Why Should I Have to Fix Things I Didn't Create or Contrive?

Hey guys, no, this isn't another fanfic, actually, it's something i've never done before.  Background story is, there's this contest as a part of this festival that I go through every year.  Dramafestival.  Anyway, the contest, is a playwrite contest, write a 40 minute script, cash prizes and a read through at state finals.
i just want to get some input really =] and since you guys seem to know good writing when you see it, i was wondering if you could help me out.

Really, if you have ANY constructive criticism at all DO NOT HOLD BACK!  tell me you hate it if you want.  I know i don't usually come crawling for comments but please, if you read it, take time to comment!

Author's Note:  Haha do I still got fans?  ;)  Sorry for the unbearably long delay, there's been some issues in the war at home, enjoy!.

Heroin:Chapter:47

“The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelts sign, please return to your seats for landing.”  The drone like voice of a flight attendant called sleepily over the intercom on the Boeing 747 that  soared drowsily through the black night sky above Buffalo, New York.

Turbulence had resulted in a new hole in the sleeve of my sweatshirt, and a dramatic flattening of my molars.  My lip was slowly exuding blood onto my tongue, filling one of my five senses with that warm metallic taste that normally would cause panic.

My eyes glared sharply at the lightly sleeping man beside me, his features soft as his chest rose and fell with slumber.  I looked over onto his lap to ensure his belt was buckled, frowning as I found it tightly and securely bound about his hips.  I wouldn’t have hesitated to buckle it for him, and then punch him in the groin from such an easy access point.  I slipped, the plane banked mighty fierce.

Jealous?  Me?  Not at all.  I’m perfectly content with having panic attacks alone on red-eye flights while the man beside me sleeps peacefully.  That, and being fully awake and bored for 6 hours, I was a bit snappy.

Luckily, his seat was reclined.  Pressing the button on his arm rest with considerable force, the seat rose inches foreword, just enough movement to rouse him from slumber.  Not as direct as a fist to his pelvic, but in my jaded, angered state, waking him was enough for me.  He shifted lightly, pressing his head back into the sterile white airline pillow drowsily. 

The plane banked and my knuckles were white against the firm arm rests.  I glared at him again, as he seemingly fell back asleep.  He was used to this, constantly traveling.  I on the other hand, never slept, and had the attention span of an intoxicated rat when contained. 

I shoved my thumbs through the new holes in my sweatshirt and resorted to gritting my teeth through the landing.  As the plane banked once more, I was tempted to wake him up and claw to him through my anxiety.  No, I was much too terrified, and a bit peeved to do that.

I should have refused the flight attendant by the 5th time she  delivered the caffeinated beverage of my choice for that round.  The drink constantly changed, from coffee, to coke, having something to drink kept me occupied for about 2 minutes 47 seconds.

And then it was back to vain amusement.

And now I was dealing with a sugar high that only toddler in a candy store could dream of.

The plane banked again, and Jared’s head lightly slid to the side, falling on my shoulder.  He took a deep intake of my scent and murmured contentedly as he was roused to the edge of sleep once more.  Growling I lightly bumped my shoulder upwards, boggling his head.  I watched him with scorching eyes as he groggily awoke, only to snap my head foreword as the plane turned sharply.

Within moments, it was as if he had never slept at all.  His eyes were vibrant, and alive, a smile working along his lips thinly as he looked at my angered appearance, easily seeing the panic in my eyes.  He shook his head silently, leaning towards me, his morning kiss.

But we were in public.  We couldn’t.  My eyes flit past him to the people that joined us on the flight from hell.  Each of them preparing for landing.

His face was centimeters from mine.  I saw the desire in his eyes, wanting so badly for the simple touch we shared ritually every awakening.  His hand stretched across me, to the window, pulling the shade up quickly.  It was our bargain, he got a flight, I got window seat.

He nodded towards the small oval with a small smile.  “Look outside.”  He said softly.  I abided calmly to his instruction, looking out at the black morning sky with wide eyes.  Even in the waning night, the world was alive and well.  Lights lit up every stretch of land my eyes could possibly reach.  A small smile played across my lips as I looked outwards.  I was a sucker for skylines.

As if he could predict the future,  His lips were beside my ear, his breath rushing over my skin in a hush.  “Hold on.”  The plane banked, and the wing on the left side of the plane dipped.  The window went downwards, showing me more of this nocturnal world.  Buildings loomed with yellow window dots, fireflies frozen in woven tapestries.

I was star struck, thinking of nights in Massachusetts’ capital city, Boston.  Looking out from North Station at the stunning black monsters against a navy star studded night.  Walking with friends who found my shock unnecessary.  There was nothing beautiful about development.

As part of a Ying and Yang effect, cities captivated me as much as nature had.  The development of human ideals, and architectural phenomenon.  I grew up intrinsically knowing that cities held insurmountable history, living in one of the oldest places in the United States.  The big city, for me, being Boston, it was literally impossible to walk more than 3 or 4 feet without crossing a path in history.  It was something utterly beautiful to me.

Jared was about to show me, from a place I had deemed hell, a new kind of paradise.  As the plane leveled, he smiled at my eager eyes, that wanted the plane to bank once more, wanting to see the world again. “Still bitter?”  He asked, a smirk entering his voice.  I turned from the window, shaking my head deftly.  He lightly traced the ring of fabric around my thumb with his forefinger.  “Still panicked?”  I shook my head, no.  He nodded towards the window once more, an aged, knowing look in his eyes.  “Look again.”

The right wing dipped, sending my window skywards.  My breath caught as the stars and moon invaded my view, untainted by city lights, or cloud obstruction.  He nodded quickly, his finger moving foreword, his sharp eyes instantly picking out a star, as if he would pick out an old friend.  “Vega.”  He said quietly, pointing.  “Alpha Lyra.”  I followed his finger out to the brightest possible star, watching it with deep interest.   Yet, it was short lived, as the plane leveled out quickly. 

I looked at him with wide eyes.  I wanted to kiss him, my body craving that touch.  I burned with the need, the desire.  My fingers danced on the arm rest with my sudden change of mood.  “What are you doing to me?” I asked quietly, holding down the growl of hunger that plagued me.

He smiled, his hand sliding along the arm rest to link with mine, locking our knuckles together.  He leaned closely again, his lips brushing my ear ever so lightly as his warm breath washed over my skin.  “Distracting you.”  He said simply, pulling away, his aquamarine eyes dancing with pleasure.  I felt the muscle in my jaw slacken a bit, as if in some form of shock by his actions.

He was again, only seconds ahead.  As the plane seemed to plummet out of the sky, his fist crushed against mine with disturbing force, countering the grip of horror that swept from my palm.  Our knuckles bound together, white, in an effort to release and console fear. I knew, had we been alone, his lips would bruise mine, tearing everything away, removing me from this place.  Yet, he was forced to rely, now, only on magic, that which he held as a person, and what rested just beyond a layer of paned glass.

I could expect nothing less, than such magic from him.

The wheels shrieked as they bounced against the tarmac, the velocity of the once drowsily soaring plane, suddenly blinding.  Wind roared and shook the body of the plane with an angry force.  I grit my teeth, feeling my eardrums torture themselves against the pressure changes.  The pressure from Jared’s strong hand was constant as he waited for us to grind to a halt.

The pressure on the back of my hand fell as he released me, my grip following.  We looked at our knuckles at the same time, each evaluating what the other party had done.  Luckily, the feather light bones of the human hand had not undergone any terrible destruction on either of us, only slight discoloration due to some broken capillaries.  It was nothing we wouldn’t survive.
 
The plane taxied to the terminal lazily.  It was as if the huge metal bird was feeling the exhaustion of the early morning.  As movement stopped, you could hear the metallic clips of seat belts lift up and flip down as patrons released themselves from nylon restraints and stood up, despite the yellow light that still brightened the ‘fasten seatbelts’ logo.  Jared unclipped the belt at his waist, slowly rising.  His right hand firmly on the headrest of the seat for balance. He ducked out into the aisle as a warning called over the intercom, ensuring caution when opening the overhead bins. 

He dropped my duffel bag on the seat beside me as I undid my belt, arching against the seat with a yawn.  He shouldered his own with a smile, no doubt finding my exhaustion  amusing.  “Didn’t sleep too well, love?”  He asked lightly. 

I growled and shook my head, standing in the small gap between the rows of seats, moving out into the aisle.  “What the hell do you think?”  I grunted.  “didn’t sleep a wink”  He laughed lightly, shaking his head as he took a step back, allowing me to enter the tight aisle before him, slowly walking  behind other airline passengers.  I nodded to the aged pilot who dutifully stood outside his door, before quickly stepping into the entrance to the terminal. Jared stepped on behind me.  I could nearly smell the desire coming off of him, taste it in the air around him as he moved to walk beside me.  He walked briskly in his well rested state, the caffeine in my system allowing me to easily follow him. 

Starved of a touch he obviously needed, his body moved like that of an animal, strong steps pushing him foreword.  Primal, and commanding.  The sleepy women that were present in the deserted airport looked at him with hungry eyes, before confusion filled their gaze as they saw the 16 year old ‘child’ following him.  It was all I had in me, to not express my possessive nature, and personally attack every woman to look at him with a need for him to unleash the animal that was boiling under the surface.  Each woman that then looked upon me with confusion.  Whether they were aware of it or not, that animal, belonged to me. 

His hand casually brushed mine with a comforting touch.  He sensed my edge that had seemed to permeate into his awareness.  His finger quickly hooked with mine, before releasing me, a show of our connection.  He looked to me out of the corner of his eye, the deep blue pools weary.  It was a quick walk to the exit, having no need for baggage claim, to find our pre-scheduled taxi to the hotel. 

The ride was endless as we shared the back seat, our knuckles, hidden vainly from the driver, were firmly locked together.  It was the only connection we were permitted. 

In what seemed like hours we were finally in the hotel.  I bobbed anxiously on the balls of my feet by the elevator, unable to be near him any more, for I would surely explode from the need to touch him.  He turned on his heel with a few papers, and our room key, his eyes down, looking over the papers, and key, finding our room number. 

His finger lightly touched the ‘up’ button on the elevator’s callboard, hearing the confirming ‘ding’ as the elevator started to move downwards.  “room 472”  He said shortly, his voice thick with need.  It had only been about an hour since he had awoken, and we were reaching a point of desperation.  It was intriguing, how something as simple as a kiss every awakening could drive you mad.  Maybe it was more than that, perhaps, it was the knowledge that, the hotel room was key.  The understanding that until we were behind that mahogany door, any sign that we were together would be frowned upon.

As the metal doors opened before us, we quickly moved into the elevator.  Jared certainly had picked a nice hotel, even the elevator was designed in such a manner that it could be it’s own bedroom.  Mahogany wood trim was intricately carved to fit patterns of wealth against gold accents.

Jared’s hand grabbed mine tightly as the elevator stopped moving, jerking my eyes from the beautiful work conducted on the elevator to the metal doors.  I had really just found the elevator a distraction, the detail keeping me busy enough to displace my need.  As the huge doors opened, Jared pulled me from the tiny cage, moving to our room hastily.

We darted into the room no sooner had he slipped the card into the reader.  He had bought a room with two beds, smart move.  He grabbed my bag from my shoulder, tossing it and his own bag onto the bed that wouldn’t be in use, leaving me standing awkwardly in the small hall that joined the door to the actual room.  He turned from the bedside, the animal that had been boiling just under the surface, breaking through.  His eyes were dark with passion, need.  The corners of his mouth turned slightly skyward in a predatory smirk.  He stalked foreword with graceful, powerful steps, driving him quickly. 

His body pressed against mine as he joined me, his hand sinking into my hair.  His lips crushed forcefully with mine, taking what was his, what he needed.  My hands sunk into his hair as he pushed me back against a wall, pinning me closely to him.  He jarred my lips open, slipping his tongue into my mouth tasting that which he desired so. 

He pulled back, his chest rising heavily with a short of breath.  “Gods, I needed to touch you.”  He said softly.  I rose up slightly, kissing him softly once more, using the arms I had bound about his neck, and the wall to my back for leverage, holding myself up as I wrapped my legs about his waist, voicing another burning desire fermenting deep within me.  His hands came down to grip the back of my thighs, holding me up against him as we shared another passionate kiss.

He tore away quickly from me looking out the window, and then at the clock.  His head tipped to the door.  “I have an hour to show you something.”  He said softly, holding me against the wall as he untangled himself from my legs, before grabbing my wrist.  I watched him with curious eyes as he ensured the room key was in his pocket, before pulling me out of the room.

We found ourselves in the elevator once more, the button marked ‘roof’ illuminated.  “Is this allowed?”  I asked softly, looking at him with curious eyes.

He nodded with a smile.  “There’s a little café up there, that takes up a corner of the roof…but it’s closed.”  He noted the confusion in my eyes with a nod.  “Just wait.”  He said softly, pressing his lips lightly to mine, tearing away as the elevator dinged to a stop.

He pulled me excitedly out the door, bringing me out into the chilly night air that shrouded Buffalo.  He brought me to the edge of the hotel’s roof, looking out into the midst of the city, still alive in the very early morning.  I was aghast, hypnotized by the lights of the city.  He smiled with my reaction, allowing me to take it in a moment, before he broke the silence.  “Look up.”

“Oh gods.”  I said breathlessly as I looked upwards at a brilliant star studded sky, a full moon shining brightly.  He laughed lightly at my reaction, shaking his head.  He stepped away from the edge of the roof, sitting down about 5 feet away, looking at me expectantly, calling me to follow. 

“There’s Vega again…”  He said softly, pointing heavenward as I sat beside him. I nodded, following his finger to the constellation of Lyra.  I traced the ‘connect the dots’ stars to form the ‘The Lyre“, turning my eyes away to roam the limitless night sky. 

“Rukbat”  I said softly, pointing to the brightest star in the constellation of Sagittarius.  He grinned at my knowledge of the stars, before pointing to another.

“Alfecca Meridiana, Corona Austrina” I nodded, finding another.
“Telescopium”
“Suctum”
“Draco”
“Hercules”
“Vulpecula.”  He laughed as I pointed out the Fox constellation, falling silent as his shimmering cerulean pools cast their gaze upwards, looking for and elusive star in particular.  His eyes sharp as he looked through the navy sky.

His hand slowly rose, pointing to the star he had spent so long finding.  “Antares.”   He said lowly. “Scorpius.”  I took a breath, knowing he had found my star sign.  My eyes  quickly tore away from the scorpion, looking for him.

“Prima Giedi.”  I said slowly, raising my finger to the edge of the night sky.  “Capricornus.”  He looked down at me, his eyes in a dazed admiration. 

“Scorpio…”  He said, slowly, taking my hand, running his fingers over it smoothly, before enveloping it in his. 

“And Capricorn…” I said breathlessly, staring deeply into his eyes as he slowly closed the gap between us. The significance of both constellations to be held before our eyes was earth shattering.  For we both knew, and understood, that the two rarely shared the same sky.

His lips softly pressed to mine, his hands working into my hair, pressing me closely to him.  I slowly moved to sit on his lap, resting against his chest as our mouths interlocked.  His tongue slipped into my mouth, twining with mine intimately. 

I twisted to straddle his hips, pushing him down against the concrete of the roof to deepen the kiss, not caring about the waning night.  His left hand moved to hold my hip possessively as my hands sank deeply into his hair.  The night spun around us, stars streaking across the sky in a kaleidoscope effect.

I pulled away regretfully, staring down at him with a light frown.  “We gotta get outta here, before someone comes to open the café.”  I said softly.  He growled lightly, nodding in agreement.  I backed off of his chest, allowing him to rise slowly from the concrete.  I stood before him, offering my hand to pull him foreword.  He looked off the edge of the building, seeing the sun bleeding into view.  I looked at my watch, 5:17, just on time.

His hands bound my shoulders, his chin resting on my head as he gazed into an east coast sunrise.  “Wow…”  he said softly, watching the sun run from the horizon slowly.

“Yeah…” I grinned, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the elevator.  “Come on, Galileo, lets go to bed.” I said softly, laughing a bit.

“As you wish, Lesath…”  He said slowly, following me back to the elevator.

Heroin: Chapter 46
Author's Note:  Special thanks to K (Sakiawarner) her collaboration in the first part of this chapter, you rock!
Enjoyy.
<always3
meg


Shannon dialed his brother and paced outside the hotel. He'd left K sleeping inside. His trip to Niagara Falls with her had taken a turn he'd not expected and he had to change things. Quick.

"grrnnn"  The irritating ringing on the bedside table forced Jared's head deeper into the pillow, trying to ignore the loud-as-all-fuck noise blasting from his tiny blackberry.  Finding no possible escape, he pulled his shaggy haired head from the pillow, grumbling as he snatched the phone, hitting "talk" as he brought it to his ear.  "Hello?"

"Jare..it's Shan. We gotta talk dude.. I messed up.. I mean I didn't mess up but I kinda messed up. Fuck.. dude... " he rambled, running a hand through his dark hair. "You gotta come here"

"You realize you're over 6 hours ahead, right?  And its still early morning here, right?"  He grumbled, attempting to run his fingers through his messy hair, propping up on his elbow, blinking in his drowsy state.  "Why...what happened?"  He doubted his brother could have done anything of TERRIBLE damage, and, he was known to over-react .  He wasn't too concerned.

"I... K took me to Niagara Falls.. I mean I've seen it before but she was there and we were taking pictures and I ... shit.. I sorta told her I wanted to spend my life with her. I didn't ask her but.... now I gotta do it.... and we said we'd do it together" he ran his hand through his hair once more, pacing on bare feet on the sidewalk. "It was so fucking perfect Jare"

Instantly he snapped to attention, looking lightly over the side of his bed, as if to make sure that the safe box was still under it.  His eyes wide he turned his head away from the sleeping girl beside him.  "Jesus!  You're kidding me shan!"  He whispered harshly, unable to contain the immediate flare in his temper.  He became scared, feeling a pit in his stomach. 

"No.. would I be calling you at 5 am.. would I be up at 9 am if this wasn't serious?" he exclaimed. "Things... are different. I can't explain it but I gotta do this. We could do it in Canada, at the falls, take the girls to dinner at the Minolta and then go to the falls."

"Fuck..."  He seethed, unable to compose much more.  He felt like he was jerked awake, abruptly sent into a frightening, uncertain world.  Where it was a now or never decision.  "Alright, alright..." he repeated, taking deep breaths.  "When do you think I could get us a flight up there? I guess we have to do this..."  He bit his lip, scooting up on the bed.

"Flights are pretty easy to get late. K and I flew out here on a red-eye. The bathroom was great" he teased, thinking back to that night.

"Then, I guess, i'll be getting us a flight as soon as we can, tonight even."  His voice was still quiet, intensifying each word.  "Jesus Shan...did You bring your ring, or do you need me to pick it up?" 

"I have it.. it's in my suitcase.  For some reason I threw it in there, I wasn't planning it but I felt like I should take it for some reason." he paused a minute, looking up at one of the trees. "Is it right to love someone this much. I really didn't think .... I mean.. you know what I mean don't ya?" he asked.

"Yeah...I know what you mean..."  He smiled lightly.  "Although, I have to say, I'm fucking scared...You've pushed this...lightning fast."  He shook his head.  "Thank you..."  He smiled. 

"Have you ever had this moment, that you just said what you felt, what you really felt and it changed everyrthing in the blink of an eye? That was how it happened, we're standing at the falls, and she looked up at me with this smile and I told her I wanted her with me the rest of my life.   I didn't think before the words came out." he told his brother. "I still havent even talked to Ma"

"You better call her, if you go and get engaged without her knowing...well..."  He laughed lightly, thinking of the fiery spirit of  Their mother.  "and...yeah...i think i know what you mean..."  He grew distant, thinking of the day Meg caught him singing in the middle of the night.  "Its...humbling..."  He sighed.  "grounding..."

"Yes! Exactly!" he said nodding his head even though his brother couldn't see it. "That is how it felt. Humbling. Here I was at this amazing    place, with a woman that makes my world and it really made me feel small, and very lucky"

He grinned, pleased he wasn't in love and alone.  He had someone he could bounce against, someone he could confide with.  "Luck...Your girl says luck ain't got nothing to do with it."  He laughed lightly.  "What do you have to say about, soul mates?"  He vividly remembered the conversation, thinking back.

"She does huh?" he smirked and thought over the question. "I think I found mine. Have you ever known any girl who ever complimented me like she does? Of all my girlfriends, have you ever really liked one as much as you like K?"

"Shan, all your other girlfriends were obnoxious..." he said in a seasonable tone, shaking his head.  "and, in some cases, distracting...and you know they were...K is perfect for you, without a doubt."  He smiled broadly, undeniably feeling his bother's   excitement, as if it were seeping through the phone.

"Yeah.. she is. "He laughed. "Holy shit.. I'm getting married" he yelled and then looked around quickly. "God I'm a mess" he laughed. "So I need to call mom... shit.. K has to meet mom when we get back. I'm doing this all backward"

"We, Shan, WE'RE getting married..."  He said, suddenly realizing he was still beside Meg.  His eyebrows jumped as she shuffled a bit, forcing him to slowly get up, and nearly dash from the room, lest she wake up and hear everything.  It was still early, so he doubted she had awoken, and anything she heard, would translate to dreams.  "And..."  He started, closing the door lightly behind him. 

"And.... we're getting old" he teased back.

"you're getting old..."  Jared countered, narrowing his eyes as if staring down his brother.  "I'm still fine off...look at the age group you're attracting!"  He grinned.  "At least i'm still getting the young ones"

"Did you just call my soon to be wife old" he laughed. "Well look... Meg might be young in years but in her head.. and heart she is perfect for you. I should go.. K will be up soon. The funeral is at noon today"

"Yeah she is..."  He nodded, smiling.  Yet, found himself turn grave at the mention of the impending funeral on the other side of the line.  He shuffled nervously, biting again at his lip.  "Noon?  Its..."  HE looked at a clock, doing the math in his head.  "what...9:30 there? Yeah...the time you need for that is extensive...Meeting her family, and...the funeral...part..."

"Already met the family at the viewing last night. They're wonderful, never even gave me a wayward glance. Her mom says I'm cute too.. not too bad eh?"

"...Like i said..look at the age group you're attracting"  He laughed smartly, entering the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee.  "No, but, they like you, points for that."

"You haven't seen her mom." he laughed. "She looks young. Anyway.. I'm gonna go. Today might be a little rough so I want to be there. Call me when you know the flight time." he said as he walked back into the hotel

"Will do, Good luck"  He nodded, leaving the coffee to brew, in quest for the laptop, the phone still pressed to his ear.  Hope of returning to sleep was completely gone from his system.  So began another early morning

"Same to you.. talk to ya soon' He cut the phone before he slipped back into the hotel room.


***

“Jare?”  My hand glided across the smooth  linen sheets.  Clutching the small tents of  fabric, a need for stability.  My eyes jerked open as a harsh reality came to me.

They were cold.  

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at my hands, wrapped in the sheets, the cold, sheets.  I propped up, watching my fists writhe in the linen.  It was as if I had lost something, as if, he had slipped between my fingers.  Blinking, I looked at the bedside clock.  6:15 AM.  What was with these early mornings?

I lifted the sheets and slipped from the bed, blinking at the sight of his untouched bedside table.  Everything still in place.  Furrowing my brow, I left the room, slipping down the stairs, searching for the elusive man.  Why couldn’t he manage to get a full night’s sleep lately?  What was wrong?

Leaning on the banister, I found him in the living room, his laptop on the coffee table.  He held his credit card before his fingers, his eyes moving from the silver embossed numbers, to the keys on the laptop.  Gracefully, the card left his fingers, for the pedestal of the coffee table.  His fingers pounded the keys, his tongue running along his lip as he provided information to the computer.  I wondered what he was purchasing, and so intent about.  His lips played confusion and pleasure like a violin.  He was amazing to watch.

He hit enter and I heard a printer somewhere in the house start.  We were that quiet.  He looked over the screen one last time, before nodding affirmatively, and shutting the screen of his laptop.  It was no sooner had his hand left the screen, did it find a mug of coffee, bringing it to his lips.  I blinked again as I watched him, coming to realize that even Jared was slow on the scale of perception when it came to mornings.  I found watching him from my heightened position on the stairs very enjoyable, waiting until he noticed and called me over, before I would make any moves.

His blue eyes finally found me atop the stairs, leaning on the banister, watching him.  He smiled past his mug, nodding as he removed it from his lips and placed it on the coffee table before him, next to his laptop.  His eyes turned to the clock on the cable box, before coming back to me, a slight frown gracing his features.  “why are you up?”  he said lightly, carefully.  

“Your side of the bed got cold…”  I said softly, turning slightly to finish walking down the stairs, turning around the banister, I sat beside him on the couch, leaning lightly against his shoulder.  He laughed lightly at my explanation, wrapping his arm about my shoulders and kissing my temple lightly.  

“You’re unbelievable.”  He said quietly, holding me close.  There was something interesting about the way he was presenting himself, something off.  I shifted against him, gnawing my lip.

“What were you doing up?”  I asked, my turn for questions.  He laughed lightly once more.

“Shan called me, he wants me to get a new look at Buffalo, apparently we didn’t get a good enough look on tour.”  I furrowed my brow, turning to look at him.

“And?”  I asked expectantly, watch the smile on his face grow a bit wider.  

“I said we could go up there for a bit, have a little vacation, and time away from home.”  I perked instantly at the news, having never been to Buffalo, I was curious.  And a vacation with Jared was certainly one to be cherished.  “I just booked tickets and a hotel for tonight…Are you up for it?”  He asked in rhetoric playful energy, having already seen my reaction.  

“Up for it?!”  I scoffed,  Kissing him briefly in the mounting excitement that instantly tore away the calm of morning that rested within the pit of every human being upon awakening.  “Course I’m up for it!”  I laughed.

“Just worrying about you.”  He said coyly, smirking, his hand finding my wrist, tracing around my thumb.  “I remember the damage that  you did to your sweatshirt on the flight up here…”  He teased, kissing me gently.  I pouted, against him, crossing my arms when we broke.  

“Could you blame me?  I didn’t know what the hell I would find down here.”  I exclaimed, raising my eyebrows, almost surprised that he remembered.

“So…”  He started, cocking his lips lightly to the side.  “What did you find down here?”  He said quietly, holding the mood in the palms of his hands.  A glint of adventure arose in his eyes, the air of pursuit falling between us.

“A man, who I’ve come to love with all of my heart…”  I said softly, backing away slowly with the heavy atmosphere that suddenly fell on the scene.  I was instantly braced by the arm rest of the couch.  He was slow as he followed, branching over me, growing like a tree.

“Who is he?”  He said softly.  “This man, you’ve come to love…”  His breath ran his voice, keeping him low, intense.  His sharp blue eyes spoke novels, captivating, taking whoever gazed deep enough, to a new world, a never ending story.

“An actor, a Musician…”  I bit my lip, pausing.  “An intellectual, a Demi-God.”  His eyebrows rose with the last comment, not expecting such a high compliment to grace him.  

“A demi-god?  Surely you must exaggerate.”   He said in disbelief, I shook my head.

“He is nothing less than immortal, and shall be worshipped until the end of time.  Not only by me, but by countless of human beings, who find him one in a million.  A human who should be idolized, a Buddha for the misunderstood, if you will.”  I smiled as he pressed his forehead to mine, looking deeply into my eyes, evaluating whether or not I spoke truth.  

“You’re unbelievable.”  His chest heaved as he hovered above me.

“You’re a god.”  He hesitated not one excess moment after the final consonant passed over my tongue;  Crushing his lips to mine, he fed a deep, insatiable hunger, one that I doubt ever really left him.  He kept it slow, yet forceful.  He waited until he had established a common goal, before pressing foreword, running his tongue along my lower lip, calling me open to him.

Slowly he traced my sides, his hands resting on my hips, dictating his intentions blatantly as he teased the hem of my shirt.  Without warning, his fists balled about the folded fabric, pulling it taunt as he lifted it over my head. I grinned as I was free from the fabric, nearly pouncing on him to remove his shirt. He didn’t slow me, nor did he encourage a faster speed.  He was content.  Free from the cloth, he pressed his lips to mine once more, sending me back against the arm rest of the couch, becoming re-acquainted with my mouth, before moving foreword.

Our tongues entwined as he slid my pajama pants and panties off me easily, my legs twisting lightly to assist him.  He smiled at my co-operation, holding my tongue lightly as he focused on tearing the flannel fabric off, tossing it to the floor.  His hands found mine, placing them at the drawstring of his cotton pants, urging me to work with him, and keep the speed.  I readily obliged, sliding them over his muscular legs swiftly, before dropping them to the floor.

We knew it would be our last touch until the hotel room’s door closed.

His lips forced themselves harder against  mine, his hands moving across my body, drawing intricate designs as the excitement between us, mounted.  Finally, the point came, his hands slid down to my thighs, spreading my legs easily.  His eyes surfaced to lock with mine as his hips came foreword, watching me as I felt him enter me, a smile playing upon his lips as he watched me moan lightly to his call.  Slowly, he rocked, thrusting with long, passionate strokes as his lips engulfed mine once more.  

His pace increased, the his hips pounding into mine, forcing me into the foam of the couch as he grew more persistent.  As his muscles tightened and tensed, one could read that he had begun to climb.  With persistent strokes, he began pulling me along with him.  “Megan…”  He panted…crushing his lips to mine.

“Yes Jared?”  I cupped his face in my hands, holding him close as his hips applied shattering force to mine, plunging me downwards with every new connection.

“You’re beautiful…so beautiful…”  He forced out among raging breaths, crushing his lips to mine, forcing my head back against the arm rest. I moaned into his mouth as he drove me higher with him, his hips pushing faster, harder.  My arms latched around his shoulders, clinging to him in my rising ecstasy.  

“Jared…”  I moaned against him, my hips pressing back against him, grinding with bone crushing force.

“Megan…”  

“Jared…”

“Megan!”  our voices raised as we were forced higher, the raging of hips becoming unbearable.

“JARED!”

“JESUS CHRIST MEGAN!  I’M COMING!”  He yelled.  I turned my head from the bottom of the stairs, our bags at my feet.  I had no clue what he was doing, but it was making me anxious.  He appeared at the top of the stairs, his face scrunched in mock anger, his footfalls heavy as he crashed downwards, displaying such irritation.

“We gotta go”  I whined.  He looked to his left wrist, rolling his eyes.

“We have two hours…we aren’t gonna miss anything, its late at night, no lines, we’re fine.”  He said rationally.  I grumbled at his logic, as the time of departure came closer, the minutes turned to hours, the hours, to days, weeks even.  

“I’m just anxious…”  I said lowly, looking at my feet.  He softened almost instantly, smiling as he pulled me up beside him.

“I don’t want to spend more time there than I have to…”  He said quietly as he embraced me.  “The second we leave my car, we can’t be a couple.”  He said softly, kissing my forehead lightly.  He had a point, a very, painful point.  I whined lightly, showing my displeasure, making him laugh softly.  “Conversely, as soon as we get there, we have a hotel room, all to ourselves.”  His expression screamed innuendo, forcing me to look at him with interest.  He laughed at my sudden change of mood, rubbing his hand along my spine lightly as he pulled away.  “Come on, lets get the car loaded and get out of here.”  He said gently, stooping to grab his duffel bag, while I grabbed my own bag.  

He paused at the door, as if expecting Judas and Lucifer to come running, for a moment, forgetting they were kenneled.  Shaking his head, he set the alarm, before opening the door, allowing us to swiftly exit into the navy tinted night.  He shut the door lightly behind us, locking both the standard and the dead bolt, for extra measure.

“You ready for the vacation of your lifetime?”  He asked as we entered the Denali, his arm curling around the steering wheel as he injected the key into the ignition.

“You said that before I came here.”  I said pointedly.  He grinned boyishly, looking at me.

“This is your home now…”  He said softly, following his head lights as he pulled from the curb.  

“In that case.  I’ve never been more ready in my life.”   He smiled faintly, looking slightly distant for just a moment as he followed the road, following the yellow lines with conviction.  His voice was soft, delicate as he spoke.

“Neither have I.”  

Heroin Chapter 45

The night sky glowed with a lightening edge as the earth spun slowly, bringing the vision of the sun to Los Angeles with brilliant detail.  Sharp blue eyes watched the dark sky with troubled wonder, he hadn’t been  able to sleep, he hadn’t been able to dream.  The blue hues flit to the still body of a girl beside him, her exposed shoulders bare, the shirt which sheathed them, on the floor, speaking of the events only hours prior.

The summer had only 4 weeks left, he had started to panic.  Nights were long, and difficult, as he battled with his need to speak to her, get it through to her, he loved her, and it wouldn’t change.  She seemed to believe him, most of the time, but the reoccurring nightmare, in which the age difference would attack her in the pit of nightfall, never seemed to cease.  Times like that, troubled him, where he would wake to find both of them, alone.  She was usually somewhere dangerous, staring at the night sky, lost in thought.  

The danger of her situations, were usually stemmed from his protective nature, but one was needed to be around a teenager.  In a town where, every few years or so, a serial rapist is found, a murderer contained, he had right to be weary when she would disappear into the backyard for hours on end, numb to the effects of the night.

It had become routine for him to rise from bed in the early morn, and pace the room, while she slept soundly, groping his still warm sheets, trying, in slumber, to find him.  He would retire to the bedside, and lift a portion of the carpet, removing the floor and retrieving a safe box.  He would spin the dial, deftly and blindly in the darkness, popping open the lock, and raising the bulletproof cover.  Amid dozens of keepsakes, his fingers would grace that domed velvet box, and he would hold it close, protectively.  Sitting on the bedside, his fingers would hold it tightly to his chest, his thumb pressing into the soft velvet, running along the ridge in silent anxiety.  

It was only a matter of time before his fingers would grasp the hinged edge, and lift the cover, revealing the stunning white gold ring, with the single diamond center.  The band whole at the opposing side of the stone, fraying into strands that wove into knots, as it neared the rock.  Knots of Druid and Chinese ancestry, he knew she would like it.

Where the band was full, he had requested the jeweler commit an engraving in the precious metal.  “Revolution.”  They found unmatched beauty and admiration in such a word, so much that, he wished it be a part of her forever.  He had a matching ring made, with the same engraving, which rested beside the box in his hands, to be donned when she said yes.

It was intricate, yet simple.  The solitary diamond shone brightly, having no competition.  It was small, and easily missed.  However, when found, it was breathtaking.  As the knots wound around it, it spoke to complexity in simplistic design.

The ring, was her.

And, so the ritual would repeat itself, ongoing.  It was not unusual for a week to pass, where insomnia such as this, would plague him, three, maybe four times.  The velvet always felt new beneath his finger, different, as the tiny threads of softness fell under the pressure of his digits.

This night had found itself in the time warped pattern as those before hand, yet, he found himself unable to sleep after his fingers felt the warm metal, after he knew it was real.  He blinked into the sunrise, trying to learn what problems rested beneath the surface.  What was he forgetting?  Something wasn’t there.

As he ran past the traditional marriage, comparing it to his own, he found himself hitting a road block, the forgotten stone in the archway.  Without which, it would fall.

Approval.  A blessing.

Namely, that of his mother.  It had been a month since they last visited, and despite their constant conversations, his love life seemed to rarely come up.  The title of Lady Killer, came with the corresponding title that lacked commitment.  Even If it was, the deep Jared Leto.  Mother surely knew better, than a breakup between her son, and the girl he had fallen so deeply in love with, that she had met weeks ago.  Then again, he was lonely at the time, his love life detached after many a painful breakup.  It could be assumed he was getting a fix.

No, mother knew better.

The long car ride would be lonely, without the girl who slept only feet away, but he needed to get this done alone.  He needed to talk with mother, and Grandma Ruby, and get their blessing.  Something he certainly couldn’t do with her around.  

As he slipped from the sheets, he slowly tread to his closet, shedding his clothing and depositing it into the hamper in the corner of the dark coffin, he found her shirt hanging lightly over the edge.  He gripped it nervously, pressing it to his nose and inhaling deeply, enjoying the smell of her.  Turning to watch her hand lightly search for him in her slumber, he laughed lightly, before tossing the shirt into the depths of the hamper.  Turning to rows of hanging black jeans and shirts, he chose a simple outfit, donning the dark clothing, and retrieving one of his many trench coats, depositing the velvet box within a broad pocket, before turning to walk back to the edge of his bed.  His fingers lightly closed the safe box, replacing it in the floor, sealing the cavern and replacing the carpet, massaging the seam away, Invisible.

You could have such escape plans when you were in movies.  They came when you bought the house.  Realtors often paid for small little perks like that, for having a sale to a celebrity, skyrocketed your title.

It was the real estate world’s form of bribery.

Scratching a note for his beloved, he lightly kissed her forehead goodbye, smiling as she whimpered in her sleep, her head rocking against him.  Lightly brushing the hair from her face, he watched her for a moment, before quietly leaving the room, getting a few things settled within the house, before he exited the home.  Leaping lightly into the driver’s seat of the black Denali, he started the engine, and began the hours journey up north.

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel quietly, watching the road race beneath his yellow headlights as he raced to his mother’s home,  easily passing the speed limit in the pre-rush hour morn.  Occasionally, he would see a set of blazon red tail lights, or comet headlights on the opposing highway.  It was still somewhat dark, but, Apollo and Helios were surely making their way from the east, just slowly, was the issue.

As he shifted lanes, there was a tap in the consol between the seats.  Looking downwards, he found Meg’s ipod, resting comfortably in the cup holder.  Blinking, he slowed up on the speed a bit, to grab the small player, turning it on, and flipping to a play list, wondering what her soundtracks to any given moment were.  He kept an eye on the road, as he ran his thumb over the circular pad, before pressing ‘play’  reclining into the sanctuary of music, calming his nerves a bit.

How coincidental, that he had stumbled upon a play list that dictated love she couldn’t say, love she couldn’t act on.  As piano charmed melodies flooded his car, he relaxed, watching his headlights chase the pavement, his finger toying lightly with the stick extending from the wheel shaft, debating on whether or not, the headlights were fully necessary or not.  His black gloved finger pressed the small lever, removing the yellow lights from sight, before he began listening to what was playing through his stereo.

“I'm under attack again my dear, I'm in the way
Got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say
And still if I yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?
I'd fly you a flag, I'd bury this pen into my veins

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you

The telephone number I got for you says nobody's home
The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone

And you had an apology in your mailbox since last July
It's funny when you find the words to say you find no reply

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you
Scream my name just one more time
But I won't make you
I won't make you

And it's been hours now
To be here like this
And just to lay you down
And just to taste your lips
And just to keep me up
God I'm tired of sleeping
And just to lay inside you
And just to know this feeling

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you
Scream my name just one more time
But I won't make you
I won't make you”  

“Make Me…“  he said sternly, before blinking, shaking his head lightly,  looking away from the road, to check the artist, and name of the song he just heard.  His eyebrows perked as the song changed, blinking as a new one started, by the same artist.  He found his mind chasing lyrics, looking for deeper meaning, mainly, why all these songs connected to their relationship.

Songs wafted past, over and over, as he drove steadily.  Sometimes, his head would turn to the right, searching for the girl, wanting to see her silently sleeping against the window.  The Dashboard clock illuminated 5:30 AM, surely she would still be asleep.  He had been driving for just under an hour.  He would probably got to his mother’s house by 6:30, especially at the rate he was going, in the direction he was aimed.  He was passing all rush hour, just missing it, as he drove at over 75 miles an hour.  He was a rather confident driver.

His head jerked lightly to the blackberry in the consol, the ring tone immediately telling him who was on the other end.  He looked at the clock on the dash, biting his lip, seeing 5:43 on the illuminated screen.  Shaking his head, he reached for the phone, his thumb tapping the ‘talk’ key as he brought it up to his ear.

“Megan?”  He spoke softly, as if she were still sleeping, and he was checking on her dreams.  His brows pressed upon his eyes, showing his concern in her early awakening.  His left hand was positioned on the top of the steering wheel, lightly controlling the car in the soft turns of the highway as he moved foreword into the slowly growing light.  Although, it was still, very much early morning.  Many passing cars, still used their headlights.

“Jared?”  Her voice was equally soft as it came over the phone, bleeding with her concern and worry in his absence.  He frowned further in his apparent worry caused unto her, biting his lip lightly in a small pause.  When he didn’t immediately respond, she called out to him again.  “Jared…where are you?”

Jared bit his lip lightly, trying to think of something to tell her.  He hated lying, especially to her, but he couldn’t be one hundred percent truthful.  No, this time, a little white lie would be necessary.  “I’m heading up to Mom’s for a bit.  Today, is the…anniversary, of, when…Pop left, so, I’m just making sure, she’s alright…”  he openly winced at his lie.  It wasn’t the day his father left, no, that day would be forever burned in his memory.  For being so young, he remembered it vividly.  It had, so some extent, shaped who he was today, and influenced his decision, to buy the ring that rested in his gaping pocket.  

“oh…”  she said quietly, obviously upset.  He felt his heart fracture in her tone.  “I guess, you needed to go alone then…”  Her voice, quiet and slow was torturing him, making him want to rip his hair out, turn around and pop the question right there.  He wanted to be with her this second, but he couldn’t do that, he had committed to a mission, he best finish.

“I’m sorry Meg…”  He said warmly, trying to cheer her up.  “I should have brought you, but I left early…”  His teeth caught his lip repeatedly, trying forget the agony the story was causing him.

“No no, its alright…I get it..”  She said with gaining strength, as she began waking up.

“Why are you awake?  Its early…”  He blinked at the road, fighting back a yawn, realizing his own tired attitude.

“…your side of the bed got cold…”  She said softly, as if ashamed by the answer.  He smiled, shaking his head.

“I love you…”  He smiled into the phone, unable to react any other way to her statement.  

“I love you too”  She grinned lightly. “you’re driving, I should, let you go…”  She said slowly.  

“Yeah…I’ll talk to you later though, before I leave…I’ll be home soon.”  He said solemnly, regretting his decision to remove the conversation from his atmosphere.   “I love you…”  He repeated, waiting for her joint dismissal.

“I love you too Jared.”   Her side of the phone clicked off, causing him to sigh, and press ‘End’ on his blackberry, depositing the phone back into the console’s cup holder once more, before turning up the music again, and resuming the drive.

***

I hope no one kills me for this… She thought as she hit ‘send’ on her blackberry, pressing the phone to her ear as she waited lightly.  Ring once, ring twice, ring three times.  The phone was fumbled as the other side picked up, the gruff, familiar morning voice coming through, much to her surprise.

“Hello?”  He growled in his sleep, not meaning malice towards any single human being, rather, the world, for waking him up so early.

“Hey, Shan…its me…Meg…”  She said quietly, blinking.  “Did I wake you?  I was gonna call for K, I would have figured you’d be with Jared…”  She rambled a bit, going too fast for the disoriented drummer.  

“whoa…slow down…what time is it?”  He asked, the edge lightly falling from his voice as he realized who it was, and that they meant no harm.

“…Around 6...in the morning…”  She said slowly.

“And Jared’s not there?”  Shannon blinked again, running his fingers through his dark hair as he blinked the sleep from his eyes, swallowing hard as he began to officially wake up, a pang of worry falling over him.  

“No, I thought you would be with him…he’s going to your mom’s…”  She said in confusion, her voice still light, not too loud to disturb the drummer.  

“Why is he going to mom’s?”  Shannon asked, looking over to K, still asleep, despite the action of the man beside her.  

“…Today is the anniversary of when your dad left…apparently…”  She shrugged,   assuming that he had forgotten due to sleep.  It was understandable, and certainly not a crime.

“Wait…anniversary of when dad left?  But that’s not…”  He started, thinking of the fiery attitude of Constance Leto, who rarely let the breakup effect her.  And the fact that, the day was not for a few months.  “Oh…”  he said, finally understanding the mind of his brother, catching the lie.  “Yeah…now I remember…”

“I would figure you would go…”

He scratched the back of his head, trying to work with what his brother had given him to play with.  “Well…Jared is…a lot more…eloqu-  “  he yawned, the word forcing his mouth ajar and his eyes to close slightly.  “-well spoken, with this kind of…thing.”  He finished, sticking to small words in his waking state, not trusting what may or may not send him in to another yawn.  “Mom knows I’m there for her…which is all that…matters…”  He finished, hoping he was as believable as his brother had been.

“Yeah…I guess…”  She agreed, submitting to his logic.  “Sorry I woke you…”  she said shortly, finding the complete interaction a bit awkward.  She was better off with K, knowing that another woman would probably understand this mild worry, and traces of loneliness.  

“No problem, are you OK?”  Shannon shifted beneath the sheets, feeling himself waking up fully.

“Yeah…I’m fine….”  

“Megan…”  He said sternly, his eyebrows bearing down as if he were talking to her directly.

“I’m just…confused, and…worried, I guess…”  She submitted.  What was it about the Leto brothers, and their skills at prying?

“Do you want me to come over?  I know you would have asked K to…”  He lifted the sheets, starting to get out of bed, as if he were able to read her mind.

“No, no, just, go back to bed…I’ll be fine…”  She covered.

“You already got me up…do you need company?”  he offered again, treading to the dresser and pulling out clothing for the day.  He knew he was going to end up visiting.  Meg was easy to read, especially with her guard down.

“Shan, really, you don’t have to…”  She protested again, hearing the drawers of the dresser open, she submitted.  “You’re coming over whether I like it or not- aren’t you?”  She growled lightly, shifting under the sheets of the bed,  throwing internal fits.

“You’re getting the idea…”  He smiled.  “Really, a Sister doesn’t call the house of her brother, at 6 AM without reason…”  He pressed the phone between his shoulder and ear as he pulled on a pair of black jeans, smirking into the phone.

“You like calling me sister, don’t you?”  The phone shuffled as he pulled on a shirt.

“Mmhmm, you’re part of the family, what else would you be?”  He smiled, pulling on a hoodie, zipping it halfway up his torso.  Slipping to the nightstand, he wrote K a quick note, detailing the occurrence of the early morning, before kissing her lightly on the cheek.  “I’m leaving now, I’ll be there in a few, alright?”  he said as he bounced down the stairs, briskly walking to the door and slipping his shoes on.

“yeah….sorry again…”  she said quietly, starting to get out of bed, seeking out her own outfit.  Settling on jeans, and a baseball jersey, she threw them on the bed, ready to be worn when she got off the phone.

“Don’t be….if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be coming.”  He laughed a bit.  “see you soon.”

“bye Shan.”

“bye.”  They hung up their phones, Shannon diving into the front seat of his car, while Megan pulled on her clothes.  The blue jeans, with the odd paint splatters and writing of bored classes fit loosely and comfortably.  Picking up the black and white baseball jersey, she ran it through her fingers, running over the name “Typeset” in the front, and the number “21” in the back.  She laughed fondly on the memories that flooded the preparation, and day, of Dramafest, 2007.  The people, the games, it all was so vivid.  So wonderful.  Shaking her head, the memories drifted, as she plunged into the fabric, pulling it over her head.

She appeared in the kitchen, her lips snagged by her teeth as she grabbed a mug from a high cabinet, setting it to the side, as she cleaned out the coffee maker, creating a new morning brew.  Despite this morning’s movement, her exhaustion was still blatant, as her eyelids drooped every few moments, needing to be jerked up wildly.  Caffeine would do her good.

Grabbing the mug from the counter, she slowly walked to the kitchen table.  Shannon would be here any second, the drive from his house to Jared’s was minute, about 10 minutes.   As she traced the rim of the mug with her thumb, she wondered why she called him.  Hell, she knew why she called him, she was calling for K, to express her confusion and worry.  Somewhere, Shan had intercepted the call, and holding the same fatherly position as Jared did, decided to come over to see what was up.

The door slowly opened, a change from the usual explosive energy that Shannon usually opened the door with.  He peered in, before entering, smiling lightly.  “Coffee?”  He asked with interest, looking around in hunt for the fresh brew.

“Fresh on the counter.”  She smiled, watching as he sought out the black mistress.  Snatching a mug and pouring himself a mug without much thought, he returned, sitting across from her at the table.

“So…what’s up?”

***

His head rested against the steering wheel, taking deep breaths.  He was anxious, nervous even.  Not that the deer bursting across the highway helped much either.  A final gasp of air, his fingers gripped the key in the ignition, removing it from the transmission.  The time on the clock read 7:15, before it flashed off into blackness.  He was early.

Jarring the door, he stepped down from the metal chasse of the car, dropping his keys into the pocket opposite to that of the velvet box.  Furrowing his brow, he lightly tapped the metal car door behind him shut, the gravel beneath his crocs shifting and cracking as he walked.  Bouncing up the stairs,  he came to the front door.  It was still locked.  Sighing, he looked through the key ring for the special cut that would open the door.    Finding it, he entered his mothers house, unannounced.

He stayed in the kitchen, waiting for her to awaken.  He made a pot of coffee, knowing that was usually her schedule once she woke up.  He estimated that Ruby would sleep a bit later, she always did when they were kids,  why would that change?

He looked up suddenly as he hear a gasp.  The shocked face of his mother at the kitchen door, her hand over her mouth.  Seeing his face, she instantly settled, smiling warmly, relieved.  “Oh, Jared, it’s just you…” she shook her head, walking to the coffee pot.  “You startled me.”  He shifted, lightly, smiling as she retrieved a mug and her own coffee, before leaving it on the counter to embrace him in a warm hug, and kiss on the cheek.  “How are you?”

“I’m fine, mom, what about you?”  He said lightly, smiling as she picked up her mug, and gently sipped the first taste of coffee for the morning.  She nodded as she swallowed, blinking against the heat of the drink.

“I’m wonderful.”  She took another sip, her eyes watching her son do the same.  “How’s Meg?”  She watched as he tensed slightly, seeing the slight reaction  her name gave him, as if it were the entire world.  He may be good at hiding, but you can only keep so much under cover from mother.

“Ah…”  He started, the heat from the coffee triggering his tongue, making it sensitive to his own words.  He watched his fingers set the mug down on the counter.  He bit his lip lightly.  “That’s why I’m here…”  He said softly.  Constance nodded, walking from the counter, curling her finger for him to follow.  

They entered the living room, the homey atmosphere,  a better place to do talk about relationships.  His mother retreated to a warm chair, while he found himself in her old couch.  Much like the one back in Louisiana. His elbows on his knees, he thought of how to put into words, what his plan was, what he wanted to do.  

“So…what about Meg…”  she restarted the conversation, after giving him a period to think.  He nodded, biting his lip lightly.

“I love her…” He said lightly.  “I really do…”

“But…”  Constance interjected, knowing there was more to the story.  

“But…She lets the age difference speak for the relationship…and sometimes…doubts.”  His language was broken, as he thought of each word with meticulous care and attitude.

“And…you want to let her know that, its nothing like that…you really love her.  Right?”  She filled in, reading her son like a book.  He smiled lightly, meeting her gaze.

“Exactly, that’s it.”  He agreed.  Words he couldn’t say, fell through his eyes, speaking to her, in the way a mother could.  

“I know you have something planned, and that’s why you’re here, so, lets hear it…”  she smiled in agreement, leaning foreword, placing her half emptied mug on the coffee table to better listen.  In that moment, Ruby came to the living room door, a cup of tea between her tired, morning fingers.   “Oh, up already Ruby?  Sleep well?”  Constance greeted, turning her attention from her troubled sun, to welcome his grandmother.

“I slept fine, When did Jared get here?”  She asked, looking to her grandson, walking over and embracing him in a hug as he stood.  

“about 20 minutes ago…”  He said softly as he released her.  “Come on, sit down, I’ve got to tell you both something.”   She sensed in his tone that this was important, so with a nod, she sat in her chair, and faced him with deep eyes.

“So…I love Meg…and…”  He restarted, filling Ruby in, for she missed the beginning of the conversation.  Her face spread, remembering the first meeting with her grandson’s new girlfriend.  “And…we haven’t been together, long…but…”  Ruby nodded knowingly, followed quickly by Constance as they connected the dots.  “I…I, Want to…to…marry her.”  He stuttered out, looking at the ground, feeling exposed, nervous.  

The smile on his mother’s face exploded with happiness beyond comprehension as she stood, sitting next to him, embracing him tightly. “Jared, that’s, wonderful…”  She managed out amid a smile brighter than the stars.  He hugged her back with a need, feeling the vulnerability only the hug from a mother could cure.

“personally, I don’t care about a granddaughter in law, get me my great grand kids!”  Ruby said spunkily, trying to alleviate the weight on her grandson’s shoulders.  He smiled at his grandmother.

“we’re working on it…”  he said softly, biting his lip playfully.

"When are you getting the ring?"  Constance asked, her blue eyes wide with admiration and joy at the news.  He looked away shyly, smiling at the readiness, to which, they were accepting the news.

"I already got one..."  His tone remained quiet as his gloved hand slipped into his coat pocket, slowly drawing out the black velvet box.  He handed it gracefully to his mother, his fingers holding the box's shape after it left, as if upset it had left.  He watched as she pulled open the hinge, peering in, her voice coming short as she gazed upon the white gold.

"Oh, my.  Its, beautiful."  she was nearly speechless as she forced out the words, her eyes widening with surprise.  Delicately, as if it were an eggshell, she pulled the  ring from the foam, running her fingers along the polished surface with care.  She read the inner inscription aloud.  "Revolution...Jared...this is...she'll love it."  She smiled, sweeping the tears budding at the corners of her eyes with the back of her knuckle.  Her happiness impossible to contain.

The ring was returned to him, only to be passed to Ruby, for her approval.  He smiled at his mother, in a boyish manner, hiding the fact that he could think of doing nothing but the same.  "Aw, don't go crying, Mom."  He said playfully, wiping her tears away with his thumb.

"I’m sorry, honey, but I just can't contain how happy this makes me..."  she smiled, sniffling a bit.  He bit his lip childishly, almost embarrassed by the attention.  It couldn’t be denied, that as a child, he craved attention, and even today, he craved the attention of fans.  But this, this he could do without.

No, that was not an option.

“it’s wonderful Jared…”  Ruby smiled, returning the box to him.  He lightly touched the ring, as if ensuring it was real, it existed.  Everything seemed surreal, nothing seemed to properly exist.  Nothing was there.  He was drifting.

“I’m so happy, you’ve found someone…that you feel secure with.”  Constance injected into the subtle void.  Jared only laughed, shaking his head.

“Secure, is only half of it, half the time, she’s scaring the hell out of me.  But…I’ve never felt…this way.”  He smiled shyly.  

“That’s what it’s all about…”  Ruby said comfortingly.  

“Yeah…So, I have your blessing?”  He looked at them both, his eyes deep with questions.

“That, you do…”  Constance smiled, pulling her son into a grand hug.  He was beaming as he powerfully returned the gesture, the happiness radiating from every pore in his body, blinding.  Separating from her, he moved to his grandmother, sharing a warm embrace with her, careful not to crush her small frame.

“I think I’m gonna head home now… Thank you, so much…”  he grinned, looking at the face on the clock.  8:52.  He had spent over an hour here, plenty of time.  

“Take care Jared!”  Ruby and Constance cried in unison, following him out the door, to wave from the porch.  He nearly ran down the steps, diving energetically into the front seat of his car, and revving the engine instantly.  As he pulled from the driveway, he beeped the horn a few times, waving goodbye, before driving out of sight.

***

Ring…Ring…Ring…

“Hello?”  Megan’s dazed voice bled into the sunlit living room, her eyelids heavy with the dust of sleep.  She looked to the opposite end of the couch, finding Shannon slumped across the arm rest, having taken his own cat nap.  6 AM was too early for anyone, especially those who lived the life of rock stars, staying up all night, and sleeping in.  

“Meg?  Did I wake you?”  Jared asked, concern and guilt dripping from his voice.  Settling against the arm rest of the couch once more, she nodded into the phone.

“Mmmhmm…napping…its ok.  You coming home?”  

“Yeah, I’ll be there in an hour.”  He smiled, only 60 minutes until they would be together again.  60 minutes closer to the ring in his pocket.

“Amazing!”  She beamed, looking over to Shannon again, still finding him in the realm of dreams.  It was amusing to her, but she knew as soon as she was off the phone, she would probably join him.  60 minutes in sleep were much faster than 60 minutes awake.

“Sorry, there’s some traffic, I don’t want to die before I get there, see you when I get home?”  He offered.  She nodded once more.

“See you then.”

“I love you.”

“I love you Jared.”  She clicked off the phone, placing it back on the hanger on the side table, before snuggling into the stuffed green suede of the couch once more, sighing contentedly, knowing that he wasn’t going to be long.

***
“I leave for a few hours, and my brother and girlfriend are sleeping together, WONDERFUL!” Jared yelled excitedly.  Megan’s eyes burst open, the loud noise startling, causing her to jump.  Shannon groggily sat upright, using the arm rest for support.

“Bro…Its…not what it looks like…”  Shannon yawned, trying to make a pun out of the situation, but, finding all attempts futile as he woke his body up.  

“I’m forced to disagree…I think it’s EXACTLY what it looks like.”  Jared laughed, bending to kiss Meg.  “Sleep well?”  He asked, looking down on her with dancing blue eyes.

“No…”  she growled, rubbing her neck.  “My neck hurts, and Shannon kicks in his sleep.”  She shot a glance of daggers at the older brother, pouting as she rubbed her thigh lightly.  

“I only kicked because you kicked me first!”  HE defended, his jaw dropping slightly, in shock.
“Funny, I kicked in retaliation as well…asshole.”  She growled.

“Wrong, it was me, you attacked!”

“Bullshit!  You hit me!”

“Guys…”  Jared said hesitantly, as the two bickered light cats and dogs, getting worked up in their dazed, tired states.  “Guys!?”  He repeated, as Meg and Shannon ignored him.

“There’s only one way to settle this…”  Megan growled.

“Yes, it has come to this…”  Shannon agreed, narrowing his eyes.  His foot shot out, connecting with Megan’s femur.  She buckled in a flinch of pain.

“Asshole!”  She yelled, only to slide her own foot across the suede of the couch, to hit him.  

“Bitch!”  The war had commenced, feet sliding across the couch, hitting legs, abdomens, anything they could reach.  In the act of courtesy, Megan was sure to avoid Shannon’s groin, more from fear of what K would do, had she found out Megan had attacked such a sacred aspect of her boyfriend.

“Are you two sure, YOU aren’t the ones in love?”  Jared laughed, instantly stopping the battle between them.  Their heads whipped to him, shock burning in their eyes.

“No way!  She’s all yours man!  I can’t stand her!” Shannon spat, glaring at Meg, only to have the look returned.

“He’s too immature, You think I could survive, THAT?!” She said with an air of disgust, gagging at the thought.

“Hey, since brother’s home, can I leave?”  Shannon asked, standing up from his seated position.  Jared nodded, following his brother out the front door, closing it behind them. “so, what happened at mom’s” Shannon asked lowly, his brown eyes boring into his brother’s blues.

“How’d you know I was up there?”  Jared asked suspiciously, cocking an eyebrow.

“Meg called, for K”  He said, cocking his head towards the house.  “Mom doesn’t care about the day Pop left, she got over it quick, so, why were you there.”  

“Shan…”  Jared shook his head, smiling lightly.  “I had to get her blessing…”  He smiled lightly, pulling the black box out of his pocket, and showing his brother the ring.  His brother gaped, not expecting it to be so soon.

“Wow, Bro, you’re taking this fast!”  He said, breathy, his finger touching the ring lightly.  “Meg will fucking loose her mind.”

“Yeah…I know…”  He said, slowly starting to walk towards his brother’s car.  “But, she’s got to say yes.”

“she’d be a fool not to…”  Shannon mused, shaking his head.  “She was damn worried about you today…”  

Jared cocked his eyebrow.  “Worried about me?”  His brother nodded.

“Yeah, she knew something was up…I had no clue what the fuck you were doing, so I couldn’t really help either…”  He shook his head.  “She really loves you, man.”

“Yeah…and I do her…What about you and K?  Soon, right?”  He cocked his head.

“I’m doing it with you, bro, so, I need to go up to mom’s soon, and get her blessing as well…”  They nodded as they reached Shannon’s car.  “see you later.”

“see, yah around, Shan” Jared smiled, pounding lightly on the roof of his brother’s car, as he drove off.  Standing alone, in the front lawn, he just stared aimlessly at the road, smiling faintly.  All that had happened today, I t was all falling into place, perfectly. Soon, couldn’t come soon enough.

The front door behind him opened quietly as Meg slipped out, looking for him.  “Jared?”  She called, seeing his stagnant form in the lush green grass of the lawn.  As she stepped into the green, blades seeping between her toes, she silently stalked to him.

“Yeah meg?”  He turned, smiling at her, watching as she approached him.

“What are you doing out here?”  She asked lightly.

“Thinking…”  He mused, as she reached him, slipping her hand about his waist, grabbing one of his belt loops with a curled finger.  “About…how perfect the world is becoming…

“Perfection ain’t perfect…”  She recited coyly, kissing his cheek lightly.

“Then, it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten.”

Heroin:Chapter44

“Mrrrrrr”  My scull pressed itself into his sternum, feeling his warmth, the security in his presence.  After his performance last night, I wanted him as close as possible.  It was something I couldn’t help. 

“good morning to you too…”  He laughed lightly, finally prying my eyes open to greet the sunlit world.  I turned to face him, finding his eyes on the small screen of my ipod, the white earbuds firmly in his ears.  I furrowed my brow as he looked away for a moment, bending to plant a light kiss upon my lips before turning to look through once more.  “I was a bit curious…”  He defended lightly, shrugging.

“like what you hear?”  I cocked my head against him, smiling lightly.  He nodded, his finger gliding quickly over the pad, making a few clicks.

“mmhmm, especially this…”  He smiled as he turned the screen of the ipod to me, showing the extensive collection of 30 Seconds To Mars songs, it held, most songs having more than one copy, regular and acoustic.  “you’re unbelievable.”

“I’m a fan…”   I pouted, reaching to grab my music player, only to launch myself into a game of keep away.  He bit his tongue as he yanked the shiny black box just out of reach.  “gimme”  I whined as I stretched for what was mine.

“no, I’m not done”  He laughed back, watching with playful eyes as I strained for the iPod. 

“What is your definition of ‘done’  how is one ‘done’ when listening to music?”  I cocked an eyebrow, forgetting the fight for my ‘toy’.  Retreating to rest on his lap, I watched him browse through my files unprejudiced.  I wondered how he would feel if he knew all of which were stolen.

“When I’m satiated…”  He shrugged.

“Alright…how do you know when you’re satiated?”  I blinked.  Music never reached a point, where I was completely satiated.  I always wanted more, always craved…more. 

“How do you know when you’re done making love?”  He asked, his eyebrows raised, a small smirk upon his lips.

I paused, knitting my eyebrows together a moment.  “Pollock…Jackson Pollock said that, didn’t he?”  His eyebrows cocked themselves a bit higher in surprise, as if I was not supposed to know that.  It wasn’t a memorable quote, rather one that any man could say if questioned when something is done.  But it screamed the attitude of Jackson.  I think he was drunk when he said it.

“Very good…I’m impressed.”  He laughed, looking down at me to show his pleasure in my knowledge.

“I studied him, brilliant, brilliant man.”  I mused. 

“that he was…”  he sighed pausing a moment.  “Well, I’m done…”  He said abruptly, holding down the ‘play’ button and powering down the player, before initiating the ‘hold’ function and coiling the white headphones quickly about the system, before placing it on the bedside table.

“Done?”  I blinked.

“Done.”  He nodded affirmatively.  His hands fell to pat down my hair a bit, his eyes dark, troubled. I blinked, sitting up, staring into those deep, hard pools, trying to make sense of them.

“what’s wrong?” I asked lightly, brushing the jet black trails from his face lightly.  His teeth caught his lip lightly, as he pulled away a bit, the hair I had just brushed aside, finding their ways back into his face.

“Nothing…”  He said heftily, shaking his head slightly.  “Nothing…”

“Jared…”  I said lightly, careful about my tone.  He turned slightly, his eyes still holding that deep appearance.  I didn’t particularly like it.  It made me worry about him. 

“Just thinking about…last night…that’s all.”  He said quickly, almost, paranoid even.  It seemed as if he were on a track somewhere, anywhere, but here. 

“what about it?”  He pulled his knees to his chest, blatantly displaying his discomfort.  It was setting me off, I couldn’t decide what to make of it.  Resting his chin on his knees, he paused, blinking heavily as he chose his road with fathomless deliberation.  He started to worry me, his out of character elusiveness almost taunting.  His chest heaved against his knees as he started on his explanation.

“How bad…I needed you to hear me…sing that…”   His words were chosen with such decisive attitude that I found myself lost.

“Jared…I knew that-”  He shook his head cutting me off.

“No…the other parts….”  He said quietly.  “you’ve made…the difference…But…you don’t know…how I used to be…how…different…this is for me…”  He looked at me through the shroud of locks that had managed to fall before his eyes, showing pangs of fear, and pain.  He took another breath, wavering slightly.  “I felt…everything…that song dictated…sometimes…I just can’t…say it… But you have to know…It’s there.”  He bit his lip, turning away again.  I blinked, trying to make sense of what he just threw at me, what he just told me. 

I gripped his shoulder, massaging it gently.  He relaxed slightly In my grasp, rolling his shoulders back a bit.  “…Jared…I…it’s…”  I knew what I wanted to say, I just couldn’t form the words.  He seemed to flinch in my difficulty, he wasn’t taking it well. 

My hand slid along his shoulder, resting at the nape of his neck, among the bright red hair that resided in the vicinity, twirling in the mass of strands.  I bit my lip, trying to think of something, anything. 

Running along his jaw line, a small appearance of stubble peaking through from a few days not shaving, It took me a few seconds to key in.  Cupping his cheeks, I pulled him from his curled position, forcing his lips to mine.  He was hesitant, his insecurity still blatant.  I only pressed harder, wanting to tear it away.  Growling lightly, it was MY turn to make him understand, MY turn to force him to listen.

Every fleeting emotion that passed through his heart, passed through his lips, into me.  I filtered and stored every one, not allowing them to go back to him, not allowing him to go back there.  I only let him feel passion, although he craved what I was craving.  He didn’t want me to take them in, he didn’t want me to store them.

Frankly, I didn’t care.

I smiled as he started to rise, taking a more dominant position, becoming active, gaining confidence.  This is what I needed, what I wanted.  As he brought me closer, he growled slightly, nipping lightly at my lip.  He was speaking now, engaging himself.  His tongue sped hungrily along my bottom lip, thirsting for more. I rocked my forehead against his, pulling away and holding him.  He groped a moment, before opening his eyes, the receding darkness perking only a moment, as he seemed to wonder what went wrong.  I smiled lightly, kissing him quickly to tear that last piece of insecurity from him, just enough to get him to hear me with full understanding.

“You’re perfect, don’t think…you ever, could be anything less…”  I smiled, kissing him for what was intended to be a brief transaction.

Silly me for expecting that from Jared Leto.

His lips chased mine in my attempt to pull away, smiling slightly with victory as he branched over me, keeping the connection as long as he could.  Moving from his position beside me, his body covered me, keeping me close, as he tugged at my lip, opening me to him.  I tensed slightly as I felt his hand at the waist of my pants, tugging lightly along their ridge. 

Despite his dominance, his insecurity was very much alive and well.  He was slow, meticulous, nervous even, as he traced along the waistline of my pants; as our mouths entwined. 

He changed his mind, his fingers finding the hem of my shirt, toying at the stitched fold with anticipation.  He wasn’t pressing anything, it was, unusual.  I wriggled under him, having him lift the fabric lightly, cuing him to continue.  He smiled quickly, before pulling away to lift the shirt from my torso, and discard it to the floor.

Slowly he came back to me, kissing lightly, as if a restart button was pressed within him.  Short, passionate kisses soon lead to his tongue begging for entrance to my mouth.  I readily opened to him, the eagerness within me, versus his careful, deliberate motions juxtaposed in a way we had rarely found ourselves.

Was last night really that difficult?
Or was this role play?

His fingers lightly traced up and down my side, moving slowly, sending quakes through me.  He smiled softly, before allowing the small, pendulum movements to sweep over my body, finding interest in different aspects of the female anatomy, as if it were all new to him, as if it was his first time again, he wanted to make sure the stories in the magazines weren’t lies.

As his finger swept up and down my torso, it continually met the waist of my flannel pants.  Slowly, it traced further onto the fabric, flipping up the drawstring tightened hem, before he slowly gripped the soft fabric, slightly tugging, testing the waters.  I ground my hips against him, finally feeling the full of his arousal as we made a rough connection. 

Smiling, he began removing my pants and underwear, in one fell swoop.  As the fabrics were removed from my legs with slow conviction, I whimpered against him, nipping at his lower lip.  He smiled, as I found my hands on his boxer’s waistband, slowly teasing the elastic.  He backed off, watching me with infant eyes as I slowly tugged him free of his underwear, tossing them to the ground.  His hand gripped my shoulder, his thumb finding the pressure point above my clavicle, causing me to almost collapse onto the bed behind me. 

As I shivered, his thumb let up, instantly freeing me.  He hadn’t been aware of the physical control.  I could have easily accused him of purposefully rendering me paralyzed. 

Save for the fact, he didn’t need a pressure point to do that.

As he slowly pressed me back onto the bed, he followed, crawling nervously atop of me.  I was almost certain he was in a role, but his eyes combated that opinion.  Deep, and unsettling.  I bit my lip, nervous with the darkened gaze.  He paused, blinking widely at the nervousness he was creating, before falling to me, his lips finding my neck, lightly tracing along the coronary artery, feeling my pulse on his lips, before moving along my shoulder, and then, back up. 

My teeth instantly released my lip as his teeth found my earlobe.  My breath wavered as he took control by a small piece of cartilage.

“There are countless nerve endings in the earlobe…”  He whispered, before catching it in his teeth once more, sucking it lightly.  He was falling back on intellect.  The ‘talk nerdy to me’ fetish that, could woo almost any female.  “pressure, can force the strongest into…”  He paused as he bit lightly once more, pausing to draw on the connection a bit longer.  The connection caused me to arch back against the bed, grinding against him in a moan.  “…ecstasy…”  He stared intently at me a smile across his face.

As his lips pressed to mine once more, his knee spread my legs, untangling my own, from his.  He tensed slightly, reverting back to acting as if he were inexperienced, as if it was his first time.   Yet, he fell back to comfort as I nudged harder against his lips, forcing his mouth open, allowing our tongues to twist together, locking us as one. 

His hands gripped mine, connecting us in a second manner, before his hips crushed foreword.  He slowly entered my core, his pressure explosive.  The brute intensity, seemed unmatched, every new time we met like this, was always better than the precursor.  Every experience was individual.  He had the ability to make each encounter, so immensely different, I could never anticipate anything other than the best.

He was an artist.

Long, slow strokes dominated his movements, his body surging foreword in a rhythmic pattern, deep, powerful.  I choked against his mouth, attempts to hold down any vocalization impossible as moans wracked my throat.  His smile pressed against my lips, before he tore away, releasing his own song, a cry of passion.

With that cry, he seemed to turn.  From immature boy, to experienced man.  His lips forced back onto mine with vigor.  I nipped him, preparing for his hips to speed up to par.  As they retained their slow, passionate pace, I found my legs twisting in their immeasurable pleasure, melting at his control.

He moaned again, his breath cut short as he began to peak.  His thrusts fell harder against my hips, submerging me deeper into the mattress, deeper within the confines of the blankets.  His vision locked to mine as he started to pant, edges of powerful moans interjecting between gasps forced by his racing heart.

My own chorus of lust joined him, erupting as the drive mounted exponentially.

He peaked. His body entering a rigor still as ecstasy fell over him, claiming him as its own, tearing reality away as he shuddered.  I panted as I watched him, his head hanging slightly, before he recaptured my vision, his hips rocking, his eyes gleaming.  The insecurity, no longer out to plague him.

The pressure he had placed in my palms slacked as he forced his hips hard, thrusting deep as he finished what he had started.  Completing the circle.  I dug my nails into his hands, gasping heavily in the heat of the moment, as he brought me to the apex.  My teeth closed around my lip as intense nirvana swept over me, calling me captive.  He brought me down, nudging my head up to find my lips.  He kissed me fiercely, with passion, before lifting off, falling beside me.

I inched to rest on his chest, my ear over his calming heart.  I sighed as I relaxed, snuggling into him, reflecting. Last night, this morning.  Thoughts and moment’s revived came racing to greet me with eager eyes and wagging tails, craving the attention I gave them.  My brow furrowed over and over as I shuffled through the disorganized mass of reactions and ideas, pinning them to a metaphoric wall in some form of legible pattern.  Discerning between fact and opinion, inference, and truth.

“What are you thinking about?”  He asked, his voice ripping through the silence, like a katana, sharp, clear.  I turned on his stomach to face him, satisfied that I had burned a hole through the wall as I stared through thought.    His eyes were clear, sharp.  The torture had left, praise Oizys, for lifting her painful hold.

“Still last night…”  I said softly, hoping it wouldn’t drag him back there.  As his eyes remained clear, I was certain he wasn’t terribly bothered, more likely understanding of my need to organize and make sense of it all.

“You’re fretting too much…”  He laughed quietly, ruffling my bangs.  I bit my tongue, smiling at him, giggling lightly.  He paused, smiling sleepily, before turning to gaze at the bedside clock, biting his lip lightly.  “get up…” he said softly, nudging me lightly.  “we have stuff to do.”  Not in the mood to protest, I rose off of him, reluctant to get cleaned up an join the world. 

My feet slid across the carpet, out of his bedroom and into the bathroom.  Grumbling, I slid my hand past the shower curtains, ones he had painted himself, with lyrics and odd pictures.  It reminded me of the ‘north’ piano that Andrew McMahon of Something Corporate used.  Gripping the metal knob, I released the warm water, pausing to let the shower heat up.  I watched Jared enter through the corner of my eye, smiling cheekily.

“I didn’t want you to get lonely…”  He said innocently, causing me to gawk.

“You need a shower too, your intentions are self serving, but you’re trying to flatter me into letting you shower with me…I know your kind.”  I smirked as his face fell, whether it was hurt feelings, or shock, I couldn’t tell.

“What?  I can’t just be in here to be around you?”  I grinned, shaking my head.

“Negative, its not worth the time.  If you needed to stop our cuddle session, then there is NO time for any other interactions…You’re simply in too much of a rush.”  I smirked as he pouted, sliding the curtain open and starting to step into the lightly steaming shower. “But, what IS efficient, is cleaning two bodies, in the time it takes to clean one…You’re invited.”  I winked as he grinned broadly, slipping into the warm stream, out of his sight, waiting for him to join me. 

I murred lightly as his hands ran through my wet hair, lathering the shampoo through the long strands.  Each finger meticulously placed to cover as much of me as he possibly could.  I slipped under the water to rinse, blinking as his fingers moved from my hair, to my shoulders, massaging them lightly.  I slouched for a moment, displaying my relaxation, before growling in pleasure.  My back contorted lightly under him, rippling in pleasure from his touch.  He laughed lightly, falling silent as I turned under him.  His hands which had traveled to my shoulder blades, now found themselves around my breasts.  I watched, biting my tongue as his eyebrows shot up in surprise, before that glint of malice appeared in his eyes.  He squeezed me lightly, forcing my eyebrows upwards.  I had the faint urge to slap him and shout ’pervert’, but I knew it wouldn’t be deserved.  My eyebrows bobbed lightly, in an innuendo, before I looked casually to his groin.  He twitched with excitement, as I came closer, pressing closely to him.

“Your turn”  I smirked, sliding past him so he could be under the water.  His jaw flew open in shock.

“You bitch!”  He laughed, his eyes wide, his body rigor.

“You pervert.”  I retorted, cocking my eyebrow as he finally moved under the water, quickly shampooing his hair.  Sure, he was only an inch or two taller than me, but, awkward reaching wasn’t on the menu.  Snatching a loofah,  I lathered in soap, before attacking him with it, scrubbing his shoulder slowly.

“Coming back for more torture eh?”  He cocked his eyebrow as he turned to watch me over his shoulder.  I nodded, watching his skin glisten as soapy lather traced over it, attaching to him, before sliding off with a wave of water.

“mmhmmm…I want to see if a person can explode from too much sexual tension.” I grinned as he gave me that ‘shocked’ look again.

“What am I your guinea pig?!”  He exclaimed, I nodded as I stooped to scrub his legs.

“You’re cute like one, and you freak if I manage to ‘accidentally’ poke you the wrong way…and you’re currently undergoing experiments, so…yeah, I’d say you are a guinea pig.”  I laughed as I continued to scrub.  I heard his malicious, dark laugh erupt from his chest, and felt my stomach turn.

He spun quickly on the balls of his feet, his front coming to face me.  I refused to look up, however, he knew how to chance that.

“Hey Megan…”  I could hardly resist subjecting to his call.  I looked up quickly, before my eyes instantly jerked to what rested at eye level.  He was a fucking bastard.

“Well…that’s an…interesting view…”  I couldn’t think of anything snappy to say, no comebacks, nothing.  It was one of those rare moments, when words failed me.

“I figured you’d enjoy it…”  He smirked, watching as I backed from him, and slowly stood up, unable to really MOVE.  Shock had paralyzed me, for the most part.  “Come on, it won’t bite you!”  He laughed as I finally became straightened out.

“Yeah, but I’ve never…stared!  I’m kinda afraid I’ll offend it…”  He laughed as if I was being completely bogus, which, I knew I was.  But, this was the delayed snappy comment that was required.

“Is it small?”

“No…”  I blinked widely.

“Then you won’t offend it.”  He laughed again, before turning off the water, shaking his hair dry.  I blinked again, the general conversation, having a horrid tendency to go over my head.  He slipped from the shower, grabbing himself a towel, before throwing one at me.

“I’m tempted to ask if it has a name…”  I said, patting myself dry as I watched him.

“Dionysus…”  He grinned, watching me roll my eyes.

“The god of fuck, why would I expect less?” 

“the MALE god of fuck…Aphrodite has the woman’s side…”  He corrected, wagging his finger at me.  I stuck my tongue out at him, passing into the hall, and then the bedroom, Jared in hot pursuit, as we readied for the day.

My hair still damp, I grabbed one of my many skullcaps out of my bag, shoving it atop my head, just giving something to hold everything down.  He cocked an eyebrow as he watched me apply the green, tan and brown hat, its less than perfect stitching and awkward length.

“How old is that thing?”  He asked, draping his arm about my shoulders as we left the bedroom.  I counted back on my fingers, getting an approximate number.

“about…5 months…”  I blinked.  “Why?”

“Oh, just wondering if you bought it that way, or if it was just worn.”  He shrugged.

“I MADE it…its less than perfect, cause I suck at life…”  I laughed, tugging down the hat playfully.  He looked amused, weather it was from the fact that I made a hat, or, that I was tugging it around like a four year old, I wouldn’t be fully sure.  We walked through the kitchen, and after he set the alarm, out the door, for Shannon’s.

Author's note:  Invincible-Crossfade...listen...
kthxbai <3meg

Heroin: Chapter 43

My hands  tugged at the zipper to my hoodie, releasing me from its grasp, as I worked it off under him.  His firm grasp set itself on my upper arms, silencing my squirming, before sliding down my naked arms with grace, slipping the captive cloth off.  As our mouths intertwined incessantly, we found ourselves on his bed, the sheets irritably teasing under our bodies as we maneuvered over them. 

I yanked at the buttons to his shirt, slipping them from their slots, slowly allowing his pulsing chest to come through.  His hands left me as I pushed the shirt past his shoulders, off of him.  He came back with double the force, holding me tighter as he worked at the hems of my undershirt, testing my ability to hold.  My fingers found their way along the irrigating lines of his chest, lightly collecting the tiny beads of sweat beginning to form, it drove me mad.  I grunted, biting his lip lightly as I pulled against his fingers on my shirt, forcing him to pull up slightly.  He laughed finally allowing me to be free of the clothing. 

He pressed against me, forcing me down onto the pillow.  His touch was hard, starving.  I writhed under him, basking in the primal urges, screaming cerebral judgment.  He was controlled, meticulous as he explored every inch, old territory to new eyes.  I felt his hand slowly slip beneath me, running up my spine,  from the top of my jeans, causing me to arch reflexively.  He smirked as his hand knotted about the clasp of my bra, removing the small article with a minute flick of his wrist.  As his hand retreated to intensify the connection between our mouths, my back sunk into the sheets once more, leaving me flush to the mattress below, caging me hard against him..

I ran my finger along the ridge created by the waistband of his boxers, peaking slightly above his jeans.  Smiling coyly against him, I bit his lower lip lightly, pulling it before a quick release.  He growled as my finger orbited his body, willing it to do more than just dance.  Falling from the small canyon wall, they found the buckle of his belt, slowly teasing at the clip, lifting it quickly, before allowing it to snap shut.  Growling again in displeasure, he bit at my lip, demanding I stop toying with him.  I nipped him back, murring playfully , giving into his requests, slipping the belt from his hips.  He bucked hard against me, pressing against my jeans, submerging my body deep in the sheets.

His throat resonated as he became impatient, his hands roughly finding my own belt and nearly ripping it from me.  I pressed closer to him, crushing his lips against mine, propping up onto my elbows. As he unbuttoned my jeans, pushing them down, I could feel my body shake.  He smiled in the reaction, feeding off my quaking muscles. 

My hands followed in suit peeling his tight jeans from his legs, tearing them from his body, leaving only his boxers, tented high against his hunger.  I blinked as he ground against me once more, before freeing me from my final traces of clothing.  Smirking as we broke, I teased him as I slowly removed his boxers.  He recoiled a bit, ensuring he could create a visual connection, his eyes burning with irate tension and taunted desires as I slowly toyed with him.  As he finally was set free, he pressed me back down against the mattress, crawling atop me, his lips settling at my neck.  I twisted in pleasure under his touch feeling a moan break from my lips as he transitioned himself, moving back up to secure my lips betwixt his.  Passion flooded from a riverbed that once housed rough desire.  As his tongue sped across my bottom lip, i opened to him.  I felt his knee between my twisting legs, slowly parting them.

Destination beautiful. 

Air injected harshly into my lungs as he ground his hips against mine, his entirety entering me slowly.  I bit my lip as I controlled myself, keeping my hips firmly down as the energy they possessed could very well thrown him off.  As his tongue entwined with mine in a dangerous dance of lust and passion, his speed undulated, the metronome of his thrusts becoming hypnotic as  my mind floated from logic.  My hips rose off the bed, feeling his pound fiercely into them with every slow decent. 

The dog tags around his neck swayed like a pendulum before his chest, swinging over me.  They caught my attention, drawing me to watch them for only a moment, the image of crossed roses spinning in and out of view as he moved.  The line of beads coming from the elliptical pieces of metal, drawing my vision in a row, up to him.  I bit my lip as I gazed upon him, the look of admiration, love, passion that welled within his eyes, the slight cock in his lips as he stared down intently on my form.

I couldn’t say that I had ever really LOOKED at him while we made love.  My eyes tended to travel, or jam themselves shut, enjoying the moments of lust blindly.  This moment, made me regret just that. 

He recognized the look I gave him, biting his lip slightly, before forcing his mouth ajar once more.  His hips quickened, their power growing exponentially.  He moaned in mounting pleasure, his ecstasy forcing my throat to clench, my heart to race.  My arms bound themselves around his neck, forcing his face closer.  His neck, laced with sweat, his hair damp.  I forced my lips against his, purging forth limitless passion, before he pulled back, unable to suppress the moan that tore at his throat.  He crushed his mouth onto mine, forcing me to whimper in my pleasure, nipping at his lip. 

I could feel myself begin to quake.  His lips tore from mine as his eyes fixed to what was below him.  The expression in his eyes, everything that flowed effortlessly from them.  The way he looked at me, the way I looked at him.

He didn’t break away as his hips kicked harder, plunging deeper into me.  His mouth opened wide as his back augmented into fits of passion and bliss, his eyes intensifying, captivating mine as I moved with him.  “FUCK!  MEGAN!”  He roared as he finally released, the fire inside him ripping the words from my throat. 

“JESUS CHRIST! JARED!”  I wailed, feeling my body give into the complete ecstasy that awaited just over the crest.  My body plummeted through layers upon layers of  heated exhilaration.  His mouth pressed to mine, silencing any further cries of zeal that threatened to break from me.  I calmed, my eyelids falling to enjoy the feeling of him on me.  He pulled away, kissing my cheek and neck repeatedly.

“you’re…so…fucking…beautiful…”  He said, between kisses and deep breaths.  I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling the salt of his sweat fall between my lips, tasting it lightly on my tongue.  I sighed deeply, still falling fast from the high, crashing.  He pulled away, laying beside me, I turned so I could watch him.  He was the image of contentment, a thin smile across his face, eyes half opened in bliss.  I couldn’t begin to resist the temptation, as I leaned in, my lips lightly connecting with his, before I was pulled backwards, content to watch him.

“what are you thinking about?”  Erupted into the silence that had fallen over us.  He hadn’t moved, just lay there gazing with obvious joy.  He was adorable.

“you…”  He said quietly.  “How absolutely amazing you are…”  his aura was infectious, I felt myself relaxing, comforted by the lull that was the doldrums of paradise.  I moved closer to him, resting on his bare chest.  You could feel his entire body smile wider with the contact. 

“I love you…”  I whispered softly, nuzzling against his chest, before burying my head into him.  His hand rose to pat down my hair affectionately, every stroke of his palm, becoming longer, engaging  contact with my back as he progressed.

“I love you, Meg…”  He whispered, before slowly lulling into a nap, as the deep afternoon sun bled into the room through the window.  Feeling his heart slow beneath my ear, I was soon dragged into the depths of slumber, my eyes drifting closed, as the dream realm came to greet me.

***

He was toying with my hair, running his fingers through it, and then, brushing the rogue strands that fell in my face, away.  I slowly opened my eyes, lazily awaking from what felt like an eternity’s sleep, however, was only the collective measure of two or three hours.  I yawned against his still naked chest, before nuzzling back down, sighing in contentment. 

I blinked hard against falling back to sleep, the fight was easier said, than won, purely for the fact that the warmth, and comfort provided by the man below me, rivaled even the comfiest bed.  Then again, I was biased.

“When was the last time we watched a movie together?”  He asked, as he patted my hair.  I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember, yet found only a blank.

“I dunno…”  I replied softly.  Taking the hint, I eased off of him.  “why, you want to?”  He nodded silently, causing me to smile.  “Alright, c’mon…” I agreed, finding my underwear, and the closest shirt I could, which happened to be his.  As he retreated to grab something of his own to wear, I traced the familiar path to my suitcase, grabbing a pair of pajama pants.  Turning on a bare heel, I stalked over to the door, waiting for him to join me. 

First stop, was the kitchen.  Any movie required popcorn, it didn’t take a genius to figure that one out.  “Do it in the pot, it turns out SO much better”  I persuaded him, tearing him away from the norm.

“Have a special formula for popcorn?”  He asked, cocking his eyebrow.  I nodded with enthusiasm, as I sat on the edge of the island, swinging my feet over the top of the counter.

“Cover the bottom with extra virgin olive oil, pop it out, and then, flavor with salt…Either plain, or seasoned salt.”  I grinned, watching him follow my instructions.

“No butter or anything?”  He cocked his brow, turning from the pot on the stove as we waited for the chorus of popping sounds coming from the kernels.  I shook my head in response.

“nope, ruins it.  I like the taste of the popcorn itself, I can do without the additives, just salt…” 

“Well, Shannon LOADS it with shit, so, that’s what I’m used to, but I’m open to try yours.”  He grinned.  Both of our heads shot to the pot on the stove as rapid fire popping ran off.  We waited for the sounds to slow to a halt, before dumping the pot into a bowl.  I raced for the salt, generously adding it to the fluffy white.  Whatever was unnecessary, fell to the bottom of the bowl anyway, i wasn’t concerned about over-doing it.

Popcorn arched over my head as Jared stooped before the TV, sifting through DVD’s.  I caught every white piece in my mouth, having to work for it, made eating it so much more worth it.  “Any preference of movie?”  he asked over his shoulder, receiving a shake of my head.  “suit yourself, if you hate it, not my issue”  He grinned, popping open a case, and pushing in the disk drive.  Spinning on his heal he briskly returned from the player, carrying the remote with him.  He plopped down beside me, jamming his hand into the bowl of popcorn in my lap, taking his share.

His finger clicked the remote, and the screen illuminated with the menu screen for, something I surely didn’t expect.   I wasn’t sure WHY I didn’t expect the Carpathian ridge menu to be spread out before us  on the screen, the image of Jake Gyllenhaal staring at the sunrise.  Maybe it was because he was 35, he wasn’t allowed to like teen cult movies.  

Regardless, against the white that surrounded the image of the mountain ridge on the screen, the title of one of my favorite movies greeted the viewer- Donnie Darko.  As his arm snaked around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest, I felt the grin upon my face growing.  His hand traces up and down my arm as we waited for the movie to actually start.

“did I do good?”  He asked, taking another piece of the popcorn.  I nodded against him, my eyes flitting to him.

“Better than good, this is one of my favorites.”  I beamed.

“That makes two of us”  He worked out, before falling silent as the movie finally started.  His hand never stopped tracing against my skin.

“when it reminds you, how beautiful the world can be?”  The vocal talents of Jake Gyllenhaal and Jared Leto blended together in my ears, causing me to smile at him.  He grinned cheekily, lowering  his head, to brush his nose affectionately with mine.  I bit my tongue as I smiled at him, raising off his chest slightly to connect my lips to his.  He returned the kiss, keeping it light, yet passionate as he rose slightly to a more alert position, continuing the connection.  The empty popcorn bowl between us slid onto the floor with a slight clatter, we ignored it.

However, a loud crash from the TV caused me to jerk away, looking upon the screen with wide eyes, my heart racing in fright.  He laughed heartily, pulling me into a comforting hug.

“Scared you?”  He asked, his infectious smile penetrating his voice.  I shifted in his grasp, growling irritably.

“It didn’t scare me…it startled me…”  I muttered, hearing him laugh again.  “just, focus on the movie”  I growled, fixing my eyes to the glowing screen that shed light over the entire room.  His chest heaved lightly, a large sigh skidding across the top of my head, blowing my hair slightly. 

“whatever you say…”  he whispered contentedly, as the movie progressed, the intricate story of Donald Darko and his problems,  unfurling further before our eyes. 

***

 I didn’t remember falling asleep, nor did I remember being moved, but as I stared at the slowly churning ceiling fan above my head, I made the connection, that one does not always remember what is conducted.   I was alone, and in the same right, couldn’t understand why.  I made a second connection, that one does not always understand what is conducted, especially if it is conducted while one is sleeping.

I shifted in bed, missing him, his warmth, his comfort.  I didn’t feel it fitting to go look for him, he could be going to the bathroom, or getting a drink of water, or even letting the dogs out.  It wasn’t overly necessary to go looking for someone, who, would more likely than not return.  Grunting, I rolled onto my side, looking at the bedside table which housed my small necessities.  Slamming my hand on the pile, I vainly sought out my Ipod.

The only way to amuse myself until he came back, would be, surely, with a game of brick.  However, as my hand connected harshly against the wood of the bedside table, I found that my Ipod was nowhere to be found.

I must have put it in my backpack…or it could still be in my jeans.  Sighing, I shook my head, retreating to the space between the sheets, relying on my imagination to amuse me, until he came back.  I began wondering what he was doing, creating a story.

He was sleepwalking, slowly, around the house.  He heard a noise, it was the dogs downstairs, but as his dreams came into play, something far worse taunted him.  He found himself in the kitchen, surrounded by the chaotic laughing of- something.  Grabbing a knife from the cutting block, he readied himself for attack, gritting his teeth.  Another noise, he struck out with the knife.  Clumsily, it slid from his grasp, sliding onto his shoulder through his uppercut  arm.  It spun on his joint, before the serrated edge stopped against his neck.  He felt it, whirling around to fight off another enemy, causing the knife to fall, the razored edge to slide against his jugular vein.  

I jerked upright, breathing heavily.  I hated my imagination sometimes.  I had just killed my lover in a delusional fantasy world.  I was a sick individual.

My head jerked towards the door as I heard the light sounds of playing slowly resonate through the home.  My brow furrowed as I tried to place a face to the lightened riffs of a guitar.  Electric-that was about as far as I could get.  I slowly crawled out of bed, curiosity and confusion overpowering me.  I slipped lightly from the bedroom, following the noise through the dark, down the stairs.  As the guitar became stronger, I started to recognize the song, the playing.  It wasn’t him, he hadn’t written it. I couldn’t place it. 

He was silent, only the guitar.  I slid off of the incline of the stairs, slowly making my way to the guitar room.  The light bled around the slightly opened door, illuminating the hallway.  I waited against the wall, listening intently.

He started singing, tears flooded my eyes as his voice, rich with passion and pain came to me, through the door.  I snagged my lip, pressing hard into the wall, listening to him intently.

“I memorized all the words for you
But if you only knew
How much that's just not like me
I wait up late every night
Just to hear your voice
But you don't know that's nothing like me

“You know I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time I’ve been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

“I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

“I want to make sure everything is perfect for you
If you only knew
That's not like me to follow through
Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams
Just to be with you
But you don't know that's nothing like me

“Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

“I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me”   I had to see him, watch him pour himself into a song that he felt close enough to, to cover in privacy.  I had to watch him tear himself up, his vulnerability.  I wanted to hold him, but knew it impossible, watching him would be the closest I could get, without destroying him.  I slowly moved towards the door, lightly pushing it open, silently allowing myself to look into his world, his hidden sanctuary.  I leaned against the doorframe, tears nearly spilling from my eyes. 

He was perched atop a stool, a wooded electric guitar in his hands, burgundy stained with a black faceplate.  His head was low, as he sang powerfully.  His eyes half closed as he took in every emotion he cast out.

“Now I'm waking up
I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime
I never thought I'd survive it
Now I'm taking back
All I gave up for that
Leave my pain behind
Wash these stains from my life”  He yelled with such earthshaking passion, his face contorting to match the agony shooting through him.  The tears finally spilled, the wood at my back injecting hard into my spine.  I needed the stability, as he carved into both of us.  He was only aware of the pain he was feeling.  He was still unaware of my presence.

As his eyes came up, he saw me.  I pressed harder, trying to disappear.  His eyes seemed to melt behind his emotion as he progressed, whispering lyrics that, could have been sung by anybody.  The fact that they were from him, shot through me.  Destroying my defenses.

“Just when I thought all was lost
You came and made it all okay”  He smiled weakly, before turning away, changing himself to fit the path of the song, his hand moving harder against the strings of the guitar his voice wrenching itself as he shouted the final chorus.

“I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

“I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

“I memorized all the words for you
If you only knew
How much that's just not like me”  His hand fell from the strings as he stood there, his head low as he reflected on what he had just done.  On what I had just seen of him.  As tears relentlessly fell from my eyes, I slid slightly against the door, finding it hard to support myself. 

He lifted the guitar from his shoulders, leaning it against the stool, before his eyes slowly traveled to find me.  They were deep with hidden passion, as he silently called me to him.  I nodded in understanding, bracing myself against the doorframe.  My toes skid across the carpet as I made my way to him, finding my place in his arms.  He pulled me onto his lap, burying himself in my shoulder, as I did the same to him.

”I’m glad you heard that” he said softly.  My eyes shut tightly, drying themselves on his shirt, as he moved slightly, kissing my cheek, before returning to rest on my shoulder.

Heroin: Chapter Fourty Two

“You Complete me”  The words hung in the air like a thick black cloud, oppressive and angry.  I don’t know why I reacted the way I did, there had been so much more I had showed him, so much more that I had said, that meant more, than those three words.  But, my stomach turned, twisting in bouts of fear, and uncertainty.

He didn’t say anything, just smiled,  His arm supporting his body, leaning over mine.  It cornered me, branching over my shoulder.  It was one of those times, that I didn’t appreciate being caged close to him, in silence.  Goddamnit, just say something.

I wanted to run, duck under his arm, and race upstairs, to hide under the bed, or in it.  Run, and have him catch me, anything, except being kept like this

‘Run, and I’ll tear you apart’ suddenly careened through my mind.  I could feel my eyes widen, as Gradh began talking.  Fear of the bastard in general, let alone, Jared seeing me interact with him, permeated my core. He had never truly seen me with the bastard that was my solar plexus, only once, and that was hardly noticeable.

‘He won’t say anything…’  I protested.  The Irish teenager growled, running his fingers through his hair.

‘He’s a guy, he’s processing…’  I blinked widely, as I tried to make reason of the entity’s words, before I found Jared’s lips on mine.  ‘See, I’m leaving!’ Barked through my head, as Jared forced himself harder onto me, bringing forth limitless passion, catching me off guard.

What did I want to run from again?

He nipped at my bottom lip, prying my mouth open.  I sunk roughly into the wall, as his body came closer, pressing against mine, cornering me.  I allowed my hips to buck lightly against his, fighting the pressure his body put on mine.  He smiled lightly, dominantly suppressing my body with a forceful attack of his body.  I retreated to rest under him. 

He pulled my lip with him as he withdrew, smiling sleepily as he looked down at me.  My teeth instantly caught my lip, holding the it bashfully.  He laughed softly, before pulling me from the wall, his hand on the small of my back as he guided me out of the guitar room, into the kitchen.  I leaned on the Island as he ducked into the fridge, grabbing two bottles of water, sending one my way.  I caught It deftly, taking a long sip before putting it down, looking out the kitchen window.  The sun was still high in the sky, and the clock confirmed that the day was still young.

Or, young enough to add more excitement to the equation.

“You wanna go out?”  I asked, before bringing the bottle up to my lips a second time, listening for a response.  He looked at me quizzically, cocking his eyebrows as he chewed on the question for a moment.

“have anything in mind?”  He asked, looking interested.   In fact, for once I did have something in mind, and it involved two balls of lightning, who were lazily resting only yards away on the couch, taking advantage of father’s distraction.

“Just stick around here…go out with the dogs…” I offered, grinning.  His eyebrows rose into his forehead as he nodded, enjoying the sound of the idea. 

“sound’s good”  He grinned, draining the rest of his water, before motioning it towards the garbage bin beneath the counter of the island on which I leaned.  I slid out the bin slightly, giving him just enough room to throw the bottle from where he was, dunking the plastic bottle.  I slide the bin back, before nodding with the plan.  I drained my own bottle, before turning on my heal, heading for the bedroom.  “Do you need to change for every outing?”  He laughed, as I reached the stairs.  I grinned as I swung against my arm, a link to the banister.

“who said I was changing?”  I laughed, before looking over into the lazy dogs in the living room. “Hey Luce…Jude…wanna train?!”  I whispered excitedly to them.  The both reared their heads in excitement.  In the past days, Judas had grown to love pulling, and would excitedly wait his turn as soon as I was done with Lucifer.  Their attitudes completely swapped when on the harness, Judas, for once, was unpredictable in his great excitement. “Go find daddy”  I laughed, as they bolted off the couch, before turning to run up the stairs.

I stooped in the closet, finding the roller blades that I had grown used to, seeing Jared’s skate board next to them.  Grabbing the blades and the board,  I grinned, knowing this was something Jared would NEVER expect.

Back downstairs, I looked as Jared had already leashed and harnessed the dogs.  They gave me looks of confusion, the dogs not understanding fully, how they were supposed to pull without being tied to their human, and Jared, questioning my wheeled treasures.  I placed the board on the ground, and pushed it towards him, grinning madly.

“What’s this for?”  He asked, a mix of fear and confusion spread on his face.  I laughed at the look he gave me, while the flame of adventure burned deep in his eyes.  Shaking my head, I placed down the blades, and unhooked Lucifer. 

“I want to show you what I do when you’re gone…and…how I fucked up my knee”  I grinned.  The wound was almost done healing, much further than my hand, thankfully both ailments no longer crippled me at all.  Biting my lip, I lightly pulled up his shirt, revealing his belt.  Purposefully coming close to his groin as I laced the leash around his buckle, I felt his abs just above my working fingers tense.

“you know…we could have just as much fun here…”  He offered, his breath overpowering his voice, as he allowed his hips to kick lightly against my fingers.  I smirked, turning to reconnect Jared and Lucifer, seeing his head fall in my silent rejection.  “Denied…”  He laughed, his hair waving before his face as he shook his head.

“Believe me, you’ll like this.”  I grinned, unhooking  Judas and lacing his leash against my belt.  The slight apprehension I felt whenever I took out the old dog crept into me as I pulled the nylon tight.  He got too far into it, and sometimes, would refuse commands.  He also, had a huge craving for speed.  There was no way I would allow Jared to work with him on the first go.

“I’m slightly hesitant”  He admitted, kicking his board into his fingers, as I slipped off my shoes, picking up the blades.  He turned to set the alarm, before allowing us to leave.  Lucifer took initiative, instantly darting out the door.

“LUCE!”  I barked “Hook and break!”  The dog stopped nearly instantaneously, looking back at me.  His readiness to take commands left me with a security, Jared’s life going into the dog’s hands, and having never trained.  I sat on the stairs to pull on my blades, as Jared looked from me, to the two dogs.

“What was that?!”  He asked bombastically, his eyes wide.  I tightened the blades, laughing at his reaction.

“That, my dear friend, was your first taste.  Ok…rules.”  I started, standing up, Judas instantly beginning to pull.  My attention shot to the dog.  “Jude…hook and break!”  I said sharply, watching the animal obediently standing still.

“Rules…”  Jared said, bringing me back to the task at hand,  I nodded, turning serious.

“1.  Be in control at all times, if you feel you’re getting into trouble, jump off your board, and stop.  The dog can’t pull you easily without wheels.  He’ll stop and check what happened, they’re really conscientious.”  He nodded.  I only needed to jump once, and that was with Judas.  Unable to jump from skates, I flung myself on the ground.  It worked.  “2.  Don’t try to keep pace with them, they can handle the weight, just relax, and enjoy.  But still, keep control.  3.  Gee is Right, Haw is Left, Hook and Break is Stop, and Come-by is, Keep going straight.”  He nodded again.  “4.  Have a fucking amazing time…they’ll be.”  I grinned, looking at the dogs. 

“I’m not sure what the fuck I’m getting myself into, but whatever you say…”  He shook his head.  I still found it awkward, for him to have fears.  He seemed like  a lion constantly, to display himself as a lamb was far from the norm.

“Don’t worry, Lucifer takes commands on the second.  He completely forgets himself, and is always alert…he’s good at this.”  He shifted as I patted his dog.

“And Judas?”  He was now fearing for my safety.  I shrugged, feeling the malice that developed in my eyes whenever I got excited. 

“You just let me worry about Jude…how about that?”  I offered, seeing that face of worry that never seemed to leave when I did something ‘questionable’.  “So…you ready?”  He nodded deftly, stepping onto his board.  “Good.  Judas, Lucifer…”  The dogs looked back at me, their tails starting to sway.  They knew what was coming.  “H-YAH!”  I barked, watching the gray and white masses lurch foreword.  I saw Jared jerk a bit, taken by surprise from the force of his dog.  I bit my tongue in his response, finding his uncertainty, adorable, in a childlike way.  “HAW!”  I barked, having them turn out into the street at the end of the driveway, instantly starting to swing my legs to aid Judas a bit.

“This is…different…”  Jared yelled over the sounds of our wheels.  I smiled at his skepticism, He didn’t fully trust Lucifer, it would be his downfall.  If you don’t trust, you take control, and that’s when, things go wrong.

“Don’t worry about it…trust Lucy…he’s got it down”  I yelled at him, keeping an eye on the dog ahead of me.  “We’ll go up and down the street a bit, before heading out…so you can get a feel…’Kay?”  I offered.  He nodded in complete relief at the suggestion.  “GEE!” I yelled as we came to the end of the street, the dogs taking a right. “GEE, GEE!”  I called out two more times, getting them to turn around completely, and dart down the way we had just come.

Judas started pulling ahead a bit, anxious over the slow pace we were making.  I laughed at his rogue spirit, shaking my head.  I wasn’t threatened by it, I knew he wanted it.

“Ready to up the ante?”  I yelled at Jared.  He was already relaxing, his foot occasionally leaving his board, to push roughly against the asphalt, to help the load, to keep control.  A smile had crept upon his face as the moments passed.  His head whipped to me, a face of rebel spirit plastered over his skin, the spark of righteousness in his eyes.

“Fuck Yeah!”  He barked.  I bit my tongue again in pleasure, looking ahead again at the dogs. 

“H-YAH!”  I yelled, feeling my belt jerk foreword as Judas instantly took to the command, taking advantage of it.  Lucifer followed dutifully, pulling Jared faster to keep pace.  I laughed at the feeling of speed, my clothing ruffling in the wind, my hair flying back, chasing me down the stretch.  I looked to see Jared doing much the same, handling the venture supremely, laughing at the same feeling.  Freedom, Flying.

“How fast do they go?”  Jared yelled suddenly, his eyes mad, wild.  I grinned chaotically.

“You wanna find out?”  I shouted in return.  He smiled broadly, his white teeth gleaming threateningly in the sunlight.

“FUCK YES!”  He barked.

We turned around a final time, my body instantly diving into the throws of speed.  The slack sent Judas careening foreword until the nylon strap was tight once more between us.  Still, It wasn’t fast enough.

“HYAH HYAH HYAH!”  I urged, sending the furred mass even faster.  I heard the rumbling of wheels on concrete beside me as Lucifer pulled into pace, level with his brother.  I grinned at Jared, all fear and apprehension far from his body. 

Still needing to feel more, I leaned foreword, making myself streamline, smaller.  I felt more and more alive as I glided over the ground, the wind in my ears, the sound of my wheels shooting through my heart.  I looked to my left, to see Jared following in suit, the look of challenge in his eyes.  I threw him the horns, sticking out my tongue, before allowing my fingers to trail behind me, sliding along the rough asphalt.

Hours past on wheels, we never left the safety of the street before his house, going up and down the stretch countless times.  In bouts of race, and lazy pulling, we altered our speed depending on the mood that particular lap held.  As he waited for me to pull off his roller blades, he ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair.  It was a hot day, and despite how ‘easy’ it sounded;  Pulling was labor intensive, for both dog, and human. 

“That was fucking insane…absolutely insane…”  He mused, laughing, I grinned nodding as I pulled my feet from the plastic and cloth caverns of his blades, setting them aside, as I stood up, my feet feeling awkward to be actually planted on the ground. 

“Now you know what I do when you aren’t around.”  I grinned, unclipping Judas and unlacing the leash from my belt.  I blinked looking over at Jared, who still was very much attached to Lucifer. I cocked my eyebrow at him, unhooking the dog, but ignoring his belt for the moment.  Draping my leash around my neck, I grabbed the blades, and walked into the house, opening the door for the stampede of fur that darted in, to fight over the water dish, for much needed hydration.

After hanging the leash that was around my neck, up, I trotted over to the fridge, popping open the vacuumed hinge and plucking form its maw, two bottles of water.  Turning, I tapped the door shut with my heel, tossing the bottle to Jared. I furrowed my eyebrows, still seeing the leash about his belt.  “You gonna remove that?”  I asked, gesturing to the knot about his hips as I uncapped the bottle.  He grinned cheekily, reeking of boyish innocence, and adult malice.

“I was hoping you would…I like your hands there.”  He said softly, his ragged tone returning.  I lurched foreword, as I pulled the bottle from my lips suddenly, preventing a laugh from erupting within my throat.  Swallowing hard, I shook my head, blinking widely.

A smirk coming to my lips, I looked at him directly, denying my fear of eye contact for a moment.  I silently stalked up to him, purposefully pressing my body just too close.  My hands found the lump of nylon knotted about his belt.  Biting my lip, I slowly unlaced the broad strap from his body, allowing my left hand to rest on the ridge his jeans and belt created, as my right slide the leash across his groin.  Turning from him, my fingers caught his buckle, lifting its hinged edge wide enough to loosen the slack on his hips tauntingly. I bit my tongue as I ducked from sight, re-hanginging the leash by the door. 

I pressed back into the hard, alive body, of a boy turned man in a matter of seconds.  His arms bound me in an overwhelming embrace, as his head covered my shoulder, breathing deeply, oppressively.   I shuddered at his hot breath on my neck, feeling my body tense with anticipation.

“I want you…”  His tone was low and foreboding.  I could feel my eyes widen, with fear, with longing.  I monitored my breathing, taking deep, wavering breaths.  His chin rested on my shoulder, his mouth agape as he kept his breathing hard.  I could feel his head swivel on his stationary mandible, turning directly to my neck, his teeth scraping the skin lightly. 

My throat closed, my balance fell.  I held myself against his ragged body, his hands bracing against my arms as he teased me, tempted me.  His connection grew, as he lightly bit my skin, raising the hairs on the nape of my neck.  “I fucking want you…”  He repeated, his voice hoarse, his breath shallow, as he pinned me to himself, the growing entity in his jeans apparent as the moment progressed.

“Oh Jesus Christ…”  I cursed, as I felt myself give way to his power.  He smiled onto my skin, his arm sweeping under my limp knees, boosting me into his arms.  Turning on his heel, he aimed his body towards the stairs.  Our ultimate goal- the bedroom.

Destination: Beautiful.

Author's Note:  *orchestrates a union of "ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME"*  sorry guys, i know you missed me.
I just wanna let you know, its very difficult to write about a man, you just saw, 2 days ago...he's not Just a character, he's an actual REAL person, which, changes EVERYTHING
<3always, meg

Heroin:Chapter 41

Sunlight slowly bled into view, nudging me lightly, calling me to awake.  I slowly allowed my eyelids to pull up, calling to attention the actors of scene one into play.  As the theme music cued, the actors fled on stage.  A ballet of two icy pools dancing in their own pleasure ran on, twirling and running as they brought an air of beauty to a loud morning outside.  I blinked widely, before yawning, awaking my senses a touch more, in order to enjoy the show.  Two pink lips joined the excitement, adding to the theme of a morning rush with music of their own creation. 

“Good morning”  They chimed in gleeful harmony, before gripping each other’s hands and dashing into the audience, out of view.  They collided with mine, dancing in a friendly manner, letting go of each other, to dance in daisy graced circles with mine, calling them to join the orchestrated morning.  A playful noose fell over my tongue as the giggling lips pulled away, joining the stage, to spin with the blue pools.

“Morning”  The gruff voice of my lips penetrated the gay atmosphere, like the disapproving father reprimanding a daughter’s ambition to dance.  The show went on despite the disapproval, not phased by the alarming distaste.  Lights flickered on the blue ballet dancers in rapid alterations between light and dark, creating them to strobe in their erratic movements.  It was beautiful.

“Sleep well?”  The chorus of lips chimed in again, twirling in their field with enthusiasm.  The Russian ballet in Paris, the Rockettes in New York, all could compare to the show before me.  I was enthralled as I watched the musical performance with intense amusement.

“mmhmm”  The gruff voice came out again, over the sound system above the stage, out of sight and out of much mind.    A pair hovering upstage from the blue ballet dancers jumped.  They were black and furred, capped in Russian animal hides, they danced  a classic dance of eastern Europe, their legs flying out from under tem as they did a stationary motion of group celebration.  I smirked at their bizarre bobbing, finding pleasure in their animation.

“You had a good dream…what was it about?”  The lips sprawled out before them, setting up a picnic of words  as their legs grew weary from the jubilee.  The plaid pattern of red and white was smoothed by delicate hands, as they laid out the courses of language. 

“I don’t really remember…what clued you in?”  The harsh weathered voice began softening over the sound stage, becoming more civil with the staged setting.  The pink lips pursed together, as they flirted, peering into the picnic basket together, nudging each other  playfully as they drew out further words, putting them on the red and white.

“You squirmed with delight, and made sounds that appeared happy.  You also smiled…so I can only imagine you were enjoying yourself.”    The dramatic blue dancers flung themselves into the air, coming up with the Russian dancers as they all rose high in a chorus of merriment.  The picnicking couple parted as they traveled over what they had laid out.  “you said my name…”  The entire ensemble rang out in a religious movement.  Their arms were thrown skywards, calling upon the rays and prayers of god for just a moment, before falling, once more.

Early morning metaphors always seemed to be the most intense.

I vaguely remembered his involvement in my sleeping ventures.  I remembered feeling warm, but that was the farthest I could reach.  A yawn choked at my throat, causing me to heave in vain to suppress it.  I folded in half as I allowed the wave to fly from my chest, my body bending under the tent of blankets, into the shade, far from sight.    My arms stretched far before me,  straightening the veins, bringing waves of blood through them.  The jump start aided in my ascension to consciousness.

I felt my hand collide and brush against his naked thigh.  As I resurfaced from beneath the covers, I felt my cheeks turn hot,  a bit embarrassed by the unexpected connection.  It was too early to think through it, my mind was fogged.  His mouth spread in a wide grin, his eyes ablaze with amusement as he thumbed my nose affectionately, before, drawing the traces of hair out of my face.
“you’re adorable.”  He beamed, turning my cheeks a deeper shade.  I needed to wake up, turning colors wasn’t in my nature. 

As his hand remained on the side of my face, it took me a second to realize he was closing in.  I blinked widely, as his nose nudged mine off to the side, before allowing our lips to collide.  If I needed a more blatant wake up call, I had received it.  My eyes shot open at the sudden contact, before they fluttered contentedly shut, allowing me to blindly embrace the feeling of him so close, his body so warm.

The fireworks came, causing my body to engage in internal fits of pleasure.  He smiled briefly, possibly feeling the chemistry shoot through me.  I wondered if the blazon balls of light, that flung themselves into the air whenever we touched, would ever stop.

Personally, I never wanted them to. 

We separated, the sudden lack of stimulation causing me to yawn once more.  He smirked at my still asleep body, which only now was reflexively jumpstarting its way into motion.  I nestled down on his erect chest, feeling my torso spasm wildly as the muscles awoke.  He shifted under me, apparently feeling my body shiver convulsively under the skin.  I craned my neck to look at him, shrugging to his confused expression, not beginning to try and settle my abs from their cycle.  If I did, I cramped, and that was much worse to deal with.

My body had awkward processes that I never questioned.  From my hypnagogia, to the shivers I was being faced with now, I accepted it all as simply, what happened.   After years of dealing with simple little inconveniences, it was all natural.  At least nothing was life threatening.

“You ok?”  He asked, as the tremors began to subside.  I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his chest smoothly. 

“yeah, just, waking up…It happens.”  I shrugged against him.  He shifted again, as finally, my muscles settled.  I smiled lightly, feeling my body become near limp, slumping a bit as everything relaxed.  His had dropped lightly to rest on the small of my back, his finger slowly tracing small designs on my skin, through my shirt.  “you have practice today?”  I asked lightly, allowing myself to settle further onto his chest, burrowing from the world, where I felt safe. 

“Yep”  He said shortly, his finger still tracing across my spine.    I grunted in a lack of support for him leaving.  I was in a clingy mood, I wanted to just spend the day with him.  But, he had taken too many days away from practice as is.  I knew he had to go.

But that wouldn’t stop me from whining.   “do you have to?”  I pouted, starting to trace figures on his stomach absentmindedly.  He squirmed contentedly under my finger, grinning like a child. 

“Yeah, I do, sorry…”  He shrugged.  It was one of those ‘sorry’s’ that didn’t really mean anything, but was just a filler.  Not that it made any difference. 

“aww”  I whined, moving slightly to look at the clock.  He had to leave in 15 minutes.  His gaze following mine, damnit.  Wordlessly, he nudged me up, slipping from the bed.  I flopped down onto my back, staring at the ceiling.  “ever wondered why you practice?”  I asked openly, not fully controlling my mouth.

“because…I need to?”  He asked, looking over his shoulder as he pulled up his skinny jeans.  I shook my head, it wasn’t the right direction, not where I was aimed.

“Why do you need to?”  I bit my lip.  I wasn’t sure where I was getting at, I just knew my mind was working faster than I could make sense of it.  There was a point, somewhere.

“Because…the band has to have the songs down…”  He blinked straightening his shirt, before walking over, sitting on the edge of the bed.  “what are you getting at?”  He asked.  I ignored the question, for the moment, anyway.

“Why do you want to have the songs down?”  I persisted, finally realizing what the point was.

“Because, I want to have them, give a message…”  He answered, getting strong sense of pride.  That’s what I wanted to hear.  “What’s with the questions?”  He asked, laughing faintly, obviously a bit amused.

“figuring out what drives you…”  I shrugged simply, still staring into the metronome like spinning of the ceiling fan.  He suddenly obstructed my vision, hanging over my head with a playful look in his eyes.

“you had to ask what drives me?”  He blinked, knitting his eyebrows together.  “you couldn’t just figure that out?”  Ha laughed in his amusement.

“If I figured it out myself, I wouldn’t have anything to talk about…”  I grinned, biting my tongue.  He shrugged, as if admitting I had a point.  He looked at the clock before turning back.

“I gotta run.  Sorry, be back in a few hours.”   He pressed his lips to mine in a ‘spiderman’ kiss, before spinning on his heel, exiting the bedroom, and ultimately, the house.

I was alone.

I yawned openly before sliding out of bed, straightening my plaid pajama pants unconsciously, pulling at their ballooning sides with unknown intent.  I pulled my shirt down, covering the drawstring of the pants with its extended hem.  I felt kind of like, a girl from one of those religions, where you couldn’t expose any skin.  You could only see my head, neck, hands, and feet.  It was more than they could, show but, I was still captive by fabric.

Unlike those women, I was like this by choice.  None the less, the clothing was warm and comfortable, and I was pleased.   My pants made small sounds as I sleepily dragged across the carpet, out of the bedroom, into the hall, and finally, the bathroom.  I clumsily boosted next to the sink, and plucked my toothbrush from the holder, ejecting white paste from the tube, onto the bristles and jamming the entire setup into my mouth.  I vigorously allowed the head of the brush to run rampant through my mouth, the paste erupting into a thick foam before I bent over the sink, turning on the cold water, and rinsed out my mouth.  My tongue ran along my now clean teeth, taking in the new, mint flavor that plagued me.  I cleaned off my brush, and scooted off the side of the counter, my feet finding the floor quickly.  My energy began to reach soaring amplitudes as I began waking up and planning my day until practice was over. Then, I was Jared’s.

As I reached the bottom of the staircase, I was connected to an invisible monorail, instantly talking me into the guitar room.  I blinked as I came to the door, grinning, instantly knowing how to spend my day.  Turning excitedly on my bare foot, I raced back to the bedroom, up the stairs, sliding as I made a quick turn on the carpet before careening into the bedroom.

I was never graceful when I was excited. 

My foot had slipped out from under me as I made the turn, and I barreled into the bedroom, managing to get close enough to my suitcase before I crashed to the ground.  I landed on my stomach, yet somehow, managed to roll awkwardly as momentum kept me moving foreword.  My feet were somehow, against the wall,  and above my face.  I remembered I was still wounded, healing but wounded.  I laughed psychotically to myself, cursing my clumsiness, and the pain.

I was a raging psychopath, when I was excited.

“Jesus Christ!”  I yelled to the atmosphere as I rolled onto my front, getting up and diving into my bags for my Ipod.  Grabbing the black computer triumphantly, I turned on my heel again, racing back down the stairs, across the house, into the guitar room.  I was too excited to even think about shutting the door.  Not that anyone in the house would hear anything IMPORTANT anyway.

Today was a day for covers.

Awaking the small media center, I walked instantly to Jackson, looking up at his glossed, wood body  with mounting admiration.  Running my fingers sentimentally across his body, I looked up and down him before reaching to lift him from his pegs.  Suddenly, my attention was drawn down the line, as acoustic faded to electric.

My excitement shot through the roof as I saw it. 

Blue bodied, with white accents,  I knew the guitar as if it were my brother.  Just like my baby back home, the one I had spent countless years on, working relentlessly to learn.  The spotless body down the  line, had none of the imperfections that were second nature to me, and no paint, but it was something I was used to.  Securing Jackson, I deftly walked to the new friend, my eyes wide.  This was, my Aiden.

But, it wasn’t.  Aiden was a friend, a husband.  This was a stranger.  I ran my fingers along the body of this new creature, sizing him up.  Grinning idly to myself, I lifted him off the pegged hangers, and draped the strap about my shoulders.  I swung it back, raising on my toes to grab the cord that would bring the system to life. 

My eyes fell on the amp system on an adjacent wall, looking upon them with zeal.  For some reason, seeing a duplicated of Aiden, I assumed to see his best friend, Jay in the room with him.  This was not so, there was no tiny amp that I had grown with, only massive monsters, with huge mouths.  They did not deter me.  I walked with conviction to one of them, and injected an end of the cord into the input jack, doing the same to the guitar about my shoulders.  A pick lay stray on the amp, I took it with zeal, holding it between my teeth as I adjusted the many switches and knobs on both the body of the guitar, and the amp, to get it to a formula I was used to. 

Yanking the pick out of my mouth, I quickly checked the tune, smiling as everything sounded perfect to my ears.  I grabbed my ipod, and put on a play list titled “rockers” and allowed myself to run free. 

An oppressive chord rang from my fingers and the amp as I started with the first song on the list, feeling instant liberation as my voice followed the lyrics to a song that had once meant so much pain for me, now, only fleeting memories of what life wasn’t about.   I grinned as I relished my past, only seeming to accept it, in the presence of such a song, that posed such anger to being broken, such despise to giving up. 

Such vain attempts at feeling.

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

“Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

“I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

“I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

“I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel”  How many times had I wished to grab myself by the collar and scream such a song in my own face.  Say what you want about new years resolutions, it was always the self-loathers who made the most progress.  To hate yourself, was to hate the entire makeup of your life.  Hate was a wonderful motivator.

My chest heaved In relief as I felt the entire effect of such a song fall on me.  I smiled chaotically, as I felt old wounds pry open and bleed profusely.  This time, I could feel them.  I ran my tongue along my lip, laughing silently in my isolation.  I shook my head, as I rocked the body of the guitar.

Who would understand that this pain was a good thing? 

The songs moved ahead, and I was forced to follow.  Moving ahead, on with the music, and on with my life.  I passed countless eras of my existence, reflecting, reliving, none seeming to have the power of when I found out I could feel again.  Regardless of how much trouble I was in, that was one of the biggest points in my life, the most emotional, and the most influential of the here and now.

I listened as music dictating the life before Jared came into my ears, smiling as my fingers danced on the neck of the guitar.  I smiled as I remembered such a pathetic girl I was way back when.  Chasing stupid fantasies that would never become real.  I was wasting my time.

“Well I don't want to see you waiting
I've already gone too far away
I still can't keep the day from ending
No more messed up reasons for me to stay

Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason
Let's make the call-And take it all again
Woah again

Months went by with us pretending
When did our light turn from green to red
I took a chance and left you standing
Lost the will to do this once again

Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason
Let's make the call-And take it all
I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time again
Woah again

See you waiting
Lonesome, lonely
See you waiting
I see you waiting

Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason
Let's make the call-And take it all

I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my ...

Well this is not for real, Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor, Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time- I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling- And there's no reason
Let's make the call”

And then, the here and now came to life.  Songs that meant the summer awoke on the body of the guitar, and I forgot the past.  Happiness flooded my voice, as the guitar sang pleasing chords of some of the best days of my existence. 

I was a bit upset that there was no piano in the room, but, at the same rate, thankful that I had learned guitar based versions of songs that required them.  Someone, had said that guitar versus piano was easily converted, and people followed the parade. 

I heard the front door open and shut as I started the next song, not prepared to stop as undeniable adrenaline filled me.  It was one of those songs, that, just, filled you with warmth.  As I started, I saw him appear at the doorway, but, it was the point of no return for me. 

“dance until we just can't,
Keep clapping our hands to the songs
And get dancing around to the joyful sound that the band plays
As his smiling face just shines away, it's moving through town as big as a train
April, May, June and July we'll hang outside
August and February all the time
Talking our way through March
Hanging out always 'til this starts
Over and over again, you promise that it won't end
So I will try to find the rhyme to thank you again

“How I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea of being without you
And no, this won't be a sad song
There's gonna be claps and singing along
Cause sad song's about now well, that would just feel wrong

“Beautiful colors that came from you
So this one goes out to the reds and yellows and blues
And of course I cant forget, all the beautiful colors on the day that we first met
So I will never know the right way to say thanks
for all the nights and days you spent hanging out
Cause that's what this is about

“How I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea of being without you
And no, this won't be a sad song
There's gonna be claps and singing along
Cause you're there when you talk and you're there not to stop and you're with me

“Around the clock, you are, you are
Around the clock, yes you are
Around the clock

“And just so ya'll know everyone else is not
so I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea...
And no, this won't be a sad song
There's gonna be claps and singing along
Cause you're there when you talk and you're there not to stop
and you're with me around the clock”  I let the guitar fall, smiling dumbly to myself as the effects of the song wore off.  He grinned, clapping his hands and crossing the room, wrapping his arms around me, despite the involvement of a blue and white guitar.

“I love it when you do that”  He said softly, pulling away to kiss me with excitement and passion.  I smiled broadly as we broke, unable to contain obvious giddiness from the entire spans of what had happened, between finding myself and awakening inner demons, I felt more free than ever before.

I wished he had seen the rebirth the first song had given me.  The liberation of my past.  But something told me he wouldn’t understand.  Something told me, he would only get worried, instead of sharing my freedom.  “I’m not ready to quit…”  I growled in constant fits of prevailing adrenaline that pumped like cocaine through my maddening veins.  His eyebrows jumped at my self righteousness, as he looked surprised.  “Wanna join?”  I asked, cocking my head.  A smile plastered his face as he walked over, plucking an acoustic from the wall, giving an opposing sound from mine, giving us a more diverse selection of music to pick from. 

I started with the opening chords to a song he HAD to know.  The Gloucester high school drama club theme song, everyone knew it.  I smiled broadly, as he instantly clued in, his fingers following mine as he joined in on the song. 

“Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me
Mama just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro
Magnifico I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here
Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me”  We laughed openly at the song choice, heaving foreword bombastic thrusts from out diaphragms.

“you’re wild”  He laughed, shaking his head, causing me to grin boyishly, revving the guitar lightly, as I went a different road with songs.

“oh yeah?  How about this?”  I laughed as I started a song, I knew he couldn’t jump in on, really, because it was sung by a girl, and I questioned if he would cross the gender barrier to join in with me.

I’m not exactly sure what made me go with Disney.  It seemed right at the time.

“If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!”  My eyebrows shot up as he filled the position of the muses in the Hercules duet, without hesitation.  I wanted to laugh out loud, to fall on my back and roll with constant fits of surprise and amusement.  Somehow, I held restraint.

“Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of”  He grinned boyishly as he sang, finding himself clever and amusing.  Which, he was.  It was beyond words.

“No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no”

“You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh”

“It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

“I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh”

“You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
“When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad”

“No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no”

“Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love”

“This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love”

“You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love”

“You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it”

“Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love”

“Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love”  Another volley of laughter overwhelmed us as we realized what Jared had just done.  For some reason, it seemed so strange, and so awkward, and yet, he had done it with his usual charisma and headfirst attitude. 

“Ok, my turn”  He grinned, plucking the strings of his guitar to another Hercules song, that, I didn’t hesitate to join him on.  We sang harmoniously, the two different tones of our guitars, melting together just as our voices did, so perfectly. 

“I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

“I will find my way
I can go the distance
I'll be there someday
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong

“Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through

“And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

“But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

“Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

“I will search the world
I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms…”  We smiled, getting closer.  I rose over our guitars, pressing my lips to his.  We smiled against each other, before breaking apart.  My hand fell against the guitar, the pick still in my fingers.

“your turn”  He said softly, smiling.  I bit my lip, trying to find an intimate song to follow up with, wanting to break from the laughter, and get closer to him, under his skin, under his heart.  Nodding, I looked down at my guitar, following the theme of Disney songs, slowly picking at the strings, giving him a clue so he could jump in.  As his guitar followed, we slowly entered the song, harmoniously, as we had in the precursor.

“Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

“Just a little change
Small, to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

“Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise
Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

“Certain as the sun
Rising in the East
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast”   I smiled, looking at him.

“I think its obvious who’s who in that song.”  I smiled.

“you’re beauty”  We said in unison, pointing at each other.  Our eyebrows jumped as we realized the falter, laughing again.

“I’m a grizzly old man!  You’re beauty!”  He exclaimed, causing me to shake my head in disagreement.

“I’m an awkward teenager, you’re prettier than I!”  I protested.  We laughed again. 

“My turn”  He said happily, starting on chords I knew intensely well, and he was fully aware of that.  He grinned knowingly as I joined in on my guitar, starting on the duet.

“I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
you last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming” I took a breath before diving into my half of the song, he grinned broadly, captivated by pleasure as we sang the song together.

“A whole new world
A dazzling place i never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now i'm in a whole new world
With you

“Now I'm in a whole new world with you.”  He exclaimed.

“Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky”

“A whole new world”

“Don't you dare close your eyes”  He whispered, standing closer.

“A hundred thousand things to see”

“Hold your breath- it gets better”

“I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far I can't go back to where i used to be”

“A whole new world”

“Every turn a surprise”

“With new horizons to pursue”

“Every moment gets better”

“I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you”  We sang together, before the parts broke again.

“A whole new world”

“A whole new world”

“That's where we'll be”

“That's where we'll be “

“A thrilling chase”

“A wondrous place”

“For you and me”  We smiled as our voices faded, taking a step back, only now realizing that we had hardly enough room to play between us.

“you’re turn…last one”  He said softly, with an air that almost challenged me to find a better song than the one he had chosen.  I knew almost instantly what to pick.  It was from a movie, of a Russian princess, who didn’t know who she was, finding love, in a con artist. 

“We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you”  I sang softly, listening as his guitar joined in, his voice raspy with the intense emotion that he purged from his core, knowing we could relate to the song immensely. 

“No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start”  We stepped foreword as we joined in the chorus, our voices blending in the song.

“Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

“I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you”  I took a step back, prepping for my part once more.

“We were strangers
On a crazy adventure”

“Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true”

“Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you”

“Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

“I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

“I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

“Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

“I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

“Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on....
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you.”  We paused, feeling the intensity of the song, as it ended, the last notes still fading from the amp, and the barrel of his guitar.  We smiled at each other, before stepping away, putting our guitars back to their homes.  I pulled out the input end of the cord from the amp, flipping off the switch and letting it die down, coiling the cord as I walked back to the pegs that held the guitar.  I hung the long black hose, before following with the guitar.  Jared’s arms snaked around my stomach as I stepped back from the wall. 

“I fucking love you”   He whispered, hot in my ear, before turning me to face him.  His hands found mine, gripping them tightly, and using my arms to guide me to the wall, in a space between guitars.  His lips pressed firmly against mine, pinning me to the drywall and wood trim at my back.  His tongue made little hesitation to run along my bottom lip, begging, bargaining with mine, for entrance.  He was allowed in, to look around, explore.  I did the same with him, before, our tongues found more fascination with each other, entering an intricate waltz, as he pressed me harder against the wall. 

His forehead rocked against mine as we broke, his eyes boring deeply into mine as his chest heaved with the adrenaline and excitement the interaction had caused.  “I fucking love you”  He repeated, his voice heavy with the sounds of his breath.  I smiled blissfully, biting my lip, trying to think of anything, but the cliché that rested on my tongue.

“You complete me” 

Last night, was one of those nights
that happened to go, so perfectly, that, I can't imagine it any other way.
We got to the concert, waited in line, got inside (after, getting body searched, and throwing away my sharpie) And...pandemonium broke loose.
I saw a sign saying that, to get into the 30 seconds to mars, signing, you had to buy a shirt.
I freaked out, went to the merch booth closest to me, and, bought the Echelon, Believer hoodie.
It was the last one in the booth, on display actually, and, it was in my size.
I got my red wristband (basically, proof of purchase so you could get in), before putting the hoodie in my bag, and running down to the floor.

While chatting on AIM on my phone to Retro, during Evaline, I was hit by a stroke of brilliance. I asked her for her number, promising to call during 30.

The concert passed by, I was forced to leave during Senses Fail, to get hydrated, cause I almost passed out.

When i was back in the crowd, I didn't even notice, that 30's set was already being spiked and prepped.  Some guy mentioned something about the drums, and I finally clued in.

Thinking the 30 intermission would be 5 minutes like every other band's, I pretty much yelled "OH SHIT" and called Retro.  The setup was amazing, Shannon's drums were huge, and, had Chinese decalse like you wouldn't believe.  He was raised so high, i'd guess at least 5 feet off the ground, off of his pedestal, were 2 red and gold banners, each with gold chinese characters.  Covering the backstage, were chinese "curtains" (i think they are called that), on the left and right of the high rise for the drums.  There were about 8 red lanterns hanging from the electrical system, and 3 flags on both sides of the stage.  Off of the mic stand, there was one lantern.

I started getting really pumped, when a guy was walking along the stage with, none other, than the extremely elusive Artemis.  I yelled about it, never thinking in my life i would see the black sister guitar to the very famous Pythagoras.  It was only a matter of time after that, when the lights dimmed, and the orchestrated Oh Fortuna blared overhead.

Tomo Appeared.  Shannon Appeared.  Tim Appeared.  And then, Jared bolted on stage, spinning violently.  He instantly jumped into A Beautiful Lie, singing the first verse, before welcoming us.  He then broke back into ABL.  I was surprised someone could spin, so fast, and so much, and not get sick.

"THIS SONG'S ABOUT FREEDOM"
we yelled 'freedom' back and forth at eachother about 8 times, before, we ran headfirst into Attack.  It was at this point, that I realized I was in a bit of trouble.  Holding the phone for Retro to hear the concert, and finding myself on the direct edge of a mosh pit.  There was nowhere else to go.  Needless to say, I have some pretty fun bruises.
anyway.

"how about an old song- this one's called Buddha For Mary"
we all got pretty damn excited.  I was definitely jumping as high as I could, while holding that damn phone (haha, it was worth it anyway) among, other activities, such as, avoiding the pit to my left, and the crowd surfers. 

Then, the Battle, where, Jared actually, ran off stage, and into the stands.  I could not find him to save my life.  It took me a dang long time to realize "he's not on stage" and even longer to realize "HEY! HE'S OVER THERE" needless to say, i was happy when i could see him again.  I got much too confused trying to find anything.

After that was From Yesterday.  We (crowd VS Jared) had a long "discussion" about the video, where, jared asked who had seen it, who knew the words, etc.  After that, a guy named mike, played with the band (guitar) for the song.  Young guy, it was loads of fun

Somewhere between Buddha and From Yesterday, Retro's phone died...so, i had a free hand.

What do you do with a free hand, except swing around a red bandanna?  And get sucked into more pits.  And landed on by crowd surfers.

"Do You Live- Do You Die- Do You Bleed, What Song are we gonna play next?!"
"THE FANTASY!"
"THIS SONG IS FOR ALL THE BELIEVERS OUT THERE!"

Intensity, thy name is The Fantasy.  Between jumping, screaming, fighting, everything, was a blur.  It was hard to combat every fleeting moment, of pure adrenaline. 

Then, He said, that, he didn't play the next song often, but, we were such an awesome crowd, we deserved it.  They played Savior, which, was unreal to scream

I forget, if there was another song after that, before the finale, or, the finale was the actual next song.  It's hard to remember EVERYTHING that happened, because, so much DID happen.

Music, that, i knew, but couldn't click with started playing.  Apparently, I wasn't the only one, because there was apparently, a weak enough reaction, for Jared to say something about it.  When we weren't screaming with absolute excitement, he had everything stop, and crossed his arms, looking at us with complete disapproval. 

"What's the next song?"
"*crowd mumbling*"
"the next song is THE KILL!  How many of you motherfuckers know every single fucking word to it?!"
"*Crowd basically has an 'oohhhhh' moment, and jumps into it again*  ROAR!"
"All you motherfuckers better be singing every fucking word!"

diving headlong into a song with so much emotion and passion, was something i'm not familiar with.  It was indescribable, so much power, in such a small, concentrated space.  It was breathtaking.

After, they did the signing, I was way late in line, so, while waiting, i made some new friends.
One being a wandering vendor of Taste of Chaos CDs, who, i gave a 5 dollar tip to for no reason.
lets just say, i became his new best friend after that =]
I was talking to the kids around me, and we all became grand buds as well.  i'll never see them again...haha.  I showed them a binder i was going to give to the band, basically outlining how they affected my life and everything (5 drawings, 1 letter, 2 scripts, 2 informative sheets and 4 chapters of my fanfic Vision, based off of the video, From Yesterday)

Finally, i got up there, i had the guys sign my Hatheas Regius badge, which they did readily.  They all had gloves on (germaphobes). I told Shannon they were freaking amazing he smiled.
And then, there was Jared.  He gave me my badge back, and I pretty much dived into the 2 seconds I had to talk.
"Hey, Jared, can, i give this to you?"  I handed over my binder, and he grinned widely.
"yeah sure! Of Course" I started to kind of be ushered away, so i just walked backwards, just quickly saying the last lines.
"its just, a binder of how you guys have inspired me..."  He looked impressed as he went to the next person, looking quickly over.
"oh really?  Awesome"
and that was it, i walked away feeling like, well, a hero from war.  The whole experience, was, undefinable. 

In the concert, there were a bunch of facts thrown out,
like, how we were the best crowd so far.
and, apparently, Jared and Shannon, lived in Massachusetts at one point, Springfield, and Greenfield.

and that sums it up pretty well.
when's next?!


PS.  my letter for the guys is HERE

Author's note:  happy longest chapter ever!  12 full pages of megan, fun! woo.
tis almost 4 am, can I go to bed now?
hope you like, i didn't get to edit!
<3meg

I creaked open the door, dropping the key back down to swing from my orange old navy lanyard, that fastened itself dutifully to my belt. The cut portal machine tapped my open knee harmlessly  causing my teeth to find my lip as metal hit blood, and the siren of an alert alarm to blare in my ears.  Lucifer chased the sound, causing me to struggle with the clasp to his leash as he yanked from my grasp, bolting to the water dish, and taking a long draught.  I clumsily stepped over the thresh hold, turning to the alarm keypad and disarming the system, before plopping down on the stairs to the house, and prying off the set of wheels.  I grimaced as pressure was applied to my hand against the harsh plastic, and my right knee flexed.  I had happily chosen not to look at my new battle scar, so its constant pain made me wonder how deep it was.  Deep enough to shroud a piece of glass, wonderful.  

I had come to realize that I was a bit of an accident waiting to happen.  It was a bit of an embarrassing title, but considering Jared could easily be considered the same, and oftentimes, was,  I found a bit of comfort in it.  The name was almost royalty, in a deranged reality.  I smiled as I tested my new title, puffing out my chest slightly, in mock pride.  Kids like me turned into adults that made even stupider mistakes,  like stunt doubles.

I winced as I rose form the stairs, my knee protesting from the movement, my hands screaming as they felt intense pressure, and then, nothing.  I blinked, wondering how I could ever manage to have so many ailments at the same time, and not just, fall apart entirely. I instantly remembered times where I was worse off, where it wasn’t just my knee and hands, but my shoulder, and cheek.  A nasty scooter accident that resulted in a good portion of my right side to decompose on the side of the road.  Thankfully, the scars were nominal. I paid attention as I entered a limp, keeping my knee as still as possible.  Granted, it was entirely unnecessary, I did it anyway.  I was pain free, and limping was fun, win-win.

I trudged up the stairs clumsily, for a bit, before submitting to balance, and using both legs in a manner they were intended.  With every flex, I could feel the small healing performed on my leg, tear open a bit more, becoming pained, and warm.  I took a glance at the tear in my jeans, seeing blood splattered around a gaping mouth.  I smiled, laughing at the situation.  I never understood why scar tissue was so easy to destroy, and upset, but that’s always how it worked.  The same knee had been through hell and back, and lived to tell the tale, I gave it credit.

I wondered what would heal first, My hand, or my knee.  I started a gamble, if my knee healed faster, the night when the scab finally flaked off, I would make a film about the sunrise.  Conversely, if my hand healed faster, I would make a film about the sunset.  If they healed at the same time, I would make a film about a 24 hour day.  Both concepts had no topic, just a root.  Sunrise, Sunset.

I entered the bedroom, walking to my corner, still packed.  Another topic to wonder, why had I never UN-packed?  I shook my head, ignoring the question, and grabbing my black Ipod, shoving the lithe device into my right pocket, opposing my blackberry, which sat contentedly in my left.  I saw my camera bag nearby, smiling as I remembered my promise to Oliver.  I grabbed the black bulk, drawing out my old friend, running my fingers across his sleek, silver shape, finding the clasp to his heart and soul, pausing before I opened it, a black screen peeking out her head to greet me.  As my thumb found the small ‘play’ button, I smiled as she suddenly erupted to life, glowing blue, before fading into what the camera saw, a retelling of his life, translated to her eyes.  

Curiosity poured from the tiny screen as the camera’s head whipped left to right, looking along the boardwalk for something, anything of value, finding a blue eyed man, with black and red hair of interest for only a moment, before Attention Deficit Disorder forced his eyes to look along the stretch of the boardwalk.  I grinned at my erratic movements as I played with my camera, swinging him to fetch intense blurs.  Suddenly, the scene changed.  The floor below me came alive on his heart once more, her screen glowing to a living room.

Jared hadn’t noticed that my friend was pointed directly at him, watching as he sat in the crook of a couch’s armrest, cradled by overstuffed, supportive arms.  I smiled as I walked numbly to the bed, sitting on its edge as I watched the man I loved, as if he were in the room at that very instant.  His deep eyes were in oblivion, captivated by some unknown force, some thought, pulling him by a noose.  Suddenly, they flitted to me, and my friend.  I bit my tongue as he became alive, his features illuminating to spotlight, morphing from serenity, to happiness, no longer alone.  His hand pressed into the arm rest of the couch, the foam causing the fabric to rise between his fingers.   He slowly rose, taking his time to approach slowly, tauntingly.  His black shirt filled the frame as he finally made it to the being holding the small device, and the frame was empty.

A pan of movement, and it was us,  dazed smiles on our faces as we gazed deeply at each other.  You could almost see lightning firing connections as our eyes met, and held each other, a magnetic current. She bit her lip as he came closer, their bodies touching as the connection in their eyes deepened, groping for each other.  His head slowly lowered to hers, their lips coming together in a catalyst of visible passion.  My eyes altered the frame, as I took the image as art, instead of life.

Life had a tendency to ruin everything.  I frowned as the artist in me left, and the human in me rose, seeing myself and a man 19 years my senior show such devotion, such hunger for each other.  In a long connection of lips and love, I found myself horrified, lost.  I had never seen US, never experienced, US, from a third person view.  We looked strange, awkward.  This was normal, this is how we acted, and yet, it was so, alien, bizarre.  I gnawed on my lip decisively, as every fleeting emotion collided and fell off the lens, like bugs on a windshield.  I wondered what exactly was bothering me, the actual image, or what it meant.  A girl who was notorious for pessimism and hate, feeling, experiencing intimacy, love.  My stomach knotted as the image forced me to grow uncomfortable.  It wasn’t adding up, for some reason, it was impossible. I breathed a sigh of relief as they broke, my stomach loosening its death grip on my heart, only for a moment.

“I love you” passed his lips, and the small speakers.  I broke under the intensity of his words, the look on her face.  My hand slammed the screen shut.  The sound ended, as did the images.  I finally allowed myself to breath.  Biting my lip, I grabbed the black camera bag and injected my silver friend into its dark orifice, a bit upset that he had caused so much panic, so quickly.  Zipping up the prison quickly, vengefully locking my tormentor for the duration.  I blinked as I got up, walking to my bag, and gabbing one of many lengths of hemp that I carried with me.  Running a mini checklist through my head, I nodded, before turning on my heal, hearing my knee crack and scream with the movement, hating the idea of dignity, as I left the bedroom, with whatever shred of self respect I could muster.

I didn’t over-react about the video.

I stopped at the front door, fishing for the hemp I had gathered, and stooping to tie my Rainbow Sandals together, before tossing them around my neck, swinging them to create only a slight choke hold.  At least they were secure.  As they dangled from my neck, hitting each other, I found the situation slightly amusing.  I plucked up the roller blades once more, before arming the alarm, and leaving, turning to lock the door once more, and sit to pull on the plastic hellions.

As my body chased the pavement, I unraveled the cord from around my iPod, unlocking the keypad and awaking him from a deep sleep, I separated the headphones and injected each into my audio cavities.  Music flooded my senses, I experienced the sights, smells, sounds, and even tastes with every fleeting beats of a drum or strum of a bass, as lyricists wove intricate stories of passionate fire that consumes all human beings. My legs followed the beat of every song, changing to set tempo and tone, speeding during intense rock and roll beats, and falling to acoustic ballads.  Every so often, there was a song that would force me to think of what I had seen in the bedroom, the video.  I would quickly advance the song , and hide from what was lurking in my subconscious.  I was supposed to get away from being alone, have fun, be social.

How did I always manage to fuck situations like these up?  If I had just packed the camera, and quickly advanced the film, I would have been fine.  Bullshit.  I guessed it was better I saw the footage while Jared was out, so I could recover,  forget about it.  I turned left past the black fence of the park, lazily skating, heel over toe, leg over leg.  My pace was no longer frantic and fearful, but slow, and even depressed.  As I held my head high, I allowed my feet to blindly follow the concrete path construction crews had set years before.  Songs blew past me, as my mind occupied itself with ventures, other than anxiety.  I breezed onto the left fork of the path, falling still, allowing the mild gradient of an incline to drag me foreword.  Seeing artificial woodland pass me, tailored and trimmed to a shady perfection, I smiled dumbly, swinging to grab my camera bag,   I released my friend, silently apologizing for my outburst as I slid my fingers along his smooth design, running my fingers through the loop, and holding it firmly.  I pulled open the screen, tracing her frame with a redeeming caress, before turning the two on with a prod from my thumb.  They sparked to my attention in forgiveness.  Record ran to greet my finger, brushing against it like an enthusiastic cat, starting up the unit, the path waking up, and coming to the eyes of my camera, showing itself on the screen.  

Something about recording never ceased to strike happiness in me.  I smiled as I stuck to the left prongs of countless forks, gliding easily over rough concrete, effortless, weightless.  The lens panned over all that was before me, finally, a break in it all, a light at the end of the tunnel.  

I was injected into a barren, forgotten parking lot.  Blinking, I spun a moment, panning the scene for a shot, before actually looking for the guys.  I found their cars, parked in actual spaces, They were probably the only people to visit this beach at all, by the looks of everything.  It was the land that time forgot.  The camera found the boys on the beach, standing around in a circle, surfboards spread out on the sand.  Kandji yanked on a long string, pulling it and the zipper it was fastened to, up over his head, and securing his wetsuit.  They all had their own colors, Kandji was black and red; Oliver, Black and blue with white stripes; Breaker, Black and teal; Rep, Black and blue,  with red stripes; Bomber, black and orange; Fin, black and yellow; Spinner, black and blue; Tree, black and green.  All of their colors represented their personalities well, I liked it.

I zoomed in as the group of 8 came close, all putting their hands in the center of the circle.  Oliver and Kandji traded off in a pep talk, I guessed they were the heads of the group.  Their hands bounced as they all leaned in, yelling.  “ONE TWO THREE, CREST!”  They shouted, before scattering, clapping their hands in applause.  Oliver’s eyes found me, and my camera, a wide smile spreading across his face as he started running over, His brown hair bobbing as he trotted, Kandji’s eyes followed him, only to commit to the chase.  Soon, the rest of the guys were coming towards me, all congregating about the camera.

“You kept your promise!”  Oliver yelled, excitement high in his voice, gesturing to my camera, I nodded, before looking at Kandji’s harsh gaze, obscured by his playful blue eyes.  I blinked, watching his dark hair filter menacingly before them, wondering what was coming.

“you’re late…”  His harsh accent came from his pits, dark and sangfroid.  I blinked again, cocking an eyebrow in suspicion.  I felt an arm about my shoulder, as I was pressed into the foam of a wet suit blinking as I was met with a foreword and fierce look ahead, from Fin.

“At least she’s here!”  He growled, the rest of the guys whipping to look at him, and my awkward, frightened face.  Oliver bashed through us, prying me out of Fin’s grip.  

“Dude, she’s fucking MARRIED.  You’re not getting fucking laid!  Jesus Christ, don’t be a hero, yeah, you miss Krystal, but this is too fucking much!  Kipper, Megs, just, everyone man…just, chill!”  Oliver barked, prying my eyes wider.  Tree slowly moved foreword.

“B.R.O.  That’s a bit harsh…”  He said slowly, as if afraid Oliver could blow up at any time.  Suddenly, there was a shriek from the water, as Breaker and Turtle sped in and out of the tunnel of a huge wave.  Their boards cut through the water as if it were thin air, creating a long wake of shattered ocean at their tails.  I watched in awe at their skill.

“DUDES…YOU’RE…MISSING…OUT”  Breaker yelled in broken speech as he maneuvered easily across the water, flipping over the crest.  Kandji suddenly whipped out of his trans, running full force through the sand, stopping only to grab his board, before crashing into the waves.

“You morons!”  He barked, looking over his shoulder.  “We wasted time, LETS GO!”  He turned onto his stomach, his arms off of the edges of the board, as he began paddling out towards the waves.  The rest of the group instantly stampeded around me, making a mad dash towards their boards, before crashing into the water, following Kandji, Breaker and Turtle. I blinked, looking down at my camera, seeing that I was still filming.  I zoomed to follow the caravan of teenagers out to the water, starting to walk, yet, finding I was still on wheels.  I stopped recording, as I plopped down to the pavement , working at the clips that held my feet in the plastic coffins.  I bit my lip as my knee lightly protested, the scab cracking under the force of my movements.

Tearing off my socks, I jammed them into the skates, before untangling my sandals from my neck.  I rubbed the line that the hemp had dug into me, cringing slightly, before focusing on the task at hand. I quickly untied the sandals from each other, jamming them between my toes, onto my feet.  The hemp tied the blades together, before I stood up, finding Oliver’s Harley, and placing them in the saddle bag.  Hearing them click together in the cramped, dark space, I smiled down at their solitary forms, before shutting the black bag, turning with my camera, to start recording again.

I followed the vision of the boys, until the ocean began lapping at my toes.  Blinking, I thought of a possible infection wrecking havoc in my knee.  Biting my lip, I swung my camera bag around my shoulders, and placed my silver friend in its open mouth, for safe keeping, before placing the entire parcel in the sand.  I rolled up my left pant leg, and then my right, I exposed my torn knee, before walked courageously towards the foaming surf, feeling the warm water crowd noisily around my feet, as I walked to a depth were my wound was beneath the surf.  

Saline burned me nominally, as salt penetrated into my bloodstream.  I bit my lip, as I used my left hand to flush at the pavement-burn.  Hand-generated currents blasted away chunks of dried blood-clot, sending sharp whips of pain to run into me, up my leg.  I found comfort in knowing what was happening to any micro-organisms lurking just beneath the radar of sight, recalling what my biology teacher said many a lecture.

Salt offsets the equilibrium of fluid concentration between single cellular organisms, and its environment.  As they give up water, to try and diffuse the concentration of salt outside them, they shrivel, and eventually die.  It all works around Homeostasis, blast away the ability to keep a stable living pattern, infection dies.

If only curing AIDS was that easy, or something important, other than a sore throat, or an aching knee.  

I stalked out of the water, shaking my legs somewhat dry.  I looked to my left, and grinned massively.  A huge set of jagged rocks jutted out into the sea, like short cliffs.  They were a perfect image opportunity.  Snatching my camera, I walked slowly along the nominal stretch of beach, before starting to climb the slippery surfaces with zeal,  deft fingers clawing at rock faces with experience.  I came upon the top of the huge structure within seconds.  It was a huge, flat platform, you could probably set a plane off of it.

Actually, you could, assuming it was a oceanic fighter off of something like the USS Enterprise or one of her many patriotic cousins.

I walked to the edge of the rock, sliding off my sandals, and letting my feet hang over the angry ocean below, as waves crashed forebodingly beneath me, I held the respect I always possessed for the sea.  I grabbed my camera once more, and awoke him again, waiting for the startup of his functions, before I began shooting once more.  The quick maneuvers of the octet were breathtaking, a water ballet of sorts.  I was in a state of awe as they made Aerial inclines and aquatic jerks, chasing and being chased, by crashing plumes of blue-green foam. It was just like a ballet, but so much more.  It was the combination, of wild and tame, friend and foe.

One act caught my attention.  As the group moved, It was obvious Rep was falling back.  My eyes widened as he came closer to the tunnel, closer to the advancing crash of waves.  He couldn’t get out, it was impossible.  Yet he fought, bastardly, trying to outrun nature, prove himself.  Suddenly, the water crashed over his head, the guys hadn’t even noticed he was gone.  I blinked, keeping the camera on where he had submerged, hoping he would come up soon.

He didn’t.

“Where’s Rep?”  Bomber yelled, confused in his friend’s absence.  The guys stopped as they settled after the wave, looking at each other.  

“Wait, he’s not here?!”  Oliver yelled, looking frantically.  The lens shot between where Toby had gone under, and the group, hoping, that any minute, he would come up sputtering.

He didn’t.

“Fuck!”  Turtle yelled, standing on his board, before diving off, into the bouncing surf.  Nervously, I stood up.  Following the scene intently.  I hoped for the best, but knew of the worse.  The crashing force of the wave was intense, it had snuck up on Toby.  Turtle’s blond head popped up from the depths.  “BREAKER!  I can’t find him!”  He yelled, calling his partner.  The second instructor dove into the water after his friend, both of their bodies disappearing under the water once more.

“Follow them and you’re dead…”  Kandji warned, looking sternly at the remaining 4.  “We don’t need extra bodies down there…”  His tone was dark and sangfroid, as he turned away from the group, looking nervously into the depths.  My heart raced in the suspense.  Where the fuck was Rep?  Where was his board?  

“Nick, Knife!”  Broke the silence, as Breaker came up.  Nick shifted on his board, grabbing a large, folding blade.  He quickly, exposed the sharp, serrated edge, before tossing it to his friend, who caught it deftly, before shoving the blade between  his teeth, and diving once more.  The board soon broke the surface, Breaker attached to it.  A few seconds later, Turtle, with Rep’s arm draped about his shoulders came into view.  The missing surfer was unconscious.  Turtle draped him over Nick’s board, as the Australian stood up, catching the next wave into shore.  The rest followed, beaching their boards, all crowding around the unconscious friend.  I darted in tow, jumping off the rocks, and towards the congregation, filming from about 5 feet away.

“BACK OFF!”  Kandji yelled, as Turtle and Breaker began to resuscitate the fallen member.  “Go stand around Meg, no closer!”  He yelled angrily.  The 4 members obliged, lining up next to me, all leaning foreword, no one took even a breath, no one made a noise.  The air was thick with apprehension, fear.

Breaker’s fist plunged deep into Rep’s diaphragm. “1-2-3.”  He said, before stopping, allowing Turtle to bend, applying his mouth to Toby’s, purging forth a deep breath, as his fingers tipped his head up, and pinched his nose.  Turtle backed off, allowing Breaker to repeat himself.  “1-2-3”

Suddenly, Toby convulsed, coughing harshly, his saviors rolled him over, holding him upright as he heaved, coughing up a massive amount of water, before he threw up, emptying whatever rested in his stomach.  I cringed, at the sight, pressing my gag reflex down, as the 4 boys around me took in a deep heave of air, relieved that the group of 8, was in no way, becoming 7.  I turned the camera to them, as they shared a smile, all showing the same show of exhausted emotions.  All of our heads snapped back to the victims and lifeguards, as a loud slap pounded through the air.  Rep heaved foreword again, his mouth opened wide, as water fell out of his lungs.  

His gasps cut through the air like knives, as he tried to regain his breath, only to become submissive to another purge of water from his air-sacks.  “Its ok, take your time…”  Turtle said lightly, tapping Rep’s back easily, comforting his friend, while still coaxing water out.  Another shrieking gasp cut through the air, before another cough, and the splash of water on sand.  

“Guys, I think this cuts tonight for us…” Breaker said, looking up at us.  We all nodded in agreement, still numb from what had happened.  Rep’s hand clutched angrily at the sand, the grains moving through  his fingers.

“s-s-s-sor-ry”  Rep stuttered, before coughing again.  His stomach heaved violently, a second time, as he tried to finish off what was in him, plaguing him.

“Don’t be…”  Turtle said sternly, tapping his friend’s back again.

“I’ll drive you home…”  Nick offered, smiling meekly.  Rep looked up at his friend, with a weak smile, before trying to get up.  Kandji’s hand injected into the air before Rep’s face.  He smiled again as he reached for it, Turtle and Breaker helping him up tenderly.  The 5 of us on the sidelines slowly stood up, advancing curiously onto the scene, cautious and unsure.  

THWACK!

Rep’s head bobbed foreword as Bomber smacked the back of it.  He looked around, back at the angry friend, who dropped his hand after committing the deed.  “That’s for fucking scaring the living piss out of me!”  Bomber spat, his sharp eyes intense with loathing and hatred.  “Don’t you fucking ever do that again!”  he barked, as Rep turned back, to focus on walking to Kandji’s car.

“I won’t…”  He said weakly.

“GOOD”  Erupted from the 7 surfers, and Myself, as we followed back to the parking lot, our feet touching down on the warm pavement.  Kandji and Rep quickly got into his car, which, now that I could look at it, enthralled me.  It was a periwinkle blue Buick hearse, an amazing car in my book.  Tree pried open the back hatch of the hearse, sliding both Kandji and Rep’s beards in the huge open space behind them.  Now having a hearse made 100% sense, the coffin space, brilliant for surfboards.   The back slammed shut, and we all waved after them, before, dispersing.

“Hey O!”  I yelled to my friend as he straddled his bike.  Trotting up to him, he cocked his head in confusion, as I whipped open his saddle bag, grabbing Jared’s roller blades from the dark depths.  He blinked, smiling faintly, still shaken from the entirety of what had just happened.  He gestured his helmet at me.

“Need a ride?”  He offered sincerely.  I shook my head, looking at my toes.

“No, I still wanna hang around a bit, I don’t wanna go home yet.”  He cocked an eyebrow, looking confused.  His brown eyes searching for something in me, something he couldn’t understand.

“You’ve spent all day away from Jared- don’t you want to go back to see him?”  He cocked his head confused.

“Yeah, but, I’d rather work out what I need to, here.”  He sighed, shaking his head.

“You girls…”  He droned.  “Never open about anything, are you?”  He cocked an eyebrow, as a small smirk crept onto his face.  I grinned at his subtle jest, shoving his shoulder playfully.

“Its impossible.”  I laughed, sighing as he leaned foreword, pressing his palms onto the handles of the bike.  Taking a step back, I watched as he revved the engine.  The motorbike instantly came alive and animated, as he started rolling foreword.  “Drive safely!”  I yelled.

“Will do!  See you soon!”  He yelled, before punching the gas, sending himself flying off after the hearse, his Harley belting a harsh beat as it puffed clouds of  exhaust into the air.  I turned slowly on my heels, the excitement wearing off, and the pain of my knee coming back.  I ignored the twisting of my skin, as I walked towards the beach, sitting on a concrete parking guard.  The blades found their spot next to me, while I focused on the camera.   

I was going to deal with this now.

I moved back to the kiss, biting my lip as I hit ‘Play’, stopping the rewind.  The moment of connection ended.  And the words began.  

‘I love you’  He said, his eyes dreamily looking at her with intense admiration.  The camera shook as she pressed her lips to his again, not daring to speak.  He hungrily pressed her downwards with the kiss, as his tongue sped lightly across her bottom lip.  I cringed as she readily opened her mouth to him, the camera becoming unstable as the passion increased.  He growled, as he pulled away, looking into the eye of the lens, and then her, slowly, he took it out of her hands, looking deeply into the small glass portal.  ‘I Fucking Love, this girl.’  he said with conviction, his voice hard and defiant.  The camera was placed down, staring at the couch.  I wondered if he purposely left it on or not.  There was a bang, followed by a sliding sound against the wall nearby the camera.  

The two came into frame again, She was wrapped tightly in his arms, her hands around his neck, her fingers concealed in his black and red hair.  He laid her down on the couch, crawling on top of her, and resuming the connection between them.  He smothered her in intense passion, as she fought against his body, to have her own passion be heard against his.  I grimaced as the energies reacted explosively.  It wasn’t working, the image wouldn’t process.  Error.  

I was so objected to this, and I didn’t know why.  It was US, it was what we did.  How could something that felt so right, make me react in such an opposite manner?  Why could I head into such a force like, love, blindly, and cherish every minute of it, but, conversely, once, enlightened, hate what it produced.  Hate, this, the image projected to me, from my own hand, my own creation.

Damn creation.  Allow destruction.

It was the mantra of the fearful.

They broke, their legs tangled together as they writhed in scorching baths of pleasure.  She regained her breath, looking to the camera.  Her brow furrowed, as she noticed the red light on.  “You never turned it off…”  she said, confusion wracking her voice as she analyzed the situation.  Straightening her shirt as best she could from under him, she blinked, before looking at him.

He shrugged, still holding the dazed look.  He looked at the camera, smiling sleepily, before looking back at her.  “What if I told you I wanted to prove something?”  His voice was hot with passion, I cringed, as I found myself longing for that voice, my insides wringing in fights between hating what was before it, and loving it.  Bohemia was in my heart, art, love, lust.  Society, and knowledge, in my mind, laws, hate, restrictions.  Was society forcing me to hate what had been forged and created before me?  Or did I truly hate it with my being?  Was I brainwashed?

“I’d wonder what you needed to prove…”  She said coyly, disregarding the camera, and hungrily pressing her lips to his.  He laughed softly, ducking from the connection.  His eyes met the camera’s once more, his head coming beside hers to share the view of the small device.  He turned his head a tick to the side, smiling as he looked at her through the corner of his eye.

“That, I love you, unconditionally.  It is, something, that…No one, could ever understand.  And I am, ready to express the inexpressible amounts of love, to anyone.  That camera, is the world, and we, are what they don’t want to see.   We’re gonna let them see it.  Who ever is on the other side of that image, will never understand…what we have…”  He said profoundly, his eyes challenging the camera.  He was right, I was on the other side, I didn’t understand.  “I don’t want them to understand…” His voice erupted once more from his throat.  I immediately focused back on the image once more, as his face hovered above hers, his arms on either side of her shoulders as he hung in the balance over her.  “If they understand…it will kill them…what we have…could kill, anyone.”

“wow…”  Her voice wavered, as she ducked in intimidation from his dominant pose.  He smiled at her, locking his defiant gaze, to her fearful one.  My knuckles were white around the body of the silver camera.  His black gloved hand came up, a single finger tracing away the bangs that shrouded her eyes from the world, before moving down to cup her cheek.  

“yeah…wow…”  He said, his voice heated, as he submerged once more, his back flexing as he purged all the passion he could muster, into the kiss.  I was shaking again, as I combated two sides of a fence, Bohemia and Society fighting an awkward battle within my chest, constricting my heart, blocking my lungs.  The image finally tore out, and I was met with the path I had filmed on the way down here.  Shutting the camera off, I placed it in its open bag, before balling around my knees, staring angrily at the lazy ocean, as it lapped away at the sand.  The sky was orange, and the sun was low. 20 minutes to sunset.

“Its wrong…It doesn’t fit…”  I growled to no one in particular, there was no one there anyway. gripping my sleeves in anger I growled my frustrations, talking to the ocean.  “It looks awkward, it IS awkward.”  My teeth caught my lip as I shook my head, resting it on my arms.  I burned my retinas with the sun, finding its energy a nice distraction, its pain, an alternative to my constricting heart.  I wished blindness on myself, so I could live and let live, enjoy what I had.  The world was ugly.

“But its right, I’ve never felt so alive…” I pointed out with desperation.  “Its perfect, I’ve never been happier.  He makes my heart swell, he makes me want to live…”  Passion filled my voice as I tried to convince myself that what I was doing was fine.  I slowly stood up, walking to the water, and pulling up my right pant leg.  I knelt beside the water, cupping the cool liquid with my left hand, and dripping it over my scrape.  I wished I could use my left hand, but the bandage made it difficult to do anything, that and the still fresh wound.  I constantly pushed the limits of my ailments, thinking I could do things, that I couldn’t.

“I’m the cut, and he’s the salt…”  I said, as I felt the liquid permeate my body’s guard.  “It hurts to love him…”  I winced slightly, as sand found its way into my body, tearing through my nerves.  Quickly I flushed it out.  “but, he makes it better…”  I shook my hand dry as I rocked back to stand up.  10 minutes to sunset.

I walked back to where everything was laid, and sat down once more, tugging down my pant leg, to stare angrily at the ocean once more.  I wanted him beside me, I wanted him to hear what I was saying, and I wanted him to respond.  I wanted to hear him tell me I was wrong, that it was fine, we were perfect.  He wasn’t there, he couldn’t help me out.

“we’re perfect…we’re perfect…”  I repeated, trying to force myself to believe it.  The more I said it, the more the words hurt.  They turned meaningless, just a sound.  I finally broke under the force of the sound, admitting my center. “we’re not perfect.”  I hung my head in defeat.  I was arguing with myself, and loosing.

Frustrated, I pushed up, enjoying the strike of pain that flew from my palm and knee.  I wondered if I could walk home barefoot, and if it would be enough to make my feet bleed.

I craved any pain, that wasn’t emotional.  

Shaking my head, I swung the camera bag around my shoulders, pulling the hemp that tied the roller blades together to rest on my shoulder.  Head down, I started walking home.  5 minutes to sunset.  Red streaked the sky as I blocked out the beauty of it all.  He wasn’t here to make it explode.

“Its wrong…”  I muttered, starting on the path up to the park.  My head collided with a human entity, causing me to stumble back.  The incline forced me to loose balance, I was on the ground.  “Oh, please, just tell me you’re some killer who takes the lives of teenagers for bloody entertainment.”  I said, desperation filling my voice.  I was at least half serious, being faced with a murderer was easier than what was raging through my mind.  You couldn’t argue with death.

“No…I play the music for his movies…”  A hand jutted in front of me, taking my hand and helping me off the ground.  I was met with the concerned face of the man who was the root of my problems.  “What’s wrong?”  He asked, bending slightly to be at eye level with me.  I shook my head.

“How’d you find me?”  I asked, still staring down, as we started to walk back up the path.  He pointed to my pocket.

“You’re phone’s on, and I have GPS…Its getting late, I came to get you…what‘s wrong?”  He asked persistently, I shook my head again, avoiding the question a second time.

“I would have been home in 10 minutes…” I said lowly, keeping my head down.  

“I didn’t know that…and I don’t like the idea of you being alone at night…What’s wrong?”  he asked for a third time.  I flinched at the question, he wasn’t even harsh about it, I just didn’t want to deal with it.  It was a painful question, of a painful subject.

“Nothing…”  I said lowly.  I could feel him staring harshly at me, his sharp eyes boring into my skin, causing my flesh to burn.  

“Wrong answer…what’s wrong?”  he demanded, still keeping a sincere tone.  I shouldered off his question, biting my lip.  “Fine…don’t say anything, just…whatever.”  He sighed in defeat.  My teeth forced themselves into my lip harder.  This is why I wanted to walk home, to recover.  It was perfect, it was perfect.  IT WAS PERFECT.  The words screamed in my head, Why wouldn’t I believe them?

We entered the park, walking the long path to the black Iron gates.  We found the Denali on the sidewalk, my side closest.  I blinked at the door, wondering which leg to step into the vehicle in.  I stepped in with my left, cringing as I pulled my right leg in, feeling my gouge scream as the joint was flexed.

“What happened to you’re knee?”  He asked, looking at the blood splattered tear in my jeans, and the wound it provided a door to.  My hands cupped the area, using pressure to numb the pain slightly.  He started the car as I ducked in the brief agony, pulling away from the curb

“I fell while walking Lucifer…”  I said simply, bending to look at my scab, that was peeling at one edge, a bright crimson being seen under it.  

“Did he drag you?” his voice was still concerned, still wondering what was wrong.

“No, I couldn’t stop right with your skates…”  I said as I turned, sliding the roller blades off my shoulder and onto the floor of the backseat.  I did the same with my camera bag, placing it on the floor, before pulling my seatbelt over my shoulder.

“You walked him with my blades?”  He asked with an air of fear.  I shrugged.

“He’s good at taking direction…” I nodded, before dropping my jaw, noticing we weren’t going home.  “Jared, why are we going-” I started, before he snapped, cutting me off.

“I want to know what the hell is wrong with you.”  He barked, causing me to sink into the seat a bit.  “I don’t know why the hell you won’t tell me.”  Heat radiated off of him, as he fumed.  I blinked openly, a bit upset by his demands.

“Maybe I’m afraid on how you’ll react.” I offered, biting my lip and looking out the window.  His grip changed on the steering wheel as he took a turn.

“And, I never stay mad for long…”  He offered I a different tone.  I looked out the window, the cool glass fogging slightly as I sighed.

“I’m not afraid of making you mad, I’m afraid of hurting you.”  I said softly, watching the red sun-dyed town pass by me.  He looked at me, I knew he had heard what I didn’t intend  to be heard by anyone.  I shifted awkwardly, wishing we were headed home.  I could hide, lock myself in the guitar room with a pillow and a blanket, and stay there until I passed out, or just cower under the blanket, with only my thoughts to badger me.  No, I was locked in a car, with a concerned lover.  Why couldn’t he have been The Zodiac, I would have loved to meet him, over this.

The car stopped, my body jolting foreword.  I would have hit the dashboard, if his arm hadn’t jut out before my chest to stop me.  I reclined back. Staring ahead, stubbornly refusing to look at him.  His fingers drummed impatiently on the steering wheel, before his left hand moved, hitting a button on his door.  There was a chorus of sliding mechanisms that locked every door in the car.  It was communication, language.   We weren’t going anywhere until I talked.

“I don’t want to talk about it, really…”  I said in desperation.  He didn’t budge.

“I, personally, don’t care.  We could stay here all night…”  He said sternly.  I growled, sliding off the seat, wincing lightly as I caused my knee to flex again.  I moved to the floor, working my way under the dashboard.  “What are you doing?”  He asked, harshly, looking for me, but only finding my legs facing him.

“Getting comfortable”  I muttered defiantly, pressing myself into the smallest form possible, to fit in one of the smallest open spaces on a car.  

“Jesus, its not like you fucked someone!”  He barked, causing me to flinch.  “What could have happened that is so bad?”

“I found myself…”  I said lowly, muffled in the space between the dashboard and the engine, where I had managed to wedge my head into.

“What?”  He demanded, causing my heart to jump in a fit of offense.

“Nothing!”  I groaned, unhappy with where the conversation was going.  He fumed again.

“Stop lying to my face, tell me what’s going on with you.”  He growled again.  About now, he would run his fingers through his hair, and shake his head, before returning to stare his way through my defenses.

“How long has it been?”  I asked from the abyss, getting an agitated growl.

“10 minutes…”  He scowled.  “Will you at least come out?”  I twisted, staying on the ground, yet allowing myself to be seen, resting my head on his black leather seat.  “Why won’t you talk about it?”  He asked, changing his tone.  I bit my lip, looking out the window.

“because, I don’t like it…” I said simply.  “Its easier to pretend it doesn’t exist…” I huffed, referencing the source of my denial.

“You think it will just go away?”  He asked, his voice dripping in a mix of pity and concern.  I shrugged, still looking out the window.

“I hope it will.”  I said simply, ignoring his disapproving air.

“Nothing just disappears…its always there.”  He chided, causing me to smirk.

“The second I forget about it, the second everything works again.” I said stubbornly.  

“The second you see me, the second you’ll remember”  He said softly, causing me to look at him in shock.  I didn’t expect him to know it was about him, I didn’t expect him to make that connection.  He smiled innocently.  “Its about us, isn’t it?”  He asked softly.  I remained silent, biting hard onto my lip.  “What happened, Meg?”  He asked, lowly, demanding.  I shattered, giving in finally.  Pulling myself onto the seat, I applied as much downward force as possible on my right hand, hoping to feel every ounce of pain in my cut.  I bit harder at the pain, embracing the feeling.  I could feel him disapproving again, but it was how I dealt with things.  Turning, I grabbed my video camera, pulling out the silver piece of machinery, and opening the screen.  I rewound the film, back to where I was spying on him, and hit play, handing over the box.  He took it delicately, settling down to watch what I was showing him.  I flinched at every word

‘yeah, wow’  Came through the air, and I knew it was over.  As the film started to cut from the image of us sharing a moment, to the wooded path, he handed over the camera.  Avoiding him, I advanced it to the guys surfing.  Wanting a distraction.

“What about that…hurt you?”  He asked, picking his words carefully.  I shifted, focusing on the image in front of me.  As aerial swoops and aquatic shots ran through the screen, I was captivated with the blue green water.  His hand came around, shutting the screen, forcing me to pay attention.  “What about that, forced you to react?”

It was wrong.  “I dunno, I panicked…”  I shouldered off, looking out the window.  “Can we go home?”  I asked desperately, looking at the angry ocean, who boomed up beside us.  I found no comfort in its drumming, only more pain.  

“Why did you panic?”  He pressed, making me feel awkward.  My insides shriveled, loosing my ballast.  He was getting somewhere, some form of a ground, he wasn‘t going to give up.

“because…”  I wanted to lie to him, I wanted to say, that it was something stupid, like, the frame wasn’t parallel with the ground, or, that, we looked like bad actors, but I couldn’t bring myself that far. “It looked, awkward…”  I pooled out.  The words spun in front of my eyes, in a constant circle, taunting me.  Every sound I made just added itself to the cycle.  “I felt awkward, looking at it, it’s wrong…”  I finally spat out.  “The image of us, isn’t right, its just, wrong…”  My heart raced as I became worked up.  The words before my eyes pulsed with my heartbeat, growing larger, threatening, they tied a noose around my tongue, pulling more words out, more descriptions to this evil.  “I panicked, because, there was a 35 year old man, who knew what love was, teaching a 16 year old girl, who had never felt it, what it was supposed to be like, what it was like.  And she trusted him, before learning to trust herself.  And she gave into him, before, she could discipline herself.  She loved him, before, she loved, life…and, that intense mistrust between, self, while, there is full trust to the environment, and others, caused it to fall apart.”  I bit my lip, feeling myself break under him.  “There’s something special, about feeling, it for the first time…you never know if it’s real…if that’s what it’s supposed to feel like, so you test it.  For some reason, watching it, never struck me as a test…”  I took a breath, wanting to crawl under the dashboard again.  “But, something told me, that it looked right…” I fell quiet, watching my pooling words before me, pulsing, taunting.

“Artists hate all of their work when they first finish it…”  He said, ripping through the silence.  “They hate it, because, they are jaded from the work it took.  But…then they look at it, after a bit…and, they appreciate it.”  I blinked at his words.  “Lovers are artists, sometimes, they just don’t look at what they’ve created.”  He took a breath. “and they loose motivation, and fall out of love…”  He started the car, changing his grip on the wheel as we started driving home.

Thankfully.

I grabbed his blades as the car stopped beside the house, slinging the camera bag around my shoulders as I jumped out of the car.  We walked into the black house, hearing the screech of the alarm.  As he paused to disarm it, I kicked off my shoes and started to walk up to the bedroom.

The roller blades found their home in the corner of his closet.  I looked around the room, a bit lost, unsure of what I wanted to do with my time.  Stress caused me to yawn, and consider hiding in the shroud of sleep, where I was safe in my dreams.  Safe from the battles of Bohemia and Society that raged in my chest, safe from his disapproval of how I handled my problems, safe from everything.  

And, everything would be forgotten by morning, and normalcy would ensue.  Fat. Chance.

The door creaked open behind me, Jared peaking his head in, finding me lost in the middle of the room.  He had an enthusiastic glimmer in his eye, a direct contrast to him in the car.  “C’mon, I want to show you something…”  He said, cocking his head out the door.  I followed slowly, as he offered his hand for guidance.  I gave him my right, wishing for him to grab too tightly, to make me feel him there.  He was delicate.  He lead me into the bathroom, positioning us before the mirror.  “What do you see?”  he asked, playful air gone, he grew serious with the question.

“I want to go to bed…”  I whined, turning to try and flee the scene.  His hands wrapped around my shoulders, holding me there.  I growled unhappily, not prepared to fight him.  I was forced to face the mirror again.

“What do you see?”  He demanded, his arms wrapping around me, as he picked at my bandages, unwrapping my hand.  I looked up at the mirror, seeing us, cringing again at the image of us being even the slightest bit intimate.  His nurturing appeal destroying me.

“A girl, who is scared, and doesn’t know how to love.  And a man, who is confident, who wants to show her the way.”  I said, low, in defeat.  He chided me, clicking his tongue as he found the blood soaked bandages.  “I tore it open when I fell.”  I explained, trying to make him believe me.

“You know what I see?”  He asked, quickly re-wrapping and fastening my hand, before leaning on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“What do you see?”  I asked, looking at his serene expression.

“I see, a girl, who, will love, and a man, who, is ready to wait, until that day.  They are both terrified, He’s just strong, for her.  He breaks at night, because, he doesn’t want her, to break, like she did today.  They’re both pretenders, but their acts, speak more truth than their words begin to.  They are in love, and aren’t falling out of it.  They are artists, and have created something, more beautiful, than God.  Their art lacks utopia, its raw, and real, pain and torture, but true love.  Its more beautiful than Eden”  He said, profoundly, tearing the breath from my lungs.

“wow…”  I said softly, turning to face him.  He moved down, allowing his eyes to bore into mine, hovering only inches from my face.

“yeah…wow”

Author's note:  Some offensives against Republicans, and Bush here, sorry, =/  Also, sorry it took so fucking long!  I hate to make you guys wait!

Heroin:Chapter39


My chest heaved as I crashed into the lush grass below the tree in the backyard, laughing as I came down from the high that I was in.  I watched as my two furred companions crashed, equally exhausted into the green carpeting, their deep barreled chests heaving actively as their pink tongues lolled rapidly out of their mouths.  The warm summer air wrapped us all in a blanket, lazily coaxing me into an over comfortable state.  I wriggled up, rocking back, against the rough bark of the tree, closing my eyes dreamily in the doldrums of the summer afternoon.  

It was nice.

One eye shot open as a cold nose prodded my cheek, shocking my senses.  Brown eyes met with fiercely lucid blues, the white furry eyebrows of a friend twitching anxiously.  I smirked at him, before closing my eyes again, nestling further into the bark, taunting the animal’s patience.  A paw landed firmly in my lap, an exasperated whine following as he nudged closer.  Sighing, I grinned, making eye contact with the naked hues, biting my lip playfully; I knew what he wanted.

“you wanna train?” I said, a high pitch of excitement reaching my voice as he reacted violently, his tail uncurling and beating against his sides.  He yipped, racing in circles as I braced against the tree, getting up.  He raced to the door, dancing in anxiety as I followed close behind, looking between him, and his lazier older brother with great amusement.  As Judas followed me to the door, I watched Lucifer become more and more excited with every moment.  “he’s strange”  I said to the older dog, who sighed, before waiting at the door with his dancing brother, who yipped again as I made it to the glass.  “ALRIGHT!”  I laughed, as I grabbed the handle, and swung open the glass door, a white thunderbolt instantly racing through the house.  I blinked as I followed Judas,  shutting the door behind me.  Lucifer was back before I could leave the room.

He sat obediently before me, his leash and walking harness firmly in his jaws.  It was almost necessary for a husky to be walked with a harness, notorious pullers, it gave more control to the walker, and comfort to the dog.  It as win-win.  I knelt before him, draping the harness over his shoulders, allowing him to step  into the nylon loops.  I smiled as I clipped the harness around his back, before standing up.  Suited up, the dog bolted to the door, his tail still beating.  

I looked at him as I reached the front door, looking around chaotically.  “Does Jared have roller blades?”  I asked the dog, before running to the upper level of the house, Lucifer following.  We crashed into the bedroom, running to the closet and looking at the floor, finding the plastic saviors in the corner.  I was surprised, thinking he wouldn’t have them as a result of his Gout.  They were nice, skate park, X games quality.  I grinned, quickly slipping one on, finding my foot go in easily.  They fit.  I nodded to the dog hanging over my shoulder, getting up to follow him as he raced to the door once more.  Before leaving the room, I grabbed a set of goggles and one of my combat hats, fastening them to my head.  I closed the door behind me, and walked down to the front door, anticipation building.

“Hook and break”  I said sternly, watching the dog come to attention.  I opened the door, he didn’t move.  His obedience comforted me greatly, I smiled as I walked out, patting my leg for my friend to follow.  I sat on the front porch, pulling on the blades, tightening them fiercely.  I stood up, wavering a bit, to find my balance.  Grabbing the leash, I laced it around my belt, army grade, from my father, I would need nothing less.  I hooked the clasp to Lucifer’s harness…this was it.

“HIYA!” I barked, and felt force on my belt, instantly moving foreword.  There was no time to get lost, “HAW!”  I yelled again, sending the dog swerving left as he reached the end of the driveway.  Seconds to get a source of balance before I swung out and got us injured, only seconds.  The rows of wheels ground in to the asphalt as I took a clean turn, following the dog with ease.  My legs swung under me as I chased him under the tow of the leash, the pressure constantly on my belt.  If we weren’t hooked, I’d never catch him.  “GEE!”  I yelled, turning him right, heading for the park.  No cars, it was the safest.  

As ancient commands flew out of my mouth, I gained a respect for those who NEEDED to do this to survive.  Lucifer and I only needed something to do during the day, but some people survived on this skill. It was a step below ski jouring, which was this activity in the snow, on, as its name implied, skis  That was a step below dog sledding, my first sports passion.  This closeness to my spiritual, arctic routes was exhilarating, as my heart raced, I felt like the dog I was.  “HAW”  I yelled again, turning onto the street of the park  As the black gates came close, I looked in, seeing children, teens and adults.  I gulped, wondering how my friend would handle it. “HAW, COMEBY, SLOW”  I barked, forcing the dog to turn into the scene, and slow down.  My wheels ground into the concrete, slowing my body as to not collide with the dog.  Looking at my watch, I assessed how much time it had taken, as my body was pulled at a leisurely pace.  Just over 2 minutes, I was impressed.

The dog in front of my bobbed as he trotted, his pink tongue lolling lazily out of the side of his mouth.  I grinned as I slowly pushed behind him, easing his workload, but still having him always pull.  It was part of training, he was strong enough.  I had studied the methods of the famous, making my own from them, it worked fast, we had been working for 2 months, and gotten this far.

“HEY MEG!”  I head behind me, and the stamp of feet.  I tensed lightly, as they came closer, keeping up with the trot of Lucifer. I looked as Oliver came out of nowhere, walking swiftly beside me.  “How’d you like the show last night?”  I grinned idly, still following the dog.

“you just come out of nowhere don’t you?”  I asked, turning my head to him, as he beamed with his annoying charm.  I laughed at his comical face, still keeping an eye as to where Lucifer was going.

“Yeah, I’m like Satan!”  he laughed heartily.  “Naw, I’m here with the guys.”  He gestured over his shoulder, causing me to look back, seeing a crowd of attractive surfers.  I grinned and waved before turning back.  “so, how was the show?!  MFH is amazing right?!”  He prodded again, causing me to laugh at him again.

“It was good!  Dave is a saint!”  I beamed, loving the charisma and personality of the keyboardist front man.  The show was phenomenal, and couldn’t have gone on long enough.  “Unforgettable”  

He gained a dangerous glint in his eye. “yeah, you and Jared seemed to really enjoy ‘you’re making it come alive’”  He said, sangfroid, in tone.  My jaw dropped, I swear, he was everywhere, he shouldn’t be, like a toddler.  

“Who, didn’t see that, I’m serious, you know, I’d think that it’d be safe, but, first Dave, now you…wow.”  I laughed., shaking my head.  He scoffed, worrying me.

“there weren’t that many, just enough to notice, that, hey, Jared’s kissing some chick.” He laughed.  I growled a bit.

“Damnit…”  I sneered.  “Wow, fail”  I added, with a bit of humor, grinning.

“Eh, don’t fret, anyway, this Lucifer, right?”  He said, bending to pet the lush fur of the husky as he walked.  I grinned nodding at the dog.

“Yep, its Lucy.”  I laughed, using the dog’s pet name.  Jared hated it when I called him that, It wasn’t dignified, degrading.  Bullshit, the dog didn’t care, and it was easier than drawling out the full name.

“he’s pulling you?”  He asked, as I pushed off, nodding.

“Yep he’s training, sled dog 101.  He’s never going anywhere with it, but it keeps us busy.”  I grinned “and pulling is just something he loves to do, ain’t that right Lucifer?!”  He barked at his name, causing me to erupt with a bout of laughter.  

“How fast does he go?”  Oliver asked, eyes wide.  I shrugged.

“Pretty damn fast”  I nodded.

“Show me.”  I blinked at him widely, part in disbelief, part in amusement.

“you’re not serious”

“the fuck I am, I wanna see.”  He laughed, pushing me lightly.  I moved slightly foreword on the wheels, not wanting to push Lucifer, or myself.  “C’mon…please?”  He said charmingly, causing me to bite my lip.  I loved the feeling of speed, Lucifer loved the run, I smiled nodding.

“alright, were to?”   I cocked my head, as a wild smile spread over my friend’s face.  He pointed to a fork in the path that lead to a more wooded area in the park.

“Go down the left fork, come around the turn, and back up the right”    I nodded deeply, knowing the trail well enough.

“down the left, hit the round about, and up the right, got it”  I said affirmatively, Oliver cocked his head in confusion.

“round about?”  

“never mind…count me off”  I ginned, getting into a readied position.  I pulled my cadet hat so the brim was backwards, covering my neck.  My purple goggles found their way over my eyes.  I grinned in anticipation, the excitement budding in me.

“Mark…Get Set…GO!”  Oliver yelled.  My blades dug deep into the concrete as a started to push off.

“HIYAH!”  I shouted at the dog ahead of me, who paused in shock, only for a moment, before instantly understanding.  His lithe frame leapt to attention, and careened in front of me, chasing the asphalt.  His body bobbed with power and excitement as he ran, faster than ever before.  “YAH YAH YAH!”  I yelled after him, urging him faster, harder.  He obeyed, his body surging foreword.  I laughed as I felt myself nearly lift off the concrete in our speed, causing me to duck, leaning foreword, making myself smaller, faster.  The fork met us face foreword.  “HAW!”  I barked, taking an easy corner.  My right hand brushed the rough ground speeding below us, my bandages snagging lightly at the bumps.  I thought nothing of it.

I saw the round about ahead.  It was a sharp turn, generally unsafe, but for the sake of keeping momentum, I kept the dog racing.  “GEE!”  I screamed as we came upon the turn, he followed the road, my body swinging slightly off to the side, almost becoming parallel to the ground as I leaned.  I heard the sound of my blades on the ground, the sound of the wind racing past me.  I howled in excitement, the canine sound sending the dog ahead of me in a massive convulsion of excitement.  I wasn’t sure that he could get faster, but he proved me greatly wrong.  As we raced up the home stretch, I saw the look of shock on spectator’s faces as we raced at a blinding rate, all towards Oliver.  His friends had joined him, and showed their amusement on their faces.  I grinned behind my goggles, as seconds passed before  I was with them.

“HOOK AND BREAK!”  I yelled as I dug my blades into the asphalt.  The dog instantly jerked to a stop, catching me unaware.  I lost my footing, not following my hockey stop, and flew through the air, landing on my stomach in front of Oliver.  Lucifer looked at me, still where he stopped, not effected at all by my falter.  I laughed harshly, before pushing up, feeling slight pain in my palms.  More in my right, I tore it open again. Fuck.  “Haha, damnit, that was nice, good boy Luce!”  I said as I struggled up, feeling hands find my arms and torso.  I blinked as I was assisted by the entire squad, finding my blades under me once more.  “Thanks guys”  I said as I brushed off, looking at my scraped palms, and now, torn jeans.  My right knee had a nice scrape on it, but the operative question  was, when didn’t my right knee have a tear?  That leg was notorious for being my ‘injury leg’  anything that could go wrong, did.  From broken glass, to even an ice skating blade going through to meet my patella, it was bad news.  As with my palm when I cut it, I felt nothing.

“That was fucking sick!”  Oliver yelled, his face coming right to mine. I rolled back 3 inches, my eyes wide.  “How the fuck did you learn to do that?!  What the fuck?!”  I blinked widely, before looking around the group of impressed faces.  I flexed my knee a bit, feeling the small rocks sticking to the raw skin, sand and dirt clawing and slicing through flesh and muscle.  Warmth collected at the bottom of the wound, one line slowly drawing itself down my leg. Jared was going to kill me.  At least my right hand wasn’t so bad, ripped open, yes, but, it wasn’t profusely bleeding.  I had to learn to be more careful.

“I dunno, I just, studied it as a kid, and, tested it out on Lucy…”  I said innocently, unsure of my words.  My eyes flitted to the group of guys behind Oliver, who all chatted amongst themselves, patted Lucifer, evaluated my wounds to my speed, and more.  I blinked, looking at my friend, and nodding to his posse.  He instantly snapped to attention, understanding.

“oh, right.  Um, these are the guys, Turtle, Jesse,  Troy, Toby, Breaker, Sid, Andrew and the lady killer right there, is Nick.”  He said, pointing to every one of his friends.  “Turtle and Breaker have names, but we don’t use them.  Jesse is also Tree, Troy is Bomber, Toby is Republican- or, Rep for short, Sid is Spinner, Andrew is Fin and Nick is Kandji”   I nodded, liking the names.

“I just gotta say, being Republican wasn’t my choice for a name!”  Rep bit back, somewhat insulted.

“Rep, who’d you vote for?”  Breaker asked, grinning cockily.

“I wasn’t old enough…”

“If you could have voted, who were you gonna vote for.”  Breaker continued, exasperated.

“Bush…”  Rep said, defeated.  I blinked widely, not expecting that to come from a teenaged surfer.  I took a breath, before turning to Nick, looking at him intently, thinking through his nickname.

“Kandji…Irukandji?”  I asked, allowing my mouth to interject before my mind could stop it.  Nick turned, grinning at me.

“Yeah, How’d you know”  He had a thick Australian accent, causing me to find intense happiness in his presence.   I grinned, shifting on my wheels a bit.

“eh, Oli called you a lady killer, and you’re a surfer, so, water killer, with Kandji, kinda, clicked…”  I shrugged, handling my speech well, which was surprising.  I attributed it to being involved with Jared, and not looking for a mate.  Had  I been, my words would have been jumbled and a mess.  I praised the gods for my relaxation.

“Ah, so B.R.O. found someone interesting for once.  Wicked”  He laughed.  I had to admit, his accent drove me mad.  I laughed as I jumped in on the nickname, catching the second deadly aquatic.

“Blue ringed octopus?”  I asked, grinning at Kandji’s reaction.  He looked amused, and impressed, filling me with cockiness.  

“Very good…”  He said, grinning softly.  “Sydney?”  He was testing me, I laughed, jumping in instantly.  His blonde hair hung just in his eyes, blue with playful glow as he started toying with me.   

“Funnel web spider.”  He laughed, continuing.

“Fleckeri?”  Latin, easy.

“Box Jelly”

“Snake”

“Taipan”

“Port…” I cut him off almost instantly, knowing the breed well.

“PORTUGUESE MAN O WAR!”  I laughed, swaying on my skates.  “we have them back home, they’re everywhere…I got a whip and it fucking hurt like fucking hell!”  I cringed, remembering the day that I SHOULDN’T have gone swimming.  The animal was right under the pier, it was the august bloom, and the lesser jellyfish made it hard to get through the water without pain.  I had just gone the wrong way, when searing pain shot up my left arm, worse than my lesser stings.  I looked around, and was met with the huge bell about 5 meters away.  I had run into the longest tentacle on the bastard, and nematocysts plunged into me at an excruciating rate, on every god awful inch of the whip.  I cringed, still feeling the extra stings that happened when I swatted at the sticking whip, assuming it was a lesser organism, as the tentacle wrapped my hand in more stinging cells.  Everything came back to me, as I cringed in reliving agony, rolling a bit on my wheels.

“Seriously?  Wicked!”  He laughed, causing me to grumble.

“no, not wicked, it hurt like, fucking, I don’t know what!”  I threw my arms in the air, causing him to laugh with my bombastic reaction.  He looked to Oliver, grinning.

“Jesus B.R.O. How the fuck did you find this one?”  He laughed, before looking at me.  “You surf?”

“Naw.” I said, shaking my head.  “Always wanted to learn, never got the chance, back home, we got, wimpy little things..”  I shrugged.  “only thing you can do there is jump off shit”

“Well, We could teach you”  He offered, scratching the back of his head.  “Turtle and Breaker actually teach kids all that kinda shit, We all teach something to kids, for school cred, yanno?”  I nodded, understanding.  “Spinner and Fin do skate park, Bomber and B.R.O. do motor rec, like jet skis and bikes, Tree does songs and shit.”  He explained, intrigued.

“What about you, Eh, Kandji?”  I grinned, cocking my head.  He cocked an eyebrow cockily.

“I teach women what the sting is like…wanna find out?”  He stepped closer, smirking.  I rolled backwards about a step, unable to contain my laughter.  It blurted out like thunder, shaking and powerful.

“She’s married”  Oliver laughed, nudging Nick.  I shrugged in agreement.  Kandji looked at him, and then me.

“to you, eh?  B.R.O.?  You score?”  I laughed again.

“Naw, a musician…Oliver doesn’t have snowball’s chance in hell.”  I grinned, as Oli’s face fell in insult.  I shrugged again, innocently.  

“And I also, have Kipper, thank you…”  He said through grit teeth.  “My poor ego.”  He said, as he gripped the front of his shirt.

“you have no ego, only dreams”  I reprimanded, shaking my head.  Kandji laughed, pointing at me.

“I like her better than Kipper.”  He grinned. “anyway, I actually help on the beach, I do the surf and also, shit like water skiing and skimming…yanno?”  I nodded again, watching as Tree was patting Lucifer.

“Does anyone BUT Kandji or Oli talk?”  I asked, a bit annoyed with not hearing from the others.  Tree laughed, shaking his head, his long dreadlocks hanging in his face as he looked at my white canine friend.

“Kandj’s got all dibs on talking with the chicks.”  He explained, his brown eyes meeting in unison with his easygoing un-kept appearance. “We usually keep quiet…which, doesn’t bother me…”  He shrugged, groping Lucifer’s ears affectionately.

“Yeah, we just usually watch, which, sometimes gets greatly amusing.”  Spinner chimed in.  “you notice that your eyebrows jump a lot?”  I laughed, shaking my head.

“Yeah, you’re fun, why Didn’t B.R.O. let us meet you sooner?”  Bomber asked harshly, glaring at Oliver.

“Dude, he just wanted her for himself!”  Turtle yelled bombastically, throwing up his hands.

“Yeah, we always steal his girls, duh.”  Breaker laughed.  “He can keep Kipper, she’s a pain.”  

“Am I the only one who doesn’t have a problem with Kipper?!”  Fin asked harshly.  His long blonde hair moving as he shot a glance at Breaker, his silver eyebrow ring gleaming in the sun as his blue eyes filled with insult and anger.

“You only like her because you have hopes of rebounding her after Krystal!”  Spinner laughed, his choppy black hair whirling around his green eyes as he laughed.  

“am I the only one who doesn’t believe in monogamy?”  Tree asked, looking up.

“YES!”  they all yelled at him.  He blinked somewhat insulted.

“Its not like I want to sleep with everyone, but love is-”  He tried explaining, swinging his dreads out of his face.

“We’ve heard it, hippy!”  Rep yelled, the full reason for his name becoming apparent to me.  

“Hey, lay off him, we’re sorry your political standing gives you a small dick!”  Turtle barked.  I watched the group of  8 bicker, with wide eyes.

“This is why we don’t let them talk…”  Nick laughed, causing me to nod.  The group was volatile, it was a wonder they stuck together.  “So, you wanna learn to surf?”  He asked, nudging me playfully.  I brightened up, grinning.

“Yes!”  I chimed.  He laughed again.

“ok, We’re doing a lesson in a few days, B.R.O. will call you with the info, I’d do orientation, but its kinda late, and you’ve got a man”  He laughed charismatically.  It was only about 3 in the afternoon, but, I understood what he was getting at.  He turned to the group, cupping his mouth.  “Hey, Guys!”  They instantly stopped bickering, and looked at him.  “How about we get another set in, eh?”  He asked.  They nodded in unison.  I felt a searing pain in my knee, looking down to find Tree at my scabbing scrape.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”  I barked.  He didn’t respond, staring intently at my wound.  His fingers touched the raw skin again, before returning with a chunk of glass.

“I’d figure you’d want this out…”  He said, flicking the piece away.  I felt as if I was about to pass out, not enjoying the idea that the sharp implement was in me.

“WONDERFUL!”  I yelled, throwing my hands up.  He laughed, standing beside me.

“I’d think so.”  He looked at my now, bleeding knee.  “I’d get some salt on that, clean it up good.”  He nodded.
“The ocean, nature’s pharmacy.”  I grinned.

“Amen”  We watched the group look at us.

“Hey, you wanna come along?  I’m sure Jay’s busy, which is why you’re out.”  Oliver offered.  I paused a moment, before nodding.  

“Sure, I just gotta drop off  Luce, but, you’re at the beach, right?”  I asked.  Kandji shook his head, pointing down the path I had just raced on.

“No, small cove over there, no line, and huge breakers,  Just keep taking the left, and you’ll find it.”  He dictated.

“Ok, eh, give me 7 minutes, I’ll be right down.”  I nodded, testing the leash and my belt.

“Can I come?”  Oliver asked, smirking.  I glared at him.

“What the fuck do you think?”  I said harshly.

“Rejected!”  Fin laughed.

“KRYSTAL!”  Bomber barked.

“Shut Up!”  Fin shot back.

“GUYS!”  Kandji yelled again, before turning to me.  “Alright, see you there.”  I nodded, before looking at my canine friend.

“Ready Lucifer?  HIYAH!”  I dug my blades the concrete, speeding off after the dog attached to my belt once more.

Heroin:Chapter38

I awoke with a start, flinching as the feeling of falling overcame me.  I opened my eyes, dazed and confused, only to realize that, it was just old habits dying hard.  A year or two before, I had been plagued by a sleeping illness, related somewhat to sleep apnea, yet, not as severe.  It was called Hypnagogia, Sufferers had issues with actually getting and recovering from a normal sleep state, often feeling like they were falling, or, constriction of the chest, and an impending sense of doom among other symptoms.  It was strongly related to lucid dreaming, which I thankfully, found myself experiencing often.  It was one of the better ways to dream, knowing you were dreaming, and having control.

Another aspect of hypnagogia, I could scare people without trying.  Apparently, during episodes, I would sleep with my eyes open, and alert.  It was something that never ceased to amuse me.

I groaned lightly, as I propped on an elbow, not fighting the flood of my senses.  We had somehow managed to get in the back of the Denali, on the flat area of the car, and passed out.  I didn’t remember sex, and as it showed, both our clothes being completely on, it could be assumed that, said act had not taken place.  I peered out the window at the ravaging ocean against the hard rocks, blinking at the sunlight that flooded the area.  Smiling faintly, I crawled out of Jared’s arms,  laced around me, and over a set of seats.  I reached foreword, popping open the glove compartment and stealing my stow away Ipod, before quietly slipping out the door, and into the sunlight. 

I pressed the warm metal shut behind me, knowing it wouldn’t shut completely, I made a mental note to slam it when it was time to go, and there wasn’t a man to be disturbed.  I slowly tread through the gravel road, hearing small stones click together under my bare feet.  I smiled as I reached the end of development, and the beginning of rugged terrain. 

I knew it well. 

Using my arms as a stronghold, I eased down between two rocks, feeling my toes find the warm stone that awaited below.  Secure, I freed myself fro the last connection to the real world, and eased down the embankment of jagged rocks and waves, Feeling the spray come at me, carried by the wind, leaving rain like drops, staining the red rock a shade of maroon.  My feet guided me as if they had walked along this coast forever, knowing well of unsteady rock ledges and secured stone facing.  I had grown up on sections of beach called ‘The Back Shore’ in Gloucester, much more dangerous than here.  The ocean was always angry, the sky, always black with clouds, it was like something out of a novel, where witches made brews and gypsies stole children.

 It was paradise.

I stopped at a tidal pool, sticking my toes in the water, like a child, before bending down to look upon it with curiosity.  I found myself staring in the face of an underwater oasis, an extensive network of coexisting organism.  The place was huge, bigger than I had ever spotted back home, it looked a good 3 feet deep, and, at its widest point, another 3 feet.  I stared in awe as two crabs eyed each other territorially, before snapping at the school of minnows that sped by overhead.  A sea anemone danced happily in a corner, waving her plume of tentacles tauntingly, daring one of the minnows to come close enough.   A starfish hung threateningly over a section of sand that was sending up bubbles, slowly digging out a prized meal of clam.  I felt bad for the unsuspecting animal, but felt a need to not interfere with the society.  I pushed up from the rock face, and continued down towards the angry ocean, wishing to see what I could, of this alien world. 

I found a flat face near the edge of the water, away from the angry fist, at the shoulder where it came and left with little violence.  I smiled as I curled around my knees, looking at where the sky kissed the earth in passionate bliss,  blue meeting blue in an oasis.  I smiled as I rested my chin on my knees, sighing in content as I watched the ocean gurgle in its own growling frustrations, pounding the rocks with an angry vigor.  I felt at peace, relaxed.  I popped the headphones into my ears and turned on the small music device, hearing a frantic beat come to my ears almost instantly, causing me to smile as I looked through the calm seas.

standing on the edge of morning
scent of sex and new found glory
playing as she's pulling back her hair
she drives away
she's feeling worthless
used again but nothing's different
she'd stay the night
but knows he doesn't care

home by three
deafening quiet
the porch light's off
yes they forgot it
she'd cry herself to sleep
but she don't dare
and she wants to be a model
she wants to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you

dressed by dawn and out the door
no light
she memorized the floor
so she could leave without being detected
she works till three
it's uniform
she dreams that he'll come by the store
she prays for days
when boys mean she's protected
and she wants someone to see her
she needs to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you

and she won't sleep
she won't sleep
and she won't sleep
at all

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you
(let me save you)
i want to save you
(let me save you)
i want to save you
(let me save you)
i want to save you



I felt my body relax with the music, I could have slept there if I wanted to, And maybe I would have, if the excited sounds of a visitor hadn’t disturbed me.

My head shot to the water’s edge, finding a set of gleaming brown eyes, staring intently on my form.  I perked up as I watched the eyes, whiskers popping out of the water before them, as he took a breath.  His flippers fluttered as he came up for a brief second, barking at me intently, before falling back down, content to stare.  I smiled broadly, seeing a friend in his outgoing demeanor, despite the huge teeth that showed themselves as he talked.  I uncurled from my knees, stowing away my music player and  putting my palms behind me, resting on the supports of my arms leisurely.  He barked at me again, finding my silence boring.  He was a funny character, I liked him. 

“hello friend” I greeted, causing his small ears to twitch as he heard the words.  California Sea Lions were famous characters,  known for their friendly demeanors and charisma.  Although wild, they were known to find humans amusing, and would play with scuba divers, fishermen, and sometimes swimmers if they so felt the need.  They did get nippy, but generally, they were kind souls of the deep.  He barked at me again, unsatisfied at my two words.  I laughed again, finding him fun.  “Alright, you are a needy boy aren’t you?” He nodded, as if he understood.  He probably got that a lot, assuming he visited people often. 

He disappeared for a moment, leaving me alone.  I was sad to see him go, in our short time together, I had found him a creature I would like to know.  I had heard his bark only three times before he left, he had heard my voice twice.  I wondered if I was truly that boring.  Apparently not, as he came back, this time, with a toy. 

He threw a severed fisherman’s float at me, causing me to blink.  I couldn’t figure out exactly what he was asking of me, so I sat there, looking from the float, to him, and back again.  He barked, nudging foreword against the rocks.  It was then, I understood, My dog having used the same language on me dozens of times.  I laughed as I got up, stepping to grab the float.  He spun with delight as I picked up the braided cord, nudging it foreword to give him a head start before I reeled back and sent the object flying.  He splashed as he submerged, chasing the float a good 30 to 40 feet, before coming back just as fast, and throwing it back. 

I wondered why they were  sea LIONS.  They acted more like dogs.

We played fetch for a good hour, going back and forth with the float.  I was pretty damp with the spray from his flippers and the float itself.  I liked him, he was a character.  I guessed he was about 3, not fully matured, but big enough.  He was actually a huge animal, probably an easy 200 pounds. Despite his charisma, I respected him, as something that had power, and could easily change.

He reminded me of Jared.

I heard a shout as my friend came out of water to return the float, both of our heads turning to look at a man on the outcrop, next to his car.  I looked back at my furred companion, shaking my head  as I stepped foreword to grab the toy.  “he’s protective”  I said to the animal as I pulled back, readying my toss.  He nodded at my words, before spinning and shooting off after the oval object.  I turned around in the pause as the sea lion left me, waving innocently to the panicking front man.  I could tell my carefree attitude did nothing for him, as he gestured violently in response, before starting to climb down the outcrop to meet me.  I spun around as my friend barked again, nudging attention to his toy.  “Hey, do you have a name?”  I asked him, as I bent to grab the float.  He shook his head, causing me to wonder if he actually understood.  I bit my lip as I stood there, holding his toy as I decided on something to call him.  “How about Ayden?”  I shot out there.  He nodded, but I wondered if it was to agree, or just give me something to throw his toy again.  I laughed as I sent the piece of foam flying off into the distance.

“What are you doing down here?”  I heard a voice come to my ears, causing me to whirl around backwards, to find Jared, moving towards me, having made good time down the incline.  I shrugged as Ayden returned, pushing the float towards me again.  I took a step foreword, grabbing the frayed rope, and sending it off once more.  “and do you realize you’re on the verge of getting mauled?”  He asked, staring in shock as to were my huge friend had just left.  I shrugged.

“He’s harmless…I think”  I laughed as he came back, tossing his toy to me again.  I was probably in more danger if I refused, so, I kept him happy.  Throwing the float again, I smiled as I turned back to my significant other, cocking an eyebrow at him.  “you don’t trust my friend?”  I asked coyly, stepping towards him and giving him a good-morning kiss, wrapping my hands around his waist.  I heard the clatter of the float on the rocks, however, ignored the mammal, until Jared would pry away. 

“frankly, I don’t”  He said, looking at the waiting Ayden, who fumed in his boredom, his eyes glaring at me, reprimanding me for not catering to him immediately.  “With your knowledge of wildlife, I don’t understand why you are either.”  He commented as I grabbed and threw the boyee, sending the playful animal off once more.  I scoffed at his reluctance to find amusement in the creature, rolling my eyes at his untrusting nature towards the beast. 

“Sea Lions are notorious for being friendly with humans, they know not any other way!”  I exclaimed, shooting a gesture in protest.  “They are charismatic with divers, and are notorious for being playful, granted, they are sometimes nippy, but, I find ease in his presence…he reminds me of you.”  I smiled, before turning to a friend in wait once more.  Ayden huffed in his discontent, knowing that the reason I was slow on the draw, was because of the newcomer.  He shot a glance to Jared, before looking to me, with his bright yellow toy in hand.  I sent it off once more, listening to Jared’s stubborn protests to my friendship with the character.

“I may be charismatic, and friendly, but I don’t have large teeth, or a strength that can kill a man.”  He growled, displeased with my interaction.  He meant well, and any sensible person would, but it also took sensibility to father glorious interaction such as the rare moment where you have a slight connection with something so out of reach, its beyond comprehension.

“and yet, you deny yourself as wild.  Have you been broken?  Tamed to follow the law of man?  Can you be categorized, and put in your place?  Or do you not give a fuck?”  I asked him, seriousness dripping from my voice as I questioned his standards.  He blinked at my debate, before settling in agreement.  “You’re just like him, You’re wild, you haven’t been broken, not yet.  You’re Mabon”  I smiled, knowing he would understand my connection to the rogue wolf that was his alias in my alternate world.  He sighed, defeated.

“Does he have a name?”  He asked as I turned back to throw the float again.  I nodded as I sent my furred companion off again.

“Ayden…and he’s not pleased with you right now…”  I grinned, watching his head pop up in the distance.  Jared looked at me with an air of shock, probably seeing as though he had done nothing wrong to irritate the animal.

“what’d I do?!”  he shot out quick.  I smiled as I threw the boyee again, laughing at the reaction.

“you don’t trust him…he doesn’t like it.”  I smiled, turning back to watch the front man grumble discontentedly.   “And you’re delaying my throws, which he REALLY doesn’t like”  He looked at me with an air of disbelief.

“Well, can you explain to him that I’m your mate, and deserve some attention?”  Is said, matter-of-factly, going along with the story.  I shook my head, grabbing the toy and throwing it.

“He doesn’t care who you are…if you delay his throws, he hates you.”  Jared grew bold, coming to stand next to me, getting closer to the animal.  “you wanna throw one?”  I offered, Getting the float and holding it to him.  Jared hesitated, gnawing on his lip, before grabbing the rope, and flinging it out to sea. 

“he’s not gonna kill me now…right?”  He laughed, kissing me briefly on the lips before watching the lion fly back at us, throwing the boyee at our feet.  He was more gregarious this time, grabbing the float and throwing it without hesitation, deciding it was safe.  His eyes started to light up as he watched my friend spin in the water, before shooting off after his airborne toy.  “ok, I gotta hand it to you, he is, kinda cute.”  He laughed, watching the animal.  I wrapped my hand around his waist, squeezing him tightly. 

“Another reason why he reminds me of you.”  I grinned.  He inflated his top lip, much like Ayden did when he flexed his whiskers, causing me to laugh in amusement.  “except, you are VERY cute, perhaps a several steps beyond.”  I bobbed my eyebrows at his amused face.  He went back down to grab the float, throwing it once more.

“And what is this level you speak of?” He asked, coming closer to brush his lips against mine.  I smiled as I closed the gap, pressing my lips to his or a brief moment, before answering.

“Sexy.”  I grinned coyly, before interrupted by an impatient bark.  Our heads shot to the sea lion, growling right back at him. “Can’t you see we’re having a moment here?”  I asked harshly, causing him to fume, and bark again.  I laughed at his personality, grabbing the boyee again and sending it off. “where were we?” I smiled, leaning in to kiss him again, but stopped, as his fist found my wrist.

“Leaving”  He said abruptly, starting to guide me back.  I blinked, dumbfounded, before pulling away.

“can’t I say goodbye?!”  I asked, gesturing to the returning friend, a face of confusion oh his furred features. It broke my heart, I wanted to take him home, and throw him in the pool in the backyard, playing with him for hours.  Jared growled, nodding.

“Alright, say goodbye, but be quick, its almost 1:00.”  I blinked as I walked back to the sea lion, looking at Jared I disbelief.  “Yeah, we slept in, now, go say goodbye, he looks like he misses you already.”  I turned to my friend, gnawing on my lip as I stooped  to be close to him, over-trusting his charisma.  He nudged his toy at me, very calm and serene.  I smiled lightly at him.

“I’m sorry Ayd, I gotta go…”  He looked away, now I knew he understood.  A wave of sadness flashed over his big brown eyes, melting my heart.  He looked back at me, nudging my hand with his whiskers, before sighing, spraying me with water from his muzzle.  I grinned, being stupid, and extending my hand to pat his soft damp head.  He strayed from my touch, before diving off.  I frowned as I saw him go, only to see him come shooting back for his boyee, a face of ‘I’m not here to see you, I forgot my stuff’ plastered on his furred features.  I laughed as he slowly swam off, waving goodbye before turning to rejoin Jared, and head back up to the car.

“You get too attached too easily”  He commented as he started the car.  I blinked as I fastened my seatbelt, looking at him.  He stared intently at the road ahead as he pulled around to head back home, glancing at my confused expression with a face of harmless intent.

“Ever think that the only reason we’re together is because of that characteristic?”    I asked, resting back in my seat.  He looked at me, with a gaze that would have had more effect, had it been held longer, unfortunately, he was driving, and couldn’t be bothered by long periods of blindness from the asphalt. 

“what do you mean?”  he asked, his blue eyes intent on the road as we started to transition from isolation, into scenic LA.  I sighed, squirming a bit, not completely sure how he was about to react, but knowing I couldn’t stop the reveal.

“I wouldn’t have agreed to this journey, if I wasn’t attached.  I wouldn’t have ever said OK, that morning, If you hadn’t already begun to mean something to me.  Actually, you meant something long before that, but, it was a stupid fandom…that would never become reality…”  I sighed, pinning my head against the window.  I thought of my days before the concert, where I would fantasize over meeting him, fantasize over the torn possibility, that THIS would be a reality.  Now it was, and the world before him, seemed strange and surreal.  It almost, didn’t exist.

“But you’re speaking falsehoods, whatever I meant to you before, has proved itself to be anything but stupid, because this IS reality.”  He said, his voice becoming passionate and profound as he spoke.  I took a breath, expanding my lungs, to keep them from crushing in on themselves in a wave of anxiety.  I shifted against the seat and glass of the window, biting my lip, thinking through my words before saying them.  It felt like I was on a tightrope, a possible wrong move would send me plummeting down to my doom.  I had no net..

“sometimes it feels like a dream…”  I said lowly, my teeth still firm on my lip.  “Sometimes it feels like, this never happened, like I woke up.  But then, I realize where I am, who I’m with, and, Its just…impossible.  I’m lucid and departed, and sometimes, its hard to find touch.”  I paused, taking a deep breath, feeling a wall inside me turn to rubble.  “but then…you come around…and…its like…I’ve woken up…I know everything…is…real.”  The car stopped in front of his house, the drive beginning to shock me with how quick it could actually be.  He looked at me with intense eyes.

“its not a dream…”  He said firmly, his voice stern and aware, causing me to gulp.  “Everything that goes on, is real.  You have nothing to question, because there is no other answer, other than yes.”  He was getting closer, pinning me back against the window. “This isn’t some cruel mind joke, because I feel it, every day.  You’re awake.”  His lips pressed to mine, stealing my breath.  His ability to change from something laid back, to something so intense and demanding was riveting, maddening.  I pressed back against him, intensifying the connection for just a moment, until it broke.  He pulled back, returning to his seat, pausing with his hands on the steering wheel, before getting out. 

I followed him back to the house,  moving to the kitchen as he disarmed the alarm and let Judas and Lucifer outside.  I felt bad for the dogs, counting how long they had been left in the house alone.  I frowned as I peered inside the fridge, looking for something to satiate my growling stomach.  I settled on an apple, pulling one out of the crisper.  Granted, it was already afternoon, however it was technically, breakfast internally.  I chewed on a bite as Jared returned, plucking the fruit from my hand and taking a bite himself, leaving me dumbfounded.  He laughed at my somewhat shocked appearance, as I stared at the new crater in my breakfast, wondering how to react exactly to it.

“you know what, for once, words have evaded me…”  I said, still staring at my missing chunk of a meal, my stomach choosing to hate him at the moment.  “I don’t know how to feel about that…” 

“Then don’t”  He laughed again, taking my breakfast all together and walking the length of the kitchen with it.  My eyes grew wide as I found myself gazing at an empty palm, before glaring at him. 

“WHAT WAS THAT?!”  Spilled from my mouth, my gurgling stomach controlling my thoughts.  I was completely dissatisfied with my one bite, and was fully intent on having him aware of it.  He pointed at the fridge as he swallowed another bite from MY apple, smiling demonically, his eyes agleam with  mischief.

“You can go get another one…” He offered, innocence dripping from his voice.  I opened my mouth to protest, only to shut my mouth and huff, taking unhappy steps back to the fridge, into the crisper, and grabbing another, fresh item of sustenance.  In a way, I now felt like I had won.  I had something new and shiny, while he had gotten something already tainted…served him right.

I also noticed that it wasn’t the best thing to let me get hungry, and  somewhat tired at the same time.

“now was that difficult?”  He taunted.  I huffed again, taking a bite, glaring at him.

“yes, bastard.”  I growled, before smirking as I chewed and swallowed.  He looked insulted at my word choice, putting forth a face of pain.

“Hey, no name calling…Its not like I did anything wrong.”  He shrugged, taking another bite of his apple.  I rolled my eyes, just willing to give up and enjoy his presence. 

It was always short lived. 

“Oh, I gotta go to Shan’s.  I left something there last practice session, Keep forgetting to get it!  Might as well, now that I remember!”  He said, quickly wolfing down the rest of the fruit, before kissing me a goodbye.  “I’ll be back soon…”  He said as he walked off and out the door, leaving me again, silent and dumbfounded.

I blinked widely, hearing the silence of the room. I paused, before my voice erupted, spilling my confusion at his sudden departure.

“Wait…WHAT?!”

Author's Note:  I know nothing of the personalities of Dave, or the rest of MFH, so, don't take my story as a solid dictation of how they act.  I made them fun, tis end.  And yeah, have fun =]

Heroin:Chapter37


The tile was cold against my bare back, causing me to make a subtle face as i rocked back, pulling him down with me.  His eyes were gleaming with, passion, love, and hunger.  Now he was easy to read.   He pressed his mouth hard against mine,  forcing me open.  I snagged a nip at his lip, causing him to smile briefly, before submerging once more.  

He pulled away, raising only slightly off of me, before grinding his hips hard against mine, entering my center.  Sweet thrusts spelt redemption and desire, brutal honesty, forgiveness.  

Maybe I was too quick to cave, maybe I was being irrational. Conversely, maybe I had been irrational all along, and this was the most sensible thing I had performed all day.  I wasn’t forcing any emotion, everything was natural.  As his arms braced either side of my body, caging me close, I felt alive.  My fingers ran along his muscular back, for once, being free to explore, not being pinned in agony.   Each powerful connection of hips brought us further from pain, further from isolation.  

Sex was not just a union of one.  It was a conversation of mixed emotions.   A war of silent screams and deafened rejects.  An orchestra of passion and desire, conveyed in a chorus of  undefined words that only the human heart could translate.  A forgotten language of touch, and primitive gestures.  As my mouth  entwined with his, I felt the words we did not speak, for fear of what our voices would do.

He pulled back as the erosion of our hips became more rapid, his thrusts, quicker, harder.  His breath became more ragged as he neared his peak,  sending shockwaves through me, forcing my mouth hard onto his, craving more.  He forced my body back down, flush with the tiles.  His heartbeat raced, as he moaned loudly.  His name flew from my lips as I shuddered, loosing my control.  I shuddered against his raging body, still moving quickly over me, forcing me into direct submission to his wicked game, before he cried out.  My name laced with passion and lust, the sound of it on his ragged tongue, sharp and wild, sending me over again.

He lowered down beside me, his breathing still rough and worn.  We shared the cool ceramic floor, feeling refreshing on our warm bodies, aiding in the depression of our high, the return to  a body of normalcy.  Where judgment was not clouded by lust, but by internal moral.  He smiled faintly, his hand coming foreword to brush away the traces of hair that had fallen into my face, his thumb brushing my bottom lip as he withdrew.

“that was the first time…”  He said softly, radiating with an unnamed happiness.  I blinked, feeling a rapid comedown befall me at his comment.  I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to understand him without asking, but found it harder said than done.  

“what are you talking about?”  dripped from my mouth, flooding with misunderstanding and confusion.  He bit his lip, looking away, his eyes following the bridge of sight to the other aspects of the room that my body provided.  His eyes fell back on me again, cerulean oceans, filled with the happiness of sunrise.  Aglow with pride, and admiration, love and comfort.  

“The first time you screamed my name…”  He said quietly through a broad smile, kissing me briefly.  I wondered the significance of such an expression to him, knowing it had come out of pure instinct, without much of a thought.  His name was still fresh on my tongue, it tasted almost like rainfall, refreshing, soothing.  I swallowed the taste, wanting to experience as much as I could of the illusion, enjoying each savory moment.  

“you screamed mine…”  I commented, smiling faintly.  I involuntarily reached foreword, tearing a few dominant trails of black from his face, rendering his eyes unglazed, vivid and bright.  They shone with a second wave of pleasure, his smile broadening with the rebuttal.

“And you liked it.” He grinned mischievously, causing me to gulp as he kissed me again, a bit harder.   I sighed, rolling my eyes and resting on his naked chest, burrowing into comfort.  His arms covered me in a warm blanket.  I shifted deeper into his grasp, wanting to get lost in him again.  I kissed his chest, his sweat salty on my tongue.   For some reason I figured that his name would taste as he did, however, I found myself pleasantly surprised by the refreshing, clean taste.  Both reactions blended and diffused, fleeting from me as I listened to his slowing heartbeat, The sound of settling.  I murred into his chest in content, hearing a return erupt from his throat.  His finger traced along my stomach, causing my  muscles to flex under him.  He turned, looking at me, confused.  “Why did you tense?”  I blinked, note even knowing I had done it.  

“Reflex?”  I said, unsure if it was a correct answer.  He looked intently at his hand on my abdomen, as if willing the muscles under his palm to cave.  I blinked, watching his hand, wondering when the involuntary  strength would subside, and I would relax.  Finally, his hand depressed into my stomach, as my muscles loosened.  His mouth found my neck, kissing it lightly, his teeth scraping my skin lightly.  I shuddered as chills shot up my spine,  ducking away from him, going to the only place I could think of, his chest.   He laughed as I hid, backing away, teasing me with vulnerability.

“you run from what you run to, your escape is flawed.” He mocked, chasing me with another kiss, managing, by some stretch of forces, to catch my mouth.  I felt myself melt into it, still begging for more.  He smiled, nipping at my lip as he tore away.  “You are…”  he paused, smiling boyishly.  “Insatiable.”  I grinned coyly, tracing my fingers over his abdomen, before allowing them to dance onto his side.

“Am I?”  I asked, flirting with the idea of , being as such, smiling faintly. “Or is it you?  Are we both  in a riptide, where, satisfaction doesn’t exist, for we would much rather feed for eternity?”  My fingers twirled tauntingly on his hip, tempting him.  He nipped at my neck again, growling lightly in his re-developing hunger.  “Could we ever, truly be insatiable?  Or are we bound in illusion of our own utopia, where, we just crave?”  I asked, suppressing  the shudders and moans that threatened to break my argument.  He smiled as he looked me over.

“you talk to much…”  He criticized softly, before changing his standpoint.  “But I’d like to test the plausibility of your argument.”  He said, smiling before he grabbed my hand forcefully, holding it away from his hip.  He pressed his lips to mine once more, grinding against me to prove, physically, the truth of his statement.  I pressed against him, allowing his body to bridge over mine.  He lowered down, to rest on top of me as we intensified our connection, before the sudden, Imminent explosion.  He entered me with a sudden jerk of excitement, causing a catalyst of energy to spark up within us both.  He gripped my hand, finding the other, delicately holding them, however, using them as a restraint, smiling as he held all the cards.  The backs of my wrists pinned to the ground, my helplessness only mounted to the excitement.  I allowed my hips to rise off the ground, pressing against his rhythmic motions with a challenge.  

His eyes shone intensely, as he accepted the challenge, pressing harder against me, trying to oppress my mild fighting fully.  I bit my lip, finding the ‘game’ irresistible.  I allowed my hips to move with his, yet fight over who was really dictating the violent movements.  My wrists slithered and turned in his grasp, anxious to get free and explore his naked frame to their full ability.    He smiled maliciously at my fighting spirit, growing more forceful as he became harder, faster, more demanding with his body.   He growled as his head came down, feeding on my kiss, before allowing his lips to explore, test other regions of my body, bringing shouts of intensity from my mouth.  It was his wicked game.

And I was a player.

***

I wriggled from his tight grasp, causing him to murmur in protest, not wishing to be disturbed.  I laughed as I pressed myself through the web of his arms, only to be pulled back, sliding against the heated tiles freely.  He smiled as I came closer to him once more, sharing our body heat. I was only aimed to struggle again, looking intently on my clothes, strewn across the small bathroom.  He growled with discontent as he fought against my desire to rise, causing an equal tone to resonate in my throat.

“Leggo!”  I whined hoarsely, clawing at what I could grab of the tiles, to possibly find a hold, to get an edge.  For some reason, beyond my understanding, It never worked that way.  The floor was flat and the grout shallow, I was forced to deal with what I had.  Exhausted strength, and the dead weight of a satiated man.   “C’mon, please let go”  I whined, my hand grabbing my shirt.  Generally, at this point useless without its corresponding undergarment, but, a start to collecting.

“What’s the rush?  Relax!”  He coaxed, unsuccessfully trying to drag me back.  I cackled victorious as my hands found the bottom of the counter, holding hard to its face, against his strong arms.  With a final push, I was free.  “aww, why won’t you lay with me”  He whined childishly, causing me to grin.  Laying beside him for eternity was tempting, perfect even, but the offer on seeing My Favorite Highway intimately, unfortunately for him, outweighed that option.  I started collecting my clothing, pulling it on as I went.  He raised onto his elbow, looking at me with stubborn and unforgiving eyes.  I laughed at him, shaking my head as I pulled on my jeans, bringing them up.

“I got other plans.”  I grinned, pulling my shirt over my head and straightening it over my torso.  He cocked his head, looking interested.  “How do you like the indie concert scene?”  I offered, cocking my head.  He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

“I hate it.”  He smiled, sitting up.  I grabbed his shirt and threw it at him, finding his boxers and jeans as he pulled it on.  He looked at me as the shirt fell loosely over him, blinking as he stood up, catching the clothing I threw at him.  “Who are we seeing?  Are we going to that really small place on the outskirts?”  He asked, pulling on his gray Calvin Klein’s before chasing them with his black skinny jeans.  I nodded, smiling as he knew where I was talking about.

“My Favorite Highway.  They’re awesome, I’m excited, never seen them live.  And yeah, you know of that club?”  I asked, cocking my head, the name evading me.  He cocked an eyebrow, as if the question was ridiculous.

“Cipe?  Everyone in my circle knows about it, we go there once in a while, picking out openers, or just watching the youth of today fuck themselves up.  They’re funny though, a nice get away, to be with kids in it for the music, and not the singer.  Hell, they ignore me.”  He said, amusement in his voice.  I smiled as I nodded, exiting the bathroom, allowing him to work, as I retreated into the bedroom, grabbing my nominal cosmetic’s bag, fishing out eyeliner, shadow, and mascara.  When it came to artificial enhancers, I had been yelled at, claiming I was too much of a minimalist.  Personally, everyone overdid it, and if you relied on makeup to make you  beautiful, you were usually grotesque, and had poor self esteem.  Luckily, I could effectively win with being both, still having some form of an exciting personality.  

I rummaged through my suitcase, wanting to change my shirt, to something, more of the scene.  More laid back, and fun.  I found a loose fitting button up tan shirt, with a loose green and blue plaid pattern.  I exchanged my current tee shirt, for a white one.  It wasn‘t my usual style, screaming more of a Jock high school boy.  Luckily, I was not a guy, nor did I see it coming any time soon,  making the outfit more with my persona.  I found out early on, a person can wear the opposite gender’s clothing, and instantly make it edgy and current, it was the theory behind guys wearing girl’s pants, and girls wearing ties.  I snatched a black hemp necklace and thread the knot through the loop that fastened it, adding to the ‘beach bum/surfer’ look.  I smiled at my final throw of clashing stereotypes, finding it amusing, as well as aesthetically appropriate. I walked casually to the door, throwing it open to find him, waiting, looking impressed.

“for your first time, you guessed the atmosphere dead on.”  He nodded approvingly at my attire.  “For some reason, I don’t think I’ve seen you in that…Grungy, edgy, I don’t want to keep away.”  He smiled coyly, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me close.  I laughed, squirming in his playful grasp.

“You never want to keep away.  You crave closeness.”  I corrected, cocking an eyebrow at him.  He shrugged, knowing he was guilty.  A smile wickedly spread over his features as he hugged me tightly, squeezing the air from my lungs.  I smirked in protest to the constriction, biting my lip as I made my way out from his arms, trotting to be a few steps ahead, a safe distance away.  He followed me as we went down the stairs and towards the door, shaking his head.

“for some reason, you love playing hard to get, which I don’t understand, because, you love it more when I actually catch you.”  I blinked at his complaining, shaking my head.  Sometimes he just didn’t get it, or maybe, it was I, who never got it.  Regardless, he was right, I loved giving him a run for his money, making his life difficult

“Its not just the chase, you gotta earn what you get, pretty boy”  I teased, smiling coyly at him as I looked over my shoulder, coming to the door and waiting for him. My feet entered my slip on shoes as I passed the time it took him to get to the door and his shoes on.  He laughed as he set the alarm, before shoving me out the door, and towards the Denali.  

“I’d say you’d have to earn what I give you.”  He laughed as we came to the black car, his body swinging around the hood as he ran to jump into the driver’s seat. “I feed you , and give you a place to live, you should be paying me!”  He laughed as he pulled away from the curb, and moving outwards towards the outskirts of the city, and Cipe.

“I pay you in sex, and affection”  I laughed harshly, causing him to make a face, before counting with his fingers against the steering wheel.

“Sex, I can pay a girl by the hour for, Affection, Jude and Lucifer, what do you have to offer?”  He grinned boyishly at his assessment in my form of payment.  I rolled my eyes, smiling.

“What’s emotionless sex compared to a union of bodies that share one heart?”  I said passionately, using my hands to convey love and desire.  He jumped instantly on the argument, beaming.

“Sex is sex, whether or not it is emotional does not matter, you said it was payment.  In that case, it all becomes the same, you’re loosing.”  If he wasn’t driving, I would have hit him, luckily, his hands were on the wheel, he had a way to avoid being faced with pain.  Lucky Bastard.

“Companionship?”  I offered, being returned with a scoff.

“The band…Next”  He said crudely.  He was being unbelievable.  I loved it.

“I got nothing, so, why do you keep me around?”  I asked, intrigued.  He bit his lip, grinning.

“because, you give everything I can get individually, in one package”  He said softly.  I felt  a malicious smile creep onto my face, in full ambition to ruin a moment.

“So basically you keep me around on the basis of  convenience.”  I said harshly.  He smiled wide, nodding.

“Yeah, basically.”  He shrugged, as we came upon a large warehouse looking building, the name ‘Cipe’ In a kind of Greek based lettering.  I looked upon it with wide eyes, smiling.  My eyes shot to the small line outside, Oli was right, there couldn’t have been more than 100 kids all together outside the club.  I pried open my door, Slipping out of the car, Jared following not far behind as I looked for my friend, my eyes lighting up as I saw him, chatting with someone at the door.  Stalking him as a lion does her prey, I came up behind him, shielding his eyes playfully.

“uhh…Marisa?”  He asked blindly, causing my foot to rupture against the back of his leg.  He jerked around, before bursting with laughter.  “Its gotta be Meg”  He laughed, whipping around in my grasp, to stare at me.  I blinked as my hands hung loosely around his neck, causing me to whip them down at my sides.  He laughed again as he hugged me, causing me to grumble.  “Why don’t you ever show me affection?”  He whined as his hands wrapped about my torso, pulling me into a reluctant embrace.  He pulled away as a familiar finger prodded him, his face a portrait of embarrassment. “And that would be why…”  I smirked as Jared wrapped his arm around me, giving Oliver a cocky grin.  

“yeah, that’s a big part of it…”  I smirked, enjoying the fact that Jared and I could be casual around these kids, they blatantly, didn’t care.   Some of them did, but they were harmless, giving us looks of confusion and recognition as they walked past, yet forgetting our existence as they flashed the back of their hands to the teens at the door, and walked in.  I wondered if this club was brought up on teens,  the booming adolescent culture taking full control of the stage.  Considering its size, I didn’t doubt it, but, scoring someone as huge as My Favorite Highway, it seemed as though it almost didn’t make sense.  I had been through a few clubs like this, one being in my hometown, Artspace.  Kids ran everything, especially the weekly music acts.  “So, how do we do this?”   said, leaning a bit on Jared, my excitement obvious.  He bit his tongue, reaching for my left hand, which I willingly gave to him.  He scrawled an O with an intersecting V in it, I guessed his mark.  Jared did the same, they handled the interaction with an air, that showed, it had been done before, no one was excited or shocked.

“Come and go as you wish, Just show them that.  Don’t worry about payment, you were guests of mine, so you’re free.”  He nodded, pointing at the door.  “Cipe perks, you work the shift, you have the honor of friends, the guy who owns this place is fucking gnarly I swear.” He beamed, starting to turn away to another kid waiting to get in.  “So yeah, you’re free, Enjoy the show!”  He yelled waving me off.  Jared pulled me towards the door, pausing as he stared a scenester in the face.  He cocked an eyebrow in virile fashion, before submitting to be a decent human being.  We flashed our hand marks and were waved inside.  It was dark, only red and blue hues providing any shade of light.  I furrowed my eyebrows as I found their origins, trying to figure out what was being used for the color.  As he pressed against a wall in wait, he found my face, turning his head in question, before pressing his fingers to my chin, forcibly tearing my eyes away from the blazing lights.  Green and orange danced in my vision as I tried to find him in blinded vision.  I blinked widely, moving my head back against the wall as I yelled for the dots to disappear, so a proper connection to be made.  

“You’ll hurt your eyes doing that”  He said in warning, before shooting a glance up to one of the E’s, trying to figure out what I had found in them that was so amusing.  The warehouse didn’t have a catwalk, rather, suspension lighting, relying on a first and second electric, along with side lighting from the walls.  A small balcony overhanging the front door held spotlights and the actual light board.  I smiled faintly, knowing the setup well.  My school auditorium had very much the same setup.  I felt a wave of comfort befall me.  In a sense, I was in my element.  He turned back to me, having found nothing in the lights.  “What were you looking at?”  He asked, still confused.  I shook my head, before looking at him, and then the lights once more.

“Trying to figure out what gel’s they’re using”   I said, clicking my teeth, before giving up, I looked back at him, seeing green and orange once more cloud my vision. “Eh, I’ve used them, just can’t remember the name….the blue, is more intense than R60, but its not that far off…”  I gnawed my lip, forcing myself not to look back at the lights, knowing I would go blind before I stopped trying to find out.   I watched him as he laughed softly, shaking his head.

“you are, one of the most bizarre human beings, to which I have ever had the convenience, of easily stealing the heart”  He said softly, smiling as he pressed his lips against mine.  I smiled as he pinned me against the back wall, returning the gesture.  He opened his mouth, still craving, forcing me to happily serve his raging desires.  He was right, we were insatiable.  I jerked away as feedback screeched through the air, wincing as  my ears decided that they hated me.    Our heads whipped to find the guys walking onstage,  Dave cringing at his mistake.  I smiled, grabbing Jared’s wrist and pulling him foreword, into the open crowd, a bit surprised with how small the crowd was, in relation to how big the space was.  

“Sorry about that, guys.”  Dave called through the mic, scratching the back of his neck innocently.  I smiled wide at his adorable gesture.  He sat behind his keyboard, as Will, Bobby and  Brian all filled their positions,  smiling at their front man with humor in his falter. “Anyway this is gonna be like a lot of our other shows, The stuff on our EP’s, maybe a cover or two, and some unreleased goodies for you, for coming out here.  This is huge for us, so, enjoy it.”  He grinned, as his fingers found the keys.  I found curiosity building, not knowing what to expect.   “so…Lets start on something a to get you all up and ready…”  He got up from his bench, leaning against one of the two microphones available to him  as the opening notes of ‘Murder on the Radio’ rang from Brian’s guitar.  I heard myself yip in mounting pleasure, feeling the press of the crowd as we all craved to get as near to the stage as entirely possible.  

I was surprised with how well Dave actually could work a crowd.  It felt as though he was singing to you exclusively, but also, to the entire body that was the crowd, feeding a fire.  Excitement mounted and fell as he chose his intermissions between songs wisely.  Talking with the crowd, getting involved.  He smiled as he paused after singing ‘bad habits’  looking at his band mates and throwing them two fingers, and then 1.  I blinked, not understanding as he stood up, walking to the mic.  

“how about a cover?”  He asked, as the crowd became rowdy, immediately shooting him possible ideas for music.  He shook his head, smiling “No, no, we have one planned, sorry.”  He smiled at the sudden muting of everyone, all eyes on him, wondering where he was going.  “three years, and 9 months ago, music lost an important icon, his death, a mystery as to it being self inflicted or not, whatever.”  I gulped, instantly knowing he was talking about, the date being permanently marked on my calendar, October 21st. “The 21st, ever since then, has held some power to me, regardless of month.  Its always inspired me how, music can take blows, like the death of John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and, the man I’m talking about, and always, come out of the rubble.  So, this is to Music, and to Elliot Smith.”  He nodded to the band as he stood at the mic, isolated.  His voice was chilling as he quoted the powerful words of my favorite song by the gone icon, causing my lip to fall victim to my teeth.  

“i'm in love with the world,
through the eyes of a girl
who's still around, the morning after”  I felt my body tense slightly as a familiar palm stretched across my back, resting on my left hip, and pulling me close.  I nervously looked up at his smiling face, he knew the lyrics, and was applying them.  The atmosphere was heavy and passionate, causing me to find nerves.  I released my lip as he slowly leaned in, lightly kissing me, and yet, forcing more passion as he felt my lips under him.  We broke after the short moment, enjoying the point we shared, holding closeness as the song finished.

“we broke up, a month ago
and i grew up, i didn't know
i'd be around the morning after
it's always been wait and see
a happy day and then you pay
and feel like shit the, morning after
but now i feel changed around, and instead falling down
i'm standing up, the morning after
situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later
and i could be another fool, or an exception to the rule
you tell me, the morning after
crooked spin can't come to rest
i'm damaged bad at best
she'll decide what she wants
i'll probably be the last to know
no one says until it shows- and you see how it is
they want you or they don't
say yes
i'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
who's still around the morning after…” The last line faded with the lights, leaving us hanging in a blackened balance.  Color exploded back on stage as his smiling face met us all full fronted.  “Girls like that song ‘cause it makes them feel special.”  He commented in an adorable fashion, causing some girls to bark at him in return.  He laughed at the angry reaction, getting a kick out of it.  “I’m sorry, but its true!”  He laughed, leaning foreword, playfully dancing around his microphone stand.  Someone shook their water bottle at him, causing him to frown sternly.  “Hey, none of that, My Favorite Highway does not condone violence of any kind…you’ll be de-friend from our myspace, don’t think we won’t find you!”  He threatened, unable to keep the smile off his face as he threw out the joke. He ran his fingers through his hair as he sighed.  “Anyway….Enough fighting with the fans, lets get on with it”  He looked at the band, before allowing them to dive into the music that headed ‘the art of deception’, a quick song to get the crowd up again.  

He paused a bit, sitting at his piano, playing a few starting notes, before stopping, looking at us again.  I blinked wondering where he was going this time.  “You know…I went on you tube a bit ago, and was shocked, with how much people really like this song.  I almost figured, that, a rougher song would catch public eye, but, I guess not.  I actually like that everyone loves this song, because of its message.  Appreciate life.”  I tensed, knowing the song he was talking of.  It was by far my favorite song to ever pass his lips over the sound of my stereo.  His fingers tickled the black and white keys before him, causing heart wrenching melodies to fly into the air, the lyrics pouring from my mouth, pooling in the atmosphere.

“I've finally come to realize that we are all the same
If there's nothing left to lose then there's every to gain
All the paragraphs and pages you could write could not contain
It is curious and careless and it's flowing through my veins

“The fear of growing old, and doing what you're told

“You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking
You hide behind the smile you're faking
It's all about the  chance you're taking
Oh, and you know that you're making it all come alive

“If your life is so damn comfortable then why do you complain?
A reflection in the alcohol you're pouring down the drain
Just because you paint a picture doesn't mean it fits the frame
This is my West Coast intervention and I'm getting on that plane

“When all of your mistakes are keeping you awake
“You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking
You hide behind the smile you're faking
It's all about the chance you're taking
Oh, and you know that you're making

“You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking
You hide behind the smile you're faking
It's all about the  chance you're taking
Oh, and you know that you're making it all come alive

“The sun is setting and it's ending 'cause you're letting it go
Forgetting everything you already know
And it all goes to show that you're moving to slow
It will end up changing you, it will end up changing you

“You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking
You hide behind the smile you're faking
It's all about the  chance you're taking
Oh, and you know that you're making …

“Life flies by so you have to embrace it
Forget the past 'cause you cannot erase it
So live the dream, and learn to chase it
And when you can almost taste it
It's all come alive”   In the mounting excitement of the song’s end, I felt my body forcefully turned.  Instantly, his mouth locked onto mine, his hands holding my head firm to his.  My heart rate shot through the roof as the planetary collision knocked me off my feet, snapping my eyes shut in the intense passion, unlike any I had ever felt before.  Fireworks went off in time to those that the song produced, causing my insides to twist and turn within my shell, forcing every emotion of the moment to push back onto his lips in countless fits of passion.  We broke as the crowd around us made the world apparent, our hands finding one another, holding tightly.  I smiled at him in silence, knowing he couldn’t hear me if I spoke, anyway.  

The band caught my attention and held it until the end of the night, keeping me fixated intently on the different twists and turns of the live show.  I loved them, as a band, and, them as people, by the end of the show, their age struck a chord with me.  They were kids, like me, taking a chance, and pursuing music.  They were going after what they loved, not caring about falling on their faces.  They should be famous.  They would be famous.  

As we filtered out of the warehouse.  We made our way to the merch booth, Where I bought a copy of ‘The Pre-Release’, their EP.  They did signing, much like 30, which cooled me down.  I gave Will my CD, who passed it to Brian, Bobby, and finally, Dave.  I smiled as we exchanged the CD, he saw Jared next to me, smirking.  He saw us, he just had enough decency to ignore the fact.  

“Hey, do you got any booking info on you?”  Jared asked as he shook the keyboard beating front man’s hand.  Dave and I both gave identical looks to my partner in crime, those of confusion and amusement.  Dave pulled away, as if unsure.

“uh, yeah…Come around here and I’ll get it for you…”  he said, gesturing to the gap behind him and the table.  Jared nodded, moving back, to climb into the booth, myself in tow.  Dave raised his eyebrow at us amused. “there, is a door, you know..”  He laughed, while finding a pad, and writing the information desired out for him.

“Fuck doors”  He said, grinning.  Dave shook his head as he traded off between CD’s and the pad on his lap.

“Ok, its really a curtain, anything against them Mr. Leto?”  He laughed, causing the man next to me to scoff.

“If it is a proper doorway, portal hole, entrance, or gateway, then fuck it all.”   He laughed, nodding as Dave turned around, tearing off the sheet of paper, grinning broadly as he handed over the paper.

“Yeah, I get it, ok, anyway, there’s your info…hope to see you guys again.  You certainly enjoyed at least 2 songs out of the set”  He winked at us, before turning back  and resuming his signing.  Jared laughed as he turned away, climbing back over the counter of the booth.  “You know, something told me you were going to do that…”  Dave yelled in our wake, causing me to smirk at him.

“You wouldn’t have had it any other way!” I yelled as we walked away.  He laughed, nodding as I spun on my heal, following Jared through the darkened parking lot, back to the Denali.  We piled in and pulled away from the band, and Cipe.

I had never been to the Peak at night, only during the day, when we needed to get away, when the eyes burnt the skin.  There was no need for the blanket of seclusion under the cover of nightfall, yet, we found ourselves just there.  He paused, looking out at the violent waves, never ceasing their venting anger, even for the peace of sleep.  Without warning, he turned from the windshield, to me, his lips hard against mine, pinning me hard against the window at my back.  I looked at his closed eyes with a sense of shock, only to give in, melting in his tight grasp.  He pulled away slowly, leaving me shaken.

“When I was up here…earlier…alone…it crossed my mind…that…you’d leave…”  He said lowly, untrusting his words.  I blinked widely, extending my hand to hold his head, his face almost instantly falling into it, for comfort, like he craved the night before.  I stayed silent, getting an idea that there was more. “And, that fear…brought me home…” he bit his lip, before kissing me again, as if to secure his words, and get a physical response.  I rocked my forehead against his, holding him away for a moment.

“It would never happen…I wouldn’t allow it…I’d be throwing away more than i could ever forgive myself for.”  I said slowly, picking up his habit of thinking through my words as I spoke them.  He kissed me quickly, holding me to my speech.

“that’s why I trust you…”  He said quietly, easing closer, perching on the arm rest between us, placing his hands on either side of me, against the window.   He hovered before my face, his piercing cerulean eyes gleaming in the moonlight.  “That’s why you can’t let me hurt you…”  His voice was raspy in his shallow breaths.  

“I trust you…”  I whispered, the sounds of our breathing almost overpowering my voice.  He smiled faintly inching closer.  

“I’m glad.”  escaped his lips, before he pressed against me once again, captivating me by moonlight,  tearing me away from everything I knew. 

Author's Note: Love the concept, language is bothering me though, sorry, I know I complain about my writing a lot, Its just what I do as an artist, you can't satiate me...ever.  Sorry if my complaining bothers you =]

Heroin: Chapter 36

The door slammed behind me as I was pushed roughly onto its face, His mouth on mine.  What the fuck was happening?  I never noticed the reality of his strength until I actually wanted him off of me, until I needed him a good two feet away, to be able to think.  He had other plans.  My hands on his chest, he smothered me with his body, I wondered if this is how he handled his anger, with forced affection.   I didn’t like it.  It took everything I had in me to push him off of me, causing him to stumble a step or two back, looking at me, confusion on his face, something else in his eyes.  Something like insanity.  I shifted nervously, The tabloids had done something to us, to him, which instantly affected me.  I had never pushed him off me, never ignored or rejected affection.

“what was that for?”  He asked, cocking his head.  That fire still burned in his eyes, still scaring me.  I looked away, it was a horror movie.  Something in him had shattered, and I didn’t know how to fix it.   I didn’t know  How long would it take to mend.  I shook my head, biting my lip.  I didn’t trust my voice, I didn’t trust myself.  We were both jaded, we both couldn’t be trusted.

“I could ask the same of you…what are you a pit bull?”  I shot back, harsher than needed.  That was why I didn’t trust myself, I got too harsh too soon.  I felt my eyes burn with my insecurities, my body make itself appear shut off, warping to something unattainable.  He growled at my tone, he didn’t like not getting what he wanted.  It was the first time, and frankly, I don’t think he fully cared if I wanted it as well, he would be satiated.  I prayed on his self control.  I hoped That the Jared I trusted would come back soon. 

I wished I had acted on my first instinct.  I wished I had run.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be angry.”  He returned, trying to sound soft, but the anger lingered in his voice, cutting through me like knives.  I winced at his tone, not wanting to deal with this.  I was still at the door, I could still run, but it was a useless gesture now.  He would only be more angry when I got back, if he didn’t find me first.  I didn’t look at him, I was afraid of his insanity, afraid of what I would find.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be fucking insane”  I barked, Jumping the gun again.  I pressed harder against the door, thinking, hoping, that the more pressure I applied the easier I could transcend it, and be outside, pounding the pavement, getting distance between us until we calmed down.  My head had swung to look at him again, searching him for something, anything, I needed to know this was passing, that it was temporary.  His face warped to that of hurt and confusion, but his eyes never changed.  It worried me.

“What do you want me to say, I’m sorry for wanting you?!”  He threw up his arms as if I was speaking the most ridiculous jargon he had ever heard.  Maybe it was, maybe no girl had ever said no to him, because they feared him, or feared loosing him.  I was afraid of loosing the Jared I had fallen in love with.  This bastard, I could have cared less about.  Completely beside himself, he was hiding, supplementing. “I’m sorry that you drive me fucking crazy, I’m sorry that I let myself fall apart on you last night?!  What?!  Just give me a fucking clue!”  He was yelling, making himself threatening, scaring me off, and his lesser self.  I shook my head, pushing off the door and shouldering past him.

“Don’t say anything…right now…you don’t mean any of it.”  I muttered as I moved away from him, keeping my eyes on the ground in front of me.  I heard hid hands hit his jeans as he dropped his arms.  My fingernails were nervously working at my left wrist,  wanting something, anything to come out, to satiate my plummeting stomach.  I only got a sore wrist out of the scratching, and disappointment.  I slowly trudged up the stairs, feeling as If there were 50 pound weights around either one of my ankles, making each step a living hell.  I grabbed my laptop, and disappeared into the bathroom, with the intent to stay there.   For some reason, I found an ounce of comfort in the bathroom.  A small area, with running water, and a lock, back home, it was heaven.

I folded down the toilet seat and  placed my laptop on the solid surface, opening the screen, and depressing the ‘power’ button.  It lit up in a wave of blue, greeting me with its excitement.  I folded down the screen again, walking to where Jared kept his first aid, pulling out a new set of bandages and disinfectant.  I put them on the counter next to the sink, pausing as I looked over his handiwork.  I wondered where the man who had nurtured me, had gone, and when he would come back.  I wondered, if, when he came back, would I trust him again.

I angrily tore at my bandages, severing the weak gauze.  Of course I would trust him, I was naïve like that.  It was ridiculous to even consider NOT trusting him. The second he snapped out of it, I would return with my tail between my legs.  It was a vicious cycle.  I was always forgiving, I knew people never changed, but always hoped they would.  But Jared…wasn’t like this…It wasn’t him.

He deserved to be forgiven. 

The bandages came off together, fused by dried blood.  I canned the long line of red gauze, before pulling each bloodied sheet off my hand.  I crippled foreword as the last sheet was lifted, feeling it take a bit of the scab with it.  The pain sliced through me, shooting up my arm, it wasn’t fun.

I turned on the hot water, and plunged my fist under the waterfall, feeling it run over the bulge of fused blood cells, blocking out infection.  I turned off the water and immediately followed up a splash from my best friend, Hydrogen Peroxide.  It rendered No effect as it moved over my healing wound, only pausing to slightly fizz.  I shook my head, capping the brown bottle, and allowing my hand to hang. 

I wished I could feel the burn of the liquid.  In general, I wished I could feel ANYTHING.   Instead of just being numb.  Shaking my head, I moved on with my life, drying my hand and re-bandaging it quickly.  I wished it hurt, I wished I hurt, Anything at all would work for me, just to let me know I was alive, let me know I still bled. 

I saw his razor in the shower, looking over its sleek metal handle, with blue rubber grips fused to its sides.  I bit my lip nervously, trying to tear my eyes away.  It had been a long time since I had done something so stupid.  I questioned how bad I wanted to go back there.  The blades winked at me, with friendly eyes, smiling broadly, tempting me.  Their shrill voices found my ears,  calling my name, soothing my fears.  My eyes grew wide as I surveyed their streamline bodies, wanting them.  I was hypnotized, Jaded by the idea of feeling something. 

‘What’re you doing?’ Blasted into my head, sending me back against the counter.  I jerked my head around, before realizing who it was.  I suckled on my lip for a moment, trying to reset myself.  I shook my head, answering him after a few moments.

‘I want to feel…’  I whimpered in protest, shooting my glace from the razor, to different areas around the room, almost expecting him to materialize from thin air.  He growled, running his fingers through his black hair.  His blue eyes were sharp and dangerous, showing his disappointment.

‘you’re gonna fuck this up worse than it already is, why the fuck would you do that?!’  He shot back, causing me to flinch.   ‘I’m not saying its your fault that it is fucked up, he was outta line, but fuck, don’t make it worse!’  I settled, knowing I wasn’t at complete fault.

‘so I wasn’t wrong?  I’m not the only one who thinks he was taking it too fast?’  I asked him.  He growled again, classic Grady.

‘No, he was too hard, fucking thinking with his dick…quick fucking fix.  Alright, you happy?  You’re not wrong…Just stay away  from that fucking razor.’  He shot  back.  For some reason, he was more steamed than usual, I wondered what was up with him.

‘But I’m still numb’  I whined, Instantly feeling my head fill with a streaking pain.  He kicked me.

‘Did You feel that Fucktard?!’  He barked, causing me to physically nod.  He wasn’t in a good mood, by any stretch of the imagination.

“regrettably, yes…”  I hung my head in defeat.  He looked smartly at me, victorious.

‘Can I go now?”  He said with a huff.  He was starting to bother me, something was up.

‘Gradh, what’s your problem?!’  I snapped a little too harshly.  He growled, whirling around at me.

‘I don’t want to fucking talk about it.  Alright.’  He barked, starting to walk away, I yelled vainly at him.

‘Then tell me how I can fucking find out!'  He turned around slowly, looking solemn, and dead.

‘Google my full name, Gradh Midhir, you’ll get a disturbing image, you’ll ask 2 questions.  The first answer is yes, the second is no, I don’t believe in control.  Alright…I’m leaving for a bit…bye…’  With that, he was gone.  I slowly moved to my computer, doing as I was told.  The internet connection kicked in quickly, and the name was searched.  I clicked images, holding my breath.

Dozens of headstones popped up, decrepit and rotting.  I looked in horror as I clicked one of the many images, blowing it up from a thumbnail, to full size.  My jaw dropped as I read the inscription on an old Celtic cross.  Not believing my eyes, not wanting to.  It was nearly impossible to translate, but the fact remained.

Gradh was dead.  He answered the first question, he was dead, thousands of years dead.  By the age of the decrepit cross, I would be bold to question weather or not he was  a druid.  My second question arose: ‘Was I possessed’?  No, he didn’t believe in that.  Was he just lonely, and liked me?  I wanted to know more about him, he was now more complex than ever.  It suddenly clicked in my head and I finally understood why he needed to leave.  What he was telling me.  He had died today.  In some strain of reality, I felt selfish, for complaining constantly, to an entity, who never wanted to hear any of it, because he was always worse off. 

I heard the door downstairs slam, and cringed at the sound.  He was still pissed.  I wondered why I didn’t let him have his way, and just be happy. 

Because I didn’t deserve it.

For some reason, I wanted to let him know what he had done wrong, however, in order to that , I needed to know what he did wrong.  I drummed my fingers on the keyboard, trying to find words.  I wasn’t angry, I don’t know why I wasn’t angry.  I felt like I should hate him, but I didn’t.  Why could I never have a normal emotional reaction to anything?  Why did I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt?

I opened a Microsoft paint page, and sat there, staring at the blinding white.  I blinked, before turning my head, seeing a black square in the middle of everything.  Black…That worked.  Hitting the paint can, I flooded the screen with the inverse, now, staring in front of a black screen.  In the art world, it was ‘progress’.  In my world, it was a click and a change.  Nothing special.

“Jared…you don’t get it…”  I muttered to myself, almost whining, to no one.  “Its not that simple…Damnit”  I looked on the screen, opening a text box and starting to write down everything that had gone wrong in the matter of minutes, scaring myself with how critical I could be. “you didn’t even let me in the fucking door, I couldn’t think, you were hurt, I was hurt, we were Jaded.  You went too fast, I couldn’t trust, I was scared, you were angry.” My fingers continued running, as I rambled off.  I kept coming to the same four worlds, sharp like daggers every time I passed them. ‘you went too fast’.  Something about those four, seemed to sum everything else up. 

I knew what I wanted to get out.  I brought up my Itunes library, and selected a play list called ‘angry’.  I returned to my document, with a wicked smile on my face.  I selected everything and deleted it out of the page, dealing with my black once more.  I created a small text box, and wrote out in white font ‘you went too’.  Another one popped up under it, writing “Fast” In huge, 200 pixel font.  I punched down on the mouse, and started making quick, overlapping lines in white, as the songs raced past, smiling as a form started arise from the messy lines.  A hand, reaching for help, trying to hold on.  White turned to red , smearing the page with pain.  It dripped from the A in ‘fast’, and cut across the palm.  An attempt to find solace in something dangerous.  I bit my lip as I finished off final details, it wasn’t a work of ART, but it did vent and convey emotions I dare not speak for fear of the reaction I would receive. 

My stomach growled loudly, causing me to squirm.  I pressed myself between the toilet and the wall, grunting uncomfortably.  I wasn’t about to go forage, I was much too stubborn for that.   I got it from my grandfather, who was the most stubborn  human being I had ever come in contact with.  I was easy to wear down, compared to him.  As my stomach protested my stubborn tendencies, I found myself wearing down further and further.  Growling, I put aside my laptop, boosting to look out the window.  I saw the Denali in the driveway.  No way in hell.  Sinking back to the ground, I went back to my work, aiming to distract myself.  I looked over the top of the screen, staring a bar of soap in the face.  I laughed at myself for even considering the indigestible cleaning product.  I was relaxing, that was good.

I heard scuffling outside the door, I shot a glance, as the knob turned.  I had left the key on the doorframe.  Damnit.  He knocked quietly, slowly opening the door.  I grunted, pushing myself further in my corner between the toilet and the wall, feeling my back hit the other wall of the right angle.  I was as far as I could possibly be from him.

“knock knock…”  He said quietly, peering in.  I growled, it was about time he learned to be nice.  I wasn’t ready, not yet.

“I’m naked…”  I bit back, causing him to smile softly, shaking his head, taking full liberty to enter my sanctuary.  Then again, it WAS his house, technically, he could, and would, go wherever the hell he wanted.  “oh, maybe that’s better for you, since you want to fuck so bad.”  I barked harshly.   Despite my words, my tone, I still wasn’t angry, how I wanted to be, but I couldn’t make myself do it.  So I faked it, and I was believing it.  My eyes were transfixed on the computer, not really doing anything, just making it seem like I was busy, like I didn’t care. 

“I deserve that…” he said, boosting onto the counter next to the sink, examining an apple in his hand.  He jerked his head towards me, his hair swinging as he moved.  “Hungry?” he offered, cocking his head.  I blew at my bangs, sending them up in a plume of air.

“No…”  I said stubbornly, my stomach ruining my argument by yelling in protest to my denial.  He smirked, cocking his head a bit further.  “Yes…”  I bit my lip, upset that I couldn’t keep myself down long enough to at least try and make him feel bad.  The apple came whizzing at me.  I caught it deftly in my right hand, grimacing as the flying force hit just the right place to make me feel it.  I was happy I could feel at all really.  I took a reluctant bite of the fruit, thankful for the food, angry that it gave him the pleasure of knowing he had done something right.

“How’s your hand?”  He asked, still soft.  I took a breath, dealing with the fact that I wasn’t going to get rid of him any time soon.  He would get what he needed to say out there, and in my mind if I liked it or not.  I guessed I wouldn’t like it, I would force myself to hate it, just like I was forcing myself to act like a little snipe over this. 

“better…”  I said shortly, sighing.  I opened another paint document, and dyed the screen black once more.  I tapped my finger on the mouse idly, willing something to come to me.  I got nothing.  I growled and ran my fingers through my hair, yanking on my bangs.  It was a habit, they hurt the most if you tugged them, It was soothing.  I paused as familiar chords from a familiar song started singing from my computer, awaking from its dormant state.  I shouldered further into my niche, wanting to distance myself from the music, knowing they directly applied.  I didn’t want to hear the lyrics, but, at the same time, I wanted to share them with the man who was seated on the counter.  The man who had exploded.  I felt bad for continually accusing him, we both exploded, it was no one’s fault.  I sighed again, falling into the melodies that were calling from my speakers, finding them soothing, and destructive at the same time.


“I miss the part, when we were moving forward now (On our way down)
But maybe someday, I'll be something more than love
Just know I'll never tell
And when you're on your way down (Through the clouds)
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again

“We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

“I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything (On our way down)
And I was blessed and I've forgotten how to love
You said you'd never tell
And when you're on your way down (Through the clouds)
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again

“We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

“Not even I will tell...

“We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
We say these things to know they're real.

“We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

“We speak in different voices
When fighting with the one's we've loved
We speak in different voices
We speak in different voices

“To know they're real. Real.
I'll never…”  The lyrics of Saosin’s ‘Voices’  faded, leaving us in once again, a muted world.  He took a deep breath, knowing I could probably soak up the silence longer than he would like. 

“that was coincidentally, fitting…”  He commented, before sighing rubbing his feet together nervously.  I nodded in silent agreement, not trusting my voice to effectively pass my lips, without something cold to come out.  He was trying, I couldn’t crucify him for that. “You know, where I went…when I left?”  He said quietly, looking at me.  I took a fleeting glance at him, to let him know I was listening.  “I went up to the peak…and I sat there, and watched the  spray from the waves, come up, and consume, everything in sight.  And I thought about what happened.  But, It didn’t even matter.   Because, how empty, my car was, without you up there with me, said enough.  How much of a fucking void there was…you can’t even fathom.  I don’t want you to even understand that.”  He spilled out onto the tile floor, professing his sins, as if we were in a church, and I was a priest.  “Unfortunately, I couldn’t find my behavior, wrong, and I’m sorry for that.  I’m sure I’ll find out what went wrong, just, let me know you accept my apology.  Between last night, and this morning, I went into overload, and I needed you…to be one with you…And I by the time you got home, all controls had severed.  I gave in, before I could give in WITH you…and, I’m sorry.”  I gulped, as I clicked to the sentence that would say all.  ‘You went too fast’  appeared on my screen.  I slowly, picked up the computer, and put it on the ground in front of me, pushing it to were he could see it.  He craned his neck to read it, frowning as he did so.  “I went too fast…”  He said slowly.  I was becoming more gregarious as he admitted what had happened, and his apology, slowly coming out from my hiding spot.  I cocked my head as he frowned at the screen.  I looked at the grout of the tile…biting my lip.

“I’m sorry, for not trusting you…for being afraid of you…”  I said lowly, my voice unsteady.  He looked up, his eyes deep, his mouth opening to speak, but I wasn’t done.  “I’m sorry, I lost myself, and over-reacted…but, If I wasn’t so fucking scared…fuck…”  He came off the counter, kneeling beside me, causing me to ball up, reject him only slightly.  He easily passed the defenses, pulling me out of my position, against him.  He didn’t ask questions.  Only consoled.  “Who was that, who got angry in the doorway?”  I whimpered, burrowing into him, hiding.  He rocked me slowly, squeezing me tightly to him.

“Someone I used to know…”  He whispered into my ear.  I grabbed a fold of his shirt, holding onto it for stability.

“Is he ever coming back?”  I heard my voice, but didn’t feel myself asking, or even speaking.  He held me tighter, kissing my cheek quickly, before answering.

“I hope not…”  He was pained, disturbed.  He pulled away, staring me in the face.  “I swear to god if he ever does…”  He sneered in self hatred, anger.  I shut my eyes, taking a breath, before looking back at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and pulling him close, pressing my lips to his.  He caved within his anger, growling lightly as he returned the kiss.   He tangled himself in my hair, getting lost as he held my head, keeping me tightly to him, as if he was afraid to let me go.

I wasn’t sure that I would never see the side of Jared I saw earlier, ever again. 
But, I know, I trusted this one.

Author's Note:  Its 5:11 Am...just thought I'd like to share. =]  I was complaining about this chapter to Retro...I did some editing, and now, i'm BETTER, not thrilled about it, and i'm going to have stones thrown at me for saying that.  I definitely like the ending though...gha...ignore me.

Heroin: Chapter 35

For some reason, my phone liked to wake me up before my time.  I awoke with a start as my blackberry started singing out "You met me at the terminal, just one more plane ride and its done, we stood like statues at the gate vaca-"  My fist landed on the keypad, silencing the call.  I lazily slid the phone off the nightstand, and pressed it to my ear.  "Hello..."  I said, sleepily, trying to wake myself up, it was a loosing battle.  My eyelids fell as I listened to a frantic voice over the phone.

"Meg?  You there?!  DAMNIT WAKE UP!"  screeched into my ear.  I instantly remembered the voice, not exactly sure why, I hadn't talked to him in forever.  It was Oliver.

"I'm Up...I'm Up"  I said sleepily, not taking him seriously.  I heard him growl in anger at my reluctance to correspond with his demands.  

"Meg, I know its early, but Hun, you gotta listen.  Have you been involved with the net lately?"  He  asked, no nonsense bleeding from his voice.  I bit my lip, waking up a bit at his tone, easing onto my elbow, delicately, as to not disturb the man sleeping beside me.  

"Negative...why?"  I stared at my toes, feeling my stomach start to turn.  He wasn't kidding around, no, something catastrophic had happened, involving the internet life we shared.  Somehow, I was in the throws of something dangerous.  

"You gotta get here, where are you staying, I'll pick you up..."  He offered.  I bit my lip, thinking of a landmark, he wasn't going to pick me up at home, no way.  The park sprang into my mind, about a block away, and I could even cut through backyards to get there faster.  I smiled.

"Pick me up at the park...I'll be there.  What do you drive?"  I slowly got out of bed, walking to my suitcase, slipping out of my pajamas as I held the phone.  Jeans came on, tainted in lyrics and drawings of alternating colors and sizes.  Paint from set design smeared on haphazardly,  the jeans had been through a lot, I loved them all the more for it.

"The motorbike would be fastest..."  He said thinking aloud.  I clicked my jaw, feeling the fear of motorcycles hit me like a ton of bricks.  An accident on one had almost taken my dad's life, I was hesitant about it, but decided  I was dealing with a necessary evil.  

"Alright...see you there..."  I said, running my fingers through my hair, tearing my phone away from my ear to only pull on the first shirt my fingers found.  Self bleached with lettered stickers, the blue shirt read "I wrote this song about you"  On the front, the back having the question "Isn't that Cliché of me to do?".  Lyrics from 'I wrote this song" By a small, indie band called Making April.  They were amazing, It was a wonder why the guys weren’t huge.

"Meg, be there, Don't blow me off, it's freakishly important.  I'll be there in 6."  He hung up, his voice hard in my ears.  I gnawed on my lip, grabbing a hoodie and pulling it on, hiding within the erect hood.  I looked at the sleeping Jared, feeling bad about leaving, especially with last night as a precursor. I tore a piece of paper out of a notebook from my bag, scratching a note out for him.

"Dear Jare.
I'm sorry if you wake up alone.  I got a call from Oliver, the kid I met on the plane here.  Something big happened, he needed to talk to me, show me something.  I'll be home as soon as I can.  I'm sorry, really.  Call the blackberry.  I love you.  <3always, Meg"    I reread the small note, before putting it on his bedside table, kissing his cheek softly, before slowly walking out of the room, pausing only to disarm the alarm, before walking out.  

The sun was only peaking over the horizon as I started running to the park, my feet pounding the pavement.  I wanted to get there before Oliver did, to get some time alone, to work everything out in my head.  6 minutes, wasn't nearly enough time.  I came upon the park, hearing the blast of a motorcycle's engine from a few streets away.  Sighing, I leaned against the black, metal fence, waiting for the boy wonder.  I started picking the dirt out from under my fingernails as I waited, wondering what as up, Why i had to be there.  The roar grew louder as he came closer, finally, a black Harley pulled up, Oliver pulling off his helmet and looking at me.

"get on."  He said, tossing the heavy domed helmet, Pulling it on as I got on the bike behind him, straddling the leather seat, hugging his waist tightly.  He laughed, looking back at me.  "You don't have to hold on that tight, you're not gonna fly off!"  He laughed, causing me to scowl at him.

"I just woke up, and my dad nearly died on one of these fucking things, I’m holding on as tight as I motherfucking want to!"  I barked back.  He shook his head, revving the engine and kicking off, coasting before the motor kicked in, sending us flying down the street.  

The ride was frightening, yet, oddly exhilarating.  As my hoodie billowed in the speeding wind, I felt a degree of freedom, like I was flying.  My grip on O's torso slacked as I became more comfortable with the sensation of being on the bike, I learned why people liked them, why there was a whole weekend devoted to them.  It was fast, primal, awakening.  All things considered, It didn't last long enough. We pulled into the driveway, coasting up the low incline, right into the garage.  I got off to my right, as he did the left, pulling out the keys as he did so.  "Just put the helmet on the seat"  He said as he walked to a door that connected the garage to the rest of the house.  I followed closely, unsurely behind, as we waked from one door, to the next, down a flight of stairs, into a cellar, where he had an extensive network of 3 computers linked together.  I blinked at him as I looked at the setup, wondering what it was, what was going on.  "My dad..."  He shrugged, causing me to nod.   

He sat in a large office chair, pointing to one for me, about a foot away.  He moved to the large machine, pulling out the keyboard and running his fingers fast over the keys, getting onto the internet in milliseconds.  He typed in a web address, and was instantly there, almost as if it occurred the second the sound of clicking had reached my ears.  I watched as he bit his lip, scrolling over the homepage to a tabloid, my stomach started to fall, as I got a clue to what was up.  He typed forbidden commands and made a few clicks, getting to the framework of the site.  A site catalog of white, black and blue came up, instantly scrolling fast, stopping suddenly.  Oliver's mouse hovered over a link, as he looked at me, asking if it was alright to proceed.  I nodded, and the mouse depressed on the link.  Seconds passed as a large article popped on the screen, Jared and I, at its center.  I was shot into the back of the chair, wheeling back a few inches, before he caught me.  My knuckles turned white as I grabbed the arm rest, needing to cling to something solid.  

"How did you find these?"  I said, my voice wavering and breathy.  I couldn't read the words, I only focused on the picture.  I remembered the day, It was...when he took me to my own 'safe spot'...when we talked.  When he made the world, US, ok.  Anger instantly started rupturing me internally, to intrude on such a moment, and then sell it.  What kind of heart does a person have to possess?  I looked at Oliver, begging for answers.

"It came up on one of the forums, and a few others came up on search engine."  He sighed, running his fingers through his short blonde hair.  I gnawed on my lip, staring blankly at the screen.  "Do you want me to read it?"  He asked.  Truthfully, I didn't, but my head nodded against my wishes.  He took a breath, nervously leaning foreword and starting to read off the quarter page article.  "Leto in Love?  Could The actor/musician Jared Leto be in love AGAIN?  Sources for Enquire magazine say that the volatile celebrity has been getting close to a younger girl, over the duration of the summer.  The couple is seen rarely apart, If they are, the girl is always out of sight.  Sources say that her name is 'Megan' and is deeply underaged.  This is no surprise, considering Leto's track record, involving a relapsing relationship with Ashley Olson. Enquire will keep you posted on this developing romance well into the future, given the circumstances, it doesn't seem that this steamy relationship is going to die any time soon."  He took another breath, looking at me.  "I'm sorry.  I dunno how you and Jared are, regardless, this is hard."  He said lowly.  My Blackberry started erupting with lyrics. "and maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me...'cause after all, you're my wonder wall".  I reached for the phone, Oliver nodding and going back to the computer.  I turned and pulled the phone to my ear.

"yeah Jare?"  I said, forgetting for a moment that I had told him to call me.  I hated how insecure my voice was.  His voice came abruptly, as if he had been up for hours.  The letter must have jerked him around.

"Meg?  What happened?"  He said, his voice bleeding of his confusion.  I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, gritting my teeth.

"have you talked to you're rep lately?"  I seethed, shutting my eyes, trying to disappear, not wanting to deal with this.  

"No...why?"  He asked, making slow connections in his state.  It suddenly clicked in him as he took a sharp breath.  "NO..."

"tabloids..."  I growled, feeling myself break at the word, anger and fear overpowering me.  I grabbed the edge of the counter that held the computers, gripping it until my knuckles were white, and my fingers lost feeling.  My toes curled firmly in my shows, I needed to cling to something, i needed stability that I could not provide for myself.  I needed HIM.

"you're fucking kidding me...how many have you guys found?"  He asked, I could hear his anger.  I looked at Oliver, who looked away at the screen, ready to be addressed.

"O, how many?" I asked, nodding towards him.  He held up 3 fingers solemnly, shaking his head in disgust.  I growled again, turning to the phone.  "3..." I said softly, hearing his throat resonate with his anger as he fumed.  

"FUCK!" he barked, causing me to wince.  He heard it, his tone instantly changing, becoming softer, easier to deal with.  "Sorry, just...Its a fucking nightmare..."  He scowled.  "I gotta go call my rep...I'm sorry you have to deal with this...just...fuck"

"I understand....I love you." I said solemnly.  I heard him breath heavily, filled with remorse and regret.  I bit my lip, hearing his voice again.  

"You know I love you..."  He said, stressing out the words, as if it was difficult to be soft for a few words.  I blinked, finding understanding within me.  "I gotta go work this out...do you need a ride back here?"  He asked, causing me to shake my head, I didn't want him driving at all, personally.

"no, I’m sure O can drive me..."  I said, taking a quick glance at my friend, cocking an eyebrow.  He nodded in agreement, before turning back to his computer.  I watched as a matrix came up on the screen,  after changing a few numbers, he was in the internal framework of, something.  I guessed he was a hacker as well as surfer.  I blinked and turned away as Jared started talking again.

"Alright...see you when you get home.  Love you."  He said, starting to sound distracted.  I bit my lip, nodding.

"Love you Jare."  I said lowly, listening to the phone click out.  I growled as I turned to Oliver, hitting the 'end' button on my phone.  I looked at him, a blue tint reflecting off his face from the computer.  He smirked as he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

"You two are cute...how long have you been together"  He asked, biting his tongue.  My jaw dropped as I stared at him in disbelief,  The mood instantly changing with his question.  He was a good distraction, an easy way out.

"Is it really that obvious?!"  I squeaked, my eyes bulging at him.  He laughed quickly, before closing out the program he was working with.  He looked at me with playful brown eyes, biting his tongue.

"yeah, your ring tone and how you talk on the phone with him...its pretty fucking obvious."  I blinked widely as he laughed, analyzing even the smallest interactions.  I glared at him as he calmed down, looking around sneakily.  "How far have you gone?"  I couldn't believe this kid, at all.  

"What the fuck are you talking about 'how far have we gone?!'  What the hell is the matter with you?!"  I barked, hitting him off the side of his head.  He grinned boyishly as he ducked, resetting his spiky hair.  

"naw, i'm serious!  Its not like I’ll tell anyone, No one would even believe me! C'mon, listen to it  'i'm friends with the girl who's screwing Leto!'  It sounds ridiculous!"  My jaw fell again, on its own, This kid was unbelievable.  I clicked my jaw together, and found my lip with my teeth, still trying to absorb his question entirely.  "Oh, so you are screwing him."  He blurted out, causing my foot to meet his shin with a planetary collision.  He buckled against the pain, as I stared at him  with wide and fearful eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!  Were you born with a 666 on your forehead?!" I snapped as he grinned like the devil.   I guessed I trusted him more than I should have, but, considering how ridiculous the story was, I found confidence in him.  He had saved me on the plane that day, that said something about him.   

“You’re just easy to read.  So how is it? He’s a lucky fucking bastard…do you know how many girls seem to be able to see it through his jeans.  It makes being a guy VERY hard when you’re up against THAT”  He rambled, causing me to slowly, start backing away from him.  He was getting far too intense for my liking, and, my conscious level.  He grabbed my knee as I made a reasonable distance away, yanking me closer once more.  “So, tell me, how good is it?”

“we’re pretty fucking close…I can reach you…”  I warned coldly, shooting a glance to the crotch of his pants.  He let up on my knee, holding his hands  in defense.  I pushed off, returning to a comfortable 3 feet away.  I felt him look over me in the break after the threat.  Silence was golden.

But duct tape it silver.  He ripped through the quiet with his voice once more.  “ok, just tell me, how many times have you done it?”  I shot my head at him, slamming my hands down on the arm rests of my chair, putting on a smile of irritation.  

“I’m leaving”  I said, starting to get up.  He panicked.  My hand hurt, as I finally remembered and acknowledged, that, the constant feeling in my right palm, was in fact, pain, and there was a fresh wound there.  

“Meg, no, only kidding.  Jesus, I haven’t seen you in weeks, just, talk!”  He jumped.  I sat back down, framing my face with my right hand, rubbing my temple with my forefinger as I stared at him, crossing one leg over the other.  “What happened to your hand?”  He asked, pointing to the white, gray and maroon mass on my right hand.  I noticed that I had bled through, making a note to change the wrappings when I got home.  

“I cut myself on an exacto-knife last night…it was pretty bad…”  I looked over the setup, regretting the fact that I had resisted Jared’s caring touch, when, I would have rather embraced it.  I gnawed on my lip, knowing that, if it were any other person, I would have accepted.  But, just being Jared, I resisted, needing to prove myself, my worth.   He nodded at the story, looking away.

“They miss you online…riots even”  He laughed, running his fingers through his hair.  “Everyone’s wondered where Ready went…what the hell’s up with Wolfy.  The official werewolf of the Messengers is deeply  sought out for.  Counting down the days until summer vacation is OVER, and you’re back”  He laughed.  “I try to keep them posted, but, I never see you…You and Jared really together all the time?  Don’t you ever get sick of each other?”  He cocked his head.  I noticed, he had an issue with rambling, the problem being, he did it, a lot.  I blinked, shaking my head.

“Yeah, we’re pretty much attached at the hip at this point.  And, its hard to get sick of each other, when shit like this, is always happening.”  I rose my hand, exhibiting the bandaged entity.  “He makes every moment home count, cause, he’s never home.  30’s going back on tour in September, just for shits and giggles, really.”  I shrugged, biting my lip.

“You gonna post that info on Battle-Of-One?  I don’t think even pollstar’s got the edge you do with tours…B.O.O. could get really big really fast.”  He posed a point, I could give my small fan site a huge edge, get into the mainstream of 30 fan sites.  But, something told me, it was a misuse of my ‘power’.  I shook my head.

“Nah…never use information for self gain, only the bettering of others.  And if that keeps the big sites happy, I’m fine.  Plus, I’m not good with constantly updating B double O.  I’d hate to get a following.”  I cringed.  Luckily the readers of the site understood that, I had a life outside the small group, and couldn’t constantly update as much as they liked.  I always got the message through when needed though, THAT, they appreciated.  

“understood…gha, you’re killed this morning.  Wanna head home?”  I nodded and we got out of our chairs.  He grabbed the printouts of the articles he made, folding them into his back pocket.  He probably thought I would jump out of  the seat of the Harley if I had them, or something terrible like that.  I wasn’t surprised with his figuring, thinking the same thing of myself.  “So, you gonna let me drive you to Jared’s house?”  He cocked a shrewd smile.

“Fat chance.”  I scoffed back, following as we made it  to the garage.  Piling onto the motorbike, I pulled on the helmet again, knowing he probably wouldn’t let me ride without it.  He revved the engine, kicking out the stand beneath us, and  coasting backwards out into the street.

“The park, It is.”  He said charismatically, before thrusting us into the throws of the wind, and speed, sending us careening down a pathway of pavement, towards a destination, bringing me a step closer to a house of unknowns.  I wondered how Jared would be, would he scream on the phone, or be locked away?  Would things be broken in anger, or would structures be built?  I was afraid, I had never seen him in the situation  where his life was invaded, especially like this.  I was disturbed and confused.  Frightened even.

The sensation of flying couldn’t even bring me down.  We stopped in front of the park, my arms untangling from Oliver’s torso as I stepped off the hellish machine, pulling off the helmet.  He handed me the papers in his back pocket, trading them for his piece of life saving equipment.  We stood there, not wanting to move on either point.  He broke the silence, bouncing on the balls of his feet.  Anxious.

“you wanna go out tonight…as buds?”  He asked, as if it was taboo to suggest the idea.  “Jared can come too, it’d be safe for you two to be there.  It’s a small place for the indie scene to flourish. up a little bit away, our biggest band ever is gonna be there, 75 kids, tops, invitation only.  You like My Favorite Highway, right?”   My head shot up, staring at him in disbelief.  

“M.F.H.?!  You’re kidding. I love them.”  I said, my voice failing to show the excitement bubbling within me.  The ride had killed my ability to show it, along with many other emotions.  He smiled, proud of himself.

“Yeah, they’re playing.  No openers, nothing, just them.  The club isn’t conventional, they don’t like a lot of attention.  So, get out you’re blackberry, here’s the address.  Be there at 6:30.”  He shot out the address of the small place quickly, my fingers keeping up as his speed challenged the sound barrier.

“wow, that’s really, out there.”   I commented, stowing my small computer in my pocket.  He nodded, straddling the seat of the bike once more, pulling on his helmet.

“yeah, the kids who go there are cool too, you could probably have sex on the floor and they wouldn’t care.”  My foot hit his shin, causing him to buckle against the pain.  “HEY! I gotta drive with that!”  He barked playfully.

“And my dignity lasts for life”  I cocked my eyebrow, starting to turn as he awoke the engine.  “Ok, I’ll see if I can get there, sounds amazing!”  I yelled with a wave.  

“Yeah, you won’t regret it!” He shouted, before turning the bike around, speeding back home.  I turned myself around, leisurely walking back to the house we shared.  I was trying to clear my head, trying to get everything sorted out, stable, before I got home and had to deal with whatever Jared had created in his pain, his anger.  I had never seen him TRULY mad, only annoyed.  I was afraid of the Jared I would find.  Wondering if I would actually find a man back home, or an animal.

I stood in the street in front of the house, staring blankly at its face.  I weighed the options, wondering how bad I would be reprimanded if I ran.  How bad it would be if I hid, going to one of my safe spots and not moving until I was found.  Curling up somewhere, and just  hiding.  I was afraid of walking through that door, actually afraid of Jared, of the temper I had never seen, of a dark side to a man who was always in the light.  The papers crinkled in my grasp, folding loudly on my deaf ears.  I wasn’t ready, I was never ready.  I backed away slowly, my feet sliding across the pavement as I moved backwards.  I crossed the yellow line of the divided road, feeling a smooth surface under my toes, before I went back to asphalt.  I lost my balance as my heels collided with the sidewalk, falling back onto my ass, the house still staring me in the face.

The sky next found my vision, captivating me with a light blue that storytellers dictated.  As blue as a robin’s egg, or the back of a bluebird.  It was around 7 or 8...the sun was well into the morning.  The stone below me was already warm, not hot, just soothing.  I felt each bump in the hard surface prod me with questions, as if it were a group of new crews, or magazine journalists.  ‘what are you going to do?’ ‘when will you take action?’  ‘what is your position?’.  Their questions rang rudely in my head as I tried to figure out the answers for my own benefit, let alone theirs.  I figured I would have nothing, until, I talked with the blue eyed man.  Until I confronted him.

Confrontation was messy, hiding was more pleasant.  

Hiding also got nothing done.

I rocked up, staring at the menacing home.  I realized one problem I was holding, was my perspective.  Why was the home menacing? Because of the man inside it.  Why was he menacing?  Because he was powerful.  Why was he powerful?  Because I let him be.  Why Did I let him?  Because I trusted him.

How could you trust the same thing you found menacing?  Why didn’t I TRUST him to be pleasant, to be harmless?  Because I trusted him to be Unpredictable.

I had all the right answers to all the wrong questions.  I was getting nowhere.  Actually, I had gotten somewhere.  I Had a horrible outlook on life, and a horrible perspective.  Aside from that step,  I had gotten nowhere.  That and, the knowledge that I did indeed have a perspective problem would be forgotten within the next 24 hours.  In a world of pros and cons, I had just made congress.

I had also made a witty banter about the state of the union.  It was the fake sound of progress.  I was stalling

Gritting my teeth, I put my hands on my knees and boosted up, feeling dull protests ring from my right hand.  I took deliberate steps foreword, until I crossed the yellow line again.  I instantly phased back into insecurity.  I denied fear to cloud my judgment, so denial did instead.  I came up to the front door, hesitating as my fingers touched the cool metal.  I wrapped my bandaged fist around the circular dome, holding it tightly, allowing my hand to scream the protests my voice wouldn’t, that my mind wouldn’t allow.  I turned the handle, feeling the latch under my control, releasing the door from its captive notch.

I shut my eyes, holding my breath as I opened the door, not ready for ANYTHING he could possibly throw at me.  I was shrouded in my own lack of preparation.  Expecting everything, ready for nothing.

Author's Note:  Sorry it took so long, Didn't mean it, Honest. =]  Enjoy!

Heroin- Chapter 34

I filed behind him into the home we shared, walking past him as he paused to turn off the alarm.  I made a straight path to the staircase, pausing to look for him at it's bottom, before ascending.  He found me shortly after I had decided to wait, nodding slightly, as if he understood, that I needed my alone time.  I nodded in return, before climbing the stairs slowly, entering the bedroom we shared, and shutting the door lightly behind me, hearing the resounding click, that closed me off from the world.  I pressed against the door, breathing deeply, shutting my eyes, clearing my head.  It was obvious why he had forced me to spill my heart out for him, but I still found myself asking 'why'.  As if it were so important that there be a meaning other than the fact that he cared; there had to be something inherently deeper than what he showed.  My eyelids forced down harder on each other, before backing off, allowing my vision to return, and a world of light and color to greet me.  My eyes found my messenger bag, my body reacting like a magnet, drawing me to it.  Underneath the bag, rested my suitcase.  I pulled off the sweater vest and collared shirt as I undid the zipper with my toes, allowing myself to find something worldly more comfortable.  I snatched the first thing I could find, a tech shirt I got for being involved with a play for a festival- Typeset.  Black with bright white letters across the front, stating the play's name, the quote on the back reading 'your Type is Set".   Poking my head through the correct hole, I slowly pulled off my black slacks, and snatched a pair of Grey pajama pants, feeling comfort and ease wash over me as I was free from the confines of business attire.  The small music media center was called to my fist, and injected into a pocket of the new clothing, before I turned, looking at the open chamber.  I grabbed the my khaki messenger bag and pulled it to the center of the room, before sitting beside it, almost hesitant, to flip its lid, and enter the world inside.

The flap folded on itself, opening a wide mouth in a massive yawn.  I blindly reached into the dark space, my hand moving around, between teeth and under the tongue of the monster, to find my prize.  Feeling the cool metal against my fingertips, I drew out a small box, thin in profile, its contents rolling as I flipped her right side up, and lifted her lid.  A set of well used pencils greeted me, their painted sides worn and dirty from countless projects, their heights varying from countless uses.  My fingers slowly moved foreword, spinning their round edges until all labels gleamed brightly, showing their title and rank.  Brand name, and hardness.  I blinked as I put the small box down, looking behind me and finding the bed we slept on.  Thrusting my feet into the deep carpet, I pushed myself across a sea, and landed at the dock, my back firm against the box spring and frame.  My foot captured the box, drawing her close, as a trophy catch, placing her at my side.  I dug into the maw of my bag again, grabbing a large pad of paper, sturdy against a cardboard back.  I flipped open the cover, allowing the precious white to spill out onto my lap, greeting me like a pack of friendly dogs, awaiting their orders, to create, to be something.  My fingers delicately landed on the side of a pencil, finding the hardness level engraved on the side, filled with luminous silver.  I found a simple HB, and lifted her out as if she were an egg in a nest, and applied her onyx tip to the avalanche of white.  My fingers tensed and relaxed, before falling to submission under my mind.  I jammed the pencil into my mouth, and reached into my pocket, grabbing Vitaly, and powering him into attention.  He gleamed at his orders, following them out with efficiency and grace, taking charge of his actions as I did mine, shoving white headphones into my ears, and allowing his melodic choices, to enter my ears, my heart, my mind, propelling me into a state of inspiration that I had lacked only moments before.  I pulled the pencil out of my mouth, and greeted the mountain with a black gondola, dragging up passengers of idea, before setting them free to glide down her hazardous slopes without worry.

They had a wonderful time.

I yawned as my fist glided over the tablet effortlessly, a trail of carbon graphite following in its wake.  My eyes focused to every detail, from the entire picture, to the small pieces of dust that broke off the tip of the pencil as friction built up between the two surfaces.  Songs raced past me in a blur, soon becoming only a Berlin wall between myself and silence, my worst enemy.  My mouth followed every song on autopilot, having heard each tune, each melody, accompaniment, hundreds of times.  It took a special song to change this rhythm, the pattern that was possessing my body like a demon possessed a maiden.  Perfection's never perfect...I blinked as acoustic melodies fragmented the drawing in front of me, shattering my train of thought.  My teeth took up my lip in a firm embrace, as I tore the drawing off the spiral wire that held it steady, meeting a new page, a new idea, a new film.  My pencil adhered itself to the paper, drawing what I saw, as i challenged my composure with what I sang. 

"cornered with my back against the wall
the lights are dimming by the minute
can someone call my other self
let them know ill be just fine
cornered with my back against the wall
the lights are dimming by the minute
can someone call my other self
let them know ill be just fine

"start back at start so i know where to go
we've made it this far no turning back now
six days and all i can think about
six days and all i can think about is you
start back at start so i know where to go
we've made it this far no turning back now
six days and all i can think about
six days and all i can think about is you

"can it be we're on top of the world
from now on i can see
from a distance i can see the end
can it be we're on top of the world
the stranger feeling crawling up my arm
into my heart

"start back at start so i know where to go
we've made it this far no turning back now
six days and all i can think about
six days and all i can think about is you
start back at start so i know where to go
we've made it this far no turning back now
six days and all i can think about
six days and all i can think about is you

"yea its over now
from my head down to my legs
from my head down to my
and now its over now
from my head down to my legs
and now its over now
from my head down to my legs

"cornered with my back against the wall
the lights are dimming by the minute
can someone call my other self
let them know I’ll be just fine
cornered with my back against the wall
the lights are dimming by the minute
can someone call my other self
let them know i'll be just fine
cornered with my back against the wall
the lights are dimming by the minute
can someone call my other self
let them know i'll be just fine"


The bedroom I was in, appeared before me, in etched, black lines and implied shadows.  A familiar female hunched herself against a bed, curled around her knees, staring blindly foreword.  Alone.  Semi-transparent images of him ran around the room, acting normal, but not fully there.  He was peaking out behind the curtain, squinting against the light; dressing, his upper half stretched as he pulled a shirt over his head; resting in bed, the sheets undisturbed under his body as he looked upwards, analyzing the patterns in the ceiling; pacing as disturbing notions and thoughts entered his mind.  He was doing what he did everyday, except, he wasn't really there.  The only real things in the image were the girl, and the room, he was gone...but still there.  As the song faded, i looked in horror as my hand kept busy, wondering what it meant, what it was expressing.  A new song started, and I became detached from the themes of it's predecessor.  I was confused, frightened.  I punched the click wheel again, catapulting myself once more into the throws of Halifax's Finished in a Day.

As grays turned to black, my left hand shot into the mouth of the bag again, finding my Exacto-knife.  My eyes never left the portrait, the bedroom coming to reality, the girl coming to life, the boy, becoming overwhelming.  The knife was a necessary evil, being the only real tool that could have as much precision at picking out hair's width highlights by cutting graphite out of paper texture.  The pencil fell from my grasp, and the knife traveled to my right hand.  Its capped tip found the gap between my teeth, pulling out of its sheath, before finding the clogged pores of the paper, lifting out blemishes of black.  Satisfied, I replaced the knife with the pencil, and moved to another portion of the piece, smiling as it started to come together fully.

In this kind of position, Artists disassociate more readily than another person might.  Light and day become one, its a position no one can explain.  Artist's hypnosis, where the pencil is a pendulum, drawing the victim further and further in. 

The room was blackened by nightfall, by the time the hypnotist snapped her fingers and pulled me out of my trans.  I shook my head and blinked, looking for any cue of light, but only finding pitch.  I wondered how my drawing fared, but found confidence, based on past experiences.  I pressed my hands out before me, sometime, somehow, I had transitioned from sitting, to resting on my stomach, without disturbance.  I pressed on my palms, getting up.  Through the pressure, i felt the rounded, gripped edge of the exacto-knife beneath me, my skin scraping against the blade lightly as I removed my fists from the ground, turning to find a light.

There are few rules that come to the artists that work with knives.  They are mostly, common sense, but are necessary.  For example: 
1.  Always keep your knife capped when not in use. 
2.  Keep your knife off the ground
3.  Use it only at times of optimal visibility
4.  Always know where your knife is at all times.

I had broken all of those rules.  My hand felt oddly cool, yet warm as I found the light switch along the wall, flipping it up and bringing vision into the room.  I turned to go back to my drawing, but, was stopped, something wasn't right.  I looked back at the switch, seeing a small scuff of red on it's face.  My eyes widened, confused by the sight.  I looked for a clue in my right hand, horror washing over my face as I gazed upon the sight.  Blood pooled in my palm at a rapid rate, causing me to blink in disbelief, wondering why I never felt anything.  My head shook violently, as I looked between the door and my hand, gritting my teeth as I dashed towards it.

"Motherfucking...damnit, stupid..."  I growled as I flung the door open with my left hand, conscientiously shutting it behind me, knowing my knife was still on the floor, and not wanting Judas or Lucifer to find it.  Jared was in the corner between the wall of the corridor and the door, smiling as he saw me.  I smiled lightly as I crippled my hand to my chest, turning around without a word and rushing into the bathroom down the hall.  Bursting in the room, i held my hand over the sink, watching the accumulation of blood pour out of my fist, into a stream of warm water.  The sight got me dizzy.  "Fuck..."  I whimpered as I looked at the steady flow.  "Why the fuck didn't i feel that?"  I whined, before biting my lip, and plunging my hand under the cascading warmth, nearly crumbling at the immediate shock. My knees buckled with the pain, my body pressed itself against the counter of the sink, craving support, something sturdy.  "FUCK!"  I growled through gritted teeth, blinking hard as I watched my crimson life source flow freely from my hand, turning pink in the water.  I saw a dark form appear at the doorway, and shut my eyes, preparing for harsh words, curses, and concern.  My hand still in the water.

"Meg…are you alright..."  He said softly, I guessed he hadn't seen the state of his sink.  I bit my lip, breathing deeply, not answering.  Words would make it worse, they always made it worse.  "Meg...what's the matt-"  He stopped suddenly, i knew he saw it, i knew what plunged into his mind.  His feet pounded the tile as he rushed next to me.  I gritted my teeth, Wondering if the bleeding had slowed at all.  I wondered where the wound was exactly, I never saw it, only it's product.  "WHAT THE FUCK?!"  He yelled, causing me to flinch, It looked bad, I knew it looked bad.  Regardless of what happened earlier in the car, it would always look bad if a teenager was bleeding profusely from anything.  Its just how stereotypes worked.  "Meg...I need to know what the hell happened..."  He said as his voice wavered.  I glanced shyly at my hand, avoiding him at all costs.  All I saw was red.  Damnit.

"If you think this was intentional..."  I said lowly, looking back down again, pressing my head against the counter, taking hard, deep breaths.  "You're wrong..."   I seethed, catching my lip between my teeth once more.  I prayed that I wouldn't bleed to death from this, It was unlikely, but, regardless.  I clenched my fist, ensuring I still had movement.  My grandfather had severed nerves on the job in his past, he had no use of two of his fingers on his left hand, it was a fate that terrified me.  My fist followed my command, however, opened the gap between skin and, whatever rested underneath, allowing the hot liquid to tear through me.  I choked on the pain, gasping with the shock of the heat.  My hand pulsed, throbbing as I became aware of every heartbeat, as if it brought me closer to a theoretical death, that would never come.  I waited for a reaction, something from him, a reprimanding , a reassurance, anything.  He ignored my silent pleads, keeping his question thick in the air.  I took a breath, feeling my heart jump with the influx of oxygen, beating faster.  Great.  "I got dazed, forgot time.  It was dark, i got up to get the light, slipped on my exacto-knife, and gouged out my palm..." I seethed, biting on my tongue.  His hand found my shoulder, resting there protectively for a moment, before, plunging it downwards, getting up.  My elbow hyper-extended, causing me to sneer in pain.  He pried open a cabinet, shuffling through its contents, as I peered over the side of the counter again, seeing my hand, still in bad shape.  I gagged silently, not liking the sight, or feeling for that matter.  He returned, nudging me lightly in the side.  My warm waterfall stopped, causing my hand to shock itself, turning cold from the air, yet, warm from the fluid. 

"C'mon..."  He said softly, his voice free of the anger and intense worry i expected, only understanding.  "Lets get you cleaned up..."  Clenching my jaw, i slowly rose, following his pointed finger to the side of the bath tub, placing myself on its edge.  I held my hand limp over the side, watching as crimson droplets flew from my fingers to the white below, blinking at their decent.  He turned on the water, pulling my hand under it, causing me to shut my eyes at the powerful surge that tore away at rogue cells.  The water stopped, and my eyes opened, watching his hands meticulously work over mine, uncapping a brown bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

"You don't have to do this...i can-  MOTHER FUCKER!"  I roared, lunging foreword as the cool liquid fell onto my palm, hitting my raw flesh and bubbling within it.  He laughed lightly as I growled with the pain, writhing against the barbaric tingling that was shooting up my arm.

"I do it because I want to.." He said simply, before surging another splash into my palm, laughing again as I fought the agony that ripped my hand to shreds, growling like a mad animal, clenching my jaw. "Its not that bad..."  I whipped my head to look at him, glaring openly with fiery eyes.

"bullshit"  I barked, scowling.  He looked at my hand, smirking peevishly as he splashed the clear fluid onto my skin again.  "FUCK ME!"  I yelled in pain, hanging my head in defeat, at my own stupidity, and at his torments. 

"relax, that was the last one..."  He laughed, capping the bottle and pausing, to allow my hand to fizz, and clean out before progressing.  The bleeding had slowed dramatically with the introduction of the hellish liquid.  He grabbed a sheet of gauze, drying the area around the deep cut, scraping at the buildup of white foam.  I looked at him, twitching my wrist in his grasp.

"you don't have to baby me, I'm not your daughter..."  I said lowly, watching his hand move delicately over my palm.

"What makes you think I haven't babied all of my girlfriends?"  He asked, looking up briefly, before bending to grab a tube of Neosporin.  He squeezed a small glob onto his finger, as I looked away, chewing on his question.  He slid his hand across mine, drawing a line over the deep gash.  I shook my head at the only answer i could find, finding it weak, and sub-par. 

"because they aren't, weren't...16..."  broke through my voice unsurely.  He sighed as he placed a sheet of gauze over the ointment, tapping along the line he had drawn, careful to only cause the fabric to stick, and not hit my cut.  Well adhered, he grabbed another sheet, layering one after another, creating a thick pad, before satisfied enough.  He grabbed a roll of bandaging, and pressed it down onto my wrist.  He pulled against his fastening digit, straightening the roll, before ducking it under my hand, and bringing it up over my thumb webbing.  He wrapped my hand in overlapping layers, as he continued the conversation, posing intense care and concentration.

"Why are you so obsessed with age?"  He asked, looking up briefly, before finishing with the last inches of bandaging, tucking it beneath a lower layer, and grabbing the medical tape, tearing off a chunk with his teeth, and covering the end firmly.  I shifted, focusing on his busy hands.

"I don't want to be...it just...happens."  I hesitated, gnawing hard on my lip, my vision shifting to the red dots on the bottom of the tub, their edges swirling and blurred with the water that encompassed them.  The seven levels of Hades, isles of pain.  He ran his hand through his hair, before hunching to grab the supplies on the bathroom mat at his feet.  He left the roll of medical tape and tube of Neosporin, giving me a cue to grab it and follow.  I snatched them both, staring at the roll of adhesive as I balanced it on the back of my bandaged hand, popping it up and snatching at it mid-air, my eyebrows jumping, my jaw dropping, as my hand screamed.  "Remind me not to do that again..."  I stuttered as he plucked the tape from between my fingers, stowing them in a medicine box before shutting the cabinet.  His eyes fell on me, intense.

"Just control your obsession, alright...don't let it do anything...you don't want it to."  He warned, before snatching my left hand, his character changing almost instantaneous.  "Now, Lets see what caused this mess, I'm curious, really"  He smiled, before turning, dragging me out of the bathroom and into my hall, my right hand slamming against the wall as I reached for the light.  I would need to learn that, activity, meant pain.  He paused as his hand fell on the doorknob, smirking back at me.  "You didn't bleed on anything, did you?"  I rolled my eyes, shooting the smirk right back.

"I dragged it all over your bed and scrawled my name on your pillow." His eyebrows shot up as my sangfroid tone came out sharp and slow, serrated and fierce.  He twisted the knob, pushing open the door.  

"Fuck you're gory"  He laughed as we entered the bedroom, seeing nothing out of the order.  Everything was behind the bed.

I walked quickly to my area, stopping as the blade winked maliciously from the floor.  I stooped beside it, grabbing it quickly, and capping the vile instrument.  I gazed at it's torment for a moment, before throwing it into the open prison of my bag.  I savored my valor for a moment, before I returned to my cleaning.  Pencils returned to their box, smudging papers into a baggy; erasers, charcoals, colored pencils, and brushes, all finding their way back into the bag, leaving my artwork last in the lineup.  I gathered the scattered snowfall of papers, bunching them together, lining them up in a stack. I paused, rocking back  onto the balls of my feet, sitting on my heels.  I slowly sifted though the drawings, reflecting on what I had just created.  I stopped at the largest image, the one I drew while listening to 'Finished in a Day', the one that disturbed, tormented, and frightened me, locking me within the bounds of a song, until I could detach far enough from the piece, and the world, in order to progress.  I still get the same way, looking at the image, finding the symbolism distressing.  I took in a shaky breath, before shuffling the stack, and widening the maw of my bag, ready to inject the morphine that would relax the world.  His fist grabbed my arm, preventing the lethal dose.  I looked over my shoulder, to his body, perched on the bed, a blank face on as I gazed upon his, eyes silently darting between the stack in my fist, and my own, speaking his desire and intention.  I hesitated, wondering what could happen as a result of this experience. I gave in, going slack, I moved the disturbing portrait to the bottom of the pile, hoping he would end up backing off before he got that far.  I handed over the group, giving it to delicate hands, handling the sheets as if they were the eggshells of a robin.  He placed them on the bed before him, instantly analyzing the images as if photographs from a crime scene,  victims of a cunning murderer, looking for a pattern in their deaths.

I sunk to the floor, slouching against the bed behind me.  I grabbed the headphones of the ipod, shoving them in my ears and hitting foreword on the black click wheel.  "Not What It Seems" By Something Corporate  greeted me in cool, sad melodies.  Word imagery started driving me crazy within moments, sending me quickly diving for a mechanical pencil and my sketchbook, starting again.  I couldn’t help it, I needed to start working.  My hand began racing across the page, quick flicks of my wrist and alterations of my palm working open the deep gouge, the graphite on the paper, turning my bandages gray.  I chewed my lip as words turned to imaged, images translating to strokes, strokes combining to art.  It was a ladder of inspiration, that never ceased to deliver results. 

His hand lightly touched the top of my sketchbook, causing my hand to instantaneously stop dead in its tracks.  I blinked, wondering how much more of myself i would give up today, considering my sketchbook firmly.  It was rare that I shared the booklet with anyone, being faced with negative reactions to my ways of thinking, to what I created, my metaphors of life, in full bodied images.  My sketchbook was a dangerous entity, that not even I fully trusted. Filled with, pain, passion, and release, I wondered if I was ready to share it with him.  Taking a deep breath, I took my hand off the pad, nodding slowly, allowing him to remove it off my lap.  I was an open door.

I was as good as dead. 

I stowed away my pencil, It was useless now.  Rocking my head back to look at the ceiling, I bit down hard on my lip, stopping my mind from functioning.  I watched as music videos sheathed my vision, keeping me safe, away from the real world. I was isolating myself further and further with every passing moment, loosing touch with every chord; getting lost, in the clear blending of music, and the sound of his fingers on the pages of my book, turning them with every new evaluation.  My vision blurred and cleared as the world became difficult to determine.  I sighed as I laid down, watching the walls, in a honeyed glow, glazed by a yellow sun.  I shut my eyes, loosing myself.

A hand met my side lightly, prodding me to the real world, breaking my dark sanctuary.  My eyes slowly opened, My pupils instantly constricting to the intensity of a forgotten light.  I grunted, pressing my fingers to my eyelids, massaging them better.  Vision restored, I rocked up from the ground, peering at him over the edge of the bed.  He rubbed the back of his neck, as if a bit nervous.  "Do you...want to...talk?"  He hesitated shyly.  I played dumb, finding an ounce of security in getting everything explained to me.

"about..."  I said expectantly, mock confusion dripping from my voice.  His finger collided with the cover of the sketchbook with a resounding 'thump'.  I nodded, rocking onto my toes and slowly crawling from the floor, to the bed next to him, pulling my feet under me, looking down at the sketchpad as his fingers wrapped around the thin cover, pulling up some sheets with it. He started flipping, until he found a piece that was titled 'sorry for all the good times'.  My four base characters, all in one piece, their head, Dowan O'Reiligh, was at a door, bags packed, looking into a living room filled with sleeping friends.  He was an addict, and needed help, but was too afraid to get that far.  His star brother, Damien lay on the ground, half awake, in need for his late night dose of AZT, his life crippled by a bloody fight, cursing him with HIV.  Kim was laced around his waist, dreaming lightly, free from her trouble in the real world.  And lastly, on the couch, alone from his presence, Dowan found Jayla; the sheets beside her still warm from his body, she groped silently for him.  But he couldn't stay, he had caused too many problems with his addiction for his friends, he needed to go away, maybe get clean, maybe just live out forever as an addict, he just couldn't hurt them anymore.  He couldn't understand that they needed him, why would anyone need an addict?  The truth never hit him.  The piece was inspired by two songs by Something Corporate, If I Die, and Cavanaugh Park, both reeking of sadness and a need to get away, to find you own happiness, to make your world seem right.  To live alone, and not hurt anyone.  To make the world perfect, even if you aren't in it.

His finger traced over the fixed graphite lightly, feeling over the four figures, his hand finally falling on Dowan, tapping the body of the broken boy.  "why?"  He asked.  I blinked, looking away to consider the question.  Art was hard to explain, harder than my writing, because, i became so much more complex with art, it was like there was almost no method to the madness, because there was too much of it.  I sighed heftily, trying to work out what I was feeling with that image.  I focused on the pencil marks, trying to read them like i had before.

"I felt like I was doing more bad than good..."  I said lowly, pointing to Dowan, our fingers touching.  "In his existence, He's a drug addict, and can't stand being sober...He knew that being high constantly hurt them, so he wanted to get away.  I found it hard to believe that people needed me, like I needed them."  My hand floated to Damien.  "He's slowly dying, and needs the drug addict the most.  He's the reason the drug addict's leaving, his last years shouldn't be filled with the pain of poisons and overdose..."  I gulped, the world seeming harsh.  I was past that point, I didn't have to go away to make people's lives good, I just had to be sober, myself.  "I'm past that..."  I said softly, trying to reassure him that I wouldn't leave.  He was silent, nodding as he turned to another page, falling open on a piece that I would have rather he didn't go to.  When the page didn't turn, I knew he had full intentions on getting the story. 

A female werewolf looked upon the mangled body of a man in horror, his blood on her hands.  She dripped with his crimson fluid, killing the one life she had sworn to protect.  Wolves could only kill other wolves,  they were nearly invincible to other attacks, save for the presence of silver, and like weapons of lore.  New wolves had found ways around the old ways, and native American wolves had hardly any fears from humans.  One wolf would have to kill another.  She killed the one that mattered.

"Her fears became reality..."  I said, turning onto autopilot.  I wondered if he knew who the mangled body was. I silently hoped he didn't.  "She killed the only one that ever mattered, In an accident.  She lost him, for nothing...he died at her paws."  I felt the fear that caused the drawing to be born.  After meeting him, after the plans, after the move, I was still afraid, I was always afraid.  I stared at the gray, white and red, wishing it would disappear, burst into flames, anything. 

"I'm not going anywhere."  He said softly.  He knew where he was.  His eyes found me, and scorched my skin.  "Nothing short of killing me, could make me leave you."  I looked at him, wondering how he had placed the pieces together, That I was a wolf, that he was the body.  He read my confusion, smiling faintly, looking down at the book.  "You aren't discrete about it."  He flipped to countless imaged of the Black wolf with white paws, a dipped tail and muzzle, and a white chest.  As a character, the wolf fascinated me, as an extension of my body, she provided me with comfort.  It was something people in the community did, Draw pictures of 'themselves' in situations that comforted their human sides.  He traced the soft  fur on one image, before looking at me.  "Tell me about her."  He said quietly, wanting to know more about this secret life that I had.  I ran my fingers through my hair, wondering where to set up boundaries.  No one knew the full story of the wolf, they just knew she existed.  He would learn more than anyone else.

"Her Name's Arrluk...It means killer whale in a native Alaskan tongue, I forget which one...I just call her 'Luk for short..."  I started, taking a breath.  "She's a Mackenzie river wolf, and, part of the Yakone pack...wolves of the red aurora..."  I paused, blinking.  He nodded.

"Family?"  he asked.  I gnawed my lip, she had a weird history.

"Its broken, Her father, the alpha, fled when a stronger brute fell in.  The new guy, He's crude, and sinister.  She's got an older brother, Armaroq, who's the only other pup left from the  lineage between her mother and her father, they were too big to kill.  The pack is decent, 12 wolves, spaced between pups, and her mother’s sisters.  'Luk hates it there, she's been omega since the new male came...she wants to run, but hasn't found the chance...he'll kill her as soon as he gets a chance, and running could be that chance."  I took a breath, it was harsher than my real life, but loosely, symbolically based off of it.  I blinked heavily, waiting for another question.

"Her mate?"  He asked, causing me to gulp.  I slowly grabbed a chunk of the book, flipping blindly to an image of the young couple, Arrluk, and a black wolf, silver lining his ears and streaking his tail.  On his right wrist, he had a small patch of redder fur, where Jared's tattoo would be.  The two wolves were snuggled together, sleeping comfortably, away from the danger of the pack, in their own world of warm, in a blizzard of ice.

"Mabon..."  I said, tracing the male wolf.  "Celtic god of Music, Unity and Harmony...He's on his own, trying to start his own pack.  They met, both scavenging for an older kill, and, have had a strong bond from then on..."  I watched as a black tipped finger ran across the red markings at the napes of both wolves' necks, right about where His red hair lay, and where mine had.  I took a breath, still uneasy about continuing.  "They both, at different times, had a run in with an Alaskan tribe, that's still nomadic.  The clan of the wolves, they mark the animals in religious ceremonies.  Arrluk found them, scavenging away from the pack, weak from lack of food.  They shared their food with her, and marked her neck, which, added to the torture from the pack.  Later on, Mabon, was found, near death, they kept him with them as they brought him back from the edge, towards the end of his stay, he would snap and snarl.  Somehow, in their differences, The old shaman, Foxtooth predicted their meeting, and eventual lacing, and marked Mabon the same as he had 'Luk.  Its kind of like a wedding ring...a symbol of mates."  I shut my mouth, waiting for a reaction, not wanting to talk about the fictional pack, or my other existence. He nodded, before grinning at me.

"you're insane"  He smiled.  I stuck out my tongue, somewhat playfully, getting as far from my art life as possible.  I shut the sketchbook, and gathered the loose stack of paper, thinking I was safe.  Safe never existed.  His hand  restricted me from going anywhere, lightly taking the stack from my grasp, and flipping to THAT picture.  My stomach fell, my heart running to my throat.  He didn't touch it, afraid to smudge anything, but pointed.  "I want to know about this one..."   He said quickly.  I blinked, seeing dozens of flaws I would have to fix later, causing me to shift nervously.  I wasn't ready to explain that one, to anyone, even myself. 

"What do you see?"  I asked, for a change, having him tell me about my own work.  He froze, as if not prepared, his lip finding his teeth, tearing itself up against white wedges of bone.  I wondered how often this was done to him, asked questions of interpretation that mattered so much, so little.  He sighed, focusing on the picture, running his fingers through his hair.

"I don't like it..."  He said, breathy.  I blinked, not expecting that.  Quickly, he corrected himself, choosing better words.  "Symbolically, aesthetically, its beautiful, but, its meaning is disturbing..."  He took another breath.  I never saw him like this, he was almost vulnerable, wide open.  I felt bad for doing it to him, making him tell me what he saw, but, I wanted to know how his mind worked in the face of my creation.  I wanted to understand better, understand myself, understand him.  "I see..."  He paused, biting his lip, blinking. "you...alone...needing help, needing, ME...and, I’m unavailable.  You need me...and I’m not there..."  His voice wavered as he spoke.  My eyes grew wide, feeling as if asking his interpretation was taunting him, kicking him in the ribs over and over.  I wanted to stop it, but I couldn't, the command had already been made.  I opened him up to his inner demons, they controlled him now.  "I see solace, out of reach, taunting you with its glow.  Meg...What am I looking at?" His voice was thick with desperation, as he slowly turned, his eyes filled with pain and misunderstanding.  My insides tore at his decomposing layer of confidence, as he faded into fear and uncertainty.  "Tell me, that, you don't feel this way...Tell me I’m wrong."  He was destroying me with his voice, shredding my defenses.  I clenched my jaw, trying to work out my thoughts, still in images, trying to translate them, somehow, to a comforting word.  "Tell me you know I'll always be there for you.  Meg, say something, Tell me-"  I silenced him like he did me so many times.  In a fit of raving emotions, I pushed my lips against his, not sure completely, of what I was doing, it was one of those things you did, on impulse, having no other option.  I held him close as he returned the kiss, trying in vain to calm him down, comfort him.  I felt his raging heartbeat began to slow, feeling mine break, knowing full of what I had done.  As he stabilized, I pulled away, holding his face as I spoke.

"I know, I know...I haven't figured out the picture yet...I don't know what it is...it worries me too, but I know, its wrong..."  I said slowly, kissing him again, sealing my words.  He nodded quietly as we broke, as if ashamed he had allowed himself to get so caught up, so open.  I picked up my artwork, getting off the bed to put it in my bag, and return it to the corner of the room.  I watched as he pulled off his shirt, and jeans, turning to yank up the bed sheets and crawl under them.  I crossed the room to encase us in a world of black, flipping the still red switch.  I wiped the insulting smear off with my finger as I  closed off the circuit of electricity, silencing the voice of a filament, the lamentation of a light bulb.  I made it to my side of the bed, finding his hands ready, to pull me close, still needing me there.  I felt his face come close to mine, I tried to see him, but only saw black. 

"I've only done that once"  He said softly, his breath hot on my face.  My eyes started adjusting, the gleam of agony still hard in his eyes, very much alive.  I looked away, not wanting to hurt him anymore.  "Thank you..."  My eyebrows knitted as I heard his words.  "It may be confusing right now, but you helped me...I'm sorry if it scared you..."  He said, his voice fading into the dark air.  He kissed my head lightly, pulling me harder against him.  I burrowed into his chest, listening to his heartbeat.  I pressed my finger to his skin, feeling his heart hiccup as it missed a beat. I smirked, looking up at his embarrassed face.  "I don't remember the last time it did that..." He laughed, before sighing.  I kissed his center, above his heart, before burrowing into him again, my eyelids falling over my eyes, shrouding me to a new life.

Heroin Chapter 33

My head quickly slid across the cool window.  CRASH!  I was eating the leather of the dashboard, my neck sore from the taunt seatbelt.  My eyes instantly shot open, my body crashing backwards onto the seat.  'I'm Up!"  I yelled, dazed and confused.  I threw my arms up to stabilize myself, my mind reeling, trying to find out what had happened, where  I was.  I looked foreword, seeing the white tip of a bushy tail disappear into the bush to my right.  "What the fuck..."  I sighed, trying to put two and two together.  I rubbed my neck as I blinked openly, swallowing as the taste of blood filled my mouth.  I blinked widely, vaguely knowing what happened, but not getting the full story.  I looked to the left, finding concerned blue eyes, the same emotion in mine.  I ran my tongue over my lip, finding a concentration of blood.  Wonderful.

"You alright?"  He asked, his hand moving foreword and smoothing my unruly hair.  It moved down to erase a fleck of blood off my lip.  I was still completely unsure of everything, but I recognized where we were.  About 10 minutes from home, in the middle of a road. He sighed shaking his head, pointing to where I had seen the tip of the tail. "A fox and a couple of kits crossed, I didn't see them right away...sorry."  I shook my head, finding the sorry pitiful.

"Whatever, you didn't hit any of them, right?" I moved to the right, trying to see past the hood of the car, looking for anything furry that would be sprawled on the pavement.  my hand found the door handle and yanked on it, my seatbelt releasing me as I allowed myself out.  He followed.

"I don't think so...They looked like they all got away fine."  He said, following me round the front.  Thankfully, there were no casualties.  I cocked my head to where I saw the fox exit the scene, curiosity taking over.  I slowly stalked off, towards the bushes.  "What're you doing?!"  He asked, confusion riddling his voice.  I slowly disappeared after the family, primal instinct taking over logical knowledge. 

They hadn't gone far, about 10 feet ahead, I found the bushy tail, a mother escorting her two young children.  I smiled, clicking my tongue, holding back, just content to watch them.  The tail twitched as the mother turned, her pointed snout and sharp eyes aiming at me, challenging my presence.  She raised her lip, as her kits poked around her legs, looking with wide eyes, having not felt the brutality of man.  I took a step back, giving her room as I watched, seeing her right paw, scarred severely.  I frowned, knowing she had probably been trapped, and gotten herself free.  "I'm sorry"  I said quietly, to the menacing face, keeping my distance. The kits starting to pester each other around her feet.  The snarl faded as I posed myself as a lesser threat than most humans.  Slowly I came closer to the ground, smaller.  "I hope no one ever does that to you again..."  I crooned lightly, touching my hand to the underbrush.  The light sounds of footprints sounded behind me, my head turning to find a cautious musician, peering around tiny trees, finding me.  I turned back around, to find the white tip of the tail once more, retreating into a haven of their own.  I slowly got up, meeting him to retreat to our own form of a haven. 

"Were they alright?"  He asked, his arm holding my shoulders.  I nodded, watching as we stepped off the curb, and onto the concrete, feeling an anger grow within me, for a human, for torturing that fox.  For a community, putting her and her kits in danger.  A familiar flame grew within my heart and in my eyes, filling me with hate, and negativity.

"No...she's scarred."  I said lowly.  He cocked his head in question, as I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.  "she doesn't trust, thank god...she'll teach her kits well."  I shook my head in disgust, growling in my irritation.  The torture of that fox, living in LA, her purgatory.  I slowly got into the car, buckling up and pressing my head against the glass of the window, glaring out, seeing nothing, looking at everything.  As he restarted the car, I didn't notice where he was directing us, until we got there. The familiar waves, as tall as houses rumbled behind me as I glared out, denying the beauty in my anger, only sharing the pain and the torture that the ocean felt. 

"Vent..."  He said quietly, demanding I complied.  I slowly looked at him, confused.

"What?"  I asked, hearing the disgust still reeking in my tone, the wounds fresh.  His intense eyes slowly came to me, searching, trying to understand.

"Vent, you're disturbed, let it out..."  He encouraged, watching as I stubbornly rocked back, looking out.  I kept my views on society, with wild animals especially, under wraps for the most part.  After seventh grade, I found no one would ever fully understand, so I didn't even try.  He growled lightly, running his fingers through his hair.  "we're not going anywhere until you do.  Put it on me..."  I looked at him, cocking my eyebrow.

"What's the point, it's not gonna make her life, mine, or even yours better..."  I fumed, shooting daggers foreword, trying to calm down, but it was beyond me.  I flinched as his eyes burned my skin, I was trying to isolate myself, become the alien that I was used to.

"Meg, you're going to get nowhere fighting me..."  He said lowly.  "Just go on with it...You're bothered. Help me help you."  He encouraged, grabbing my hand.  He ran his thumb over my knuckles, trying to coax me.  I held firm, not ready to give in, wanting to hold my ground.  His soft touch started to grind me down, causing me to try and put a wall up, push him away.  He held my hand firm, never once stopping the methodic touch, overtop my knuckles.  Soft, comforting, hard, painful.  I bit my lip as I closed my eyes, feeling like that of the fox, trust and torture.  Pain and redemption.  A second chance. 

"she was tortured..."  I said lowly, breaking under his thumb.  "She had been trapped, but somehow got free.  She limps, and scars.  She doesn't trust, she's forgotten how."  The words poured from my mouth like a river, filled with emotion and disturbance.  "she's got two sons, who don't yet understand.  She wants them to, but they are too young.  She shows them her fear, hoping they will understand, but they never do.  She humiliates herself, to try and teach a lesson, but it's never reached."  Tears sprung to my eyes as i felt every twang of pain.  I wanted to shout with the ocean outside, I wanted to hide like the fox, howl like the wolf, run like the deer.  "Humans hurt her, humans helped her.  As an animal, she only knows fear and love, she cannot decipher any more.  Her love was destroyed, and she only feels fear.  Humans ruined her life, like they destroy millions a day.  They took her home, they took her freedom, they nearly took her life.  All she knows is take.  She was given two kits, and soon, they too, will be taken from her.  It's nothing new to her."  My breath became ragged as I continued.  "The world is slowly being destroyed by the human, roads take the lives of millions, pollution, global warming, war.  It all destroys.  Oil in Alaska is eating away at the entire structure of life as we know it.  Its complete deterioration of all we know.  Life is nothing but a fucking memory as we distance ourselves from what we knew.  Nothing has value, everything's a fucking pawn.  How could a world where everything living is sacred, become a place where we can't even respect ourselves, let alone the mother-fucking ground we walk on, unless its paved and developed?  Why is any form of purity and earth instantly tacky or outdated?  How can we live in such a fucking cold earth that there's no solace in anything unless it has a mother-fucking price tag or a prescription?"  I slowly looked at him, feeling everything within me become destroyed as hatred turned to agony.  Tears streaked my face as I crumpled under the hard weight of the earth.  He was looking foreword, listening to every word.  "I hate what the world has become...I Hate-"   I was cut off as He pressed his lips to mine, soft and comforting.  He kept it soft, trying to protect me from myself, to remove my pain.  He slowly nipped at my lower lip, showing a different pain, a pain we shared, for each other, in love and life.  His hands slowly ran through my hair, holding my head, showing support.   Slowly, he pulled away, flecking away my tears with his thumb.  I blinked hard, biting my lip. and looking away for only a moment, before meeting his eyes.  "why  is the world so ugly?" dripped from my mouth slowly, I sniffed loudly, trying to bring my breath back to a normal rate.  He pulled me foreword, kissing me again, before hugging me, resting my head on his shoulder, and his on mine.

"To highlight the beauty it upholds"  He whispered, his breath hot on my ear.  I sniffed again, biting my lip, my breath finally coming downwards from its ragged battle.  I nodded against his shoulder, burrowing into it, trying to hide in him, where I was safe.  He squeezed me tighter, kissing my cheek lightly.  "I'm sorry..."  He said lightly, rocking me slightly, left to right.  I shook my head against his shoulder.

"Don't be."  I whispered into his shoulder, clinging tightly to him.  He slowly pulled away, to kiss me, trying to comfort once more.  I broke under his touch, becoming stronger from my rubble.  A sequence ran through my head, knowing it was his intention, putting words to action. 

'I just want it to be... at a time when... it...' 
'When what?'
'When it reminds me just... '
'When it reminds you of how beautiful the world can be?'

Comfort turned to passion, as he tore it all away, absorbing my anxiety and pain, filtering it, and removing it.  He pulled away for a last time, watching me, to ensure I was alright. I slowly opened my eyes, looking at his sharp blue eyes, flooding with his concern and questions.

"Why is the world so beautiful?"  Tumbled from my mouth before i could stop it.  The words hung in the air, as I looked out at the ocean, before turning back to him.  He looked deeply at me, his eyes filled with admiration, and depths beyond any I could fathom.

"To deny the ugliness it upholds..." He said slowly, his words faded as he started the car, the engine growling quietly under his touch, and turning back onto the road, driving us back home.  My eyes watched the world fly past, seeing the rural point, fade into suburbia.  A song i had only heard clips of, slowly passed form my lips.  It was soon to be released, written during a time of death, a time of living.

"Oh Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in my condition
Your sunshine's been missing but Katie,
Don't believe that it isn't there
Oh Katie, Katie be happy
This world can be ugly but isn't it beautiful?
We're not really here, and we're really not there
We're really not there..."

Heroin- Chapter 32

I slowly applied pressure to the wooden slab behind us, pressing it onto the frame and injecting the latch into its notch.  A loud click followed as the door was secured, and held firmly shut.  I cast a glance to him, before gazing around what I could see of the spotless home.  It was very welcoming, and warm, the kind of house, that wrapped you in a blanket as you walked in the door, shoving a warm cup of hot chocolate between your chilled hands, as it brought you to a couch, and asked you about your day.  My eyes fell to the short heels I was wearing, and then to Jared.

"Shoes? on or off?  On? Off? On? Off?"  I repeated nervously, shooting my gaze back and forth with every questioning word.  The rapid parade of 'on, off' continued, and probably would have gone on from much longer, had I not been pleasantly silenced.  Lightly, he pressed his lips to mine, catching my words in his mouth, filtering them into a silent muffle, until I fell out of protest and question, for a moment, out of reality.  I was silent as we parted after the short lived affair, a smile creeping upon his lips as his eyes glimmered with the ever present happiness and mischief that lived within him.  His tongue ran over his lip as he looked away briefly, only to come back.  

"You talk too much"  He said softly, nearly laughing.  He shook his head as he looked down, pressing his toes to the back of his crocs and sliding his feet out from their depths. "and, shoes off"  He said shortly.  I shrugged and stooped down, yanking down the zipper to the short boots, that ran along the interior of my leg.  I slid the black socked feet out of their capture cells, blinking as I thought of that was happening, cocking an eyebrow at the man who looked innocent as a lamb.  He leaned foreword, opening his mouth wide as he yelled rudely through the house.  "Ma, We're Here!" I stood beside him, my eyes glowering.

"Why did you have me wear heels if I was just going to take them off?"  He laughed at the question, pulling me against his body with an arm around my shoulders.  I blinked as I heard a feminine voice cry out to greet us, chasing in tune through the halls and rooms of the house before finding our ears.

"We're in the living room Jare!"  Sounded from around a series of corners and lines.  He started pulling me towards the origin of the sound, escorting me through an alien territory as if he was born here.  Mars and a Martian.  I looked at him, still expecting an answer.

"I wanted to see if you would."  He smirked, causing my fist to shoot out into his ribs.  He flinched as his flesh was crushed between the bones of his body, and the bones of my hand, laughing as a reaction.  He looked at me, his face warping to that of seriousness.  "Hey, none of that, you're here to put forth a good impression, remember?"  he smirked, causing me to blink widely at him.  I fumed silently, fidgeting out the constriction in my stomach that suddenly befell be.  There were some words I never liked to hear, at this point 'impression' was one of them.  It was an interesting existence, an artist with a hate for words, but it made life easier.  To deny those that made life difficult, was natural.  I pulse shot through my body as the notion filled my mind, 'deny those that made life difficult'.  My world undulated and warped for a moment, to a bright, foreboding structure, causing my body to react shortly.  A long string of connections instantly came foreword in my mind, Gradh popped in, his purpose was simple.

'you're thinking about possibly pushing him away, you fuckup.'  He sneered harshly, causing me to blink widely.  I never questioned his constant flaming insults, or why I allowed him to say it, I just know that was how he ticked.  

'Thank you for bringing that to my attention, bastard.  Got any Words of wisdom from a psychopath?'  I asked him sarcastically, rolling my eyes.  He laughed harshly, his cold voice bouncing around my head.  

'You're talking to yourself and about to meet the parent.  I think you're pretty much aware of what's up."  He said methodically, I flinched as realization flooded me, damnit.  Fingers appeared before my eyes, snapping softly.  I shook my head, looking at the man who's arm was around me, seeing the concerned look in his eyes.  His finger aimed to a doorway, letting me know where we were going, and that I had a single second to get stable.  I nodded and blinked, wrapping it up.

'goodbye Gradh."  I dismissed, of course, readying for the protests.  I rolled my eyes as he cried out in agony of being disregarded, as if it hurt him.

'ALREADY?!  whatever, thank me first'  he said stubbornly.  I rolled my eyes.

'thank you Gradh'  I could hear him hiss in malice.  He wasn't going to let me go just yet.  Brilliant.  The door loomed closer with every step.

'Don't think i won't fuck with you later'  He warned.  For once, he was ready to give up sooner.  I settled as my world began to clear as he slowly stalked off, curling into a corner of my mind, and disappearing.  I sometimes wondered what had happened to him as a kid that made him the way he was.  Genuinely, Gradh WAS a good guy, he just couldn’t ever show it.  At the harsh, and unforgiving age of 17, He was the kind of kid, who fascinated you from afar, you were always too afraid to get too close.  Sometimes, he had a green mowhawk, others, just shaggy black hair, that fell over captivating blue eyes; filled with pain, and the need for revenge, to hurt the world as badly as he had been hurt.  He was an odd choice for something to find solace in, but, in the same, you trusted him, because he had been misunderstood, and had seen the hatred of humanity.  

We entered the door, and an older woman instantly upon us, forcing us apart as she consumed Jared in a warm hug, crushing him to her body with maternal love.  I smiled faintly, taking a step or two backwards, finding that the doorframe had rushed behind me, to hold me close.    My back straightened against the hard wood as i watched from a safe distance, enough room between us for any movement they desired.  I looked at the woman, seeing the same striking blue eyes I saw in Jared.  This must have been the mother of two highly successful young men, Constance Leto.  I smiled faintly as they greeted each other, feeling the warmth of, a FUNCTIONAL family.  I never hugged my own mother like that, actually, i hardly hugged my mother at all.  There was something about her, that kept us at poles away from each other.  If we got close, we fought, it was the natural order of things in my home.

"Jared! How have you been?!" she asked, and i felt something tick in me.  Jealousy maybe? Her voice was rich and warm, alive with comfort and love.  It was hard for me to see images of mothers who CARED, images of poster families that loved each other. I lived in a section of world war 3, where my parents always fought, where, at age 5 i watched  my parents be pushed into a police cruiser, at age 8, having to tell a man in blue what happened after my mother and father had sent me and my sister over a neighbor's house, because it wasn't safe.  It was just one of those things, I could never handle well.  I figured that it would scar me forever.  

"Its been good, not too busy." Her son said as he pulled out of the hug, walking across the room, to an even older woman.  The infamous Grandma Ruby.  I smiled faintly as he covered her in his body, sharing a warm hug and kissing her on the cheek.  There was something about grandparents, that melted your heart.  You couldn't deny it.

"That's good" Constance smiled warmly, her eyes following her son as I pressed hard against the wood, not wanting to be noticed, just wishing to observe.  As Jared broke from his grandmother, his eyes caught mine, full of intensity and demands.  I could feel him pull on my arm, dragging me foreword, without even touching me.  It was the kind of intensity, that you couldn‘t ignore.  I felt a shove from encouragement from Gradh, the sensitive touch sending me into a state of confusion.  Another shove, before he disappeared again.  Suddenly, my head jerked as the warm voice came out again, finding her eyes on me.  "And who's this?"  She said, amused as she evaluated my withdrawn shape.  I blinked widely, as I froze a second, opening my mouth to speak, but quickly being cut off.  Jared wrapped his arm around my shoulders protectively, saving me from, myself, my voice.

"This, is Meg..."  He said, his chest expanding wide, as if he would burst with pride.  I blinked at him, knowing there was more, a title.  I just wasn't sure, what.  "My..."  I held by breath, biting my lip, waiting for the title that would define the severity of my analysis.  "My girlfriend."  My eyes snapped shut, it felt like I had been kicked in the gut.  Another word I didn't like, Girlfriend, or boyfriend, for that matter.  It sounded juvenile, and harsh.  I didn't like titles for lovers, they, never fit right. My eyes burst open as I was suddenly pulled into a hug, confusion pouring from them.

"Well, that is enough excuse to spread around the hugs...welcome meg!"  She said happily.  Autopilot had wrapped my arms around her shoulder, sharing the warmth.  Even hugging a stranger, she felt like it did when my step mom hugged me, warm.  I liked it.  I glanced quickly to Jared, beaming at us.  I furrowed my eyebrows as i untangled from his mother,  my eyes flitting to a couch she aimed her fingers at, for me and Jared to sit.  I instantly drew to his side, mouthing a 'thank you.'  He cocked his eyebrow and smirked, moving his mouth to dictate a 'you owe me'.  I bounced my eyebrows as we sat, falling into the deep throws of the comfortable cushions.  My eyes flitted around the room as Constance looked at her son, asking him of the current state of his career, the music, the band.  My eyes fell on his grandmother, again, feeling somewhat comfortable.  She smiled and we waved, causing my inner two year old to jump foreword, throwing up grabby hands to be held and nurtured.  I pushed her down as I raised my hand, returning the small wave.  My head suddenly jerked at the sound of my name, finding an expecting tone, being met with the sharp eyes of Constance, I blinked widely, resisting the urge to say 'what'. I had HEARD the question, however, not absorbed it.  I bit my lip and replayed it, hearing it a second time.

"so, how'd you meet Jared, Meg?"  I blinked, wondering how to start the long story, whether or not, crying against a barrier really counted as MEETING him.  I shook it from my thoughts, it didn't.  But sitting in cold march air, against a frozen bus tire, did.

"I caught up with him after a concert date.  I had to give him something, and, he was taking forever, so, between biting cold and screaming girls, I found solace in a bus tire.  A few hours later, and a few degrees colder, He showed up."  I paused, glancing at him with a smirk.  "at three AM"  I added.  His mother looked just as amused as he did.  He nudged foreword on his seat, getting into a mode of story telling, as his eyes lit up.  

"The great thing was"  He started, taking a look at me, a smile plastered onto his face, his eyes filled with admiration and desire, causing my brow to furrow with question, wondering what he was getting at.  "For about the first 5 hours of knowing she even existed, she was nothing but a nickname to me.  I called her 'Wet Eyes' because, we first, 'chatted' while she was bawling after A Modern Myth."  He was enthralled with the story, as most retellings of any event put him through.  He was on the edge of his seat, intense, as if prepared to pounce.  Constance looked highly amused with the story, her eyebrows high on her forehead, her eyes wide.  It was a family of curiosity, childlike amusement in every detail.  Jared had said he grew up around artists, they certainly acted like artists.  Beauty in everything.  "In those seconds, counseling her over a song, and, warning her of the crowd, I guess i knew she was something."  His eyes fell on me, deep, with passion and love.  "Her first word to me was memorable as ever."  He laughed, causing my eyes to widen.  His mother looked interested.

"And, this was?"  She asked, her voice thick with curiosity.  I think she was assuming something profound, or wonderful.  My head fell into my hands as i rubbed my temples.

"Oh dear god"  I said quickly, shutting my eyes as i held back a laugh.  Jared immediately blurted out the accursed word, laced with pleasure and laughs.

"Fuck."  He choked out, causing me to rock upright, shooting him a glance.  I then glanced at Constance, seeing her eyes ablaze with humor in the single, harsh word.  

"at least it wasn't something like 'marry me' or 'may i bear your children'!"  She laughed apparently having heard the many stories Jared must have brought home, and even, seen a few herself.  Jared's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it, looking at me.

"I don't think you've ever said those to me..."  He said, his voice flooded with his efforts to remember.  Truthfully, i couldn't think of a time either, not that I ever needed to.  I smirked, a hint of humor an malice developing in my eye.

"Will you marry me so I may bear your children?"  I said, keeping a solid tone.  He laughed, pulling me against him.  His hand rose and fell on his knee with a slap as he shook his head.

"There we go!"  He bit his lip as he smiled.  I looked at the women in the room, smiles lighting up their faces as they looked at us.  It almost made me feel awkward, and inadequate.  I was the center of attention by just being involved with him on a daily basis, actually being known by his family to be in a relationship with him was a bit of a different feeling.  

'don't worry, they like you'  rang supportively through my head, taking me by shock.  I blinked, not fully being able to absorb the kindness.  

'WHAT?!'  Shot back, harder than acceptable.  He sighed, shaking his head.

'Leaving, don't worry.'  He said, starting to fade.

'Wait!  What's with the change of persona?'  I called after him.  He paused, the cloudy screen coming back only a touch as he looked back.

'you need help.  I'm giving it'  He said shortly before shaking his head and sighing. 'I need help, we help each other.  You stupid fuck.' He said lightly, before laughing.  I smiled faintly, before allowing him to pull out.  The mist left and I was back in the real world.  Jared was talking with his mother, possibly another story.  He looked at me, before starting a new topic.

"She writes too, songs"  He nodded, rocking to grab his blackberry and key in a few commands, setting it down on the table and hitting a last button. "this is Mars with it, we didn't know she wrote it at the time.  Her version's a bit different..."  He said, before the familiar 'Its a Cult' began playing.  Constance nodded as she allowed the words and the melody to come to her as one, not needing a second play.  She was good at sampling.  I wondered how often Jared threw material at her for a final judging, How many 'first listens' she received. As the final line receded, she nodded approvingly, looking from Jared, to me.

"you wrote that?"  She asked rhetorically.  "You're very good, I like it."  She smiled warmly.  The best accomplishment i had ever gotten in my mother's eyes was good grades, a feat that hardly mattered to me. A wail of 'will you adopt me?!' filled my head.  It wasn't uncommon for me ask an older woman to adopt me, I actually did it often.  

"Thank you."  I smiled, shifting against Jared.  A timer went off in the kitchen, causing Constance to jerk upright.

"That would be the coffee.  Would you like one Ruby?"  The grandmother nodded.  I fell downwards as Jared got up, following his mother.

"I’ll help" He said as he made it to his feet.  I whined after him, in a short, high pitched note.  He laughed, looking back at me.  "I know you want one, Caffeine-o"  He teased, causing me to bite on my tongue, before he turned to follow his mother into the kitchen.  It was just me, and the greatest member of any family, the grandparent.  I was biased, having had no pain what so ever committed to me by a grandparent, except death, I loved them all.  I wondered why she had been so silent, when, in pictures, she was vibrant, radiating.  I glanced at her, to find her staring at me.  I smiled lightly, as I finally heard her speak.

"I have a great grand-daughter your age."  She said simply, causing my gut to contract, and my breath to leave me. It was a bit harsh, and to know, there was a full generation under Jared that she had seen grown, was shocking.  That, Jared had cousins with kids, MY age.  It seemed awkward, it felt awkward.  "but..."  She continued, what she would say next captivated me.  Although harsh, the first words out of her mouth were beautifully honest, I wanted to hear what was next, regardless of my emotional reaction to it.  "He doesn't talk with them much.  They aren't on the same level as him."  I blinked, not aware that I was leaning foreword at a dangerous angle.  "but...you are.  You are both just the same age...on the inside.  You'll grow up together, and, be on the same level, always."  I blinked, trying to make sense of the words.  

"Ok..." I said slowly, unsurely.  It wasn't sarcastic, but it was a confused word.  Suddenly, i felt like i was falling.  My hands jerked to keep balance, and I rocked back to a stable position on the couch.  She laughed heartily, shaking her head.

"You're a bit younger than him, but you'll catch up before he gets any older."  She was speaking in metaphors that I found hard to follow.  She saw the confusion in my face and sighed, explaining herself.  "People age, physically, and on a different plane.  As a child, you aged much more rapidly on the second plane, but have slowed, now reaching a normal pace...Can you understand that much?"  She asked, ensuring I was following.

"Yeah...I do."  I nodded.  "As a kid, I was a bit different, yeah, I know where you're going."  We smiled, before she continued.  

"Jared's aging has stunted and spurted itself, based on the life he lives.  He's finally gained a method, and, now, it's reached a normal pace."  She moved her hands as she explained, making me settle a bit more.  I did the same thing, and found it comforting when others did.  "Its no accident that you both reached a normal rate of age at the same time...In my old age, I have rarely seen that..."  She nodded knowingly, smiling widely.  "Jared likes you, you aren't concerned about things young girls should be concerned about, but things, adult women are concerned about...and that's why.  You are on a different level.  God put you on the same level as Jared."  She explained.  I personally didn't believe in fate, but accepted other people's views on it.  The way I saw it, I just got lucky, and managed to be at the right place, at the right time, with the right DVD. The way Ruby saw it, My life revolved around meeting Jared, and would continue to, forever.  For some reason, Fate sounded better, than just, being lucky.

"Yeah...I think you're right."  I smiled  "its too wonderful to be an accident."    She laughed again, that hearty, grandmother laugh that made grandchildren scream with delight, knowing there was some sort of treat in the oven.  

"Don't worry about anything, fate will make it work out in the end...you can even see it now, you two, are no mistake"  I was amazed by the fact that she understood the situation, and was perfectly fine about the age difference, about the laws, about everything.  "You worry about it often, don't you?"  She asked, her eyes concerned and open to discussion.  Why was i so open with her anyway?  I knew the answer.

"more than  i should"  I admitted.  "But, you're making it better...thank you"  I smiled faintly, causing her to beam with a sense of pride.

"Its a job, comfort little ones, so they may grow.  Love is a terrible thing to be wasted, It happens but once, truly in a lifetime."  She nodded at her wisdom.  She was like a female Yoda.  Although, she was taller, had normal colored skin, small ears, and a firm knowledge of verbs and their conjugations. But the message read clear:  'use the force/may the force be with you'.

"I won't waste it...I promise"  I smiled, causing her to return it.

"I'm glad"  We were intruded by a parade of mugs and two  members of the Leto family, each carrying two.  Jared set ours down before climbing onto the couch next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, pulling me away from the coffee, that my eyes were very intent on, and into his chest.  I wondered what he and his mother had talked about while in the kitchen.  I wondered if he wondered of any conversation between me and Ruby.  I looked at her over on her couch, getting a wink in return.  I smiled before Jared started up talking again, focusing on the center of the conversation, watching the words pass through a 4 way intersection, as if they were cars.  They flew past at a speed of sound, rush hour with no traffic.

***

"well, I think it's about time me and Meg started heading home, long drive."  Jared said, stretching.  I glared to no one in particular, before looking at Constance, the malice still in my eyes.

"I hate that drive..."  I said before laughing.  Jared nodded, as his arms came down, resting on the couch, before he pushed himself up.

"She does...on her list of 'things she doesn't handle well', its  pretty high up there. " I followed him upwards, feeling the blood rush to my legs, instantly waking them up.  

"Aww"  Constance drawled, frowning before she stood up, exchanging a hug with me, while Jared hugged his grandmother.  "Alright, come back soon!  I loved meeting you Megan"  She said as her warm embrace covered me once more, still, maternal, still welcoming.  I Hugged her back, squeezing gently.  Me and Jared switched off, crossing the room.  I met up with Ruby, throwing my arms around her, hugging her tightly, like I hugged my own grandmother.  

"Thank you Grandma Ruby"  I said softly, backtracking to our talk.  I could feel her smile as she returned the hug, her strength surprising me.

"Don't mention it"  She said spunkily, causing me to almost laugh.  "Come back soon!"  She said as we pulled apart.  I walked up to Jared, following him out.  Tailed by Constance and Ruby alike, as they made their way to say final goodbyes and best wishes.  I smirked as we came to our shoes, deciding to give them a taste of the rebellious megan. I picked up the boots, and walked out onto the small porch, waiting for Jared.  We filed down the steps, as he looked at my socked feet.

"Why didn't you put your heels back on?"  He asked apparently knowing the mild pain that the gravel caused me.  I smirked at him, shooting a glance filled with daggers.

"Fuck you."  I said softly, causing him to laugh.  I hated those things, almost as much as I hated the car ride.  We jumped into the car, followed by a procession of 'goodbye's, 'take-care's and 'come back soon's.  He kissed me briefly, before pulling out of the driveway, honking the horn as we drove past the house, and back to LA.

"you handled that a lot better than you thought you would."  He remarked, smiling at the road ahead.  I nodded, grinning broadly.  

"I love your family."  I said happily, fidgeting for my blackberry.  Pulling her out, i looked at the screen, seeing a newly recorded message.  Blinking, i turned down the volume and pressed the small device to my ear, pressing play.  I smiled broadly as I heard the conversation between me and ruby flood my ears, a mishap that must have happened by  pure luck.  

'its no accident' came to my ears as she talked, causing me to smile.  

'Yeah...I think you're right.  Its too wonderful to be an accident.'

Author's Note:  Sorry this took so long guys!  I finally broke a chunk off my writer's block, and i hope to god it stays like that (it wont)  hope you guys like it =]

Heroin: Chapter 31


there was a collision, and a slap.  My head burst up from under a series of pillows and a mass of hair, my eyes less than half opened, and my head, whizzing.  Seeing no source of light what-so-ever, i growled and flopped back down, my head bucking hard into the mattress and pillows below, slowly sinking downwards.  I sighed into the mass, feeling my hot breath absorbed into the fabrics that mashed into my face, creating a warm cavern of complete and total darkness.  I snuggled further downwards, grinning lightly to myself as I settled again.  Dreams were becoming much too real to handle.

Another colliding measure and a slap against the back of my thighs.  I shot up again, this time growling.  I whirled my head around, to where I thought the act of minor violence was coming from.  I growled quietly, raising my upper lip in warning to whatever powers at be, that decided to wake e up at...4:30 AM.  My eyes searched through the dark to find a luminous smile, of mischief and pleasure.  I snorted and disregarded the Cheshire, and flopped down again.

SPLAT.  I barked from the mass of fluff below me, finding the play not the least bit amusing.

"WHATTTT?!"  I half whined, half yelled, into the pillow, not bothering to move my head.  I heard him laugh, and felt him shake my shoulder, causing me to burrow further.  An hour, just give me a motherfucking hour.  The shaking was ruthless, my pleas were silent and ignored.

"Get up."  He said in an almost hushed tone.  "We're going out of town today."  I cocked an eyebrow, knowing he couldn't see it, rather, it was for my own benefit.  I blinked in response to the light tug on my eyebrow ring as it hinged itself into a fold of the pillow case.  I snuggled my way out of the fold, deeper into the mass, further away from he who wanted me to join the world of the living.  Death, or, mock death was SO much better.

"one more hour..."  I said dreamily, hearing my voice become muffled to a point of near misunderstanding.  He laughed again, shaking my shoulder a bit harder, more demanding, his grip on my shoulder demanding I listened.  Luckily, his demands were about, number 5 on my list of concerns at this point, number one being sleep.  Number four was getting that magazine away from him before he hit me with it again.

"No, Meg, now."  He said seriously.  I silently scoffed, not sure if he was joking or not, I took for granted that, I was unable to see his face, therefore, got the benefit of the doubt.  I ignored him again, his demands becoming number 4 or the list.  Still, getting that magazine was more important.  Why did he always have a magazine in the morning?  Where did he get them all? And why were they not porn?  He HAD to be different.

"WHYYYYYY"  I whined, fully aware that the more i partook in the conversation, the further i got from a state where i actually could return to sleep.  I was really, just making noise to complain with, be in a loosing battle, one of the things i was good at.

"Cause, we're going out of town for a bit"  He said again, his hand leaving my shoulder.  I clenched my eyes shut, readying for another smack from the magazine.  It never came.  The bed bounced as he left it, I heard his feet scuff the carpet as he walked away.  And then, the zipper to my suitcase.  I popped my head up through the pillows, wondering what the hell he was doing.  

"Where are we going?"  I asked, sounding more sleepy than curious, which I was.  He started going through my clothing, yanking out an outfit as he went.  I blinked, wondering for a minute, if he was gay, and in the closet.  A quote from 'Will And Grace' came to mind as I watched him.  'Will...what's the point of having a gay best friend if you aren't going to dress me?'  I grinned to myself as I thought of the famous comedy, of which, I was slowly collecting my way through.

"Mom's up at her cali home...she asked to visit."  He said nonchalantly.  Meanwhile, my heart had stopped, my jaw had flown open, and I wasn't breathing.  Suddenly, my body jumpstarted, and I was sent into a fearful spasm, careening me right off the edge of the bed.  I felt bone and flesh collide with carpet and flooring, pain shooting through my tired body, as shock set in.  I nervously blinked, balling up and pressing against the side of the bed staring at him in disbelief.  He looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes showing his concern, his face stagnant.  He shook his head as he zipped up my suitcase, and boosted off his knees, grabbing what he had assembled and tossing it beside me as he walked to sit on the bed, his hands groping for my shoulders.  I flinched, as he rubbed them, and the nape of my neck soothingly, trying to coax me into the idea. “everything will be fine...she'll love you." His voice was creamy like coffee, coating everything it touched in a thick layer of comfort.  

"my ass hurts..."  I grumbled, shifting.  He laughed, pressing hard into my shoulders as he continued rubbing, relaxing me, sending shivers up my spine.

"then don't jump out of beds without a landing plan."  He said through a grin, his eyes looking to my left, at the pile of clothing.  "I figured you'd be too panicked to pick anything..." He said hesitating, as if the explanation would hurt my feelings.  I scoffed, rocking my head back as his hands undulated around the nape of my neck, ticking the little hairs that lived there.

"Alright dad."  I laughed.  His eyebrows furrowed, before he got up, grabbing the magazine and smacking it against my shoulder playfully.  I suddenly got an appetite for inked paper.

"Stop calling me that!"  He whined through a laugh as he stalked away.  "It makes our relationship seem creepy!" he giggled.  I cocked my eyebrow as I wriggled out of my night shirt, and began getting dressed, first, a blue collared shirt.  I realized that these were my conference clothes, a set of business attire that never left my suitcase.

"And...our relationship isn't creepy?  You want me to make a few phone-calls?"  I laughed, sliding out of my plaid pajama pants, and into a set of black slacks with a gold belt fastener.  He paused for a moment, as if chewing on my words before speaking again.

"do you think its creepy?"  He asked hesitantly, almost sounding hurt.  I blinked as I pulled on a pair of black socks, pulling them taunt against my toes before working with a pair of black, heels.  One of the, three pairs I owned.

"I think it's unconventional."  I said, shrugging my shoulders as I boosted against the side of the beg, working my way up to stand.  "Not necessarily CREEPY, but unconventional."  I looked down, seeing a knitted mass, my infamous sweater vest.  I had a love hate relationship with the piece of clothing.  I didn't look bad in it, but it did get me teased by my step mom.  Luckily, it dressed any long-sleeved shirt up enough to walk into delegation with.  I heard him sigh with relief as I stretched the vest over my head, pulling it taunt as it made it over my head.  "Why the sweater vest?"  I looked at him, cocking an eyebrow.  He smiled mischievously as he shrugged.

"I thought it'd be adorable on you, and, I was right."  He walked over, hugging me warmly.  However, as abruptly as the hug came, We dew back, a stabbing pain from my left breast.  I looked down, seeing my name-tag from the last conference still firmly clamped to the fabric.  He pointed at the piece of metal, plastic and paper, as my face lit up.  "what's that?"  My hands gripped the small tag, unfastening it as I beamed.

"SICKNESS!"  I exclaimed.  "I'm still Bulgaria!"  I stared at it for a moment, re-reading the name of the conference, my committee, school, country and name.  He laughed nervously at my excitement, before asking.

"What?"  I looked up at his somewhat nervous face, turning so he could see the card and I could explain better.

"Model United Nations.  Alright, so the conference was this...SJPMUNC.  Saint John's Prep, Model UN Conference."  My finger ran across the header of the tag and he nodded.

"Alright, what's this?"  He said, pointing to the word DISARM in caps.  I grinned, thinking of the good times in committee, and all the laughs i had, plotting to kill France, with the USA, Somalia and Indonesia, other kids from Gloucester.

"My committee in the United nations, Disarm, its on the topic of stockpiling and using Anti Personnel mines within countries in the General Assembly."  I pointed to the name 'BULGARIA' in caps. "That was me in the committee, and, Gloucester, is where we came from as students.  Make sense?"  He nodded knowingly.  For some reason, I didn't expect him to know what MUN was right off the bat, not many people did.  He smirked, as if he were about to quiz me.

"so...what exactly is, the stance of Bulgaria, on the topic of landmines?"  He looked as if he had asked me a tough question.  I scoffed, instantly entering 'MUN mode' as the group called it, the ability to switch from un-moderated caucus to debate without issue.

"The delegate of Bulgaria would like to point out, that almost immediately after becoming a signatory of the Ottawa Convention and as of the year 2002, Bulgaria was land mine free, and aiding surrounding regions.  Bulgaria is opposed to the use of landmines and encourages the use of other methods of protection, I yield my time to the chair"  I bowed my head, beaming.  He looked impressed, his eyebrows high as he clapped once.

"Very good.  Gold star!"  He laughed.  "Why do you know that?"  I shrugged.

"Its how you prepare.  2 hours before every conference at the least.  I was Bulgaria twice last year."  I tossed the tag onto the bedside table haphazardly, before leaning over, grabbing my blackberry and stowing it away in my pocket.  His arm coiled protectively around my shoulder as he pushed me towards the doorway, and right into the bathroom.  I grabbed my toothbrush and sat on the counter next to the sink, while he stood,  It was a bad habit, but i loved counters for some reason.  He cocked an eyebrow at me, as he did every morning, probably wondering when i would stop that, or, get bored of it.

I leaned over and spat into the sink, frowning as I saw that the foamy substance had been dyed pink. I quickly rinsed it away, cupping my hand under a steady stream of cool water, and whisking my mouth clean of all impurities, not without a fair share of pain to follow.  He followed up, purging this own stream of foam, sloshing water up against his face, and into his mouth.  He ran his tongue over his teeth as he shot the water forcefully from his mouth, satisfied with the flavor left in his mouth and the feeling of clean on his teeth.  I watched him with wide eyes, as if he were the most fascinating human being on the planet, as if I had never seen him before.  I attributed the reaction to the early hour, the sun was only just peaking over the horizon.  His cerulean hues found me, glimmering with the excitement of a new day, a new morning.  Slowly he came up from his hunched position, a small grin on his face as he pressed his lips against mine.

I kissed him back, my eyes slowly closing as I began to enter a world of minimal distraction.  A sleeping world of silence and acceptance.  I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him close.  His hands rested on my hips, sliding me along the counter, closer to him.  I smiled as we got closer, feeling his body heat radiating from every pore.  Slowly he pulled away, looking at me, then out the door, his eyes deep and foreboding, warning of something running through his head.

“We gotta get going, long car ride.”  He said softly, untangling himself from my embrace.  His hand found mine, towing me behind him, out the door.  I followed him around the house, my eyebrows furrowing as I denied questions of his family to possess me.  I’d save them for, later on, when it was a more immediate threat.  He dragged me off to the front door, and paused only to set the alarm, before pulling me out the door and towards the old Denali.  We jumped into the truck, and drove off, for the long journey ahead.

He hadn’t warned me HOW long.  About 2 hours in, I started counting, anything.  Reasons to jump out of this vehicle, reasons to slam my arm in the window, ways to kill myself using ONLY what was in the car.  He looked at me every so often as I looked at  the ceiling, counting and explaining everything to myself, almost inaudibly, moving my fingers as I reached numbers of 13, and then, moved to a new topic.  

“So…”  He said in a bit of a sigh, his hands drumming on the steering wheel as he tried to start conversation.

“13…swallowing the rear view mirror” I said, a bit too loudly.  He laughed at the awkwardness of the response, causing me to blink and look at him, before looking up again.  “One…immense boredom.  Two, deafness…”  I paused as I started a new set.

“What are you doing?”  He said, cocking an eyebrow as he looked over at me.  I shrugged and yanked out my blackberry, checking reception and the ability to get a signal.  Yep, still could.  It was a bit of a habit, Massachusetts was riddled with dead zones and low cellular areas.  It was crucial that you knew the state of your cellular connection at all times.

“Counting.”  I said shortly.  It was conversation, and anything I could do to keep it going as long as possible was worth it.  There was a pause, as he analyzed the one word I gave, before prodding deeper.  

"Counting what?"  His head rocked to the side, like a puppy, as he looked away from the road, curiously to analyze me.  I shot my fingers into a 3 as I thought again.

"3...anxious...4...curious..."  I blinked, looking at him with eyebrows raised.  "Counting all immediate emotions befalling me right now."  I looked back up at the ceiling, continuing my list. "5...confusion...6...insanity...7...insecurity..."  I blinked as he interjected.

"Anxious?  Insecure?  What for?"  He said, almost harshly.  I winced at how direct his words were, knowing that, they probably wouldn't boil over well, and if they did, then, it would usually be very deep.  I bit my lip, staring at the road ahead, watching the white lines come flying at us, before disappearing from view.

"I'm meeting your mother...tell me why I shouldn't be." Spilled out of my mouth, drenched in nerves and uncertainty.  "8.  nervous.  9, Uncertain."  I droned lowly, trying to keep it from him, the ameliorate the situation a bit, while still retaining honesty.  He shook his head, changing his grip on the steering wheel.

"Why are you worried about my mother?"  His eyes flitted to me again.  I began to become concerned with the lack of attention on the road that he was providing.  I trusted his abilities as a driver, but, regardless. He seemed to like staring at me, better than asphalt and paint.  "Its not like she's got the final judging..."  His shoulders rose and feel as he spoke, like rain off his back, he shrugged the worry from his mind.  I was fascinated in his ability to distance himself, from things that seemed so, important, to show their real meaning behind them.

"Well, she IS your mom...i dunno...it seems like something i should worry myself in..."  I shifted nervously, sinking into the leather seats of the Denali for protection.  He scoffed at my words, causing my eyebrows to furrow and my eyes to slice at him, demanding he explain his confidence.

"Why worry yourself in it if it doesn't matter?"  He cocked his head, his eyes gleaming with his inner beauty as he focused on the road, his grip changing again as he took an exit.  I guessed we were getting closer, which pleased me greatly.  I grew up in the backseat of my dad's car, taking hour rides back and forth every week.  An hour seemed like 5 minutes, two hours however, seemed like eternities.

"But it DOES matter."  I pressed, exaggerating my words as I spoke.  "what if she doesn't approve, I mean, goddamnit, you love your mom, its got to mean something..."  I sighed, arching my back deep into the plush leather.  He shook his head again, causing me to wonder what exactly his priorities were.

"Meg...I love you. I've had my mom for over 35 years...I’ve had you for 5 months, who do you think I’m more afraid of loosing?"  He smiled dreamily as he looked to the road, taking turn after turn, distancing us from the highway, and into more suburban California.  I had no clue where we were, not that I really needed to know.  "You need to think before you freak out.  You're not going anywhere, even if mom doesn't approve.  Which is ludicrous in general."  I cocked my head at him, wondering his logic.

"Why would it be so ludicrous for her to disapprove?  It seems like she could easily go either way."  I said, skepticism reeking in my voice as I questioned his thought process.  He glanced at me quickly before taking another turn.

"Because, She loves me, and I see parts of myself, in you."  He said softly, pulling into a gravel driveway.  I looked around, enjoying what my eyes found.  It was a small house, two floors, surrounded by a small outcrop of trees.  It reminded me of Gloucester, and was a scene i was used to.  I pressed the red button to release myself from the harness of the seatbelt, pausing, waiting for a cue from him before i left the car.  The sound of his door, his voice, anything.  His seatbelt popped out of it's enclosure and the car turned off.  Silence filled the car.  I blinked widely, looking at my hand on the handle to the car door, and then, down, my ears alert.  I felt his hand on my knee, and clenched my jaw.  Slowly, I looked to my left, to find him close, his eyes intent.  "I meant what I said the other day, I need you to be in my life.  And no one's approval, disapproval, whatever, is going to change that."  He took a breath, his eyes flitting away for only a moment, before finding me again.  "You understand that, right?"  I gulped, nodding deftly.  He smiled faintly "good"  Escaped his lips quietly, before he kissed me softly, pulling me close.  It was tender, full of passion as he kept me fully aware of the ever-present love that filled every crevice of our bodies, whether we liked it or not.  Slowly, we separated, keeping up in silence, until I flicked the handle of my door, before gripping it.

"Well, lets get this over with..."  I sighed, running my fingers through my hair before popping the latch to the door, and hopping out, hearing him follow. I started regulating my breaths, keeping them steady as we took steps towards the house, walking closely, shoulder to shoulder, his hand around my waist.

"Feeling better?"  He asked, as we walked up the front steps, and to the door.  He stepped foreword, putting his hand on the knob, before looking at me.

"10.  Confident, 11, controlled, 12, comfortable, 13, ready."  I finished the list I had started, getting a smile from him, as slowly, he turned the brass knob, opening a portal to a different world.

Author's Note:  In vain attempts to bypass intense writer's block, K and I decided to switch off stories for a chapter.  So, this is me writing Imagination, and, She'll post a chapter of Heroin sometime soon (why don't you all bother her until she does, she needs some motivation ;] )  It was kind of a challenge, hope I did good =]  On another note, I was watching Donnie Darko while i finished this, i'm in a happy place.
<3meg

Imagination-

Green eyes flipped open suddenly, to a sunlit room, sparking with the energy of morning.  He wasn't waking up groggy, or even sluggish, no, he was quite the opposite. Struggling against a cocoon of blankets, he soon freed himself from their grasp, sliding under them like a surfer below a bad wave, coming out the other side, and touching his bare feet to the cool hardwood of the bedroom floor.  He paused, opening and shutting his mouth sleepily. Glancing at the curled form of the girl next to him, he smiled faintly, before running his fingers through is hair.  Boosting off the bed, and stalking towards, his dresser, he made silent footfalls as he crossed the room.   Pulling open his drawers, he laid out what he would wear on top of the dresser, before he got dressed, not fully paying attention to little details, rather, just finding the basics.  He yanked up a pair of black pants and pulled on a dark gray shirt, before looking sneakily over at the girl lying in his bed.  Taking long, silent strides, he raced to the bed, Jumping over its side and landing right beside K, tearing the mattress out from under her, for just a split second before he bounced back, a safe distance away.  A fist came swinging out of the mass of blankets, coming just short of his knees.  He waggled his toes playfully as K groggily peaked out from her sanctuary.  Glaring at the man. 

"What..."  She grumbled angrily, her words dripping with the morning hatred that consumed her.  Shannon grinned boyishly, bouncing the bed out from under her again.  She hissed as she hit the mattress again, un-amused. 

"Do you know what's going on today?"  Shannon asked playfully, releasing the feet out from under him and collapsing onto the mattress, bouncing a bit.  She cocked an eyebrow playfully, smirking sleepily as she burrowed back into the bed.

"Do I care?"  she said in a monotone,  declaring her reluctance to join the world of the living just yet.

"you did last night"  He beamed, extending his hand to prod her hard in the side, rocking her body a bit.  She groaned again, looking at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"what...exactly was I excited about last night?"  She blinked openly, propping on one elbow, realizing she had no hope of going back to bed.  Shannon bounced, prodding her again.

"The Carnival's in town!"  He exclaimed excitedly, drumming his hands on the bed quickly.  She smirked, amused at his excitement.  Shannon waited a beat, before becoming impatient.  "WELL?!  Get up, get dressed!  It only comes once a summer!"  Shannon bounced foreword, nudging her until she irritably got up, watching intensely as she sluggishly got dressed.  "URGH!  FASTER!"  He growled, before laughing.

"Slow down trigger..."  She grinned, pulling a red shirt over her head.  He perked his eyebrows approvingly as she slipped on a pair of blue jeans.  "Did you have a red bull this morning or something?!"  He laughed at the idea, wondering when he last had  an energy drink period.

"No, I'm just excited!  Hurry up!"  Shannon urged, causing K to laugh.  She looked at him, the sleep fading from her, as excitement began to flood. 

"Ok Skippy, go downstairs and I’ll be right down, get the car started, I dunno, amuse yourself!"  She threw up her arms in a bit of defeat.  He smirked at her, his eyes narrowing.

"Can I throw steak knives at an image of you to satiate my intense boredom while I wait?"  He grinned like a small boy.  K laughed openly her sharp brown eyes glaring at him.

"Its your house, you van do whatever the fuck you want!"  She barked.  He bounced up starting to run for the door.

"WHOOPEE! Alright!  See you in 5!"  He yelled, pausing at the door before running out and down the stairs, going down at 3 stairs a step.  K smiled, leaning across the dresser, grabbing her eyeliner and pulling down her eyelid. 

K walked down the stairs to find Shannon, slumped at the kitchen table, the steak knives out before him.  She looked across, at the cutting block on the counter, seeing knives jutting out of the wood.  She blinked widely, looking amused.

"I don't know why I didn't believe you..."  She said, shaking her head.  Shannon grinned mischievously, bundling the knives and parading to the block, placing them in their slots and yanking out the ones set in the wood.  I smiled as she followed him, wrapping her arms around his waist as he did so.

"I don't know why you didn't believe me either."  HE laughed, looking at her over his shoulder.  "I mean, I said I was going to be throwing knives, I figured by NOW, you'd learn not to question me."  He grinned, kissing her briefly before finishing off with the knives.  He spun around, still in her grasp, his eyes ablaze with the same mischief you see in young dogs.  "can we go NOWWWWW?!"  He drawled, the excitement bubbling, shooting out from every pore in his body. K laughed, shaking her head, before looking at him sternly.

"I dunno, maybe I'm starting to feel under the weather"  She said coyly, as Shannon's face dropped. 

"oh fuck you!"  He said in an exasperated tone, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the door.  Yelling behind him.  "I don't care if you've got fucking bubonic plague ravaging your body...you're going!"  They laughed as he pulled them out the door, ensuring the house was locked up tight, before running them to the car, and speeding off. 

***
"SHAN! LETS GO ON THE TILT A WHIRL!"  K shouted, yanking the drummer through the crowd, his head aimed in an entirely opposite direction as he struggled against her.  They laughed as they fought each other, having so many things to do, but time that seemed so limited.

"BUT I WANT A CARMEL APPLE!"  He whined, aimed firmly at the stand only 20 feet away.  He gritted his teeth as he fought.  K pulled him forcefully, sending him bouncing to keep his balance.

"Rides now, food later!"  She barked, winning the tug of war.  Despite loosing, Shannon was still fighting strong.

"but i missed breakfast!" he laughed, his brown eyes still intent on the brightly colored stand.  K cocked an eyebrow at him.

"And i missed another 2 hours of sleep, we both loose."  She growled, yanking him to the barrier between the ride and the line, grinning coyly. "And ladies pick first!"  She said defiantly, crossing her arms over her chest in victory.  Shannon grabbed her hand and ran for the stand.

"Exactly, therefore, apple!"  He exclaimed, but like a dog on a short leash, came flying back.

"you telling me your a fairy Shan?"  She cocked an eyebrow, with a smirk to match.  He thought on the question for a moment, before replying smartly.

"Will it get me my apple?"  K laughed before her rebuttal.

"Are you a fairy?"  She repeated.

"Will i get my apple?"

"Are you a fairy?"

"Apple?"

"Fairy?"

"If i said yes will i get the motherfucking Carmel apple?!"  He said, pounding his fist on the unstable metal fencing to state his point.  K paused for a second, before answering.

"It depends."  She grinned as Shannon's face fell, not getting his answer.

"On WHAT?!" He bombastically threw his arms in the air as he yelled, his right hand hitting the metal with a resounding ring.  K paid no mind, her plot working.

"if its before or after we go on the ride."  She said victoriously as she pounded out the drummer's dreams of getting his apple.  His shoulders hunched as he pouted.

"Oh fuck you"  he grinned, before looking down at his hand, seeing a red line form where he hit it.  He frowned holding it for a second, before jamming it in front of her face.  "Kiss it better"  He said childishly.  K erupted in laughter before pecking it quickly.  He dropped his hand contentedly.  "At least I get something I want today." 

"Oh poor baby."   She said in mock sympathy, tracing a fake tear down her cheek before whirling around, seeing they were next.  She grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the metal structure, which pounded with resonance under their feet. "C’mon!"

*** 

Shannon tossed the stick to his apple in a nearby garbage can, a bit upset that it was gone.  He fought so hard for that damn thing, only for it to be gone, just like that.  He licked his lips, snatching a persistent sprinkle that still lingered, stuck by the Carmel.  He looked up, seeking out K.  She had left to grab, some kind of food, it was the break she had promised, after going on half of the rides.  His eyes finally found her, a plate of tangled pastry, underneath a mountain of cherries and whipped cream.  She beamed, proud of her find, grabbing a cherry and popping it into her mouth, yanking off the stem in the process.

"Wanna go sit somewhere, you can't walk with THAT precious cargo"  He grinned, watching her nod in agreement.  His green eyes scanned the area, nodding to the end of an adjacent pier.  He nodded in the direction, walking, knowing she'd follow. 

They found the end, slipping their legs under the railing, hanging over the end of the wood structure, above the hungry ocean.  K hungrily disemboweled her funnel cake, Shannon every so often stealing a cherry. 

"You know..."  He said, swallowing a morsel before finishing.  "We met on a pier, just like this one..."  He looked over, stealing another chunk of the fried goodness on a paper plate.  K nodded, looking up and down the stretch of beach, licking her lips as she swallowed.

"Not this one...but one like it."  She agreed.  Shannon stole another cherry, popping off the stem and throwing it to the hungry sea below, who greedily took it into it's possession.

"The one we met on is down, That way."  He said, pointing to his right, before looking at the cherry between his fingers.  As the tips turned a red from its juice, he examined it, before taking it into his mouth.  Turning to K, he displayed the small berry between his teeth with a grin.  She smirked, rising up and pressing her lips against his, her teeth cutting the cherry in half, before fully kissing him.  He returned the kiss, despite the piece of fruit bobbing in the back of both of their mouths.  They broke with a smile, laughing as they swallowed.

"That is one of my, shall we say, tastier, indulgences"  she grinned, laughing at the drummer, who smiled cockily.

"I know, I mean, look at me!"  He laughed, looking over his body.  "Who WOULDN'T want a piece!"

"I'll take it to go!"  She laughed, finishing up.  "Speaking of which, lets go have some more fun eh?"  Shannon's eyebrows perked as she got up, throwing away her plate and dragging him back into the fair. 

They entered the games part of the fair, allowing some time for their food to settle before they went on any rides.  They surveyed prizes and scams alike,  They stopped before a squirt gun game, surveying the cheep fair prizes they offered.  Slowly a 5 dollar bill was waved before K's face, she looked at Shannon, smirking.

"Win me a teddy"  He said cutely, pointing to a bear on display.  She snatched the bill, laughing.

"Aww, need something to sleep with at night?"  She teased, putting the money on the counter, sitting down and collecting the change. 

"Fuck no, I’m gonna torture Tomo with it!" He laughed, watching the game start, and the counters start to rise.  He fell silent, to allow her to concentrate.  Suddenly, the counter to K's gun stopped, and his shirt was getting wet.  He gasped as he looked down, to see a steady stream of water coming at him.  His eyes narrowed as he looked at her hysterical face, whipping out another bill.  "Oh fuck you!"  He laughed, sitting down at the counter and buying a game,  getting his change, while K bought her second.  "This is war!"

"Perfect"  She laughed, as they aimed for their targets.  The game started normally, but, somehow, halfway through, the guns lost their aim at the counters, and, found each other.  They laughed as each became drenched, relentless in their attacks on one another. As the siren above rang, and the war ended, there was no victor, only casualties.  They laughed as they got up from their stools, staking off with looks from others in the crowd.  they walked off, stumbling as they went, overcome by fits of intense laughter.

***

"Ohh Shan!  Its almost sunset, Lets go on the Ferris Wheel!"  K said in a mix of awe and excitement, pulling the drummer behind her. 

"Alright!"  He laughed as they worked their way to the extending line.  Couples bustled to get the ride with the most breath taking view known to man, filled with symbolism that could fill all the pages of all the world's books. 

How they managed to snag the perfect place in line, to align the perfect moment, one could never fully know.  But as the seat reached it's peak, the sun kissed the water.  Brilliant rays of reds and oranges shot violently through the sky, exploding in floods of colors and emotion that no one could possibly explain.  A fiery ball of molten metal and gas, holding violent emotion, futile in its connection to someone, anyone, instead, it is met with misunderstanding.  Its only escapism, is to throw color into the eyes of those who which to watch, at points of life and death, sunrise, sunset.

Shannon grabbed K's hand as the chair swung as the lift came to a stop.  They looked out over the sea,  the sun deepening it's powerful kiss with the ocean, delving into fits of passion, at it was fed its only dose of touch.  Shannon squeezed K's hand in his own, looking out with intense excitement that paralyzed all of him.  He smiled as his eyes followed the sun downward.  He felt K's hands grip the sides of his jaw pulling his face to the side, and pulling him to look at her.  She kissed him passionately on the mouth, pulling him in deeply, into the throws of her own passion.  Heart blended with heart as both unions fell in unison, victim to the ways of the galaxies that held their fates.  The sun and the ocean, Shannon and Karen.