<br>And our scars remind us that the past is real<br>I tear my heart open just to feel<br><br>“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut<br>My weakness is that I care too much<br>And our scars remind us that the past is real<br>I tear my heart open just to feel”&nbsp; How many times had I wished to grab myself by the collar and scream such a song in my own face.&nbsp; Say what you want about new years resolutions, it was always the self-loathers who made the most progress.&nbsp; To hate yourself, was to hate the entire makeup of your life.&nbsp; Hate was a wonderful motivator. <br><br>My chest heaved In relief as I felt the entire effect of such a song fall on me.&nbsp; I smiled chaotically, as I felt old wounds pry open and bleed profusely.&nbsp; This time, I could feel them.&nbsp; I ran my tongue along my lip, laughing silently in my isolation.&nbsp; I shook my head, as I rocked the body of the guitar.<br><br>Who would understand that this pain was a good thing?&nbsp; <br><br>The songs moved ahead, and I was forced to follow.&nbsp; Moving ahead, on with the music, and on with my life.&nbsp; I passed countless eras of my existence, reflecting, reliving, none seeming to have the power of when I found out I could feel again.&nbsp; Regardless of how much trouble I was in, that was one of the biggest points in my life, the most emotional, and the most influential of the here and now. <br><br>I listened as music dictating the life before Jared came into my ears, smiling as my fingers danced on the neck of the guitar.&nbsp; I smiled as I remembered such a pathetic girl I was way back when.&nbsp; Chasing stupid fantasies that would never become real.&nbsp; I was wasting my time.<br><br>“Well I don't want to see you waiting<br>I've already gone too far away<br>I still can't keep the day from ending<br>No more messed up reasons for me to stay<br><br>Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel<br>I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more<br>I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time<br>You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason<br>Let's make the call-And take it all again<br>Woah again<br><br>Months went by with us pretending<br>When did our light turn from green to red<br>I took a chance and left you standing<br>Lost the will to do this once again<br><br>Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel<br>I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more<br>I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time<br>You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason<br>Let's make the call-And take it all <br>I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time again<br>Woah again<br><br>See you waiting<br>Lonesome, lonely<br>See you waiting<br>I see you waiting<br><br>Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel<br>I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more<br>I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time<br>You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason<br>Let's make the call-And take it all <br><br>I'm wasting my time<br>I'm wasting my ...<br><br>Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel<br>I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more<br>I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time<br>You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason<br>Let's make the call”<br><br>And then, the here and now came to life.&nbsp; Songs that meant the summer awoke on the body of the guitar, and I forgot the past.&nbsp; Happiness flooded my voice, as the guitar sang pleasing chords of some of the best days of my existence.&nbsp; <br><br>I was a bit upset that there was no piano in the room, but, at the same rate, thankful that I had learned guitar based versions of songs that required them.&nbsp; Someone, had said that guitar versus piano was easily converted, and people followed the parade.&nbsp; <br><br>I heard the front door open and shut as I started the next song, not prepared to stop as undeniable adrenaline filled me.&nbsp; It was one of those songs, that, just, filled you with warmth.&nbsp; As I started, I saw him appear at the doorway, but, it was the point of no return for me.&nbsp; <br><br>“dance until we just can't,<br>Keep clapping our hands to the songs<br>And get dancing around to the joyful sound that the band plays<br>As his smiling face just shines away, it's moving through town as big as a train<br>April, May, June and July we'll hang outside<br>August and February all the time<br>Talking our way through March <br>Hanging out always 'til this starts<br>Over and over again, you promise that it won't end<br>So I will try to find the rhyme to thank you again<br><br>“How I, I am not into the idea of living without you<br>And I, I am not into the idea of being without you<br>And no, this won't be a sad song<br>There's gonna be claps and singing along<br>Cause sad song's about now well, that would just feel wrong<br><br>“Beautiful colors that came from you<br>So this one goes out to the reds and yellows and blues<br>And of course I cant forget, all the beautiful colors on the day that we first met<br>So I will never know the right way to say thanks<br>for all the nights and days you spent hanging out<br>Cause that's what this is about<br><br>“How I, I am not into the idea of living without you<br>And I, I am not into the idea of being without you<br>And no, this won't be a sad song<br>There's gonna be claps and singing along<br>Cause you're there when you talk and you're there not to stop and you're with me<br><br>“Around the clock, you are, you are <br>Around the clock, yes you are<br>Around the clock<br><br>“And just so ya'll know everyone else is not <br>so I, I am not into the idea of living without you<br>And I, I am not into the idea...<br>And no, this won't be a sad song<br>There's gonna be claps and singing along<br>Cause you're there when you talk and you're there not to stop<br>and you're with me around the clock”&nbsp; I let the guitar fall, smiling dumbly to myself as the effects of the song wore off.&nbsp; He grinned, clapping his hands and crossing the room, wrapping his arms around me, despite the involvement of a blue and white guitar.<br><br>“I love it when you do that”&nbsp; He said softly, pulling away to kiss me with excitement and passion.&nbsp; I smiled broadly as we broke, unable to contain obvious giddiness from the entire spans of what had happened, between finding myself and awakening inner demons, I felt more free than ever before.<br><br>I wished he had seen the rebirth the first song had given me.&nbsp; The liberation of my past.&nbsp; But something told me he wouldn’t understand.&nbsp; Something told me, he would only get worried, instead of sharing my freedom.&nbsp; “I’m not ready to quit…”&nbsp; I growled in constant fits of prevailing adrenaline that pumped like cocaine through my maddening veins.&nbsp; His eyebrows jumped at my self righteousness, as he looked surprised.&nbsp; “Wanna join?”&nbsp; I asked, cocking my head.&nbsp; A smile plastered his face as he walked over, plucking an acoustic from the wall, giving an opposing sound from mine, giving us a more diverse selection of music to pick from.&nbsp; <br><br>I started with the opening chords to a song he HAD to know.&nbsp; The Gloucester high school drama club theme song, everyone knew it.&nbsp; I smiled broadly, as he instantly clued in, his fingers following mine as he joined in on the song.&nbsp; <br><br>“Is this the real life?<br>Is this just fantasy?<br>Caught in a landslide,<br>No escape from reality<br>Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see,<br>I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,<br>Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low,<br>Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me<br>Mama just killed a man,<br>Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead<br>Mama, life had just begun,<br>But now I've gone and thrown it all away<br>Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry,<br>If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,<br>Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters<br>Too late, my time has come,<br>Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time<br>Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,<br>Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth<br>Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,<br>I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all<br>I see a little silhouetto of a man,<br>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango<br>Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me<br>(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro<br>Magnifico I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me<br>He's just a poor boy from a poor family,<br>Spare him his life from this monstrosity<br>Easy come, easy go, will you let me go<br>Bismillah! No, we will not let you go<br>(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go<br>(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go<br>(Let me go) Will not let you go<br>(Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah<br>No, no, no, no, no, no, no<br>(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go<br>Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me<br>So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye<br>So you think you can love me and leave me to die<br>Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,<br>Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here<br>Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,<br>Nothing really matters,<br>Nothing really matters to me”&nbsp; We laughed openly at the song choice, heaving foreword bombastic thrusts from out diaphragms.<br><br>“you’re wild”&nbsp; He laughed, shaking his head, causing me to grin boyishly, revving the guitar lightly, as I went a different road with songs.<br><br>“oh yeah?&nbsp; How about this?”&nbsp; I laughed as I started a song, I knew he couldn’t jump in on, really, because it was sung by a girl, and I questioned if he would cross the gender barrier to join in with me.<br><br>I’m not exactly sure what made me go with Disney.&nbsp; It seemed right at the time.<br><br>“If there's a prize for rotten judgment<br>I guess I've already won that<br>No man is worth the aggravation<br>That's ancient history, been there, done that!”&nbsp; My eyebrows shot up as he filled the position of the muses in the Hercules duet, without hesitation.&nbsp; I wanted to laugh out loud, to fall on my back and roll with constant fits of surprise and amusement.&nbsp; Somehow, I held restraint.<br><br>“Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'<br>He's the Earth and heaven to you<br>Try to keep it hidden<br>Honey, we can see right through you<br>Girl, ya can't conceal it<br>We know how ya feel and<br>Who you're thinking of”&nbsp; He grinned boyishly as he sang, finding himself clever and amusing.&nbsp; Which, he was.&nbsp; It was beyond words.<br><br>“No chance, no way<br>I won't say it, no, no”<br><br>“You swoon, you sigh<br>why deny it, uh-oh”<br><br>“It's too cliche<br>I won't say I'm in love<br><br>“I thought my heart had learned its lesson<br>It feels so good when you start out<br>My head is screaming get a grip, girl<br>Unless you're dying to cry your heart out<br>Oh”<br><br>“You keep on denying<br>Who you are and how you're feeling<br>Baby, we're not buying<br>Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling<br>Face it like a grown-up<br>“When ya gonna own up<br>That ya got, got, got it bad”<br><br>“No chance, no way<br>I won't say it, no, no”<br><br>“Give up, give in<br>Check the grin you're in love”<br><br>“This scene won't play,<br>I won't say I'm in love”<br><br>“You're doin flips read our lips<br>You're in love”<br><br>“You're way off base<br>I won't say it<br>Get off my case<br>I won't say it”<br><br>“Girl, don't be proud<br>It's O.K. you're in love”<br><br>“Oh<br>At least out loud,<br>I won't say I'm in love”&nbsp; Another volley of laughter overwhelmed us as we realized what Jared had just done.&nbsp; For some reason, it seemed so strange, and so awkward, and yet, he had done it with his usual charisma and headfirst attitude.&nbsp; <br><br>“Ok, my turn”&nbsp; He grinned, plucking the strings of his guitar to another Hercules song, that, I didn’t hesitate to join him on.&nbsp; We sang harmoniously, the two different tones of our guitars, melting together just as our voices did, so perfectly.&nbsp; <br><br>“I have often dreamed<br>Of a far off place<br>Where a hero's welcome<br>Would be waiting for me<br>Where the crowds will cheer<br>When they see my face<br>And a voice keeps saying<br>This is where I'm meant to be<br><br>“I will find my way <br>I can go the distance<br>I'll be there someday<br>If I can be strong<br>I know ev'ry mile<br>Will be worth my while<br>When I go the distance<br>I'll be right where I belong<br><br>“Down an unknown road<br>To embrace my fate<br>Though the road may wander<br>It will lead me to you<br>And a thousand years<br>Would be worth the wait<br>It may take a lifetime<br>But somehow I'll see it through<br><br>“And I won't look back<br>I can go the distance<br>And I'll stay on track<br>No I won't accept defeat<br>It's an uphill slope<br>But I won't lose hope<br>Till I go the distance<br>And my journey is complete<br><br>“But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part<br>For a hero's strength is measured by his heart<br><br>“Like a shooting star<br>I can go the distance<br>I will search the world<br>I will face its harms<br>I don't care how far<br>I can go the distance<br>TillI find my hero's welcome<br>Waiting in your arms...<br><br>“I will search the world<br>I will face its harms<br>Till I find my hero's welcome<br>Waiting in your arms…”&nbsp; We smiled, getting closer.&nbsp; I rose over our guitars, pressing my lips to his.&nbsp; We smiled against each other, before breaking apart.&nbsp; My hand fell against the guitar, the pick still in my fingers.<br><br>“your turn”&nbsp; He said softly, smiling.&nbsp; I bit my lip, trying to find an intimate song to follow up with, wanting to break from the laughter, and get closer to him, under his skin, under his heart.&nbsp; Nodding, I looked down at my guitar, following the theme of Disney songs, slowly picking at the strings, giving him a clue so he could jump in.&nbsp; As his guitar followed, we slowly entered the song, harmoniously, as we had in the precursor.<br><br>“Tale as old as time<br>True as it can be<br>Barely even friends<br>Then somebody bends<br>Unexpectedly<br><br>“Just a little change<br>Small, to say the least<br>Both a little scared<br>Neither one prepared<br>Beauty and the Beast<br><br>“Ever just the same<br>Ever a surprise<br>Ever as before<br>Ever just as sure<br>As the sun will rise<br>Tale as old as time<br>Tune as old as song<br>Bittersweet and strange<br>Finding you can change<br>Learning you were wrong<br><br>“Certain as the sun<br>Rising in the East<br>Tale as old as time<br>Song as old as rhyme<br>Beauty and the Beast<br>Tale as old as time<br>Song as old as rhyme<br>Beauty and the Beast”&nbsp;&nbsp; I smiled, looking at him.<br><br>“I think its obvious who’s who in that song.”&nbsp; I smiled.<br><br>“you’re beauty”&nbsp; We said in unison, pointing at each other.&nbsp; Our eyebrows jumped as we realized the falter, laughing again.<br><br>“I’m a grizzly old man!&nbsp; You’re beauty!”&nbsp; He exclaimed, causing me to shake my head in disagreement.<br><br>“I’m an awkward teenager, you’re prettier than I!”&nbsp; I protested.&nbsp; We laughed again.&nbsp; <br><br>“My turn”&nbsp; He said happily, starting on chords I knew intensely well, and he was fully aware of that.&nbsp; He grinned knowingly as I joined in on my guitar, starting on the duet.<br><br>“I can show you the world<br>Shining, shimmering, splendid<br>Tell me, princess, now when did<br>you last let your heart decide?<br><br>I can open your eyes<br>Take you wonder by wonder<br>Over, sideways, and under<br>On a magic carpet ride<br><br>A whole new world<br>A new fantastic point of view<br>No one to tell us no<br>Or where to go<br>Or say we're only dreaming” I took a breath before diving into my half of the song, he grinned broadly, captivated by pleasure as we sang the song together.<br><br>“A whole new world<br>A dazzling place i never knew<br>But when I'm way up here<br>It's crystal clear<br>That now i'm in a whole new world <br>With you<br><br>“Now I'm in a whole new world with you.”&nbsp; He exclaimed.<br><br>“Unbelievable sights<br>Indescribable feeling<br>Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling<br>Through an endless diamond sky”<br><br>“A whole new world”<br><br>“Don't you dare close your eyes”&nbsp; He whispered, standing closer.<br><br>“A hundred thousand things to see”<br><br>“Hold your breath- it gets better”<br><br>“I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far I can't go back to where i used to be”<br><br>“A whole new world”<br><br>“Every turn a surprise”<br><br>“With new horizons to pursue”<br><br>“Every moment gets better”<br><br>“I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you”&nbsp; We sang together, before the parts broke again.<br><br>“A whole new world”<br><br>“A whole new world”<br><br>“That's where we'll be”<br><br>“That's where we'll be “<br><br>“A thrilling chase”<br><br>“A wondrous place”<br><br>“For you and me”&nbsp; We smiled as our voices faded, taking a step back, only now realizing that we had hardly enough room to play between us.<br><br>“you’re turn…last one”&nbsp; He said softly, with an air that almost challenged me to find a better song than the one he had chosen.&nbsp; I knew almost instantly what to pick.&nbsp; It was from a movie, of a Russian princess, who didn’t know who she was, finding love, in a con artist.&nbsp; <br><br>“We were strangers<br>Starting out on a journey<br>Never dreaming<br>What we'd have to go through<br>Now here we are<br>And I'm suddenly standing<br>At the beginning with you”&nbsp; I sang softly, listening as his guitar joined in, his voice raspy with the intense emotion that he purged from his core, knowing we could relate to the song immensely.&nbsp; <br><br>“No one told me<br>I was going to find you<br>Unexpected<br>What you did to my heart<br>When I lost hope<br>You were there to remind me<br>This is the start”&nbsp; We stepped foreword as we joined in the chorus, our voices blending in the song.<br><br>“Life is a road<br>And I want to keep going<br>Love is a river<br>I wanna keep flowing<br>Life is a road<br>Now and forever<br>Wonderful journey<br><br>“I'll be there<br>When the world stops turning<br>I'll be there<br>When the storm is through<br>In the end I wanna be standing<br>At the beginning with you”&nbsp; I took a step back, prepping for my part once more.<br><br>“We were strangers<br>On a crazy adventure”<br><br>“Never dreaming<br>How our dreams would come true”<br><br>“Now here we stand<br>Unafraid of the future<br>At the beginning with you”<br><br>“Life is a road<br>And I want to keep going<br>Love is a river<br>I wanna keep flowing<br>Life is a road<br>Now and forever<br>Wonderful journey<br><br>“I'll be there<br>When the world stops turning<br>I'll be there<br>When the storm is through<br>In the end I wanna be standing<br>At the beginning with you<br><br>“I knew there was somebody somewhere<br>Like me alone in the dark<br>Now I know my dream will live on<br>I've been waiting so long<br>Nothing's gonna tear us apart<br><br>“Life is a road<br>And I want to keep going<br>Love is a river<br>I wanna keep flowing<br>Life is a road<br>Now and forever<br>Wonderful journey<br><br>“I'll be there<br>When the world stops turning<br>I'll be there<br>When the storm is through<br>In the end I wanna be standing<br>At the beginning with you<br><br>“Life is a road and I wanna keep going<br>Love is a river I wanna keep going on....<br>Starting out on a journey<br>Life is a road and I wanna going<br>Love is river I wanna keep flowing<br>In the end I wanna be standing<br>At the beginning with you.”&nbsp; We paused, feeling the intensity of the song, as it ended, the last notes still fading from the amp, and the barrel of his guitar.&nbsp; We smiled at each other, before stepping away, putting our guitars back to their homes.&nbsp; I pulled out the input end of the cord from the amp, flipping off the switch and letting it die down, coiling the cord as I walked back to the pegs that held the guitar.&nbsp; I hung the long black hose, before following with the guitar.&nbsp; Jared’s arms snaked around my stomach as I stepped back from the wall.&nbsp; <br><br>“I fucking love you”&nbsp;&nbsp; He whispered, hot in my ear, before turning me to face him.&nbsp; His hands found mine, gripping them tightly, and using my arms to guide me to the wall, in a space between guitars.&nbsp; His lips pressed firmly against mine, pinning me to the drywall and wood trim at my back.&nbsp; His tongue made little hesitation to run along my bottom lip, begging, bargaining with mine, for entrance.&nbsp; He was allowed in, to look around, explore.&nbsp; I did the same with him, before, our tongues found more fascination with each other, entering an intricate waltz, as he pressed me harder against the wall.&nbsp; <br><br>His forehead rocked against mine as we broke, his eyes boring deeply into mine as his chest heaved with the adrenaline and excitement the interaction had caused.&nbsp; “I fucking love you”&nbsp; He repeated, his voice heavy with the sounds of his breath.&nbsp; I smiled blissfully, biting my lip, trying to think of anything, but the cliché that rested on my tongue. <br><br>“You complete me”&nbsp; <br><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30 seconds to mars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto.</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-03-24T22:55:34Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[30 Seconds To Mars, at the Taste Of Chaose, March Twenty Second, Year, Two Thousand and Seven.]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/141260/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[Last night, was one of those nights<br>that happened to go, so perfectly, that, I can't imagine it any other way.<br>We got to the concert, waited in line, got inside (after, getting body searched, and throwing away my sharpie) And...pandemonium broke loose.<br>I saw a sign saying that, to get into the 30 seconds to mars, signing, you had to buy a shirt.<br>I freaked out, went to the merch booth closest to me, and, bought the Echelon, Believer hoodie.<br>It was the last one in the booth, on display actually, and, it was in my size.<br>I got my red wristband (basically, proof of purchase so you could get in), before putting the hoodie in my bag, and running down to the floor.<br><br>While chatting on AIM on my phone to Retro, during Evaline, I was hit by a stroke of brilliance. I asked her for her number, promising to call during 30.<br><br>The concert passed by, I was forced to leave during Senses Fail, to get hydrated, cause I almost passed out.<br><br>When i was back in the crowd, I didn't even notice, that 30's set was already being spiked and prepped.&nbsp; Some guy mentioned something about the drums, and I finally clued in.<br><br>Thinking the 30 intermission would be 5 minutes like every other band's, I pretty much yelled "OH SHIT" and called Retro.&nbsp; The setup was amazing, Shannon's drums were huge, and, had Chinese decalse like you wouldn't believe.&nbsp; He was raised so high, i'd guess at least 5 feet off the ground, off of his pedestal, were 2 red and gold banners, each with gold chinese characters.&nbsp; Covering the backstage, were chinese "curtains" (i think they are called that), on the left and right of the high rise for the drums.&nbsp; There were about 8 red lanterns hanging from the electrical system, and 3 flags on both sides of the stage.&nbsp; Off of the mic stand, there was one lantern.<br><br>I started getting really pumped, when a guy was walking along the stage with, none other, than the extremely elusive Artemis.&nbsp; I yelled about it, never thinking in my life i would see the black sister guitar to the very famous Pythagoras.&nbsp; It was only a matter of time after that, when the lights dimmed, and the orchestrated Oh Fortuna blared overhead.<br><br>Tomo Appeared.&nbsp; Shannon Appeared.&nbsp; Tim Appeared.&nbsp; And then, Jared bolted on stage, spinning violently.&nbsp; He instantly jumped into A Beautiful Lie, singing the first verse, before welcoming us.&nbsp; He then broke back into ABL.&nbsp; I was surprised someone could spin, so fast, and so much, and not get sick.<br><br>"THIS SONG'S ABOUT FREEDOM"<br>we yelled 'freedom' back and forth at eachother about 8 times, before, we ran headfirst into Attack.&nbsp; It was at this point, that I realized I was in a bit of trouble.&nbsp; Holding the phone for Retro to hear the concert, and finding myself on the direct edge of a mosh pit.&nbsp; There was nowhere else to go.&nbsp; Needless to say, I have some pretty fun bruises.<br>anyway.<br><br>"how about an old song- this one's called Buddha For Mary"<br>we all got pretty damn excited.&nbsp; I was definitely jumping as high as I could, while holding that damn phone (haha, it was worth it anyway) among, other activities, such as, avoiding the pit to my left, and the crowd surfers.&nbsp; <br><br>Then, the Battle, where, Jared actually, ran off stage, and into the stands.&nbsp; I could not find him to save my life.&nbsp; It took me a dang long time to realize "he's not on stage" and even longer to realize "HEY! HE'S OVER THERE" needless to say, i was happy when i could see him again.&nbsp; I got much too confused trying to find anything.<br><br>After that was From Yesterday.&nbsp; We (crowd VS Jared) had a long "discussion" about the video, where, jared asked who had seen it, who knew the words, etc.&nbsp; After that, a guy named mike, played with the band (guitar) for the song.&nbsp; Young guy, it was loads of fun<br><br>Somewhere between Buddha and From Yesterday, Retro's phone died...so, i had a free hand.<br><br>What do you do with a free hand, except swing around a red bandanna?&nbsp; And get sucked into more pits.&nbsp; And landed on by crowd surfers.<br><br>"Do You Live- Do You Die- Do You Bleed, What Song are we gonna play next?!"<br>"THE FANTASY!"<br>"THIS SONG IS FOR ALL THE BELIEVERS OUT THERE!"<br><br>Intensity, thy name is The Fantasy.&nbsp; Between jumping, screaming, fighting, everything, was a blur.&nbsp; It was hard to combat every fleeting moment, of pure adrenaline.&nbsp; <br><br>Then, He said, that, he didn't play the next song often, but, we were such an awesome crowd, we deserved it.&nbsp; They played Savior, which, was unreal to scream<br><br>I forget, if there was another song after that, before the finale, or, the finale was the actual next song.&nbsp; It's hard to remember EVERYTHING that happened, because, so much DID happen.<br><br>Music, that, i knew, but couldn't click with started playing.&nbsp; Apparently, I wasn't the only one, because there was apparently, a weak enough reaction, for Jared to say something about it.&nbsp; When we weren't screaming with absolute excitement, he had everything stop, and crossed his arms, looking at us with complete disapproval.&nbsp; <br><br>"What's the next song?"<br>"*crowd mumbling*"<br>"the next song is THE KILL!&nbsp; How many of you motherfuckers know every single fucking word to it?!"<br>"*Crowd basically has an 'oohhhhh' moment, and jumps into it again*&nbsp; ROAR!"<br>"All you motherfuckers better be singing every fucking word!"<br><br>diving headlong into a song with so much emotion and passion, was something i'm not familiar with.&nbsp; It was indescribable, so much power, in such a small, concentrated space.&nbsp; It was breathtaking.<br><br>After, they did the signing, I was way late in line, so, while waiting, i made some new friends.<br>One being a wandering vendor of Taste of Chaos CDs, who, i gave a 5 dollar tip to for no reason.<br>lets just say, i became his new best friend after that =]<br>I was talking to the kids around me, and we all became grand buds as well.&nbsp; i'll never see them again...haha.&nbsp; I showed them a binder i was going to give to the band, basically outlining how they affected my life and everything (5 drawings, 1 letter, 2 scripts, 2 informative sheets and 4 chapters of my fanfic Vision, based off of the video, From Yesterday)<br><br>Finally, i got up there, i had the guys sign my Hatheas Regius badge, which they did readily.&nbsp; They all had gloves on (germaphobes). I told Shannon they were freaking amazing he smiled.<br>And then, there was Jared.&nbsp; He gave me my badge back, and I pretty much dived into the 2 seconds I had to talk.<br>"Hey, Jared, can, i give this to you?"&nbsp; I handed over my binder, and he grinned widely.<br>"yeah sure! Of Course" I started to kind of be ushered away, so i just walked backwards, just quickly saying the last lines.<br>"its just, a binder of how you guys have inspired me..."&nbsp; He looked impressed as he went to the next person, looking quickly over.<br>"oh really?&nbsp; Awesome"<br>and that was it, i walked away feeling like, well, a hero from war.&nbsp; The whole experience, was, undefinable.&nbsp; <br><br>In the concert, there were a bunch of facts thrown out,<br>like, how we were the best crowd so far.<br>and, apparently, Jared and Shannon, lived in Massachusetts at one point, Springfield, and Greenfield.<br><br>and that sums it up pretty well.<br>when's next?!<br><br><br>PS.&nbsp; my letter for the guys is <a href="http://ready-runaway.livejournal.com/10820.html">HERE</a><br>]]></description>
		  		  	<category>30 seconds to mars</category>
		  		  	<category>jared leto</category>
		  		  	<category>shannon leto</category>
		  		  	<category>tomo milicevic</category>
		  		  <category>Buzznet</category>
	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-03-23T20:36:00Z</dc:date>
	    </item>
		    <item>
	      <title><![CDATA[heroin:Chapter 40]]></title>
	      <link>http://readyrunaway.buzznet.com/user/journal/133365/</link>
	      <description><![CDATA[<span style="font-style: italic;">Author's note:&nbsp; happy longest chapter ever!&nbsp; 12 full pages of megan, fun! woo.</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">tis almost 4 am, can I go to bed now?</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">hope you like, i didn't get to edit!</span><br style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">&lt;3meg</span><br><br>I creaked open the door, dropping the key back down to swing from my orange old navy lanyard, that fastened itself dutifully to my belt. The cut portal machine tapped my open knee harmlessly&nbsp; causing my teeth to find my lip as metal hit blood, and the siren of an alert alarm to blare in my ears.&nbsp; Lucifer chased the sound, causing me to struggle with the clasp to his leash as he yanked from my grasp, bolting to the water dish, and taking a long draught.&nbsp; I clumsily stepped over the thresh hold, turning to the alarm keypad and disarming the system, before plopping down on the stairs to the house, and prying off the set of wheels.&nbsp; I grimaced as pressure was applied to my hand against the harsh plastic, and my right knee flexed.&nbsp; I had happily chosen not to look at my new battle scar, so its constant pain made me wonder how deep it was.&nbsp; Deep enough to shroud a piece of glass, wonderful. &nbsp;<br><br>I had come to realize that I was a bit of an accident waiting to happen.&nbsp; It was a bit of an embarrassing title, but considering Jared could easily be considered the same, and oftentimes, was,&nbsp; I found a bit of comfort in it.&nbsp; The name was almost royalty, in a deranged reality.&nbsp; I smiled as I tested my new title, puffing out my chest slightly, in mock pride.&nbsp; Kids like me turned into adults that made even stupider mistakes,&nbsp; like stunt doubles.<br><br>I winced as I rose form the stairs, my knee protesting from the movement, my hands screaming as they felt intense pressure, and then, nothing.&nbsp; I blinked, wondering how I could ever manage to have so many ailments at the same time, and not just, fall apart entirely. I instantly remembered times where I was worse off, where it wasn’t just my knee and hands, but my shoulder, and cheek.&nbsp; A nasty scooter accident that resulted in a good portion of my right side to decompose on the side of the road.&nbsp; Thankfully, the scars were nominal. I paid attention as I entered a limp, keeping my knee as still as possible.&nbsp; Granted, it was entirely unnecessary, I did it anyway.&nbsp; I was pain free, and limping was fun, win-win.<br><br>I trudged up the stairs clumsily, for a bit, before submitting to balance, and using both legs in a manner they were intended.&nbsp; With every flex, I could feel the small healing performed on my leg, tear open a bit more, becoming pained, and warm.&nbsp; I took a glance at the tear in my jeans, seeing blood splattered around a gaping mouth.&nbsp; I smiled, laughing at the situation.&nbsp; I never understood why scar tissue was so easy to destroy, and upset, but that’s always how it worked.&nbsp; The same knee had been through hell and back, and lived to tell the tale, I gave it credit.<br><br>I wondered what would heal first, My hand, or my knee.&nbsp; I started a gamble, if my knee healed faster, the night when the scab finally flaked off, I would make a film about the sunrise.&nbsp; Conversely, if my hand healed faster, I would make a film about the sunset.&nbsp; If they healed at the same time, I would make a film about a 24 hour day.&nbsp; Both concepts had no topic, just a root.&nbsp; Sunrise, Sunset.<br><br>I entered the bedroom, walking to my corner, still packed.&nbsp; Another topic to wonder, why had I never UN-packed?&nbsp; I shook my head, ignoring the question, and grabbing my black Ipod, shoving the lithe device into my right pocket, opposing my blackberry, which sat contentedly in my left.&nbsp; I saw my camera bag nearby, smiling as I remembered my promise to Oliver.&nbsp; I grabbed the black bulk, drawing out my old friend, running my fingers across his sleek, silver shape, finding the clasp to his heart and soul, pausing before I opened it, a black screen peeking out her head to greet me.&nbsp; As my thumb found the small ‘play’ button, I smiled as she suddenly erupted to life, glowing blue, before fading into what the camera saw, a retelling of his life, translated to her eyes. &nbsp;<br><br>Curiosity poured from the tiny screen as the camera’s head whipped left to right, looking along the boardwalk for something, anything of value, finding a blue eyed man, with black and red hair of interest for only a moment, before Attention Deficit Disorder forced his eyes to look along the stretch of the boardwalk.&nbsp; I grinned at my erratic movements as I played with my camera, swinging him to fetch intense blurs.&nbsp; Suddenly, the scene changed.&nbsp; The floor below me came alive on his heart once more, her screen glowing to a living room.<br><br>Jared hadn’t noticed that my friend was pointed directly at him, watching as he sat in the crook of a couch’s armrest, cradled by overstuffed, supportive arms.&nbsp; I smiled as I walked numbly to the bed, sitting on its edge as I watched the man I loved, as if he were in the room at that very instant.&nbsp; His deep eyes were in oblivion, captivated by some unknown force, some thought, pulling him by a noose.&nbsp; Suddenly, they flitted to me, and my friend.&nbsp; I bit my tongue as he became alive, his features illuminating to spotlight, morphing from serenity, to happiness, no longer alone.&nbsp; His hand pressed into the arm rest of the couch, the foam causing the fabric to rise between his fingers.&nbsp;&nbsp; He slowly rose, taking his time to approach slowly, tauntingly.&nbsp; His black shirt filled the frame as he finally made it to the being holding the small device, and the frame was empty. <br><br>A pan of movement, and it was us,&nbsp; dazed smiles on our faces as we gazed deeply at each other.&nbsp; You could almost see lightning firing connections as our eyes met, and held each other, a magnetic current. She bit her lip as he came closer, their bodies touching as the connection in their eyes deepened, groping for each other.&nbsp; His head slowly lowered to hers, their lips coming together in a catalyst of visible passion.&nbsp; My eyes altered the frame, as I took the image as art, instead of life. <br><br>Life had a tendency to ruin everything.&nbsp; I frowned as the artist in me left, and the human in me rose, seeing myself and a man 19 years my senior show such devotion, such hunger for each other.&nbsp; In a long connection of lips and love, I found myself horrified, lost.&nbsp; I had never seen US, never experienced, US, from a third person view.&nbsp; We looked strange, awkward.&nbsp; This was normal, this is how we acted, and yet, it was so, alien, bizarre.&nbsp; I gnawed on my lip decisively, as every fleeting emotion collided and fell off the lens, like bugs on a windshield.&nbsp; I wondered what exactly was bothering me, the actual image, or what it meant.&nbsp; A girl who was notorious for pessimism and hate, feeling, experiencing intimacy, love.&nbsp; My stomach knotted as the image forced me to grow uncomfortable.&nbsp; It wasn’t adding up, for some reason, it was impossible. I breathed a sigh of relief as they broke, my stomach loosening its death grip on my heart, only for a moment.<br><br>“I love you” passed his lips, and the small speakers.&nbsp; I broke under the intensity of his words, the look on her face.&nbsp; My hand slammed the screen shut.&nbsp; The sound ended, as did the images.&nbsp; I finally allowed myself to breath.&nbsp; Biting my lip, I grabbed the black camera bag and injected my silver friend into its dark orifice, a bit upset that he had caused so much panic, so quickly.&nbsp; Zipping up the prison quickly, vengefully locking my tormentor for the duration.&nbsp; I blinked as I got up, walking to my bag, and gabbing one of many lengths of hemp that I carried with me.&nbsp; Running a mini checklist through my head, I nodded, before turning on my heal, hearing my knee crack and scream with the movement, hating the idea of dignity, as I left the bedroom, with whatever shred of self respect I could muster. <br><br>I didn’t over-react about the video.<br><br>I stopped at the front door, fishing for the hemp I had gathered, and stooping to tie my Rainbow Sandals together, before tossing them around my neck, swinging them to create only a slight choke hold.&nbsp; At least they were secure.&nbsp; As they dangled from my neck, hitting each other, I found the situation slightly amusing.&nbsp; I plucked up the roller blades once more, before arming the alarm, and leaving, turning to lock the door once more, and sit to pull on the plastic hellions. <br><br>As my body chased the pavement, I unraveled the cord from around my iPod, unlocking the keypad and awaking him from a deep sleep, I separated the headphones and injected each into my audio cavities.&nbsp; Music flooded my senses, I experienced the sights, smells, sounds, and even tastes with every fleeting beats of a drum or strum of a bass, as lyricists wove intricate stories of passionate fire that consumes all human beings. My legs followed the beat of every song, changing to set tempo and tone, speeding during intense rock and roll beats, and falling to acoustic ballads.&nbsp; Every so often, there was a song that would force me to think of what I had seen in the bedroom, the video.&nbsp; I would quickly advance the song , and hide from what was lurking in my subconscious.&nbsp; I was supposed to get away from being alone, have fun, be social.<br><br>How did I always manage to fuck situations like these up?&nbsp; If I had just packed the camera, and quickly advanced the film, I would have been fine.&nbsp; Bullshit.&nbsp; I guessed it was better I saw the footage while Jared was out, so I could recover,&nbsp; forget about it.&nbsp; I turned left past the black fence of the park, lazily skating, heel over toe, leg over leg.&nbsp; My pace was no longer frantic and fearful, but slow, and even depressed.&nbsp; As I held my head high, I allowed my feet to blindly follow the concrete path construction crews had set years before.&nbsp; Songs blew past me, as my mind occupied itself with ventures, other than anxiety.&nbsp; I breezed onto the left fork of the path, falling still, allowing the mild gradient of an incline to drag me foreword.&nbsp; Seeing artificial woodland pass me, tailored and trimmed to a shady perfection, I smiled dumbly, swinging to grab my camera bag,&nbsp;&nbsp; I released my friend, silently apologizing for my outburst as I slid my fingers along his smooth design, running my fingers through the loop, and holding it firmly.&nbsp; I pulled open the screen, tracing her frame with a redeeming caress, before turning the two on with a prod from my thumb.&nbsp; They sparked to my attention in forgiveness.&nbsp; Record ran to greet my finger, brushing against it like an enthusiastic cat, starting up the unit, the path waking up, and coming to the eyes of my camera, showing itself on the screen. &nbsp;<br><br>Something about recording never ceased to strike happiness in me.&nbsp; I smiled as I stuck to the left prongs of countless forks, gliding easily over rough concrete, effortless, weightless.&nbsp; The lens panned over all that was before me, finally, a break in it all, a light at the end of the tunnel. &nbsp;<br><br>I was injected into a barren, forgotten parking lot.&nbsp; Blinking, I spun a moment, panning the scene for a shot, before actually looking for the guys.&nbsp; I found their cars, parked in actual spaces, They were probably the only people to visit this beach at all, by the looks of everything.&nbsp; It was the land that time forgot.&nbsp; The camera found the boys on the beach, standing around in a circle, surfboards spread out on the sand.&nbsp; Kandji yanked on a long string, pulling it and the zipper it was fastened to, up over his head, and securing his wetsuit.&nbsp; They all had their own colors, Kandji was black and red; Oliver, Black and blue with white stripes; Breaker, Black and teal; Rep, Black and blue,&nbsp; with red stripes; Bomber, black and orange; Fin, black and yellow; Spinner, black and blue; Tree, black and green.&nbsp; All of their colors represented their personalities well, I liked it.<br><br>I zoomed in as the group of 8 came close, all putting their hands in the center of the circle.&nbsp; Oliver and Kandji traded off in a pep talk, I guessed they were the heads of the group.&nbsp; Their hands bounced as they all leaned in, yelling.&nbsp; “ONE TWO THREE, CREST!”&nbsp; They shouted, before scattering, clapping their hands in applause.&nbsp; Oliver’s eyes found me, and my camera, a wide smile spreading across his face as he started running over, His brown hair bobbing as he trotted, Kandji’s eyes followed him, only to commit to the chase.&nbsp; Soon, the rest of the guys were coming towards me, all congregating about the camera.<br><br>“You kept your promise!”&nbsp; Oliver yelled, excitement high in his voice, gesturing to my camera, I nodded, before looking at Kandji’s harsh gaze, obscured by his playful blue eyes.&nbsp; I blinked, watching his dark hair filter menacingly before them, wondering what was coming.<br><br>“you’re late…”&nbsp; His harsh accent came from his pits, dark and sangfroid.&nbsp; I blinked again, cocking an eyebrow in suspicion.&nbsp; I felt an arm about my shoulder, as I was pressed into the foam of a wet suit blinking as I was met with a foreword and fierce look ahead, from Fin.<br><br>“At least she’s here!”&nbsp; He growled, the rest of the guys whipping to look at him, and my awkward, frightened face.&nbsp; Oliver bashed through us, prying me out of Fin’s grip. &nbsp;<br><br>“Dude, she’s fucking MARRIED.&nbsp; You’re not getting fucking laid!&nbsp; Jesus Christ, don’t be a hero, yeah, you miss Krystal, but this is too fucking much!&nbsp; Kipper, Megs, just, everyone man…just, chill!”&nbsp; Oliver barked, prying my eyes wider.&nbsp; Tree slowly moved foreword.<br><br>“B.R.O.&nbsp; That’s a bit harsh…”&nbsp; He said slowly, as if afraid Oliver could blow up at any time.&nbsp; Suddenly, there was a shriek from the water, as Breaker and Turtle sped in and out of the tunnel of a huge wave.&nbsp; Their boards cut through the water as if it were thin air, creating a long wake of shattered ocean at their tails.&nbsp; I watched in awe at their skill.<br><br>“DUDES…YOU’RE…MISSING…OUT”&nbsp; Breaker yelled in broken speech as he maneuvered easily across the water, flipping over the crest.&nbsp; Kandji suddenly whipped out of his trans, running full force through the sand, stopping only to grab his board, before crashing into the waves.<br><br>“You morons!”&nbsp; He barked, looking over his shoulder.&nbsp; “We wasted time, LETS GO!”&nbsp; He turned onto his stomach, his arms off of the edges of the board, as he began paddling out towards the waves.&nbsp; The rest of the group instantly stampeded around me, making a mad dash towards their boards, before crashing into the water, following Kandji, Breaker and Turtle. I blinked, looking down at my camera, seeing that I was still filming.&nbsp; I zoomed to follow the caravan of teenagers out to the water, starting to walk, yet, finding I was still on wheels.&nbsp; I stopped recording, as I plopped down to the pavement , working at the clips that held my feet in the plastic coffins.&nbsp; I bit my lip as my knee lightly protested, the scab cracking under the force of my movements.<br><br>Tearing off my socks, I jammed them into the skates, before untangling my sandals from my neck.&nbsp; I rubbed the line that the hemp had dug into me, cringing slightly, before focusing on the task at hand. I quickly untied the sandals from each other, jamming them between my toes, onto my feet.&nbsp; The hemp tied the blades together, before I stood up, finding Oliver’s Harley, and placing them in the saddle bag.&nbsp; Hearing them click together in the cramped, dark space, I smiled down at their solitary forms, before shutting the black bag, turning with my camera, to start recording again.<br><br>I followed the vision of the boys, until the ocean began lapping at my toes.&nbsp; Blinking, I thought of a possible infection wrecking havoc in my knee.&nbsp; Biting my lip, I swung my camera bag around my shoulders, and placed my silver friend in its open mouth, for safe keeping, before placing the entire parcel in the sand.&nbsp; I rolled up my left pant leg, and then my right, I exposed my torn knee, before walked courageously towards the foaming surf, feeling the warm water crowd noisily around my feet, as I walked to a depth were my wound was beneath the surf. &nbsp;<br><br>Saline burned me nominally, as salt penetrated into my bloodstream.&nbsp; I bit my lip, as I used my left hand to flush at the pavement-burn.&nbsp; Hand-generated currents blasted away chunks of dried blood-clot, sending sharp whips of pain to run into me, up my leg.&nbsp; I found comfort in knowing what was happening to any micro-organisms lurking just beneath the radar of sight, recalling what my biology teacher said many a lecture.<br><br>Salt offsets the equilibrium of fluid concentration between single cellular organisms, and its environment.&nbsp; As they give up water, to try and diffuse the concentration of salt outside them, they shrivel, and eventually die.&nbsp; It all works around Homeostasis, blast away the ability to keep a stable living pattern, infection dies.<br><br>If only curing AIDS was that easy, or something important, other than a sore throat, or an aching knee. &nbsp;<br><br>I stalked out of the water, shaking my legs somewhat dry.&nbsp; I looked to my left, and grinned massively.&nbsp; A huge set of jagged rocks jutted out into the sea, like short cliffs.&nbsp; They were a perfect image opportunity.&nbsp; Snatching my camera, I walked slowly along the nominal stretch of beach, before starting to climb the slippery surfaces with zeal,&nbsp; deft fingers clawing at rock faces with experience.&nbsp; I came upon the top of the huge structure within seconds.&nbsp; It was a huge, flat platform, you could probably set a plane off of it.<br><br>Actually, you could, assuming it was a oceanic fighter off of something like the USS Enterprise or one of her many patriotic cousins.<br><br>I walked to the edge of the rock, sliding off my sandals, and letting my feet hang over the angry ocean below, as waves crashed forebodingly beneath me, I held the respect I always possessed for the sea.&nbsp; I grabbed my camera once more, and awoke him again, waiting for the startup of his functions, before I began shooting once more.&nbsp; The quick maneuvers of the octet were breathtaking, a water ballet of sorts.&nbsp; I was in a state of awe as they made Aerial inclines and aquatic jerks, chasing and being chased, by crashing plumes of blue-green foam. It was just like a ballet, but so much more.&nbsp; It was the combination, of wild and tame, friend and foe.<br><br>One act caught my attention.&nbsp; As the group moved, It was obvious Rep was falling back.&nbsp; My eyes widened as he came closer to the tunnel, closer to the advancing crash of waves.&nbsp; He couldn’t get out, it was impossible.&nbsp; Yet he fought, bastardly, trying to outrun nature, prove himself.&nbsp; Suddenly, the water crashed over his head, the guys hadn’t even noticed he was gone.&nbsp; I blinked, keeping the camera on where he had submerged, hoping he would come up soon.<br><br>He didn’t.<br><br>“Where’s Rep?”&nbsp; Bomber yelled, confused in his friend’s absence.&nbsp; The guys stopped as they settled after the wave, looking at each other. &nbsp;<br><br>“Wait, he’s not here?!”&nbsp; Oliver yelled, looking frantically.&nbsp; The lens shot between where Toby had gone under, and the group, hoping, that any minute, he would come up sputtering.<br><br>He didn’t.<br><br>“Fuck!”&nbsp; Turtle yelled, standing on his board, before diving off, into the bouncing surf.&nbsp; Nervously, I stood up.&nbsp; Following the scene intently.&nbsp; I hoped for the best, but knew of the worse.&nbsp; The crashing force of the wave was intense, it had snuck up on Toby.&nbsp; Turtle’s blond head popped up from the depths.&nbsp; “BREAKER!&nbsp; I can’t find him!”&nbsp; He yelled, calling his partner.&nbsp; The second instructor dove into the water after his friend, both of their bodies disappearing under the water once more.<br><br>“Follow them and you’re dead…”&nbsp; Kandji warned, looking sternly at the remaining 4.&nbsp; “We don’t need extra bodies down there…”&nbsp; His tone was dark and sangfroid, as he turned away from the group, looking nervously into the depths.&nbsp; My heart raced in the suspense.&nbsp; Where the fuck was Rep?&nbsp; Where was his board? &nbsp;<br><br>“Nick, Knife!”&nbsp; Broke the silence, as Breaker came up.&nbsp; Nick shifted on his board, grabbing a large, folding blade.&nbsp; He quickly, exposed the sharp, serrated edge, before tossing it to his friend, who caught it deftly, before shoving the blade between&nbsp; his teeth, and diving once more.&nbsp; The board soon broke the surface, Breaker attached to it.&nbsp; A few seconds later, Turtle, with Rep’s arm draped about his shoulders came into view.&nbsp; The missing surfer was unconscious.&nbsp; Turtle draped him over Nick’s board, as the Australian stood up, catching the next wave into shore.&nbsp; The rest followed, beaching their boards, all crowding around the unconscious friend.&nbsp; I darted in tow, jumping off the rocks, and towards the congregation, filming from about 5 feet away.<br><br>“BACK OFF!”&nbsp; Kandji yelled, as Turtle and Breaker began to resuscitate the fallen member.&nbsp; “Go stand around Meg, no closer!”&nbsp; He yelled angrily.&nbsp; The 4 members obliged, lining up next to me, all leaning foreword, no one took even a breath, no one made a noise.&nbsp; The air was thick with apprehension, fear.<br><br>Breaker’s fist plunged deep into Rep’s diaphragm. “1-2-3.”&nbsp; He said, before stopping, allowing Turtle to bend, applying his mouth to Toby’s, purging forth a deep breath, as his fingers tipped his head up, and pinched his nose.&nbsp; Turtle backed off, allowing Breaker to repeat himself.&nbsp; “1-2-3”<br><br>Suddenly, Toby convulsed, coughing harshly, his saviors rolled him over, holding him upright as he heaved, coughing up a massive amount of water, before he threw up, emptying whatever rested in his stomach.&nbsp; I cringed, at the sight, pressing my gag reflex down, as the 4 boys around me took in a deep heave of air, relieved that the group of 8, was in no way, becoming 7.&nbsp; I turned the camera to them, as they shared a smile, all showing the same show of exhausted emotions.&nbsp; All of our heads snapped back to the victims and lifeguards, as a loud slap pounded through the air.&nbsp; Rep heaved foreword again, his mouth opened wide, as water fell out of his lungs. &nbsp;<br><br>His gasps cut through the air like knives, as he tried to regain his breath, only to become submissive to another purge of water from his air-sacks.&nbsp; “Its ok, take your time…”&nbsp; Turtle said lightly, tapping Rep’s back easily, comforting his friend, while still coaxing water out.&nbsp; Another shrieking gasp cut through the air, before another cough, and the splash of water on sand. &nbsp;<br><br>“Guys, I think this cuts tonight for us…” Breaker said, looking up at us.&nbsp; We all nodded in agreement, still numb from what had happened.&nbsp; Rep’s hand clutched angrily at the sand, the grains moving through&nbsp; his fingers.<br><br>“s-s-s-sor-ry”&nbsp; Rep stuttered, before coughing again.&nbsp; His stomach heaved violently, a second time, as he tried to finish off what was in him, plaguing him.<br><br>“Don’t be…”&nbsp; Turtle said sternly, tapping his friend’s back again.<br><br>“I’ll drive you home…”&nbsp; Nick offered, smiling meekly.&nbsp; Rep looked up at his friend, with a weak smile, before trying to get up.&nbsp; Kandji’s hand injected into the air before Rep’s face.&nbsp; He smiled again as he reached for it, Turtle and Breaker helping him up tenderly.&nbsp; The 5 of us on the sidelines slowly stood up, advancing curiously onto the scene, cautious and unsure. &nbsp;<br><br>THWACK!<br><br>Rep’s head bobbed foreword as Bomber smacked the back of it.&nbsp; He looked around, back at the angry friend, who dropped his hand after committing the deed.&nbsp; “That’s for fucking scaring the living piss out of me!”&nbsp; Bomber spat, his sharp eyes intense with loathing and hatred.&nbsp; “Don’t you fucking ever do that again!”&nbsp; he barked, as Rep turned back, to focus on walking to Kandji’s car.<br><br>“I won’t…”&nbsp; He said weakly.<br><br>“GOOD”&nbsp; Erupted from the 7 surfers, and Myself, as we followed back to the parking lot, our feet touching down on the warm pavement.&nbsp; Kandji and Rep quickly got into his car, which, now that I could look at it, enthralled me.&nbsp; It was a periwinkle blue Buick hearse, an amazing car in my book.&nbsp; Tree pried open the back hatch of the hearse, sliding both Kandji and Rep’s beards in the huge open space behind them.&nbsp; Now having a hearse made 100% sense, the coffin space, brilliant for surfboards.&nbsp;&nbsp; The back slammed shut, and we all waved after them, before, dispersing.<br><br>“Hey O!”&nbsp; I yelled to my friend as he straddled his bike.&nbsp; Trotting up to him, he cocked his head in confusion, as I whipped open his saddle bag, grabbing Jared’s roller blades from the dark depths.&nbsp; He blinked, smiling faintly, still shaken from the entirety of what had just happened.&nbsp; He gestured his helmet at me.<br><br>“Need a ride?”&nbsp; He offered sincerely.&nbsp; I shook my head, looking at my toes.<br><br>“No, I still wanna hang around a bit, I don’t wanna go home yet.”&nbsp; He cocked an eyebrow, looking confused.&nbsp; His brown eyes searching for something in me, something he couldn’t understand.<br><br>“You’ve spent all day away from Jared- don’t you want to go back to see him?”&nbsp; He cocked his head confused.<br><br>“Yeah, but, I’d rather work out what I need to, here.”&nbsp; He sighed, shaking his head.<br><br>“You girls…”&nbsp; He droned.&nbsp; “Never open about anything, are you?”&nbsp; He cocked an eyebrow, as a small smirk crept onto his face.&nbsp; I grinned at his subtle jest, shoving his shoulder playfully.<br><br>“Its impossible.”&nbsp; I laughed, sighing as he leaned foreword, pressing his palms onto the handles of the bike.&nbsp; Taking a step back, I watched as he revved the engine.&nbsp; The motorbike instantly came alive and animated, as he started rolling foreword.&nbsp; “Drive safely!”&nbsp; I yelled.<br><br>“Will do!&nbsp; See you soon!”&nbsp; He yelled, before punching the gas, sending himself flying off after the hearse, his Harley belting a harsh beat as it puffed clouds of&nbsp; exhaust into the air.&nbsp; I turned slowly on my heels, the excitement wearing off, and the pain of my knee coming back.&nbsp; I ignored the twisting of my skin, as I walked towards the beach, sitting on a concrete parking guard.&nbsp; The blades found their spot next to me, while I focused on the camera.&nbsp; &nbsp;<br><br>I was going to deal with this now.<br><br>I moved back to the kiss, biting my lip as I hit ‘Play’, stopping the rewind.&nbsp; The moment of connection ended.&nbsp; And the words began. &nbsp;<br><br>‘I love you’&nbsp; He said, his eyes dreamily looking at her with intense admiration.&nbsp; The camera shook as she pressed her lips to his again, not daring to speak.&nbsp; He hungrily pressed her downwards with the kiss, as his tongue sped lightly across her bottom lip.&nbsp; I cringed as she readily opened her mouth to him, the camera becoming unstable as the passion increased.&nbsp; He growled, as he pulled away, looking into the eye of the lens, and then her, slowly, he took it out of her hands, looking deeply into the small glass portal.&nbsp; ‘I Fucking Love, this girl.’&nbsp; he said with conviction, his voice hard and defiant.&nbsp; The camera was placed down, staring at the couch.&nbsp; I wondered if he purposely left it on or not.&nbsp; There was a bang, followed by a sliding sound against the wall nearby the camera. &nbsp;<br><br>The two came into frame again, She was wrapped tightly in his arms, her hands around his neck, her fingers concealed in his black and red hair.&nbsp; He laid her down on the couch, crawling on top of her, and resuming the connection between them.&nbsp; He smothered her in intense passion, as she fought against his body, to have her own passion be heard against his.&nbsp; I grimaced as the energies reacted explosively.&nbsp; It wasn’t working, the image wouldn’t process.&nbsp; Error. &nbsp;<br><br>I was so objected to this, and I didn’t know why.&nbsp; It was US, it was what we did.&nbsp; How could something that felt so right, make me react in such an opposite manner?&nbsp; Why could I head into such a force like, love, blindly, and cherish every minute of it, but, conversely, once, enlightened, hate what it produced.&nbsp; Hate, this, the image projected to me, from my own hand, my own creation.<br><br>Damn creation.&nbsp; Allow destruction.<br><br>It was the mantra of the fearful.<br><br>They broke, their legs tangled together as they writhed in scorching baths of pleasure.&nbsp; She regained her breath, looking to the camera.&nbsp; Her brow furrowed, as she noticed the red light on.&nbsp; “You never turned it off…”&nbsp; she said, confusion wracking her voice as she analyzed the situation.&nbsp; Straightening her shirt as best she could from under him, she blinked, before looking at him.<br><br>He shrugged, still holding the dazed look.&nbsp; He looked at the camera, smiling sleepily, before looking back at her.&nbsp; “What if I told you I wanted to prove something?”&nbsp; His voice was hot with passion, I cringed, as I found myself longing for that voice, my insides wringing in fights between hating what was before it, and loving it.&nbsp; Bohemia was in my heart, art, love, lust.&nbsp; Society, and knowledge, in my mind, laws, hate, restrictions.&nbsp; Was society forcing me to hate what had been forged and created before me?&nbsp; Or did I truly hate it with my being?&nbsp; Was I brainwashed?<br><br>“I’d wonder what you needed to prove…”&nbsp; She said coyly, disregarding the camera, and hungrily pressing her lips to his.&nbsp; He laughed softly, ducking from the connection.&nbsp; His eyes met the camera’s once more, his head coming beside hers to share the view of the small device.&nbsp; He turned his head a tick to the side, smiling as he looked at her through the corner of his eye. <br><br>“That, I love you, unconditionally.&nbsp; It is, something, that…No one, could ever understand.&nbsp; And I am, ready to express the inexpressible amounts of love, to anyone.&nbsp; That camera, is the world, and we, are what they don’t want to see.&nbsp;&nbsp; We’re gonna let them see it.&nbsp; Who ever is on the other side of that image, will never understand…what we have…”&nbsp; He said profoundly, his eyes challenging the camera.&nbsp; He was right, I was on the other side, I didn’t understand.&nbsp; “I don’t want them to understand…” His voice erupted once more from his throat.&nbsp; I immediately focused back on the image once more, as his face hovered above hers, his arms on either side of her shoulders as he hung in the balance over her.&nbsp; “If they understand…it will kill them…what we have…could kill, anyone.”<br><br>“wow…”&nbsp; Her voice wavered, as she ducked in intimidation from his dominant pose.&nbsp; He smiled at her, locking his defiant gaze, to her fearful one.&nbsp; My knuckles were white around the body of the silver camera.&nbsp; His black gloved hand came up, a single finger tracing away the bangs that shrouded her eyes from the world, before moving down to cup her cheek. &nbsp;<br><br>“yeah…wow…”&nbsp; He said, his voice heated, as he submerged once more, his back flexing as he purged all the passion he could muster, into the kiss.&nbsp; I was shaking again, as I combated two sides of a fence, Bohemia and Society fighting an awkward battle within my chest, constricting my heart, blocking my lungs.&nbsp; The image finally tore out, and I was met with the path I had filmed on the way down here.&nbsp; Shutting the camera off, I placed it in its open bag, before balling around my knees, staring angrily at the lazy ocean, as it lapped away at the sand.&nbsp; The sky was orange, and the sun was low. 20 minutes to sunset.<br><br>“Its wrong…It doesn’t fit…”&nbsp; I growled to no one in particular, there was no one there anyway. gripping my sleeves in anger I growled my frustrations, talking to the ocean.&nbsp; “It looks awkward, it IS awkward.”&nbsp; My teeth caught my lip as I shook my head, resting it on my arms.&nbsp; I burned my retinas with the sun, finding its energy a nice distraction, its pain, an alternative to my constricting heart.&nbsp; I wished blindness on myself, so I could live and let live, enjoy what I had.&nbsp; The world was ugly.<br><br>“But its right, I’ve never felt so alive…” I pointed out with desperation.&nbsp; “Its perfect, I’ve never been happier.&nbsp; He makes my heart swell, he makes me want to live…”&nbsp; Passion filled my voice as I tried to convince myself that what I was doing was fine.&nbsp; I slowly stood up, walking to the water, and pulling up my right pant leg.&nbsp; I knelt beside the water, cupping the cool liquid with my left hand, and dripping it over my scrape.&nbsp; I wished I could use my left hand, but the bandage made it difficult to do anything, that and the still fresh wound.&nbsp; I constantly pushed the limits of my ailments, thinking I could do things, that I couldn’t. <br><br>“I’m the cut, and he’s the salt…”&nbsp; I said, as I felt the liquid permeate my body’s guard.&nbsp; “It hurts to love him…”&nbsp; I winced slightly, as sand found its way into my body, tearing through my nerves.&nbsp; Quickly I flushed it out.&nbsp; “but, he makes it better…”&nbsp; I shook my hand dry as I rocked back to stand up.&nbsp; 10 minutes to sunset.<br><br>I walked back to where everything was laid, and sat down once more, tugging down my pant leg, to stare angrily at the ocean once more.&nbsp; I wanted him beside me, I wanted him to hear what I was saying, and I wanted him to respond.&nbsp; I wanted to hear him tell me I was wrong, that it was fine, we were perfect.&nbsp; He wasn’t there, he couldn’t help me out.<br><br>“we’re perfect…we’re perfect…”&nbsp; I repeated, trying to force myself to believe it.&nbsp; The more I said it, the more the words hurt.&nbsp; They turned meaningless, just a sound.&nbsp; I finally broke under the force of the sound, admitting my center. “we’re not perfect.”&nbsp; I hung my head in defeat.&nbsp; I was arguing with myself, and loosing. <br><br>Frustrated, I pushed up, enjoying the strike of pain that flew from my palm and knee.&nbsp; I wondered if I could walk home barefoot, and if it would be enough to make my feet bleed.<br><br>I craved any pain, that wasn’t emotional. &nbsp;<br><br>Shaking my head, I swung the camera bag around my shoulders, pulling the hemp that tied the roller blades together to rest on my shoulder.&nbsp; Head down, I started walking home.&nbsp; 5 minutes to sunset.&nbsp; Red streaked the sky as I blocked out the beauty of it all.&nbsp; He wasn’t here to make it explode.<br><br>“Its wrong…”&nbsp; I muttered, starting on the path up to the park.&nbsp; My head collided with a human entity, causing me to stumble back.&nbsp; The incline forced me to loose balance, I was on the ground.&nbsp; “Oh, please, just tell me you’re some killer who takes the lives of teenagers for bloody entertainment.”&nbsp; I said, desperation filling my voice.&nbsp; I was at least half serious, being faced with a murderer was easier than what was raging through my mind.&nbsp; You couldn’t argue with death.<br><br>“No…I play the music for his movies…”&nbsp; A hand jutted in front of me, taking my hand and helping me off the ground.&nbsp; I was met with the concerned face of the man who was the root of my problems.&nbsp; “What’s wrong?”&nbsp; He asked, bending slightly to be at eye level with me.&nbsp; I shook my head.<br><br>“How’d you find me?”&nbsp; I asked, still staring down, as we started to walk back up the path.&nbsp; He pointed to my pocket.<br><br>“You’re phone’s on, and I have GPS…Its getting late, I came to get you…what‘s wrong?”&nbsp; He asked persistently, I shook my head again, avoiding the question a second time.<br><br>“I would have been home in 10 minutes…” I said lowly, keeping my head down. &nbsp;<br><br>“I didn’t know that…and I don’t like the idea of you being alone at night…What’s wrong?”&nbsp; he asked for a third time.&nbsp; I flinched at the question, he wasn’t even harsh about it, I just didn’t want to deal with it.&nbsp; It was a painful question, of a painful subject.<br><br>“Nothing…”&nbsp; I said lowly.&nbsp; I could feel him staring harshly at me, his sharp eyes boring into my skin, causing my flesh to burn. &nbsp;<br><br>“Wrong answer…what’s wrong?”&nbsp; he demanded, still keeping a sincere tone.&nbsp; I shouldered off his question, biting my lip.&nbsp; “Fine…don’t say anything, just…whatever.”&nbsp; He sighed in defeat.&nbsp; My teeth forced themselves into my lip harder.&nbsp; This is why I wanted to walk home, to recover.&nbsp; It was perfect, it was perfect.&nbsp; IT WAS PERFECT.&nbsp; The words screamed in my head, Why wouldn’t I believe them?<br><br>We entered the park, walking the long path to the black Iron gates.&nbsp; We found the Denali on the sidewalk, my side closest.&nbsp; I blinked at the door, wondering which leg to step into the vehicle in.&nbsp; I stepped in with my left, cringing as I pulled my right leg in, feeling my gouge scream as the joint was flexed.<br><br>“What happened to you’re knee?”&nbsp; He asked, looking at the blood splattered tear in my jeans, and the wound it provided a door to.&nbsp; My hands cupped the area, using pressure to numb the pain slightly.&nbsp; He started the car as I ducked in the brief agony, pulling away from the curb<br><br>“I fell while walking Lucifer…”&nbsp; I said simply, bending to look at my scab, that was peeling at one edge, a bright crimson being seen under it. &nbsp;<br><br>“Did he drag you?” his voice was still concerned, still wondering what was wrong.<br><br>“No, I couldn’t stop right with your skates…”&nbsp; I said as I turned, sliding the roller blades off my shoulder and onto the floor of the backseat.&nbsp; I did the same with my camera bag, placing it on the floor, before pulling my seatbelt over my shoulder.<br><br>“You walked him with my blades?”&nbsp; He asked with an air of fear.&nbsp; I shrugged.<br><br>“He’s good at taking direction…” I nodded, before dropping my jaw, noticing we weren’t going home.&nbsp; “Jared, why are we going-” I started, before he snapped, cutting me off.<br><br>“I want to know what the hell is wrong with you.”&nbsp; He barked, causing me to sink into the seat a bit.&nbsp; “I don’t know why the hell you won’t tell me.”&nbsp; Heat radiated off of him, as he fumed.&nbsp; I blinked openly, a bit upset by his demands.<br><br>“Maybe I’m afraid on how you’ll react.” I offered, biting my lip and looking out the window.&nbsp; His grip changed on the steering wheel as he took a turn. <br><br>“And, I never stay mad for long…”&nbsp; He offered I a different tone.&nbsp; I looked out the window, the cool glass fogging slightly as I sighed.<br><br>“I’m not afraid of making you mad, I’m afraid of hurting you.”&nbsp; I said softly, watching the red sun-dyed town pass by me.&nbsp; He looked at me, I knew he had heard what I didn’t intend&nbsp; to be heard by anyone.&nbsp; I shifted awkwardly, wishing we were headed home.&nbsp; I could hide, lock myself in the guitar room with a pillow and a blanket, and stay there until I passed out, or just cower under the blanket, with only my thoughts to badger me.&nbsp; No, I was locked in a car, with a concerned lover.&nbsp; Why couldn’t he have been The Zodiac, I would have loved to meet him, over this.<br><br>The car stopped, my body jolting foreword.&nbsp; I would have hit the dashboard, if his arm hadn’t jut out before my chest to stop me.&nbsp; I reclined back. Staring ahead, stubbornly refusing to look at him.&nbsp; His fingers drummed impatiently on the steering wheel, before his left hand moved, hitting a button on his door.&nbsp; There was a chorus of sliding mechanisms that locked every door in the car.&nbsp; It was communication, language.&nbsp;&nbsp; We weren’t going anywhere until I talked.<br><br>“I don’t want to talk about it, really…”&nbsp; I said in desperation.&nbsp; He didn’t budge.<br><br>“I, personally, don’t care.&nbsp; We could stay here all night…”&nbsp; He said sternly.&nbsp; I growled, sliding off the seat, wincing lightly as I caused my knee to flex again.&nbsp; I moved to the floor, working my way under the dashboard.&nbsp; “What are you doing?”&nbsp; He asked, harshly, looking for me, but only finding my legs facing him.<br><br>“Getting comfortable”&nbsp; I muttered defiantly, pressing myself into the smallest form possible, to fit in one of the smallest open spaces on a car. &nbsp;<br><br>“Jesus, its not like you fucked someone!”&nbsp; He barked, causing me to flinch.&nbsp; “What could have happened that is so bad?”<br><br>“I found myself…”&nbsp; I said lowly, muffled in the space between the dashboard and the engine, where I had managed to wedge my head into.<br><br>“What?”&nbsp; He demanded, causing my heart to jump in a fit of offense.<br><br>“Nothing!”&nbsp; I groaned, unhappy with where the conversation was going.&nbsp; He fumed again.<br><br>“Stop lying to my face, tell me what’s going on with you.”&nbsp; He growled again.&nbsp; About now, he would run his fingers through his hair, and shake his head, before returning to stare his way through my defenses.<br><br>“How long has it been?”&nbsp; I asked from the abyss, getting an agitated growl.<br><br>“10 minutes…”&nbsp; He scowled.&nbsp; “Will you at least come out?”&nbsp; I twisted, staying on the ground, yet allowing myself to be seen, resting my head on his black leather seat.&nbsp; “Why won’t you talk about it?”&nbsp; He asked, changing his tone.&nbsp; I bit my lip, looking out the window.<br><br>“because, I don’t like it…” I said simply.&nbsp; “Its easier to pretend it doesn’t exist…” I huffed, referencing the source of my denial.<br><br>“You think it will just go away?”&nbsp; He asked, his voice dripping in a mix of pity and concern.&nbsp; I shrugged, still looking out the window.<br><br>“I hope it will.”&nbsp; I said simply, ignoring his disapproving air.<br><br>“Nothing just disappears…its always there.”&nbsp; He chided, causing me to smirk.<br><br>“The second I forget about it, the second everything works again.” I said stubbornly. &nbsp;<br><br>“The second you see me, the second you’ll remember”&nbsp; He said softly, causing me to look at him in shock.&nbsp; I didn’t expect him to know it was about him, I didn’t expect him to make that connection.&nbsp; He smiled innocently.&nbsp; “Its about us, isn’t it?”&nbsp; He asked softly.&nbsp; I remained silent, biting hard onto my lip.&nbsp; “What happened, Meg?”&nbsp; He asked, lowly, demanding.&nbsp; I shattered, giving in finally.&nbsp; Pulling myself onto the seat, I applied as much downward force as possible on my right hand, hoping to feel every ounce of pain in my cut.&nbsp; I bit harder at the pain, embracing the feeling.&nbsp; I could feel him disapproving again, but it was how I dealt with things.&nbsp; Turning, I grabbed my video camera, pulling out the silver piece of machinery, and opening the screen.&nbsp; I rewound the film, back to where I was spying on him, and hit play, handing over the box.&nbsp; He took it delicately, settling down to watch what I was showing him.&nbsp; I flinched at every word <br><br>‘yeah, wow’&nbsp; Came through the air, and I knew it was over.&nbsp; As the film started to cut from the image of us sharing a moment, to the wooded path, he handed over the camera.&nbsp; Avoiding him, I advanced it to the guys surfing.&nbsp; Wanting a distraction.<br><br>“What about that…hurt you?”&nbsp; He asked, picking his words carefully.&nbsp; I shifted, focusing on the image in front of me.&nbsp; As aerial swoops and aquatic shots ran through the screen, I was captivated with the blue green water.&nbsp; His hand came around, shutting the screen, forcing me to pay attention.&nbsp; “What about that, forced you to react?”<br><br>It was wrong.&nbsp; “I dunno, I panicked…”&nbsp; I shouldered off, looking out the window.&nbsp; “Can we go home?”&nbsp; I asked desperately, looking at the angry ocean, who boomed up beside us.&nbsp; I found no comfort in its drumming, only more pain. &nbsp;<br><br>“Why did you panic?”&nbsp; He pressed, making me feel awkward.&nbsp; My insides shriveled, loosing my ballast.&nbsp; He was getting somewhere, some form of a ground, he wasn‘t going to give up. <br><br>“because…”&nbsp; I wanted to lie to him, I wanted to say, that it was something stupid, like, the frame wasn’t parallel with the ground, or, that, we looked like bad actors, but I couldn’t bring myself that far. “It looked, awkward…”&nbsp; I pooled out.&nbsp; The words spun in front of my eyes, in a constant circle, taunting me.&nbsp; Every sound I made just added itself to the cycle.&nbsp; “I felt awkward, looking at it, it’s wrong…”&nbsp; I finally spat out.&nbsp; “The image of us, isn’t right, its just, wrong…”&nbsp; My heart raced as I became worked up.&nbsp; The words before my eyes pulsed with my heartbeat, growing larger, threatening, they tied a noose around my tongue, pulling more words out, more descriptions to this evil.&nbsp; “I panicked, because, there was a 35 year old man, who knew what love was, teaching a 16 year old girl, who had never felt it, what it was supposed to be like, what it was like.&nbsp; And she trusted him, before learning to trust herself.&nbsp; And she gave into him, before, she could discipline herself.&nbsp; She loved him, before, she loved, life…and, that intense mistrust between, self, while, there is full trust to the environment, and others, caused it to fall apart.”&nbsp; I bit my lip, feeling myself break under him.&nbsp; “There’s something special, about feeling, it for the first time…you never know if it’s real…if that’s what it’s supposed to feel like, so you test it.&nbsp; For some reason, watching it, never struck me as a test…”&nbsp; I took a breath, wanting to crawl under the dashboard again.&nbsp; “But, something told me, that it looked right…” I fell quiet, watching my pooling words before me, pulsing, taunting.<br><br>“Artists hate all of their work when they first finish it…”&nbsp; He said, ripping through the silence.&nbsp; “They hate it, because, they are jaded from the work it took.&nbsp; But…then they look at it, after a bit…and, they appreciate it.”&nbsp; I blinked at his words.&nbsp; “Lovers are artists, sometimes, they just don’t look at what they’ve created.”&nbsp; He took a breath. “and they loose motivation, and fall out of love…”&nbsp; He started the car, changing his grip on the wheel as we started driving home.<br><br>Thankfully.<br><br>I grabbed his blades as the car stopped beside the house, slinging the camera bag around my shoulders as I jumped out of the car.&nbsp; We walked into the black house, hearing the screech of the alarm.&nbsp; As he paused to disarm it, I kicked off my shoes and started to walk up to the bedroom.<br><br>The roller blades found their home in the corner of his closet.&nbsp; I looked around the room, a bit lost, unsure of what I wanted to do with my time.&nbsp; Stress caused me to yawn, and consider hiding in the shroud of sleep, where I was safe in my dreams.&nbsp; Safe from the battles of Bohemia and Society that raged in my chest, safe from his disapproval of how I handled my problems, safe from everything. &nbsp;<br><br>And, everything would be forgotten by morning, and normalcy would ensue.&nbsp; Fat. Chance.<br><br>The door creaked open behind me, Jared peaking his head in, finding me lost in the middle of the room.&nbsp; He had an enthusiastic glimmer in his eye, a direct contrast to him in the car.&nbsp; “C’mon, I want to show you something…”&nbsp; He said, cocking his head out the door.&nbsp; I followed slowly, as he offered his hand for guidance.&nbsp; I gave him my right, wishing for him to grab too tightly, to make me feel him there.&nbsp; He was delicate.&nbsp; He lead me into the bathroom, positioning us before the mirror.&nbsp; “What do you see?”&nbsp; he asked, playful air gone, he grew serious with the question.<br><br>“I want to go to bed…”&nbsp; I whined, turning to try and flee the scene.&nbsp; His hands wrapped around my shoulders, holding me there.&nbsp; I growled unhappily, not prepared to fight him.&nbsp; I was forced to face the mirror again.<br><br>“What do you see?”&nbsp; He demanded, his arms wrapping around me, as he picked at my bandages, unwrapping my hand.&nbsp; I looked up at the mirror, seeing us, cringing again at the image of us being even the slightest bit intimate.&nbsp; His nurturing appeal destroying me. <br><br>“A girl, who is scared, and doesn’t know how to love.&nbsp; And a man, who is confident, who wants to show her the way.”&nbsp; I said, low, in defeat.&nbsp; He chided me, clicking his tongue as he found the blood soaked bandages.&nbsp; “I tore it open when I fell.”&nbsp; I explained, trying to make him believe me.<br><br>“You know what I see?”&nbsp; He asked, quickly re-wrapping and fastening my hand, before leaning on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist.<br><br>“What do you see?”&nbsp; I asked, looking at his serene expression.<br><br>“I see, a girl, who, will love, and a man, who, is ready to wait, until that day.&nbsp; They are both terrified, He’s just strong, for her.&nbsp; He breaks at night, because, he doesn’t want her, to break, like she did today.&nbsp; They’re both pretenders, but their acts, speak more truth than their words begin to.&nbsp; They are in love, and aren’t falling out of it.&nbsp; They are artists, and have created something, more beautiful, than God.&nbsp; Their art lacks utopia, its raw, and real, pain and torture, but true love.&nbsp; Its more beautiful than Eden”&nbsp; He said, profoundly, tearing the breath from my lungs.<br><br>“wow…”&nbsp; I said softly, turning to face him.&nbsp; He moved down, allowing his eyes to bore into mine, hovering only inches from my face.<br><br>“yeah…wow”<br><br><br>]]></description>
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	      <dc:creator>readyrunaway</dc:creator>
	      <dc:date>2007-03-12T00:58:00Z</dc:date>
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